Work: Today, I was helping an older lady return her previously bought...

By romedizzle - 24/11/2010 09:52 - Canada

Today, I was helping an older lady return her previously bought items to customer service. As she walked away and said "Thanks," I tried to say "You're welcome" and "No problem" at the same time. I ended up saying "Your problem". She scowled at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 429

You deserved it 8 264

Work

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not

Don't be a dingdong

By Anonymous - 01/11/2012 17:09 - Philippines - Makati

Today, after a week of looking for my car keys and being forced to drag my family around on public transportation, my wife found the keys in our car's ignition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 073

You deserved it 32 151

By NaniNarcotic - 16/08/2011 10:17 - Australia

Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 870

You deserved it 73 323

Wow, thanks, I'm cured

By Anonymous - 29/04/2021 16:59

Today, I'm on the verge of losing my job because of my poor mental health. I've been on a wait list for therapy/psych services for over a year already. My boss's response was, "It can't be that bad, just stop thinking about it." I have PTSD, OCD, BPD, ADHD, bipolar depression and anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 197

By SwingingGallows - 15/07/2016 15:43

Today, I bought my mother an expensive TV she had been looking at. After I bought it, she continued browsing for more stuff. I told her I couldn't afford the extra items. She got mad and called me "selfish". FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 628

You deserved it 1 099

By Anonymous - 25/05/2017 20:00

Today, after spending five months helping my husband lose a ton, he left me. Apparently, "fit people" should only have sex with "fit people". FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 953

You deserved it 481

Scratch that

By ouch - 15/09/2019 00:01

Today, after 4 days of using anti-itch cream for what pharmacists and nurses have called “an allergic reaction”, I was diagnosed with shingles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 590

You deserved it 101

By sociallyawkward - 19/05/2016 01:52 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I fistbumped a cashier as they tried to hand me my change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 630

You deserved it 3 461

By Anonymous - 30/11/2009 17:09 - United States

Today, my friend found a picture of herself on a website filled with pictures of thin people. I was in the picture, also. I was crossed-out with the word, "EWW" written next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 082

You deserved it 4 308

Student becomes the master

By Anonymous - 06/06/2021 09:58 - United States - Steele

Today, my son's "favorite" teacher went on a tirade criticizing my "awful" parenting. About two months ago, my son got her fired after he reported her to the principal for forcing him to miss out on lunch to finish a project. Apparently, that wasn't the first time she did something like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 88

By JellyBite - 01/09/2019 06:00 - Iceland - Akureyri

Today, my boyfriend told me that he was going to take a nap. When I asked him why he wanted to take a nap in the middle of the day, he said, "To make time go by faster." He's leaving in 9 days. We're going to be 3,000 miles apart. For a long time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 652

You deserved it 236

By Anonymous - 07/01/2013 21:27 - United States - Foxboro

Today, my son volunteered to help me cut out coupons. When I got to the register at the store, I noticed he'd cut off all the barcodes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 128

You deserved it 7 942

By Anonymous - 10/10/2009 17:53 - United Kingdom

Today, my mother said she trusted me enough to go with me for my first drive in my new car. As soon as we got in the car, she started hyperventilating and screaming we're going to crash. I didn't even start the engine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 978

You deserved it 2 909

By mrosewrosem - 24/10/2018 15:30

Today, I had a lovely gluten-free pizza out at a local restaurant. After I'd finished, they informed me it wasn't in fact gluten-free. I am Celiac and this means I will be ill for the next six weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 644

You deserved it 321

By Phobic_fml - 28/06/2019 22:22

Today, I saw the engagement announcement for the girl I've been in love with for 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 462

You deserved it 837

By Anonymous - 14/10/2014 18:57 - United States - Sebastian

Today, I got called to the guidance office, only to be told my boyfriend broke up with me. He wasn't sure how to break the news to me, so he made my guidance counselor do it for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 516

You deserved it 3 455

By Anonymous - 23/04/2009 14:09 - United States

Today, I came home from a two-week overseas business trip. My wife was at work, but she came home for lunch. When she came in, she brushed right past me to hug and talk to her dog. When I mentioned it, she said, "But I haven't seen him all day!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 507

You deserved it 4 279

Bread is serious stuff

By bullsonyourface - 30/09/2019 20:00

Today, it's my 6-year anniversary with my fiance, but due to a lot of different family issues, I had to drive 9 hours with my dad to go visit them. Long story short, there was a giant argument about bread, my dad stormed out and I'm left to deal with this shit storm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 372

You deserved it 144

By InDeepBlue - 10/09/2019 06:00

Today, I took the bus home from work for the first time in my life. It was pretty crowded, so I immediately sat in an empty seat. Then, I felt something wet. It was puke. A lot of it, in fact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 588

You deserved it 401

Not worth it

By Reebee - 27/09/2017 01:30

Today, I got off late from my bartending job, which is close to my house, but my boyfriend begged me to come to his place half an hour away. I decided the sex would be worth the drive. He was sound asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 239

You deserved it 529

By aawkward... - 09/12/2009 19:27 - United States

Today, I was watching TV with my mom. The new Trojan Ecstasy condom commercial came on. I sat there awkwardly while my mom pulled out her shopping list. I bet you can guess what she added. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 920

You deserved it 2 478

By Anonymous - 07/02/2015 02:32 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, my new boyfriend and I really wanted to have sex, but he went soft as soon as he entered me. This happens every time we try. I feel cursed by my year-long dry spell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 737

You deserved it 4 505

By Ames - 23/05/2009 16:07 - United States

Today, after being diagnosed with cat allergies, I explained to my cat-loving boyfriend that the doctor strongly recommended not allowing the cat in the bedroom. At 1:30 am my boyfriend got out of the bed to go sleep in the spare room because: "the cat is sad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 407

You deserved it 8 927

By and she doesn't even give bjs - 09/02/2013 00:44 - Argentina - Buenos Aires

Today, I watched The Passion of the Christ with my girlfriend. She kept scoffing at what she called the "historical inaccuracies", and actually tried to convince me that Hitler killed Jesus. When I corrected her, she looked at me, mouth agape, as if I was insane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 152

You deserved it 5 221

By AreYouSerious - 16/09/2018 22:00

Today, after working 85 hours in a single week, I finally got my paycheck. $500. Apparently I got a pay cut without anyone telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 071

You deserved it 149

By Anonymous - 13/09/2009 02:42 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend while looking at halloween costumes online for this years halloween party and said, "Maybe we could go as Bonnie and Clyde this year." He said, "Maybe we should go as a broken up couple," and hung up on me. He wasn't kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 453

You deserved it 3 886

Free the Flow!

By Lunar-Spice - 23/10/2019 14:00

Today, I went to take a shower. I noticed a funky smell, but I just assumed it was from whoever had been there last. When I pulled the shower curtain back, I found out that my sister has stopped using feminine hygiene products for her period. It looked like someone had died in the bathtub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 791

You deserved it 166

By Kevin - 12/04/2011 19:25

Today, while at an important meeting at work, I got to watch helplessly as a police officer gave me a parking meter ticket. Added to that my boss chewed me out for "never paying attention and staring out the window during meetings". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 445

You deserved it 11 304

Timing

By Anonymous - 16/03/2020 00:11 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boyfriend came out of the closet. In the middle of us having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 236

You deserved it 248

By Scared - 08/04/2019 17:00 - United States - Pacific

Today, I fell asleep while watching the Ted Bundy documentary. I'm a woman, home alone, in Seattle. The nightmares were so scary, I may never want to sleep again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 639

You deserved it 735

By greaaaatt. - 25/07/2010 05:45 - United States

Today, I found out that I get to spend the next two weeks at my grandparents house, which smells like cat litter, while the rest of my family takes a cruise through the Carribean. They can't afford to take a ninth person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 915

You deserved it 2 913

By Anonymous - 12/12/2010 06:08 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of almost two years proposed to me. Everything was perfect. The ring was beautiful. And seconds after I said yes he went to play his new xbox game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 669

You deserved it 7 978

By jailbirdlove - 11/10/2010 01:38 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love. Her phone rang, and she stopped to answer it. It was her ex-boyfriend, calling her from jail. She talked to him for 15 minutes. To top it all off, before she hung up, I heard her tell him she loved him, and couldn't wait for him to get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 626

You deserved it 4 258

Unreasonable

By fml9124 - 10/07/2020 08:01

Today, my company published "return to work" procedures for when the pandemic stops. HQ is in Maryland, I live in Arizona. I have worked remotely for the last 8 years. My new boss didn't know this. He wants me to move back to Maryland or find another job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 382

You deserved it 80

By jriese444 - 23/12/2011 15:45 - United States

Today, my sister is visiting. She used more toilet paper today than I have in two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 440

You deserved it 3 304

By Nikse - 29/07/2009 07:23 - United States

Today, I was at the store with my mother in the facial care section. I found this device that scrubs your face with those anti-bacterial pads. The aisle was crowded and noisy, so I shouted to my mother, "Can I have this vibrator thing?" It went silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 316

You deserved it 51 923

By swollenpenis - 25/01/2013 06:11 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I found out the hard way that I'm severely allergic to latex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 336

You deserved it 4 729

By Nightshade823 - 10/11/2016 19:12 - United States

Today, I finally lost my virginity. I also found out the side effects of my antidepressants: It's hard for me to get it up, and I can't orgasm. When I finally got it up, I went so long, it ended with her saying, "Yeah, you should stop now, I'm numb." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 271

You deserved it 1 096

Serious times

By GreatBlakWarior - 07/09/2020 08:03 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, after several unsuccessful job interviews, I'm starting to feel emotionally down as both my mum and myself are out of work due to Covid. I even applied as a call centre agent with a friend that offered training. He got accepted and I didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 146

You deserved it 218

By clapping_for_you - 14/12/2018 12:30

Today, in a private discussion, my teenage son confessed to me he finally lost his virginity several weeks ago. Why did he confess? He came to me to ask why it all of a sudden hurts when he pees, and asked if it could have anything to do with it... FML...

I agree, your life sucks 3 165

You deserved it 376

By RosaP - 28/02/2009 06:40 - Canada

Today, I slept over at a friend's house. We decided to dress up as ninjas and play a trick on her younger brothers, sleeping in the basement. While sneaking down the stairs, in the dark, her mother came home. Thinking I was a robber, she beat me with a lamp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 291

You deserved it 42 235

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Top comments

heyheyitskaykay 7

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Wednesday 24 November 2010 16:11

haha I hate it when I mess up my words like that!

perdix 29

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Wednesday 24 November 2010 17:07

The same thing happened to me except my jumbled words came out as, "I'm into cougars who own strap-ons" Awkward! Especially since she was carrying one in her purse. I had to explain it was a slip of the tongue which unleashed a whole new nightmare on me.

2bj1234 0

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Wednesday 24 November 2010 16:04

Nope, that's your problem!

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Wednesday 24 November 2010 16:12

No welcome!

Selena_is_back 7

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Wednesday 24 November 2010 16:24

No thanks!

boyguydudemalema 0

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Wednesday 24 November 2010 16:32

your only spose to say one of the two, cuz it would sound weird if you said both at once. this has caused you to mixed both of them up, due to extreme weirdness

WhySoOblivious 0

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Wednesday 24 November 2010 17:42

Think before you speak. Simple.

W4X 0

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Wednesday 24 November 2010 16:04

Oh No! A scowl! Your a bitch dude. Scared of ladies and whatnot…

julianna010905 4

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Tuesday 27 June 2017 18:03

oh wow

optimusprime0069 8

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Wednesday 24 November 2010 16:06

thats not even and fml thats just a mistake

pennies_lane 6

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Wednesday 24 November 2010 16:07

really? you got scowled at? THAT'S IT?! fyl for being a pussy!

KiaMaster 0

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Wednesday 24 November 2010 16:10

she shouldn't take it as a offennce, basically everyone is a problem

heyheyitskaykay 7

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Wednesday 24 November 2010 16:11

haha I hate it when I mess up my words like that!

bamagrl410 31

Thursday 25 November 2010 9:14

I do it all the time! It's really annoying when you're trying to make a good impression and then mess up.

sweetbitchx 0

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Friday 26 November 2010 5:53

yeah me too, especially when I'm trying to look smart -.-

stephaniegeezy 0

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Wednesday 24 November 2010 16:13

Wow. OP, stop complaining, pussy. Where are all the REAL FMLs?

jenniferjen 5

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Wednesday 24 November 2010 16:13

such a perfect combination! LOL

Bizzatch 0

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Wednesday 24 November 2010 16:17

lol no welcome

Zigma_fml 0

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Wednesday 24 November 2010 16:20

A scowl isn't too bad. Still, I know how you feel, OP. I work at a toy store and we sometimes get really busy. I once mixed up "Thanks for shopping" and "Have a nice day." I'll let you decide what the result was :P