All the FMLs

By Bee - 08/06/2011 00:13 - Canada

Today, I was mistaken for a prostitute. Twice. While in my work uniform. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 954

You deserved it 8 323

Well played

By fmfb - 07/06/2011 23:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend got into my Facebook account and changed our relationship status to single, just to see which of my friends would "like" it. After revealing to me what she did, she now says I can no longer be friends with anyone who liked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 809

You deserved it 6 292

By disappointed - 07/06/2011 17:05 - United States

Today, after spending thousands of dollars and several years pursuing a higher education so I could get a high paying job doing something that requires skill and brainpower, I finally got my first job offer after months of searching. I will be cleaning houses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 678

You deserved it 5 844

By S. Tucker - 07/06/2011 09:28 - United States

Today, I learned how unhappy my husband is in our marriage. Apparently he also can't find a good woman. We didn't have a heart-to-heart, I read his woes in a blog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 863

You deserved it 3 621

Ominous

By IloveMaroon5 - 07/06/2011 06:48 - United States

Today, I found out that if your boss unfriends you on Facebook, it's probably not a good sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 908

You deserved it 4 422

By mongoosemike - 07/06/2011 05:55

Today, I walked downstairs, made a bowl of hot cereal, and held a full conversation with my brother's girlfriend, before I finally put two and two together and realized I hadn't put any pants on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 844

You deserved it 29 558

By Maddie110110 - 07/06/2011 04:43 - United States

Today, I sent my boyfriend a long and heartfelt message. He responded with "tl; dr". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 219

You deserved it 6 707

By sherronj - 07/06/2011 03:26 - United States

Today, I announced to my family that I will be trying out for the next season of America's Best Dance Crew. They responded by laughing hysterically and my mother said "You guys suck, good luck making it past auditions". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 333

You deserved it 7 552

By Danielle - 06/06/2011 19:00 - United States

Today, I stayed at my boyfriend's house after mine was broken into. The robber took my laptop, jewellery, and tons of clothes. When I walked into his house, I was greeted by his brother, wearing one of my stolen shirts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 836

You deserved it 4 083

By Someguy - 06/06/2011 18:55 - Belgium

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to declare my love to the girl I have a crush on. I guess I shouldn't have gone and kissed her without warning, because now my face is covered with slap marks, and I had to explain myself at the police station for sexual harassement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 876

You deserved it 57 125

By surefeelslikelove - 06/06/2011 16:01

Today, my mum was filling out a reference for me as I work in the family business. When it came to naming two of my strengths, she asked me what to put as she couldn't think of anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 345

You deserved it 4 727

Impossible

By Anonymous - 06/06/2011 14:18

Today, I ran into an old high school friend while out with my husband. When she inquired who I was married to, I pointed to my husband, who was looking at shirts. She laughed and said, "No really?", insinuating that I couldn't get anyone that good looking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 226

You deserved it 4 145

By Jake Whitte - 06/06/2011 13:50 - United States

Today, I changed the date of my birthday to today on Facebook to see how many people actually know my birthday. My mom wished me a happy birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 685

You deserved it 15 778

By rapturezz - 06/06/2011 07:55 - United States

Today, my ex-girlfriend told my entire family and all my friends that we broke up because I came out to her. They all believe her. Twenty two texts and counting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 047

You deserved it 3 760

By dwhite032 - 06/06/2011 07:06 - United States

Today, I woke up to my Playstation 3 and my laptop missing and window open. My dad faked a robbery to see me freak out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 509

You deserved it 6 855

By KillMeNow - 06/06/2011 06:27 - United States

Today, Twilight once again won all the awards at MTV, beating out Inception, Toy Story 3, Harry Potter, etc. This is MY generation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105 268

You deserved it 12 176

By K123 - 06/06/2011 05:22 - United States

Today, I got a text from my ex-boyfriend telling me he still likes me and might love me too. Later I asked him if he really meant it and his response was "I don't know. I was high." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 025

You deserved it 5 443

By Username - 06/06/2011 04:48 - United States

Today, I used a fire extinguisher for the first time. Too bad it was on my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 312

You deserved it 3 570

By Username - 06/06/2011 03:29 - United States

Today, I just bought a car with all of my own money. Then, when I brought it home my dad informed me that my mom will be driving it to work every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 752

You deserved it 4 117

Gone bird

By Whoops - 06/06/2011 01:44 - United States

Today, while driving with my three year-old, I was showing her the different kinds of birds. I pointed out a bright red cardinal perched in a row of hedges. She squealed as it took flight, so happy to see such a brightly colored birdie fly. Until it hit my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 762

You deserved it 4 537

Run for the hills!

By kringr - 06/06/2011 00:52 - United States

Today, I went to my high school reunion. I was super excited to see what everyone had done in their lives. The nerdy guy I bullied is now a U.S. Marine and already has two deployments in Afghanistan under his belt. He looked at me in his dress blues and said, "I remember you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 258

You deserved it 135 260

By Anonymous - 05/06/2011 20:45 - United States

Today, I was in the elevator with my boss when I accidentally let rip the vilest, most horrifying fart of my life as we left the first floor. We stood in silence as the elevator slowly ascended to the 21st floor, leaving us to marinate in the fumes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 419

You deserved it 46 381

By Jakub89 - 05/06/2011 20:31 - Canada

Today, I signed up for an online dating site. In order to prove I was human and complete my registration, I had to pass a CAPTCHA. Coincidentally enough, the words in it were "depressed" and "loser". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 180

You deserved it 7 591

By mj - 05/06/2011 20:20 - United States

Today, my wife announced that she wanted a divorce. She'd actually started dating another man a few months ago, but she wanted to drag our marriage out as long as possible just in case her new relationship fell through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 477

You deserved it 3 384

By xXEndlesslullabyXx - 05/06/2011 18:15 - United States

Today, my grandmother's excuse for not going to my college graduation was because she'd already bought her bingo card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 716

You deserved it 2 812

By Loveless - 05/06/2011 12:23 - Canada

Today, I bought a dog to make me feel less lonely. He ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 555

You deserved it 8 219

By kyle - 05/06/2011 07:00 - United States

Today, my friend pushed me into the swimming pool. Unfortunately, we were eight feet away from the actual pool, so I face-planted and rolled in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 941

You deserved it 3 722

By dumped - 05/06/2011 05:17 - United States

Today, my five year old daughter asked me what a divorce was. When I asked why she wanted to know, she replied with "Daddy wants one. He says you can have me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 080

You deserved it 4 187

By Burned - 05/06/2011 00:54 - United States

Today, I went to the beach with my friends to show off my engagement ring. I fell asleep in the sun and woke up extremely sunburnt to a text from my boyfriend confessing that he's been cheating on me. I gave him the ring back. Now I have its tan line on my finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 122

You deserved it 7 109

By Anonymous - 04/06/2011 20:42 - United States

Today, I had to walk home in nothing but my snuggie and sneakers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 198

You deserved it 34 586

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, my wife knelt down in front me to give me a blowjob. As she took my underwear off a moth flew out of them. I've got no idea how it got there but I was cock-blocked by a moth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 572

You deserved it 6 435

Today, after days of being too sick to leave my house, I went to get some medicine. While picking out cough drops, an old man leaned over and said, "You smell quite delicious today." I haven't showered and the only "perfume" I'm wearing is VapoRub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 615

You deserved it 2 977

Today, I was chatting to a friend on Facebook about girls, and why we're single. We somehow ended up admitting to one another that we'd never get girlfriends, finding out that we both like hentai porn, and trading info on Japanese sex toys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 837

You deserved it 32 586

Today, in front of a hospital, I noticed that an old lady was having trouble lighting her cigarette because she had Parkison's. So I went to help her to light it up and she then started chatting with me and told me she had lung cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 943

You deserved it 6 916

Today, my dad unlocked the bathroom door and barged in without warning only to catch me, with no clothes on, masturbating. He said, "sorry" but stayed for another 20 seconds to look for his shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 233

You deserved it 1 292

Today, my cat peed on the kitchen floor. As I went to get the mop, I slipped on the puddle not once, not twice, but three times. In quick succession. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 394

You deserved it 687