Today, while taking a stroll in the park, a kid walked up to...

By unicorn - 13/9/2011 21:21 - United States

Today, while taking a stroll in the park, a kid walked up to me and asked, "Do you believe in unicorns?" I answered, "No." He dunked his ice cream cone on my head, laughed hysterically, and ran off screaming, "BELIEVE!" FML

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Miscellaneous

Fear factor

Yappy neighborhood

You snooze, you lose

By Momlovesme - 8/8/2009 00:43 - United States

Today, I was listening to music while my grandma and mom were in the same room. I only had one headphone in. My mom, thinking I had both in, started telling my grandma how much of a "little bitch" I am. My grandma went on to say, "She's also a slut." FML

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By anon - 31/8/2014 15:14 - United States

Today, while finally about to make love with my long term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML

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By thissucks - 21/2/2011 22:20 - United States

Today, it's my mom's birthday. I woke up at midnight to be the first to tell her happy birthday. When I awoke in the morning, I decided to bake her a cake. Little did I know my whole family was going out to lunch to celebrate. I wasn't invited. FML

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By hopelesscollegechick - 7/5/2013 18:14 - United States - Alexander City

Today, I gave a presentation about how teachers don't intervene enough when students are being bullied. Afterwards, I was practically bullied by my teacher for "not choosing a serious topic." FML

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By LucidNightmare - 27/1/2013 05:38 - United States - Englewood

Today, I got a text from an unknown number saying, "You shouldn't be eating that." I was eating a piece of chocolate, cheating on my diet. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/8/2019 00:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I was arrested for a crime that happened 27 years ago. I'm only 21. FML

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By ProudMamma - 14/9/2016 01:50 - Canada - Oakville

Today, my ex came back into my life, professing his love and begging for another chance. This begging act ended rather suddenly once he remembered I have a daughter. FML

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By Cameraman - 1/6/2017 01:00 - Israel

Today, I got a reply from a women who's SD card I found 2 months ago and tried to give back. Yesterday I formatted it. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/9/2013 04:07 - United States - Mccomb

Today, my mom found my dad's hidden stash of cigarettes. He told her they were mine and now I have to spend two hours at therapy for my "smoking problem" every weekend. I've never smoked. FML

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By someone - 29/7/2011 18:26 - United States

Today, while walking home, the gods were kind enough to grace me with the sight of an old man jogging past me in nothing but a pair of short shorts. The image of his balls swinging to and fro underneath like a pendulum has been forever burned into my retinas. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/3/2012 04:03 - United States

Today, I had to bury my horse again because coyotes keep digging it up. FML

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By crakbbyaparently - 31/1/2009 01:34 - United States

Today, my old man told me that he only married my mom because she convinced him she was pregnant with his child. In fact, she aborted a week later. "And then we had you instead." FML

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By picaboo - 10/8/2009 16:41 - Singapore

Today, I bought a new computer. I gave my old one to my mother. After handing it over and going home, I realised I forgot to change the background picture, a naked photo of my girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/1/2013 04:44 - United States

Today, I was telling my boyfriend how proud I am of him for finding a really good job. He interrupted me to tell me that my breath smelled like his cat's. FML

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By Ouch - 28/2/2015 02:25 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I broke my leg. My mom told me I still have to go to tennis class tomorrow because the course isn't refundable. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/11/2015 17:36 - United States - Show Low

Today, I picked up an elderly woman walking alone in the cold. I asked her where she was going but she didn't respond. Thinking she was just cold, I kept driving until a man driving erratically kept honking at me. Turns out he's her husband and she has severe Alzheimers. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/9/2014 21:54 - United States - Conway

Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for jokingly telling her to get back in the kitchen. After we finally made peace and I told her that I fully respect women, I turned on my stereo. The song's first words? "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." Cue second argument. FML

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By suspended - 9/8/2014 00:16 - Australia

Today, while I was working customer support, a lady hung up on me mid-sentence, and I trailed off, saying "…aaannnddd you hung up on me like a bitch." Turned out she was still on the line and had just accidentally hit mute. FML

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By "skinnydick" - 19/2/2017 22:00 - United States - Clifton Park

Today, while riding the bus, I saw my ex-girlfriend get on. Despite several seats being open, she specifically sat next to me. I was at first happy, thinking she might want to make up. Nope, she instead blocked me in with her bag and spent the entire time showing me pictures of her new lover's dick. FML

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By S. Dub - 10/4/2020 05:00

Acting is hard work

Today, my boyfriend told me that I needed to moan louder so that he knew I was enjoying it. Reluctantly, I put a little 'umph' into my moans during the next round. He pulled out and said, "It's just awkward now." FML

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By Anonymous - 12/8/2014 00:34 - United States - Columbus

Today, after months of dinners, coffees, drinks, and a few nights together, the girl of my dreams told me about this awesome guy she met yesterday. FML

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By WTF, America? - 3/8/2013 21:57 - Sweden

Today, I was convinced by my friends to watch an episode of the American TV show "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo". They said it was bad, but I didn't anticipate having a full-blown panic attack ten minutes into it. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/9/2013 23:44 - United States - Boston

Today, the girl I like sent me a nude photo of herself. Being a photographer, all I could think about was how grainy the photo was, and the various ways it could be fixed. FML

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By prochainefois - 31/1/2014 21:05 - France - Paris

Today, I was in the process of finally losing my virginity. Part-way through, my neighbour started shouting from his backyard, "Go, Nicolas! You can do it!" He was talking to his son, but the two of us have the same name. I couldn't finish. FML

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By LyricalTragedy - 16/12/2016 00:08

Today, I saw my father for the first time in two years. He felt compelled to tell me about how he got involved with a BDSM group and got an STD because of it. FML

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By myself - 30/1/2012 05:24 - Canada

Today, I came home to the nanny passed out on the couch from too much alcohol, my 2-year-old alone and locked in the bathroom, and my house in a complete wreck. To top it off, it's the day my mother-in-law, who hates me, is coming to visit from New York. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/8/2014 18:16 - United States - Glendale

Today, I told my husband that I'm jealous of all the other girls whose husbands always take pictures of them together and post them online. He responded by posting a picture of himself, with me on the toilet in the background, captioned "The bitch on the pot." FML

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By andrea99 - 3/10/2010 09:35 - United States

Today, I spent an hour and a half washing my car. As I was driving down the highway, a large bird flew over my car and accidentally dropped the dead animal he was about to have for dinner. It landed on my windshield. FML

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By Robert - 13/9/2013 01:11 - United States - Drummond Island

Today, I pulled my motorcycle into a wheelie when my crush drove by. She was the one who drove me to the hospital when I went over backward. FML

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By sninapeters - 22/12/2011 05:31 - United States

Today, I realized that I've been intentionally causing arguments with my husband because the spare bed is more comfortable. FML

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By Sky - 25/7/2018 01:30

Today, since my parents always told me that I was welcome to come home whenever I want or need, I decided to stop by. They'd changed the locks and wouldn't let me in. FML

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By sugar baby24 - 28/6/2019 14:12

Today, my boyfriend and my sugar daddy found about each other. FML

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By Kristat - 1/4/2012 04:32 - United States

Today, because I was the only manager scheduled, I went into work despite feeling sick to my stomach. While sitting down with a customer, I got the urge to throw up and tried to hold it back. Instead I vomited in my mouth, instinctively swallowed and started choking in front of the customer. FML

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By hail science! - 10/8/2019 16:00

Today, I got into a heated argument with my mom. Apparently, my seeking medicinal treatments for my cancer is blasphemous. According to her, I should just pray my cancer away. FML

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By ABD - 15/12/2017 01:30

The system is broke!

Today, I found out that when I go on Medicare in January, one of my medicines will go from $45 per month to $3000 for the first month, then $425 per month for the rest of the year. I need this medicine to stay alive. FML

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By Dizzie Rascal - 31/8/2016 11:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I made spaghetti bolognese for three people. Of those three people, only one got food poisoning. Me. FML

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By Forever alone - 1/5/2015 14:24 - United States - Lincoln

Today, I told my friends I was kissed by a girl. They said "Yeah, probably by your mom." The sad thing is, they were right. FML

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By jeanstein - 23/3/2011 14:58

Today, I got a call from this drunk man, asking for Celeste. Since I don't know any Celestes, I told him that he had the wrong number. He kept calling for her. Apparently he can't take a hint that she didn't give him her real number, and I get to deal with him. FML

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By actor my ass - 21/1/2012 22:44 - Canada

Today, trying to be romantic, I invited my girlfriend over to watch a movie. I said she could pick one up on the way, and I'd pay for it later. I ended up having to suffer through some "movie" that involved nothing but Nicolas Cage gurning like a stroke victim between crappy fight scenes. FML

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By Harry - 20/7/2011 07:40 - United States

Today, I got a call from a man yelling and cursing at me, calling me a "selfish no-life asshole" for getting his "baby girl" pregnant. I'm 29 and she is 27 and we have been married for 3 years. FML

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Top comments

By thrAsHeRr9081 | 16

#3285263 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 1:08

SHUN THE NONBELIEVER! SHUUUNNN.

By missyj0 | 12

#3285238 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 1:06

You must believe in the unicorns! Or else you shall feel their wrath.

Comments

By ChibiGirl5 | 0

#3285232 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 1:06

Hahahah oh god

13FTW | 9

#3285296 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 1:10

Should've fucking believed.

ChibiGirl5 | 0

#3285339 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 1:15

Yea really everyone believes in unicorns and dragons xD

13FTW | 9

#3285361 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 1:16

Why the "xD" face? I'm being completely and entirely serious in this matter, please refrain from making jokes or any sarcasm. It is slightly offensive.

nonelikeworms | 0

#3285409 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 1:20

OP should have run after the kid trying to poke him.......or maybe that's me

LiveLaughFML | 10

#3285547 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 1:38

planking, coning..the crap that people my age come up with these days. SMH lol (:

fakeaccountX | 6

#3285584 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 1:43

Beware! The more you believe in them, the more they'll try to get you.

captianKool | 4

#3285889 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 2:44

That kid had some balls... Or a mental disorder

Iamnotmyself | 17

#3286006 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 3:01

Wait... so why did you lie about believing in.... Oh wait that was the acid trip never mind.

kelsey_katie | 17

#3286361 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 4:22

My friend has a video on YouTube of him doing that at a mcdonalds drive thru. Look up uniconing on YouTube!!

Bekeliyr | 10

#3286471 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 4:41

such a rip off of coning

cocknblock | 0

#3286767 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 5:29

So this was able to reach ur head?

By missyj0 | 12

#3285238 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 1:06

You must believe in the unicorns! Or else you shall feel their wrath.

tylersign | 11

#3285376 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 1:17

Exactly. Next time it won't just be a kid. The unicorns will show up, and then will you believe, OP? That's what I thought.

jacetopia96 | 1

#3285738 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 2:10

I love the video of the drive thru guy.

waggleninja | 0

#3285769 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 2:17

nice tata's

rebekahah | 7

#3286382 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 4:27

Revenge is sweet

Skinner13 | 9

#3286426 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 4:34

Really dude???

Skinner13 | 9

#3286446 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 4:38

My tata's r way nicer than that!

deXter11_fml | 0

#3286827 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 5:42

What tata's?

By salvorican | 24

#3285248 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 1:07

YDI for not believing in unicorns!! :O

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#3285477 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 1:28

Unicorns aren't real, they're just polycorns that lost a few of their horns in battle. Duhhh.

caitlyndeon18 | 10

#3285696 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 2:03

Pegasus's are better :) they fly! ;)

InsanePPG | 25

#3285700 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 2:04

#3, I was going to say the exact same thing, and you beat me to it.

white16sox | 19

#3285796 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 2:24

80 it's pegasi.