Today, while taking a stroll in the park, a kid walked up to...

By unicorn - 13/9/2011 21:21 - United States

Today, while taking a stroll in the park, a kid walked up to me and asked, "Do you believe in unicorns?" I answered, "No." He dunked his ice cream cone on my head, laughed hysterically, and ran off screaming, "BELIEVE!" FML

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Miscellaneous

Family values

Serious times

Healthy relationship

By Anonymous - 15/7/2009 07:06 - United States

Today, I rode my bike to work. Once there, I realized I forgot my bike lock. For fear of it being stolen, I quickly rode home and took my car instead. When I got home, I realized my bike was missing. Someone stole it from my backyard. FML

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By dexter - 15/1/2009 15:07 - United States

Today, I had lunch with a couple of my friends and a guy I like. Another guy I have a crush on came and ate with us too. After lunch, one of the guys I have a crush on told me the other guy I like is sexy. FML

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By brokeasajoke - 1/11/2013 12:58 - United States - El Reno

Today, an old man looked me dead in the eyes as he reached into my tip jar, grabbed the money, and then walked out of the store as if nothing ever happened. I was so shocked that I couldn't do anything to stop him. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/9/2020 02:03

"I Raised a Sociopath"

Today, my daughter admitted she struggles to keep a boyfriend because as soon as she shares with them her kink of fucking guys with strap-ons and occasionally inserting other items into them, they flee. As a father, this was way more info about my daughter's sex life than I can handle. FML

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By CLH - 25/1/2011 18:08 - Canada

Today, I accidentally dropped my engagement ring down a sewer. To my surprise, the sewer water was frozen and my ring sat on top. During my efforts to retrieve it, I had to watch as the ice slowly melted due to the warm day. The ring sank further and further until it was completely gone. FML

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By Prinpette - 20/9/2011 21:20 - France

Today, to show that he really wanted me to shave myself, my boyfriend pretended to go down on me, but instead of following through, he stuck a wad of gum in my pubic hair and got back up. FML

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By Jenievonteese - 12/6/2011 23:33 - United States

Today, I was having a nice dream in which a beautiful butterfly flew by me and got stuck in my hair, fluttering its wings against my neck. Then I woke up and realized the "butterfly" stuck in my hair was actually a giant wood roach. FML

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By Just Awkward - 21/4/2017 02:00

Today, I was in class rubbing my hands together. The lecturer thought that because my hands were up, I had a question. I replied with, "Oh, no I was just playing with myself." Just as it left my mouth, I realised what I was saying. FML

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By nekal - 21/9/2016 16:50 - United States - Nashville

Today, I tried to sneakily leave my boyfriend's house at 3 a.m. without his parents knowing. I had a flat tire. FML

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By anonymous - 13/9/2012 06:02 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I found an enormous raccoon in my backyard. After a couple of nasty scratches, I finally managed to capture the filthy animal. After calling animal control to relocate it, I waited for hours to learn that "relocating" actually means releasing it into my front yard 10 feet away. FML

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By imwrong - 10/2/2009 11:59 - Philippines

Today, I met a guy who said he thinks he's in love with my sister. As a joke, I told him that my sister cheats on everyone. I get home to find my sister crying, because some 'person' told her boyfriend that she's cheating on him. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/9/2011 21:52 - United States

Today, the boy I like came to my house with a dozen roses to ask me to homecoming. My uncle chased him down the street with a pitchfork. FML

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By mymomplucksbutthair - 25/6/2013 20:43 - United States

Today, my mom confessed to me that she used to pluck my step-dad's butt hair. I hope the brain-gods delete this obnoxious mental picture. FML

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By chuffberry - 19/4/2016 13:39 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I finally saw a dermatologist due to my unusually severe acne. Now I know I actually have a rare disorder that makes me allergic to my own acne. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/12/2011 17:53 - Canada

Today, I am pregnant, and my boyfriend dumped me, saying that he didn't want to be stuck in anything too serious. FML

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By WhiteLiar - 4/3/2010 01:26 - United States

Today, I was telling a new friend of mine about my boyfriend. I told her his name and where he is from. She interrupted me and says "Yeah drives a big white truck, rides dirt bikes?! I dated him two years ago!" This guy and I have dated for four years. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/6/2013 19:19 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was told by a friend that my girlfriend has been cheating on me. Her defence was that if I had a bigger dick she wouldn't have been, in her words, forced to go elsewhere for sex. My mother's response when I confided this in her: "Ask me if I care." FML

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By phonnah - 20/6/2012 17:59 - United States - Bowie

Today, my friend told me she was going to start drinking gatorade, so she could get the body shape of the athletes on TV. When I tried to explain to her that she'd also need to work out to achieve this, she went nuts and hurled the bottle at my face. FML

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By booty backfire - 1/5/2014 17:31 - United States

Today, I hurt my back, and now I have to lie on my stomach for twenty minutes every hour so I can ice the pain. My boyfriend won't stop using my ass as bongo drums every time. FML

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By thirdwheel - 15/2/2010 18:08 - United States

Today, I found out that my best friend pays my boyfriend to this day to take me out. FML

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By Ange - 15/1/2012 19:34 - United States

Today, I had to slowly explain to my daughter why her Facebook profile isn't a valid piece of ID. FML

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By Steve - 24/2/2011 19:32 - United States

Today, I put aftershave on my fingers to encourage myself to stop biting my nails. I absentmindedly rubbed my eye a few minutes later. It burnt like hell. FML

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By sarad206 - 19/2/2014 21:09 - United States

Today, I was cleaning the bathrooms at work. An older gentlemen came in and needed to use it. He said to me "Oh no, PLEASE stay, just don't look." I don't get paid enough for this. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2009 12:17 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, by text, while we were in the same room. FML

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By Baegel - 2/3/2016 01:52 - United States - Havertown

Today, my psycho ex defaced my car. She didn't key it or slash my tires. She posted "TRUMP 2016" bumper stickers all over it. I don't know what glue they use, but it's been 2 hours and I haven't gotten any of them off. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/11/2015 15:28 - United States - Jamestown

Today, I was in a play and had a battle scene. I got a little too into it and wound up twisting my ankle. The audience was treated to me screaming like a little girl before face-planting the stage a moment later. FML

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By Kyrie - 14/9/2017 20:00

Today, I came down in the morning to find that my fridge died, leaving water and meat juice all over the floor. My town only has garbage pickup every other week and the last was yesterday. We're expecting a heat wave this week. FML

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By sadsadteacher - 5/12/2016 21:42 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had to tell some of my students to stop eating glue. I teach high school. FML

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By IngenuityAbsent - 22/2/2015 13:54 - Canada - Grimsby

Today, I had a dream where I whacked my head against my shelf. I woke up immediately after, freaked out and whacked my head against my shelf. FML

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By Dudeman5000 - 21/1/2009 06:59 - France

Today, I get home and there's a package waiting for me. I ordered something online 2 weeks ago for a girl I like. She's not available anymore. No refunds. FML

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By Donewiththis - 21/6/2016 05:35

Today, my cat was diagnosed with FIV, to which my in-laws said, "That's impossible!" Apparently, what is possible though is that aliens are stealing their pool water. FML

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By armenta427 - 7/10/2009 04:12 - United States

Today, I found out that my parents are 28,000 dollars in debt and that my bank account has $27.17 in it. They took my money to help pay their debt. FML

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By bumpyroad - 17/4/2011 14:29 - Australia

Today, my husband and I were diagnosed with herpes. We've been together for five years and were both virgins before. Even the doctor couldn't give any other explanation. FML

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By Mattyboy - 24/8/2009 09:57 - United States

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend at her house. When things started heating up, I heard the front door open and my girlfriend said that it must be her Dad. She handed me my clothes, pushed me out the window, and told me to knock at the front door. Her Dad answered, holding my shoes. FML

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By vey - 8/2/2014 22:14 - China - Beijing

Today, and for the third time this week, I found a pubic hair in my soup. I'm currently bed-ridden and can't afford to piss off my boyfriend by complaining. FML

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By justagirl - 2/12/2014 05:40 - United States - Roseville

Today, while in bed with my boyfriend of 2 years, he mentioned what it would be like if he had sex with anyone other than me. I mentioned the same about him. He quickly yelled, "No, you're a woman. You are mine!" FML

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By breyn - 18/2/2015 19:48 - United States

Today, while working at my salon, I was cutting an older gentleman's hair. When he got up to leave, everyone noticed he had clearly pissed his pants. I felt bad for him until he laughed and said, "Here's your tip, have fun cleaning that up." FML

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By Anonymous - 19/6/2009 16:39 - United States

Today, I was walking to work and saw three guys sitting at a table outside. One of the guys looks at me and says to his friends, "That's the girl that works at the grocery store. She replaced the hot chick." The other two guys glared at me. FML

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By musicmaniac13 - 18/3/2011 19:08 - France

Today, I performed in my school's choir concert. The girl next to me started to pass out, and I grabbed her so she wouldn't hit her head. After we were done performing and the curtains closed, my choir teacher dragged me off stage and said I was getting an F for "creating a distraction". FML

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By angrypetowner - 29/3/2016 03:24 - United States - Warrensburg

Today, I tried to train my cat to scratch the scratching post by giving her a treat every time she used it, but she took that as getting a treat every time she scratched something. Now, not only does she scratch all my furniture, but she also meows for a treat while doing it. FML

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Top comments

By thrAsHeRr9081 | 16

#3285263 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 1:08

SHUN THE NONBELIEVER! SHUUUNNN.

By missyj0 | 12

#3285238 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 1:06

You must believe in the unicorns! Or else you shall feel their wrath.

COMMENTS

By ChibiGirl5 | 0

#3285232 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 1:06

Hahahah oh god

13FTW | 9

#3285296 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 1:10

Should've fucking believed.

ChibiGirl5 | 0

#3285339 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 1:15

Yea really everyone believes in unicorns and dragons xD

13FTW | 9

#3285361 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 1:16

Why the "xD" face? I'm being completely and entirely serious in this matter, please refrain from making jokes or any sarcasm. It is slightly offensive.

nonelikeworms | 0

#3285409 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 1:20

OP should have run after the kid trying to poke him.......or maybe that's me

LiveLaughFML | 10

#3285547 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 1:38

planking, coning..the crap that people my age come up with these days. SMH lol (:

fakeaccountX | 6

#3285584 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 1:43

Beware! The more you believe in them, the more they'll try to get you.

captianKool | 4

#3285889 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 2:44

That kid had some balls... Or a mental disorder

Iamnotmyself | 17

#3286006 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 3:01

Wait... so why did you lie about believing in.... Oh wait that was the acid trip never mind.

kelsey_katie | 17

#3286361 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 4:22

My friend has a video on YouTube of him doing that at a mcdonalds drive thru. Look up uniconing on YouTube!!

Bekeliyr | 10

#3286471 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 4:41

such a rip off of coning

cocknblock | 0

#3286767 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 5:29

So this was able to reach ur head?

By missyj0 | 12

#3285238 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 1:06

You must believe in the unicorns! Or else you shall feel their wrath.

tylersign | 11

#3285376 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 1:17

Exactly. Next time it won't just be a kid. The unicorns will show up, and then will you believe, OP? That's what I thought.

jacetopia96 | 1

#3285738 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 2:10

I love the video of the drive thru guy.

waggleninja | 0

#3285769 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 2:17

nice tata's

rebekahah | 7

#3286382 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 4:27

Revenge is sweet

Skinner13 | 9

#3286426 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 4:34

Really dude???

Skinner13 | 9

#3286446 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 4:38

My tata's r way nicer than that!

deXter11_fml | 0

#3286827 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 5:42

What tata's?

By salvorican | 24

#3285248 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 1:07

YDI for not believing in unicorns!! :O

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#3285477 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 1:28

Unicorns aren't real, they're just polycorns that lost a few of their horns in battle. Duhhh.

caitlyndeon18 | 10

#3285696 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 2:03

Pegasus's are better :) they fly! ;)

InsanePPG | 25

#3285700 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 2:04

#3, I was going to say the exact same thing, and you beat me to it.

white16sox | 19

#3285796 - Wednesday 14 September 2011 2:24

80 it's pegasi.