Miscellaneous: Today, I went to interview with potential new roommates at a...

By dangit - 11/09/2011 05:58 - United States

Today, I went to interview with potential new roommates at a cooperative living house. I decided to bake cookies for everyone, and while touring the house, I forgot about the cookies and set off a small oven fire. All this after professing how responsible I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 970

You deserved it 14 177

Miscellaneous

BO Central

I'm not lovin' it

Carless whisper

By passedoutpolly - 01/08/2009 02:35 - United States

Today, I went to a huge rock concert. While waiting in a half a mile long line to get in, I passed out due to the heat. I regained consciousness to hear about a hundred people yelling and trying to help me. My boyfriend, who I went with, was not one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 265

You deserved it 3 593

By iet_Wyrda - 04/10/2013 23:00 - France - Verneuil-sur-seine

Today, my dog tore up a single book from the dozens within his reach. That book was titled "How to Train Your Dog". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 002

You deserved it 5 694

By LadyJane - 04/01/2009 10:15 - France

Today, at a rehearsal, a friend poked me: "My mother is in the orchestra, guess who she is!" I jokingly answer: "Erm…The fat singer?". It was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 172

You deserved it 27 150

Snow day

By doggie_doo_face - 06/02/2010 00:50 - United States

Today, my dog accidentally crapped on her leash. When I flicked the leash to get the poo off, it went flying. Have you ever had warm poo hit you in the face on a cold day when there's 6 inches of snow on the ground? I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 026

You deserved it 9 673

By Anonymous - 02/08/2009 06:10 - United States

Today, I hurt my arm in a scooter accident, when my dad came to pick me up instead of taking me to the hospital like a normal dad, he took me directly home where he spent a hour shaving and taking a shower so he would "look nice" when he went to the hospital while I clutched my arm in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 728

You deserved it 4 124

By Order of the Dangling Testicles - 28/01/2014 20:28 - United States - Astoria

Today, I moved back into my dorm. My ex-girlfriend, and the guy she left me for, now cohabit next door. Now I get to hear them screwing while I try to do my homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 030

You deserved it 4 309

Constant flow

By Anonymous - 07/08/2020 20:01

Today, my granny called me to, "Come change me please, I just peed." I interrupted what I was doing, walked over to her bed, pulled down her covers and was just about to go for the pad when she said, "Actually... I'm still peeing. Come back in a couple of minutes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 558

You deserved it 111

By shake666 - 04/12/2015 17:50 - United States - Fremont

Today, I presented my assigned chapter for a book we're currently reading in my English class. I really like the book, so I've been reading ahead. When I summarized the chapter, I accidentally spoiled a major plot twist that was actually in the next chapter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 063

You deserved it 13 055

By fucked up dad - 11/07/2013 19:50 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, after I got turned down for yet another job, my dad glanced up at me and casually remarked that porn is always a stable market. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 317

You deserved it 6 622

By ktm1313 - 26/01/2016 21:38 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I donated blood for the first time. It wasn't until I passed out on the ice during hockey practice that I remembered the nurse warning me not to do any type of exercise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 784

You deserved it 19 862

By Anonymous - 04/10/2012 15:17 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I yet again had to explain to my boyfriend that, yes, I can get pregnant even if I don't actually have an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 890

You deserved it 4 213

By Mel - 27/01/2019 20:00

Today, I found out the guy I was seeing was married, with a kid, when his wife sent me a friend request on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 699

You deserved it 294

By Anonymous - 23/06/2013 19:19 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was told by a friend that my girlfriend has been cheating on me. Her defence was that if I had a bigger dick she wouldn't have been, in her words, forced to go elsewhere for sex. My mother's response when I confided this in her: "Ask me if I care." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 227

You deserved it 5 017

By Anonymous - 28/04/2018 23:00 - United States - Binghamton

Today, I found out that my best friend used the sexy dance moves she asked me to teach her to get into my ex-boyfriend’s pants. We dated for two years and broke up less than a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 148

You deserved it 420

By Anonymous - 10/02/2012 05:31 - United States

Today, things were getting hot with my boyfriend and I started to breathe heavy and moan. He then says to me, "Babe, can you calm down, we're having sex not running a marathon." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 838

You deserved it 7 257

By anonymous - 25/03/2016 22:19 - United States - Manchester

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex for the first time, the one day my period came early. He thought it was a sign from God and thinks we're going to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 659

You deserved it 3 181

By andrie09 - 07/07/2009 22:18 - United States

Today, my mom told me I was a bad daughter because I didn't get anything for my parents' anniversary. I just sent my brother a check for $400 for my share of their gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 252

You deserved it 3 060

By pissed - 07/07/2016 18:39

Today, I got offered an interview for a job after months of unemployment. It's a 3-month contract 3 hours away from where we live. My boyfriend's reaction was to tell me to move out and take our hamster with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 815

You deserved it 1 126

By ultraattitude - 22/04/2012 07:01 - United States - Union City

Today, I met a hot guy at the bar and we hit it off instantly. After a few drinks, he called a cab for us. When it arrived, I seducingly asked, "My place or yours?" He responds, "Both. I'll go to mine and you go to yours" and walked away. The cab driver laughed the whole way home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 926

You deserved it 12 567

By Shelly - 14/12/2011 05:18 - United States

Today, I accidentally called my cute boss "babe." I now have to pretend it's what I call everyone, and start calling all my coworkers "babe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 937

You deserved it 33 970

Unmissable

By Anonymous - 03/10/2020 02:01

Today, I returned to work after testing out my theory yesterday that absolutely nobody would notice or care if I just did not show up. So far so good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 035

You deserved it 152

By asthma_attacker - 14/11/2009 18:38 - United States

Today, I asked a girl I like out. She ended up having an asthma attack because she was laughing so hard. I guess that's a no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 646

You deserved it 2 889

By Anonymous - 20/08/2012 12:12 - United States - Worcester

Today, my husband had a temper tantrum because I wouldn't get him a chocolate bar at the store register. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 297

You deserved it 5 898

By fearofzombies - 13/08/2009 18:17 - United States

Today, before I went to bed, I watched a terrifying movie with zombies. I woke up with a headache, a bloody nose, and my mom standing over me frantically asking me what was wrong. Apparently I had been "fighting the zombies off" in my sleep and had been punching myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 218

You deserved it 13 201

By fmylifechelsea - 27/04/2009 19:41 - Canada

Today, I was taking my boyfriend to meet my grandparents. They live on the 27th floor. Alone in the elevator we started making out. Turns out that theres a camera in the elevator, connected to every apartment. My grandma asked me how it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 998

You deserved it 19 493

By Anonymous - 01/01/2012 07:34 - United States

Today, I was going over to my friend's house for the first time. A creepy-looking old man answered, and smiled at me. I asked "Is this the right house? Does Isaac live here?" He replied "Yes, he's in the basement. Would you like a drink?" Right then, Isaac called and asked me where I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 083

You deserved it 3 844

By Anonymous - 19/08/2010 06:32 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend of a year exclaimed 'Oh my god!' for the first time during sex. Nope, I haven't improved in bed, I recently moved a tv into my room and something exciting happened on the show she was watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 372

You deserved it 13 690

By imahater07 - 25/12/2015 06:28

Today, my family decided to break tradition and wake up at midnight to open presents. I didn't find out until I went downstairs to get a glass of water in the middle of the night, and found wrapping paper and empty boxes everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 159

You deserved it 1 682

By notthatkinkyanyway - 13/11/2011 12:46 - China

Today, I'm on holiday with my boyfriend. Going through Chinese customs, an officer pulled us aside, removed a suspicious metal object from my boyfriend's luggage and called six other officers to have a look. It was a kinky pair of handcuffs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 486

You deserved it 6 359

By Dave - 23/04/2012 13:22 - United States - Brookfield

Today, I left my number on my receipt for a cute waitress. As I was leaving the bar, she came running out and called me over. I obviously got excited. Turns out I'd forgotten to sign my slip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 581

You deserved it 21 795

Skinny issues

By maisie - 31/03/2021 21:30

Today, after a few months of trying to gain weight due to being severely underweight, I got a stomach flu and lost every single pound I put on, and then some. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 52

By Alexandra - 08/12/2016 20:00 - United Kingdom - Heckmondwike

Today, my fiancé completely missed the birth of our first child because he had started watching a new series on Netflix and really wanted to know how it ended. By the time he made it to the hospital our daughter was already 7 hours old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 906

You deserved it 1 009

By a single fuck - 23/05/2013 16:40 - Germany - Berlin

Today, my girlfriend actually yelled, "Why are you making this all about YOU?!" after I confronted her over cheating on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 947

You deserved it 3 096

By asdfjkl - 06/09/2009 17:27 - United States

Today, I had a long, meaningful telephone conversation. After hanging up, I realized I hadn't had such a great conversation in a long time. Who was it with? The Dell Customer Support guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 157

You deserved it 5 639

By Anonymous - 15/03/2010 23:42 - Canada

Today, I told my parents I wanted to try modelling. I decided that since I have such a low self-esteem, that it might benefit me, and make me feel better about myself and how I look. The first thing out of my dad's mouth was, "What? Why? You're ugly." Thanks dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 094

You deserved it 7 443

Pampered

By Pinsky - 04/08/2021 19:01 - United States - Chicago

Today, the 61 year-old Vice-President of our company complained about a blister to four landscapers working outside in the July heat, for 10 minutes. He then made me carry his lunch bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 71

By kristine29 - 03/02/2010 16:06 - United States

Today, I went for a job interview I scheduled 3 weeks ago. I spent $200 on a new suit to really impress them and practised like crazy every imaginable question they could ask. They already had filled the position 2 weeks ago and forgot to inform me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 330

You deserved it 2 792

Overreaction

By sadie - 01/04/2021 23:00

Today, my mom yelled at me in the store so loudly and for so long, a crowd began to form. The reason? I didn’t know how much milk we had left at home. I don’t drink milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 088

You deserved it 53

By BatWife - 29/03/2017 19:00 - United States - New London

Today, my husband cleaned out our fireplace and found a very dead, mummified bat. After chasing me around the house with it, he set it atop the mantel. He refuses to get rid of it, and calls it "Henry". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 842

You deserved it 590

By anonymous - 09/12/2013 15:10 - United States

Today, my crazy ex-girlfriend legally changed her last name to mine. I'm getting married in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 773

You deserved it 3 760

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