All the FMLs

By abby181 - 03/09/2011 14:36 - United States

Today, my six year-old nephew told me to peel off my skin because, "They say you look prettier on the inside." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 126

You deserved it 3 510

Impressive!

By ol faithful - 03/09/2011 09:24 - Canada

Today, I was at the bar with a date. My date made a joke about me being a slow drinker, so I tried to impress her by chugging the rest of my glass. She was impressed with how fast I chugged my beer, until it came back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 913

You deserved it 41 937

By whatdidIdo - 03/09/2011 05:33 - United States

Today, I went to a restaurant with a girl I really liked. She started crying when an overweight family walked in and loudly sobbed about how the parents were "murdering" their children. This made the father of that family try to fight me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 847

You deserved it 3 815

By only1bigdogme - 03/09/2011 05:24 - United States

Today, I tried to scare a new college friend by sneaking up behind her wearing a mask. It worked. And so did her lightning fast reflexes developed from multiple martial arts championships. My 2 cracked ribs, broken nose and bruised ballsack can now be added to her list of achievements. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 771

You deserved it 53 269

By CHStennis_4 - 03/09/2011 04:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Because she farted, and thought it was "too awkward". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 333

You deserved it 3 869

By Panda_Bearr - 03/09/2011 04:33 - United States

Today, it was my last day at my dad's. I thought he'd want to say goodbye, instead he told me, "Hope you've got all your shit. Anything you leave, I'm burning." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 720

You deserved it 2 733

By Anonymous - 03/09/2011 02:47 - United States

Today, my school is having their homecoming, and it seems everyone but me has someone to go with. My best friend has her boyfriend, my brother has a date, and I have my hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 386

You deserved it 6 900

By Actor - 03/09/2011 01:59 - United States

Today, I joined my school's film-making club so I could get an opportunity to act in the club president's screenplays. It turns out her idea of a tragedy is a creepy, sci-fi version of Romeo and Juliet, with elves, starring her as the perfect Mary Sue style lead character. I can't get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 520

You deserved it 5 230

Get on with it

By Anonymous - 02/09/2011 22:20 - United States

Today, I went to a baseball game. On the way in, I managed to trip and get stuck in the turnstile. It took five minutes of flailing and twisting around in front of hundreds of people before I managed to pull myself out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 565

You deserved it 4 619

By anonymous - 02/09/2011 22:02 - United States

Today, my child-hating friend who vowed never to have any no matter what, announced that she's pregnant. I've had three IVF cycles, spent $90k in fertility treatments, and still can't conceive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 765

You deserved it 4 835

Cool look

By d0rk_ - 02/09/2011 20:44 - Canada

Today, I was in English class when I had to use the bathroom. As I was signing out, the teacher said, "Don't forget the hall pass!" It was a plunger. I had to walk across the school with a plunger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 492

You deserved it 5 257

Buckle down

By tryingtobepretty101 - 02/09/2011 16:58 - United States

Today, my report card finally came in. My mom took one look at it and told me that if I'm not going to take my grades seriously, I might as well start looking for a sugar daddy. But first, I apparently need to work on prettying myself up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 231

You deserved it 8 861

By Harry Dare - 02/09/2011 16:31 - United Kingdom

Today, just after waking up, I caught a glimpse of my girlfriend in the mirror. Not knowing I was awake, she sniffed at her armpits, started gagging, then quietly came back to bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 008

You deserved it 4 328

By Anonymous - 02/09/2011 13:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a music festival, watching one of my favorite bands. The security guys were throwing water into the crowd to cool us down. I saw some about to be thrown by another fan, so I stood with my mouth open to catch some of it. I ended up with a face full of hot piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 883

You deserved it 20 265

By WoWWidow - 02/09/2011 08:02 - United States

Today, my husband went in for surgery and handed me an important document. It wasn't a will or anything similar, but a list of items and gold he wanted passed on to guild members on World of Warcraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 971

You deserved it 4 448

By woodre - 02/09/2011 04:48 - United States

Today, I was emptying a bag of grass from my lawn mower when I saw pieces of what used to be a 50 dollar bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 203

You deserved it 6 197

By nyaahaha - 02/09/2011 03:44 - United States

Today, my daughter turned Emo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 131

You deserved it 20 716

Good boy

By macattack - 02/09/2011 02:29 - United States

Today, I was in my car with my window down at a red light. Outside, a sweet old lady was sitting on a bench with her dog sleeping next to her. I yelled out the window to tell her how cute her dog was. She replied, "He's dead" and cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 823

You deserved it 4 769

By Starving Ultimatum - 02/09/2011 01:55 - United States

Today, I was robbed while recovering from a robbery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 959

You deserved it 3 130

By mannydanny - 01/09/2011 23:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my Dad if it was true that my mother had a C-section at my birth. He replied "Yeah, so technically you weren't even born, you were surgically removed, like a tumor." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 219

You deserved it 5 058

By Why_Not31 - 01/09/2011 21:58 - United States

Today, I found out that getting caught in a barbed wire fence isn't as bad as it sounds. Running through a forest at night, tripping over one, rolling down an embankment, and getting swiped by a car, however, is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 299

You deserved it 7 406

Why_Not31 tells us more.

Why_Not31 12

Wednesday 14 December 2011 2:23

It was one of those knee-high single wire barbed fences they use to keep deer/horses and stuff away from certain places like roads...I think. I don't really know what those fences do, except trip people and hurt a lot. At least it wasn't electric.

By Anonymous - 01/09/2011 18:02 - United States

Today, my wife told our six year old daughter that the devil beats his wife whenever there's a rainbow. Now she won't stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 770

You deserved it 4 179

By ReallyNow - 01/09/2011 17:17 - United States

Today, I got rear-ended while on my way to work. This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't pregnant, suffering from a horrible UTI, and running a fever. My boss called in sick, so now I'm stuck running the office alone. With whiplash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 092

You deserved it 3 027

By ScottishLad1 - 01/09/2011 15:24 - United Kingdom

Today, I was mugged by three guys. I fought back, and knocked one down. This made them angry, so they stole my clothes as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 935

You deserved it 3 765

ScottishLad1 tells us more.

ScottishLad1 3

Thursday 1 September 2011 19:29

This was mine, just made this account to explain. I was walking home at about 2 in the morning from a night out, and these three guys just walked up demanding everything. I had been drinking so I wasn't going to say yes, and you know the rest. Thank God no one was there.

By WhatTheFaf - 01/09/2011 14:40 - United Kingdom

Today, my mum yelled at me for wanting to apply to university courses that she doesn't approve of. I'm applying for Biomedical Sciences and Microbiology, she's an unemployed Jehovah's Witness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 052

You deserved it 2 977

By Anonymous - 01/09/2011 10:52 - United States

Today, I learned what it felt like to get shot in the nuts by an airsoft gun. Thank you, Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 420

You deserved it 4 756

By Anonymous - 01/09/2011 10:14 - China

Today, I was in a restaurant with my fiancée for dinner. I commented that she had some food around her mouth. She responded with a lecture, then by throwing her hot bowl of noodles at me, before stomping out the restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 847

You deserved it 4 364

By Chris75 - 01/09/2011 09:55 - United States

Today, my whole family piled into our station wagon just to watch my mom take part in an arm wrestling contest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 600

You deserved it 3 880

Fight your own battles

By Anonymous - 01/09/2011 07:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my mum has been texting my ex-boyfriend to tell him what a dick he is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 749

You deserved it 4 801

By Anonymous - 01/09/2011 06:22 - United States

Today, while working in my pharmacy, a patient told me that he sometimes wants to jump the counter and skin me alive. He has no more refills, and his doctor is out of town for the week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 466

You deserved it 2 118

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Today, I was using my fiancé's phone to look up movie times for us. In the internet browser, I found history of him looking on Craigslist for "discreet intimate relationships with women" in our city. We are expecting our little boy in two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 107

You deserved it 3 465

Today, I discovered that I needed to reapply for my job in order to have a chance at keeping it. The applications closed yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 145

You deserved it 5 964

Today, my mum cleaned my room. When I got home she yelled at me for having condoms. I'm 24 years old and in a long term relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 834

You deserved it 12 823

Today, my roommate thought of a new idea for our household. According to him, we should take dumps at work as often as we can, that way, "we'll save on toilet paper at home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 493

You deserved it 48

Today, it's been a week since I was dumped. I planned to stay at my apartment, cry, and eat chocolate in peace. My roommate decided to have loud sex with her boyfriend in the apartment. She refused to quiet down, saying, "My body, my rules." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 599

You deserved it 4 786

Today, I turned 18. My parents got me a pineapple and a pair of socks. I'm allergic to pineapple, and the socks are too small. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 847

You deserved it 3 068