Valentine's slay, Living together and Love: Today, I went to the store to get Valentine's Day gifts to decorate... - FML

By fantastic - 03/02/2012 18:47 - France

Today, I went to the store to get Valentine's Day gifts to decorate my boyfriend's and my new apartment. He was there shopping with his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 881

You deserved it 5 091

Valentine's slay Living together Love

Mama's boy

Dementia or hate? You decide

Empathy lives

By issy - 21/09/2009 05:31 - United States

Today, while taking a shower in the dorm bathroom, my roommate thought it would be funny to steal my towel, robe, and key. I spent over an hour waiting for someone to come into the bathroom so I could ask them to bring me something to cover up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 632

You deserved it 3 619

By Anonymous - 02/11/2015 19:25 - Germany - Herford

Today, my boyfriend had the choice of A) living alone gaming, or B) moving in with me, gaming in his own man-cave, lots of sex, and lots of pizza. He chose choice A. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 947

You deserved it 5 139

By Dino - 21/10/2018 14:00

Today, I drove a total of 4 hours for my boss to demote me, downgrade my pay, and make the kid I hired my new boss. Why? Because I asked about the $500 missing from my paycheck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 754

You deserved it 165

By StaceZN - 22/12/2016 08:52

Today, on site, my client was certain she had switched off her electric fence prior to me conducting an inspection of her boundary retaining wall. I overbalanced on my ladder and grabbed at the fence wires for support. The electricity was not switched off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 810

You deserved it 903

Tradlife blues

By Anemity_is_my_name - 17/05/2021 00:01 - United States

Today, I wish I could go back to living alone in a van, sleeping, eating, and showering in the truck stop that's near my job. I've tried to be a model husband and father for over a decade, and am left depressed, and exhausted. I love them all just enough to not actually abandon them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 946

You deserved it 205

By bananna - 29/05/2014 15:18 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I found out our newborn snores worse than his father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 071

You deserved it 6 089

By Unknown - 07/07/2011 15:12 - United States

Today, while at the beach, I was mistaken for Snooki. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 237

You deserved it 27 460

By Noname - 23/01/2009 17:31 - United States

Today, at lunch, I told a bunch of people how I had been in love with this guy since freshman year. I made a bunch of jokes about how I was going to marry him and our kids would be so attractive. He was at the table next to mine and looked back at me as soon as I finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 114

You deserved it 18 261

Can't see for shit

By Anonymous - 09/11/2020 14:02

Today, I was out walking my dog. After he took a dump, I went to pick it up but my glasses fell right in his poop. I didn’t have tissue, just the plastic bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 209

Thanks, I hate it!

By Anonymous - 26/09/2020 14:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me while I was at work. She did so by telling me she has a yeast infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 997

You deserved it 419

By bad dad - 05/06/2019 06:00

Today, trying to be a good co-parent, I asked my ex if he’d like to go to the circus with our kids and I. His new girlfriend of a whopping five days said it made her uncomfortable. He stood us up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 090

You deserved it 172

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 02:49 - United States

Today, as a joke, my friends plastic wrapped me to my bed while I was sleeping, I had an allergic reaction to the plastic and had to have the girl I like come cut me out and give me my meds. I sleep naked and was unable to put on clothes during this time. She saw me naked, swollen and with hives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 201

You deserved it 5 921

By lonesome - 15/12/2014 03:22 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I was so lonely, I tried to get into bed noiselessly while pretending I had a boyfriend asleep in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 493

You deserved it 6 210

By Anonymous - 08/10/2012 22:27 - Canada - Truro

Today, my friends dared me to answer the door naked for the pizza guy. I heard the doorbell but when I answered, it was the little boy from next door participating in a fundraiser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 671

You deserved it 40 489

Can't win

By confused - 12/06/2020 02:06

Spicy

Today, I was told by my wife that she was moving in with her mother, because I was causing her to have panic attacks. She said she still loves me and wants to be with me, but she needs a few months to herself. I have given her her way for most of our marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 488

You deserved it 279

By deadandwasted - 20/02/2010 08:20 - United States

Today, I halted a cab. It was 12 degrees and snowing outside. When I went to get in, a man shoved me away and I slipped on ice into dirty snow slush, and he stole my cab. As it drove off, the man flipped me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 484

You deserved it 2 432

By bdavis - 10/03/2010 06:11 - Canada

Today, I was using a power drill to take down the set for the musical we just finished. My long hair got caught in the drill, got ripped out and now I have a hurting, bleeding bald spot the size of 2 quarters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 458

You deserved it 14 372

Can't win

By Anonymous - 04/08/2021 02:00 - Australia

Today, I got yelled at for staying in my room too long; got yelled at for going out of my room; got yelled at for staying at a friend's place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 816

You deserved it 67

By Lmop68 - 27/05/2009 05:27 - Canada

Today, I saw my crush waving me over from the other end of the parking lot. I ran quickly to greet him, but in my excitement didn't take note of the giant Hummer backing out. I broke two ribs and all my crush was trying to do was warn me of the moving vehicle I was about to run into. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 979

You deserved it 17 306

By Travellingluck - 20/10/2017 16:12

Today, after a week of severe gastroenteritis that required a hospital stay, I was finally feeling well enough to go in the pool at our holiday resort. My fiance slipped on the edge of the pool and we're back in the hospital. Happy vacation! FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 640

You deserved it 248

Holy shit

By embarrassed - 04/01/2016 17:58 - United States - Garden Grove

Today, I was in church. During the prayer, I moved my foot and it pressed against the automatic button on my umbrella causing it to suddenly open. As if that wasn't bad enough, I screamed simultaneously at the shock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 966

You deserved it 3 369

By fuckmylife - 02/02/2010 20:30 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my son that his dad was too busy in a raid on World of Warcraft to be at his award ceremony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 354

You deserved it 39 338

By Classy Broad - 15/05/2019 22:15

Today, I learned that my hair color is classified as "Buttered Toast". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 315

You deserved it 271

Nature hates me

By Anonymous - 19/10/2021 05:00

Today, we all know how terrible those long, silent farts can be, right? Especially when they’re coming from your expensive, self-inflating air mattress, and you’re just about the farthest distance from home on a bikepacking trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 591

You deserved it 148

By Sally256 - 03/05/2009 15:53 - United States

Today, I was with my kids. We saw a tiny little bug and they started freaking out. Trying to show them that bugs are not scary, I picked it up. It bit me and now I have to go to the doctor because my hand is the size of a balloon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 600

You deserved it 26 972

By jkbeynon - 03/03/2013 04:18 - United States - Canyon Country

Today, I told my mom that I heard something, and I think we have rats in the attic and should hire an exterminator. She looked at me and said, "Rats, huh? That's what the mom in The Exorcist thought, but it turned out to be the devil living up there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 752

You deserved it 3 612

By Anonymous - 11/06/2012 11:18 - United States

Today, I put the little boy I nanny for in time-out. In retaliation he blasted an air horn in my face. I can only hear out of one ear now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 797

You deserved it 3 214

By Aaron - 14/05/2009 21:23 - United States

Today, I walked to my local McDonald's. I spent the last 7 dollars I had on my meal. As I began to walk back to my dorm, I was mugged. I explained to them I had no money, so they stole my food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 963

You deserved it 3 712

Fortunately, she is gone

By IGotFinessed - 14/11/2019 14:00 - United States - New Fairfield

Today, I just realized that my ex-girlfriend has been using my credit card to buy condoms, beer, and dildos just to piss me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 797

You deserved it 545

By Morgan - 03/02/2009 23:55 - United States

Today, my friend's son asked me how much coke costs in this place. I told him, "About a dollar?" He said, "Wow, that's really cheap for blow." He's 10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 415

You deserved it 3 041

By PrayingForMoney - 25/03/2013 08:48 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was at my job, waiting tables. A fellow server and myself were given a party of 14 Bible thumpers. They left us $9.00 and a mini Bible after awesome service, telling us we did a great job. Unfortunately, Religion doesn't pay my car payment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 612

You deserved it 6 432

By Anonymous - 19/05/2013 20:33 - United States

Today, the weather was beautiful, so I decided to go out skating. I guess I took a wrong turn into a bad neighborhood, because I ended up being chased several blocks by a group of jacked-up thugs wielding baseball bats and taunting, "Skate or die, homie!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 609

You deserved it 6 372

By ouchhhh - 20/07/2018 05:00

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try something new in bed. He blindfolded me and I felt something cold on my lady parts. 5 seconds later it started burning so I looked. He decided to use toothpaste because he couldn't find chocolate sauce to lick off. It hurts to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 385

You deserved it 581

By Anonymous - 03/07/2013 21:01 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, after spending months learning Chinese, selling my house and everything I own for my big transfer to Hong Kong, my boss decided I should instead go to our other branch across town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 323

You deserved it 3 067

By SunshineX7 - 09/10/2013 04:22 - United States - Springfield

Today, I got so self-conscious about weight gain that I got paranoid about how much my Castle Crashers character was eating to heal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 838

You deserved it 9 613

By apparentlyunsexy - 27/10/2011 04:00 - United States

Today, while dancing at my studio, our instructor was giving us all characters opposite of ourselves to portray in an improv solo. My friends got cool things like "creepy" and "vulnerable". I got "extremely sexy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 131

You deserved it 3 942

Blown job

By Noname - 12/03/2009 09:30 - New Zealand

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 857

You deserved it 338 864

By Anonymous - 28/07/2019 14:00

Today, I was at a waterpark with my friends, waiting in line for about 45 minutes to go on the biggest ride there. When it was finally our turn, the lifeguard at the top pulled me over and measured me to see if I was tall enough. I wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 775

You deserved it 429

By butchapparently - 10/08/2015 15:35

Today, I got a text from the guy I've been in love with for 3 years, saying: "So um, I've been wondering. Did you used to be a man?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 652

You deserved it 2 208

By Anonymous - 01/06/2010 09:18 - United States

Today, I waited in line at a drive-through behind a man for ten minutes. I got out of my car, cursed at him, and then asked him to give me one good reason why it would take that long to order. The man slowly explained to me that he had a stutter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 177

You deserved it 130 526

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Top comments

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 23:18

How is he married to someone else if he is living with you?

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 23:23

at least you don't have to get him a valentine's day gift.

Comments

Wednesday 3 February 2010 23:12

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 23:29

lol.. it's attached to your rod mutha licka!

kayladance101 13

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 23:31

rabidgoon how does that make her a whore?? she obviously didnt know that he was married! duhh

ariverperson 11

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Thursday 4 February 2010 0:01

#9 BOOSH!

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Thursday 4 February 2010 0:01

this happened to my mother..

alexandraa_fml 0

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Thursday 4 February 2010 0:14

coke.

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Thursday 4 February 2010 0:40

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Thursday 4 February 2010 0:44

how does that make her a whore? she didn't know he was married an if she did she probably wouldn't be upset about it. ignorant.

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Thursday 4 February 2010 1:15

#23...I think you mean 99.99 percent of all guys are all assholes. The rest are dead.

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Thursday 4 February 2010 1:34

true, only .1% of all men.. ever have died. FAIL

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Thursday 4 February 2010 1:46

I do watercolors.

GeoThermalSleuth 0

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Thursday 4 February 2010 2:34

I like Towels.

SocialAnarchyX5 0

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Thursday 4 February 2010 3:12

52 That may be true, but 100 percent of men have assholes.

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Thursday 4 February 2010 3:23

Very true 81

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Thursday 4 February 2010 3:56

I love peeing

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Thursday 4 February 2010 3:57

90% of percentages are made on the spot.

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Thursday 4 February 2010 3:59

51: I'm pretty sure it's the other way around lol.

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Thursday 4 February 2010 6:11

haha big whore haha!

hayleeleanne91 0

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Thursday 4 February 2010 6:16

Not true. There are people, men included, in the world that have no lower half of their body... Not that I am trying to say that men aren't assholes, because they definitely are, but this is just a little fyi. Lol. = )

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Thursday 4 February 2010 12:09

60% of the time it works every time

Byrdd 0

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Tuesday 9 February 2010 5:02

my boyfriend and I

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Wednesday 10 February 2010 8:38

"my boyfriend and I" isn't correct in this sentence because you would say "I's apartment".

brunettegurly 0

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Friday 4 February 2011 2:33

IM OLD GREEEG I GOT A MANGINA! mighty boosh is fucking awesome.

aimeegoldberg 22

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Monday 5 August 2013 8:02

cool. wake me up when i care

Um_bye 21

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Thursday 16 July 2015 1:44

You're a jerk. She obviously didn't know

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 23:13

haha that would be horrible!!

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Thursday 4 February 2010 1:27

Aww...OP....that really does suck! At least now you know he's an ass, and can now move on with your life.

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Thursday 4 February 2010 3:44

you should walk up to him and say last night was fun. wink. or you could tell her everything that's happened between you guys.

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Thursday 4 February 2010 4:06

haha I agree with you on the first one!!

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 23:17

third

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 23:18

How is he married to someone else if he is living with you?

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 23:30

living a double life maybe

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Thursday 4 February 2010 1:56

exactly what I was thinking

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Thursday 4 February 2010 3:19

I you look she said she was buying stuff to decorate her new apartment, and his own apartment. They aren't living together.

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Thursday 4 February 2010 6:10

yea they are she said "my boyfriend's and my new apartment" so that means it's their apartment.

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Thursday 4 February 2010 23:18

actually you guys are both right because they didn't live together and now they got a NEW apartment so they probably just move in together

Catto-Golden 23

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Saturday 28 July 2018 17:57

He. Op is male

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 23:19

wow fyl... did you say anything to him?

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 23:22

ydi for beleiving it. it was probably a friend and u over reacted. or maybe u were stoned. or maybe he's an alien. or maybe it's true.

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Thursday 4 February 2010 0:12

i agree

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Thursday 4 February 2010 3:54

I disagree

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Wednesday 18 April 2012 11:29

I feel neutral.

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Sunday 20 October 2013 15:10

i agree that disagreeing makes me agree to be neutral.

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 23:23

at least you don't have to get him a valentine's day gift.

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 23:28

Yep that's gotta suck

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 23:27

Still your boyfriend, huh?

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 23:29

this is either fake... or ur a complete retard

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 23:33

Awwwh. FYL. :( what an ass.

EV34 6

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Wednesday 3 February 2010 23:32

sounds fake to me why is he not living with his wife? unless he pretended that he travels a lot a lot!

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 51

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 249

You deserved it 28

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 404

You deserved it 90