Today, I threw a party. My drunk boyfriend decided to bring my... - FML

By Anonymous - 29/7/2016 19:30 - United States

Today, I threw a party. My drunk boyfriend decided to bring my 50-inch flatscreen TV downstairs from our bedroom. The TV didn't make it. FML

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Creepy

Last dates

The end of the road

By Anonymous - 15/4/2009 01:16 - United States

Today, I was carrying some luggage downstairs to put in my car to head back to college. My brother told me my shoes were untied. He said he would tie them for me as I was carrying luggage. I fell down the stairs because he thought it would be funny to tie them together. FML

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By Karie-Rose - 6/2/2010 06:28 - United States

Today, as I was working at my babysitting job, I was watching a 3.5 year old girl. She begged and begged me to come in the jacuzzi with her, and when I put on my 2-piece bathing suit on, the young girl asked me why my stomach looked like a bagel. I looked down just to realize she was right. FML

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By brick - 14/5/2018 10:00 - United States - Geneva

Today, I went to sleep at 7am. I learned once that Indians used to drink tons of water before bed to force themselves awake so I did that in case my alarm (which I hooked up to my speakers) didn't work. The alarm worked, but the shock of the blasting sound made me pee my pants. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/3/2014 18:16 - United Kingdom - New Malden

Today, my husband actually tried to pay me to forget about the affair that he's been having. FML

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By during - 19/5/2010 12:12 - United States

Narcissism

Today, while me and my boyfriend were having sex, he moaned out his own name. FML

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By ash203 - 12/12/2009 21:38 - United States

Today, my friend and I got really drunk at the holiday staff party. When I went to work afterwards, everyone gave me the death stare. Apparently, I got so drunk that I flashed my boss' 13 year old son. FML

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By ab - 9/10/2011 05:11 - Canada

Today, a woman came into my work and yelled at me because no one told her the cake she had bought the week before was made of ice cream. She'd hidden it in the cupboard and it melted. I work in Dairy Queen. FML

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By anonymous - 1/12/2016 16:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my family was watching a football game and kept mentioning their team's quarterback's name and, as I'm not a football fan by any means, asked them who this was. My grandma then turned to me and said, "This is why you don't have a boyfriend." FML

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By Anonymous - 12/9/2020 08:02

That's that, then

Today, I walked in on my brother having sex. With my boyfriend. FML

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By Colby - 15/11/2013 16:59 - Canada - Saint John

Today, I watched my mother tell a man that the holocaust was "a good thing" and "necessary for population control". That man was my girlfriend's father. Who is Jewish. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/8/2010 16:34 - United States

Today, I woke up to find a tick stuck to my eyelashes. The only way I know of to get it off is with fire. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/9/2017 01:30

Today, I ordered a surveillance camera for my home. The package got stolen after being delivered. I think they're onto me. FML

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By jeremyr5678 - 18/7/2016 23:02

Today, I was at a really big party and everyone was showing off by flipping into the pool one by one. When it was my go, I attempted a back flip, cracked my head open on the side of the pool, and was rushed to hospital. Now everyone hates me cause the party was forced to shut down. FML

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By Username - 7/3/2010 17:41 - France

Today, the guy that I have been seeing for over a year left on a business trip. While straightening out his room as a favor, I noticed he took his condoms with him. FML

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By radiating - 9/3/2012 04:53

Today, my hay-fever started. I'm five months pregnant, and every time I cough, sneeze or blow my nose I either fart or wet myself. FML

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By iJehx - 13/7/2009 22:18 - United States

Today, I had to clean my walls with those Mr Clean Magic Sponges because we were having visitors. I got bored and started drawing penises with it because they would leave wet marks. There is nothing magic about how slow they dry when your visitors come an hour early. They saw all ten of them. FML

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By FamilyLoving - 19/8/2013 16:00 - United States - Patchogue

Today, I was out jogging. As I took a rest to have a drink of water, a car pulled onto the sidewalk and bumped into me. Not just any car; my dad's car. He then drove away. FML

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By Glassless - 26/5/2017 20:00

Today, I lost my glasses. I don't have spares but my girlfriend said I could borrow hers. She doesn't understand why this won't work. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/5/2019 22:00

And next on The Voice…

Today, I found out I have a bad singing voice. How? The choir judge decided to yell "STOP! Please just stop!" During my solo. In front of everyone. During the show. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/6/2012 05:50 - United States - Egg Harbor Township

Today, I had an unbearable itch on my foot that I could not make go away with my nails, so I grabbed the stapler in my drawer to scratch it with. Bad idea. FML

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By izaya - 5/7/2015 16:26 - United States - Muskogee

Today, I woke up with a electric dog collar on my neck. I wouldn't have noticed it until my stepfather turned the collar to the highest intensity just to wake me up. FML

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By Rimmy Jobs - 21/8/2012 16:39 - United States

Today, after volleyball practice, I noticed my pants were missing. Now I have to go to work wearing spandex bottoms, all because one of my teammates is a thieving douche. FML

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By Puppy Loverr - 25/8/2011 07:12 - Australia

Today, I was getting a bit intimate with my boyfriend. Just when things were getting interesting, my dog managed to get into my room. He jumped on the bed and my boyfriend spent the next 20 minutes playing with the dog, while I sat next to him, half naked. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/11/2009 21:10 - United States

Today, a funny smelling liquid was sprayed all over the computer. Last week, I told my fully pottytrained but extremely reluctant toddler that he couldn't play Barney games until he used the big boy toilet. A 4 year old's revenge really sucks. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/4/2016 17:59 - United States

Today, some guy on a bike kept taunting me about my weight while I was out jogging. He ended up hitting a street lamp and fell off his bike. I had a real good laugh at him for all of 5 seconds before he got mad and really made me run. FML

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By Sting - 26/4/2016 20:49 - United States - Manassas

Today, there was a gigantic wasp in my room. It stupidly flew upwards and got hit by the rotating fan. It then immediately decided to take it's revenge by stinging me. FML

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By dogwheels - 20/12/2011 11:54 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to sit and listen to my co-worker moan about how early he has to get up tomorrow to go on his ski holiday in France over Christmas. He also complained about how tiring skiing is. FML

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By Sleeper_C3ll - 4/2/2009 23:04 - United States

Today, I heard a man pleasuring himself in the stall next to me during my post lunch deuce. I was washing my hands when my boss walked out of the stall. I can no longer look at him in the face. FML

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By crazyhair docare - 8/7/2019 16:00

Today, after a lifetime of weaves and extensions, I felt brave enough to wear my natural hair to work. As soon as I clocked in, my manager yelled, “Holy shit! What happened to you? Stick your finger in a socket or something?” I was then sent home for being, “Out of uniform.” FML

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By Anonymous - 14/11/2018 14:00

Today, the lady in front of me in the checkout line had a pacifier hanging around her neck, but I didn't think much of it until it was time for her to pay. She reacted to the $250 total by crying like a baby and very loudly asking me to put the pacifier in her mouth to calm her down. FML

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By AlexK - 18/6/2009 23:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I was browsing my computer to find naked pictures of my ex-girlfriend. I decided it'd be funny to photoshop a penis onto one of the pictures. I'm straight and the new picture turned me on more than before. FML

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By mumblingdope - 25/5/2016 08:52 - Indonesia - Jakarta

Today, I decided to have a hot cup of coffee. Then I stumbled on a chair and somehow spilled the hot liquid on my privates. The searing pain worked better to wake me up than the coffee itself. FML

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By NotThatButton - 11/9/2015 01:59 - United States - Missoula

Today, I accidentally deleted my landlord's pictures of his child's graduation, girlfriend, daughter and vacation when he asked me to delete a video off his phone. FML

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By ritualdevice - 15/12/2009 08:30 - France

Today, I have to train people overseas to do my job. If I succeed in teaching them what they need to know, then they get my job and I get fired. If they don't perform well, then as the trainer I get blamed, and get fired. FML

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By Bethany - 28/8/2012 21:22 - United States - Cable

Today, yet again, I was getting intimate with my shower head. Some complete genius decided to flush the toilet downstairs halfway through, which sent scalding-hot water all up in my privates. I've yet to find a comfortable sitting position. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/10/2014 10:55 - United Kingdom - Pontypridd

Today, my boyfriend told my four-year-old sister that "fatass" means "beautiful lady." I didn't know about this until I took my sister shopping with me. The woman at the till said she was adorable; my sister replied, "Thanks, fatass." FML

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By Bareassed - 29/7/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, I was at a water park with my family. They wanted me to stand underneath this big bucket filled with water. I didn't know it tips over, and my swimsuit isn't the tightest, so when all the water fell down, my swimsuit bottoms fell to my knees in front of tons of kids. FML

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By Julia - 4/10/2011 03:22 - United States

Today, I was denied a waitressing job at a local diner I have been going to for years. Due to the fact that my name is Julia. They already have a waitress there named Julie. Apparently, I would "create too much confusion." FML

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By howannoying - 16/2/2013 06:24 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my mother started cursing at a lady for tooting her horn at her in traffic, because there was "no need for road rage". When I tried to calm her down, she slammed on the brakes and told me to get out and walk. FML

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By Alex - 11/6/2019 14:30

Today, I was working at my job at a bank. A couple was waiting in the lobby, and not being busy, I asked what they needed. They told me that they were applying for a loan, so I asked if it was for something exciting. It was to pay for their 12-year-old son's burial expenses. FML

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Top comments

By Jaraxxus_fml | 15

#6661189 - Saturday 30 July 2016 8:28

Clumsy drunks are either hilarious or destructive, although usually a combination of both. My advice? Don't wear pants. It won't save your TV, but at least you wont have to worry about the stress of wearing pants, which is a joy I think we can all appreciate.

By Tripartita | 44

#6661203 - Saturday 30 July 2016 8:38

My advice: give it time before doing anything rash, OP.

You see, televisions don't have legs, so it takes extra long for them to traverse stairs. Hopefully it'll make it down in time to attend the party.

COMMENTS

By cooltatgar | 30

#6661174 - Saturday 30 July 2016 8:19

Fell "flat" on its face?

Reply

CringePotato | 14

#6661642 - Saturday 30 July 2016 23:52

Like your pun?

By Jaraxxus_fml | 15

#6661189 - Saturday 30 July 2016 8:28

Clumsy drunks are either hilarious or destructive, although usually a combination of both. My advice? Don't wear pants. It won't save your TV, but at least you wont have to worry about the stress of wearing pants, which is a joy I think we can all appreciate.

By Tripartita | 44

#6661203 - Saturday 30 July 2016 8:38

My advice: give it time before doing anything rash, OP.

You see, televisions don't have legs, so it takes extra long for them to traverse stairs. Hopefully it'll make it down in time to attend the party.

By TheGamingGamer | 28

#6661207 - Saturday 30 July 2016 8:40

Drunk or not,he could if at least asked for help! drunks people see usually clumsy, but a funny kind of clumsy. This was not the case here.

By EvilLittleMan | 23

#6661215 - Saturday 30 July 2016 8:49

That's a lot of 12-packs that went bye bye.

By JStevo | 11

#6661226 - Saturday 30 July 2016 9:14

Do we really have to say 'flatscreen tv' now? It's been years since I've seen a box tv on sale

Reply

soulreaper12296 | 28

#6661275 - Saturday 30 July 2016 11:14

Well they do have curved ones now.

By samwilliams800 | 28

#6661410 - Saturday 30 July 2016 17:31

I hope the drunken idiot buys you a new one. Withhold sex until he does.

Reply

ast3150 | 13

#6661636 - Saturday 30 July 2016 23:39

I think sex shouldn't be used as ransom in a relationship. That's kind of toxic.

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Dale_shackleford | 13

#6661920 - Sunday 31 July 2016 8:52

Yeah, hold something normal hostage, like his parents.

Jk, but there are better ways to deal with this than withholding sex.

By Lalala579121 | 27

#6661434 - Saturday 30 July 2016 18:17

You threw a party, and as everyone knows parties are very fragile so it most likely broke. Your boyfriend must have thought it was time to break things.

By PePziNL | 20

#6661703 - Sunday 31 July 2016 1:32

So did you 'break' up with him? This relationship sounds kinda destructive.

By kyrisonfusion | 22

#6661814 - Sunday 31 July 2016 5:35

I never host parties because I'm afraid of this happening. Always go out to them