Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on my leg. My first reaction was to stab it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a spider crawled across my glasses' lens. My first reaction was to smack myself in the face. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML
Today, I saw what I thought was a spider. Wanting to kill it as quickly as possible, I smacked my hand against the wall with force. It was a nail. FML
Today, I saw a bug on a stranger's arm and as a knee-jerk reaction smacked it. It took me a second before I realized it was actually a loose scab. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML
Today, I was laying on the couch, reading, when I noticed a spindly leg poking round the corner of my book. Upon realising it was a spider, I calmly and rationally threw my book across the room, breaking the TV. FML
Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML
Today, I was working on my new house and I was taking out a large cactus. While picking up the pieces to throw away, I noticed a spider on my forearm. Without thinking, I swiped at the spider with a piece of the cactus. I missed the spider, not my forearm. FML
Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML
Today, I stooped to pick up an earring back off the ground. It was actually a spider. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Jelbeztok 17
so.. did you kill it?
RowanNightShade 22
"This is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you"
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (143)
Jelbeztok 17
so.. did you kill it?
ThatTennisKid14 13
The spider? Or his leg?
CocaColaPepsi 13
I don't think you can kill a leg...*shrug * idk just what I was taught...
Ecudaniel 16
Maybe he didn't kill it, maybe he got bit by the spider and OP is now Spider-Man...
Ambient25 25
OP can role play all of the Spider Man he wants in the hospital
Kamon97 23
You have problems OP if you think the proper way of getting rid of something is by stabbing it...
ImTheAlpha 30
6: Actually, you can kill a leg. Like with frostbite, gangrene, some spiders' bites, and chopping off the leg (and warming the person, amputating the limb, giving them antivenom, and stopping the bleeding from the person before the person dies, if you insist the person is alive).
Ambient25 25
#51 those legs weren't killed...they were murdered.
Applesarefum 9
#55 dun dun dunnnnnn
K_kanaka 26
Did anyone else think of Talladega Nights when Ricky Bobby stabbed himself?... No just me, ok back in my hole.
Koppol 15
Spider-Man with a bad leg.
awkwardloveannie 28
@62 have you not seen the Amazing Spider-Man he gets shot in the leg, not the same kind of injury but still an injured leg
\ 28
#61 I'm also reminded of the scene in "The Last of Us" where Ellie stabs the soldier's knee after he scans her...
IDontKnowWhoIAm04 24
28, *Aliens guy* "Canadians"
yeti37 16
#61 "Cut AROUND the meat..."
mallu86 9
Of course he did. OP was quick, like a ninja. Unless the spider was quicker.
pickleOnABun 10
bet its the last time you do that...
tiger5248 3
Cut around the meat!
SThompson90 7
If at first you don't succeed, try and try again.
incoherentrmblr 22
#61, Help me Jesus! Help me Tom Cruise!...
awkwardology 23
Einstein defined insanity by doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results. Also, I think OP would like to keep their other leg intact.
colby6666 43
This needs a follow up.
CocaColaPepsi 13
Did you at least kill the spider?
awkwardloveannie 28
or stab it in the leg?
SneezyBear 27
I kinda hope he didn't kill it... cuz depending on how deep the knife went in his leg he may have have bits of spider embedded in him.... gross! D:
wunderbar1 9
Not only did you kill it, but how? By stabbing it? Or by drowning it in your blood? I've never thought about either method when I've attempted to kill spiders. Feedback could help me with my next spider attack. :P
deathy94 14
You're not a moron, you're an idiot.
\ 28
I'm going to take a stab here and guess it was mind over matter.
Jelbeztok 17
Those words are synonyms
Dt33345 13
#34 you do see the pun in your comment right?
nrevogcmamme 17
48- I think he does, he's not stupid.
Applesarefum 9
your not just a regular idiot, you were designed to be an idiot.
sarahbevan20 11
You're not dumb, you're stupid. Again, synonyms.
glabberfasted 16
Once again, you have absolutely no right to call someone else an idiot if you don't even know the difference between "your" and "you're" That, my friend, is the definition of hypocritical.
Ambient25 25
what the **** is going on here...
cyanidesandwich 21
Just to clarify here, moron and idiot are not synonyms, if you look it up, a moron has an IQ greater than that of an idiot...
roza043 14
Actually, an idiot is defined as less intelligent than a moron. But yeah, it's not much of a difference.
SherlockWho 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I honestly don't know why people are so scared of spiders
macystar 14
If it wasn't for the fact that spiders kill other creepy bugs, I'd feel they'd have no purpose on earth! Ick.
theycallmekitty 13
Some spiders are cute...I never kill them, I always just catch and release them outside.
Turrence 9
Some of em are poisonous.. That's a good enough reason for me
riashah 14
I agree #29 some of them are cute :)
Ambient25 25
Misunderstood Spider: "Hey man, there was a wasp in here but I got him, since I know how much you hate wasps and you know I'm looking out for you....what's the book for?"
Jelbeztok 17
i can catch and release everything but spiders.. i can barely get close to them.
Codezlol 21
#33- venemous*
Ambient25 25
#46 - noxious*
apu_nahasapeemap 10
#46 - venomous*
sarahbevan20 11
Want an award? My reaction is KILL IT WITH FIRE
fml_fwp 9
"Don't worry, the spider is smaller than you." "Yeah... so is a grenade..."
dudeimmadoc 9
Omgosh OP, I hope you're alright!
JoshTheTacoMan 19
Why on earth did this comment get so many down votes?
deceivedandlied 19
I think it's because he's obviously not alright, he stabbed his leg.
RowanNightShade 22
"This is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you"
laylarose1396 7
The perfect moment for that.
omgcyndaquil 23
If you'd been cleaning a gun would you have shot yourself? That being said, sorry about your leg, hopefully it's a superficial injury.
KennyJF7 14
You don't clean a gun with it loaded. You don't even clean a gun with it out together.
HKCgrimmjow 15
I think amidst freaking out about the spider on his leg, assemble the gun, load it, then shoot himself.
Ambient25 25
You don't clean a gun with it assembled to begin with...
misUnderstood23 9
Yea, I bet that injury hurts like hell. Depending on how hard to tried to stab that damn spider.
Ambient25 25
Ok I'm not someone who cares about my "likes" but this is common sense. I noticed I drop every now and then so I'm just going to say. For someone who is in the military, granted not infantry (those guys have my utmost respect, if not for the shit they deal with day by day, then more from the boredom that comes for being "on call"[a good friend went SEAL]) then let me say this. You don't clean a gun when it's assembled. This isn't a computer. You take it apart to get to the smallest places to make sure it's been field dayed. It's apart...you can't shoot yourself...
onlychildFTW 34
I think the commenter was going for an effect, not to be 100% accurate. I feel they got their point across. No need to be all that's not how you clean a gun. Rawrrrr.
Andosworld 8
When you're cleaning a gun, they tend to not have bullets in them.. Can't fire unless something strikes the primer of the bullet.
SThompson90 7
You're not SUPPOSED to clean a gun assembled but it happens... or people need an excuse as to why they perfectly execution style shot their spouse on "accident"
Miaku 11
I hope you didn't go too deep into your leg, and that you killed the spider. Don't forget that, ever. Even if you limp forever. Just know, spiders ain't got nothin' on you. :D
DanielRamirez 10
Now he can tell his friends about how bad ass he is :)
Barriaultcory 16
You might be a redneck if....
perdix 31
Just forget about knives -- eventually you're going to get spider veins and you don't want to end up being a human pincushion.