Animals: Today, I checked over the pictures on my night-cam to see if...

By rattrap - 06/02/2012 01:13 - United States

Today, I checked over the pictures on my night-cam to see if my cats are really going on our kitchen counters. As soon as I'd seen the first picture, I realized that this whole time my cats haven't been going on it. It was a rat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 987

You deserved it 2 570

Animals

Consolation prize

Judge and jury

This Charming Man

By urinetrouble - 04/05/2017 06:00 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, while checking the men's bathroom at work, I noticed one of the air fresheners had fallen from the top of the paper towel holder into the garbage. It wasn't until I picked it up and examined it that I realized I was actually holding used urinal fresheners. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 378

You deserved it 1 552

By Anonymous - 09/10/2010 04:06 - United States

Today, I found out that my current girlfriend has dated all of my friends at one time or another. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 898

You deserved it 5 165

By Anonymous - 03/04/2012 14:16 - Australia - Sandringham

Today, I realised that I only get dandruff when I'm stressed about having dandruff. Which is whenever I have dandruff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 135

You deserved it 4 231

By Anonymous - 08/10/2015 13:07 - United States - Niles

Today, I had my first open job interview, which is when a group of applicants are interviewed together. I also found out that despite being great at one-on-one interviews, I will panic and make myself look like a complete moron when I'm part of a group. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 481

You deserved it 2 343

By ltwlty - 20/09/2016 07:07 - China - Beijing

Today, I still can't poop unless I hear the sound of the bathroom fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 747

You deserved it 1 383

By ElleSavage - 26/05/2018 01:30

Today, I finally found a dress I'd been missing for months. It was in a casket, on my recently deceased cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 724

You deserved it 257

By Joseph N - 19/06/2012 16:08 - United States

Today, a police officer came to talk to the kids at my workplace. He asked what they wanted to hear about first. A group of them shouted, "The donuts, tells us about the donuts." Apparently these idiots are the future of my country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 903

You deserved it 5 091

By gimpy - 04/01/2012 16:55 - United States

Today, I had to cut short my New Year's resolution of going to the gym daily, when the meathead next to me dropped some heavy weights, which bounced and landed on my foot. I'm sitting at home in a cast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 785

You deserved it 2 471

By Anonymous - 02/12/2009 08:51 - United States

Today, I found out that the person sending me secret love letters was actually my dad, who felt sorry for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 138

You deserved it 3 662

By Takegami - 22/11/2018 23:00 - United States - Norge

Today, I realized how alone I truly was when I caught myself talking to a podcast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 361

You deserved it 291

By Lesbihonest - 17/06/2015 13:31 - Australia - Gymea

Today, my co-worker told me how "lucky" I am that I "chose" to be a lesbian, because I don't have to deal with "guy drama". I spent two years of my adolescence sleeping at a bus stop and begging strangers for money after I got kicked out of home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 487

You deserved it 3 687

Throwing shade

By deargodwhy - 04/09/2020 10:03

Today, my 12-year-old daughter was suspended from school for doing a book report on 50 Shades of Grey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 089

You deserved it 740

By Pisser - 26/06/2014 04:57 - United States - Portland

Today, my sweet 7-month-old puppy ran up to a big fat dog at the park and did what she always does: roll over on her back to start to play. The big fat dog lifted his leg and peed all over my puppy's belly. After the shock, my soaking wet puppy jumped on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 117

You deserved it 5 692

By Anonymous - 03/06/2009 01:33 - Australia

Today, my bank card was skimmed (copied electronically) and my account was totally cleaned out. I had only just got paid and don't get paid again for 4 weeks. The bank says it will take 21 days minimum to resolve. They offered me a credit card with a huge interest rate to help me get by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 268

You deserved it 2 683

By aprouddaddy - 04/12/2014 23:46 - France - Paris

Today, I was a bit upset to learn that my 13 year-old daughter had a boyfriend. When she noticed, she assured me that I shouldn't worry, because "it's just for sex anyway". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 738

You deserved it 6 559

Fake News

By Anonymous - 06/10/2020 23:01

Today, I’m not sure what to call it, but I think I just got COVID-SWATted when a bunch of police turned up to my house after someone told them I was partying with over 50 people, breaking social distancing. In a one-bed flat, with barely enough room for 3 people to sit down at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 290

You deserved it 81

By senelbeat - 03/07/2009 15:47 - United States

Today, I was talking to my mother about my sex life, telling her "if I want to have sex I'm going to have sex." She looked at me for a moment and said, "You're staying a virgin until you marry". She wasn't ordering me, she was informing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 136

You deserved it 8 529

By Anonymous - 15/01/2014 18:25 - Italy - Pistoia

Today, I found out that the generous gift from my boyfriend of a new iPhone was only given so he could use the "find my phone" function to make sure I'm always where I say I am each day. I'm being stalked by my own boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 079

You deserved it 8 921

By mrteacher - 21/08/2009 22:15 - United States

Today, I was driving to work and I had to pee really badly. I am a teacher and my school was another 20 miles so I stopped on the side of the road. About halfway through, a bus full of laughing kids went by. They were all my students. My pants were down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 168

You deserved it 47 141

By ThisPerson - 19/05/2011 10:11 - Canada

Today, my 53 year-old art teacher told me she's excited about going clubbing this weekend. I'm excited about watching a special on the History Channel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 196

You deserved it 6 660

By Brook363 - 27/05/2009 15:39 - United States

Today, I witnessed the homeless man that visits my neighborhood placing bags containing his own poop in my trash cans. I later received a notice stating that the garbage company will not provide my residence with garbage service until I “refrain from placing bags of my own feces in the trash.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 689

You deserved it 3 091

By Anon - 13/03/2016 00:13 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my boyfriend took me to dinner. As we waited for our food he took my hand and said, "I think we should break up." When I got outside, my tire was flat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 970

You deserved it 1 374

By eww. - 22/03/2013 05:28 - Australia

Today, I kissed my gorgeous new boyfriend for the first time. I ran my hands through his hair; a multitude of dandruff rained out and five lice crawled onto my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 258

You deserved it 7 187

Blackmail material

By Anonymous - 03/01/2021 05:01

Today, I was staying at a hotel and had a night terror. I woke up, yelled, "Fuck!" and realized I had shit the bed. I'd woken up my teenage daughter, who now knows I shit the bed in the middle night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 162

By really - 26/03/2017 00:00

Today, a customer left their shopping cart behind their car and backed into it. She then came inside and threatened to sue me personally for not sending someone to collect it from where she left it. After 5 minutes of her yelling, I finally got a word in edgeways: I don't work there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 190

You deserved it 341

Fixed

By Anonymous - 11/04/2020 05:00

Today, my husband, who repairs appliances for a living, repaired our dryer. One lot of wet clothes later, it caught fire and ruined the laundry room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 611

You deserved it 113

By Anonymous - 12/12/2013 21:53 - New Zealand - Napier

Today, my girlfriend sent her new boyfriend over to my place to break up with me for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 315

You deserved it 3 492

I miss the hungry years…

By Anonymous - 18/04/2017 12:00

Today, my cat let a mouse sit on his paws for several minutes, then just sat and watched as it scurried into a crack in the drywall. My cat is only 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 875

You deserved it 327

By Demotivation - 02/07/2013 14:35 - Germany - Berlin

Today, I was once again handed a document to translate along with the comment "Good luck, it doesn't make sense to begin with." If my translation doesn't, though, I will not get paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 363

You deserved it 3 069

Earthquake sneezer

By Noname - 27/01/2009 00:02 - Japan

Today, I sneezed so hard I herniated my back. After passing out from the pain I awoke on the floor covered in my own shit and piss. Unable to move, I had to wait in this state for four hours for my wife to return home from work, clean me up and take me to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 690

You deserved it 2 803

By larsn - 03/06/2016 20:32 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I regret calling my hardass boss a cocksucking bastard when I quit a few months back. My new job just laid me off, and I could desperately use a good reference from the aforementioned cocksucking bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 864

You deserved it 20 069

By Anonymous - 15/07/2019 18:00

Today, I realised the recruiter for the Navy lied to me. This shit ain't fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 2 304

By animallover - 26/06/2011 05:39 - United States

Today, I found out that my beloved guinea pig has impaction. For the rest of his life it will be my duty to clean out his rectum manually every month, or every week/day if it gets worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 510

You deserved it 5 283

Stop that now

By Soo - 24/12/2020 08:04 - Spain - Archidona

Today, I saw my 4 year-old daughter singing and dancing, so I decided to sing along. As soon as I started singing she said, without blinking her eyes and super calmly, "Could you please stop doing that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 230

By Anonymous - 18/10/2015 12:53 - United States

Today, my mom was talking about my grandma's approaching death. When she saw I was getting upset, she gave me a weird look and asked me if I was PMSing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 793

You deserved it 1 760

By sleepysophie - 19/10/2013 15:04 - United States - Helena

Today, I slept over at my friend's house. Her dad made breakfast for us. While fixing a plate, my friend said, "Careful, my dad clips his nails in the kitchen." She said it with a sarcastic, joking tone, and laughed afterwards. While eating, I found a toenail in my food. Her response? "I told you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 539

You deserved it 5 545

By Username - 29/10/2010 23:15 - France

Today, I was out eating lunch with my parents when my mom complained that I eat too quickly and don't thoroughly chew my food. My dad exclaimed, "That's because she swallows!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 567

You deserved it 5 874

The Dictator

By anonymous - 18/01/2012 05:06 - United States

Today, I discovered that my new landlords must meet and approve guests of mine before they come over, and guests are not allowed when they aren't home or past 11pm. I'm 25 years old and just moved out of my parents' home to get away from my controlling mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 066

You deserved it 4 097

Brotherly love

By I Hate My Brother - 09/10/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Colchester

Today, I'm in hospital because of my brother. He followed me and my boyfriend around a fair yesterday dressed as a gorilla, and whenever we showed some sort of affection towards one another, he rugby tackled me. The final tackle caused me to break my wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 874

You deserved it 177

By kate - 29/04/2009 01:39 - United States

Today, I was eating at Applebees at a high table with bar stools. I was reaching over to get some gum out of mom's purse when my chair flipped out from under me and my soda fell on top of me and got in my ear. To make things worse, the waiter ran over and shouted "I give that one a 10!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 735

You deserved it 8 531

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Top comments

bro1oke 0

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Monday 6 February 2012 8:35

That was your karma letting you know you should never blame cats.

pdp_fml 21

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Monday 6 February 2012 8:39

Your cats weren't doing their job!

bro1oke 0

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Monday 6 February 2012 8:35

That was your karma letting you know you should never blame cats.

doodfunnyguy 0

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Monday 6 February 2012 8:48

Cats are dumb. Rats are cool

GovernorGeneral 8

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Monday 6 February 2012 9:04

Youre dumb. Im cool.

Roevera 14

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Monday 6 February 2012 9:05

I bet she wishes her cats had been the ones on the counter now.. eliminating rats.

lifeguardd 0

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Monday 6 February 2012 9:25

Your cats are useless. They should kill the rats without you even telling them.. Shouldn't cats have strong sense of smell?

Jonkbaby 21

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Monday 6 February 2012 9:43

rats use kitchen equipment? i mean, weird

cja101 8

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Monday 6 February 2012 15:36

The cats are either usless or very well trained.

capper44 18

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Monday 6 February 2012 15:58

So what if OP thought that its the cat lol .... Btw nice tee "exlodE" xD

chubby_choco 17

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Tuesday 7 February 2012 5:45

You also can't spell 'I'm,' 18.

IphonFML 6

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Tuesday 7 February 2012 7:12

Actually 77, he spelt correctly. He just forgot the apostrophe

Suavis 4

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Monday 6 February 2012 8:37

That's what you get for saying "I seen".

badass243 6

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Monday 6 February 2012 8:38

and you eat there? FYL. and kill those fucking bastards!!!!!

Waffl3z 8

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Monday 6 February 2012 8:46

Mice are actually kinda cute. Rats on the other hand are not. Get rid of them immediately!

RoseTintMyWorld 8

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Monday 6 February 2012 8:54

Rats are adorable.

GovernorGeneral 8

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Monday 6 February 2012 9:06

Today i found ants under the blender and microwave on my countertop. Idk if 100s of little ants are worse or (a) rat(s) My parents wont even do anything about it.

ladyLALAA 28

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Monday 6 February 2012 16:29

Why not be a good sport and wipe the benches down yourself? Kids these days...

silvergaze 1

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Tuesday 7 February 2012 0:26

They look exactly the same only one is bigger. Just an FYI to you who has apparently necer seen a rodent.

bjr1208 3

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Monday 6 February 2012 8:39

What a CAT-astrophe

GovernorGeneral 8

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Monday 6 February 2012 9:08

How the fuck is it a catastrophe? She didnt find cats on the counter. It was a rat.

bjr1208 3

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Monday 6 February 2012 9:21

Because it fucking is.

GovernorGeneral 8

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Monday 6 February 2012 9:22

I meant that for the incorrect use of his pun. This fml certainly is a catastrophe though.

GovernorGeneral 8

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Monday 6 February 2012 9:24

Your pun**

Jonkbaby 21

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Monday 6 February 2012 10:07

more like a RAT-A-TATTLE-TAIL amirite??

CareFace 16

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Monday 6 February 2012 10:23

No you are not. #4 got it right.

Jonkbaby 21

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Monday 6 February 2012 10:41

uhhh there was clearly no mention of a cat WHATSOEVER so ...yeah...

TheDrudgeChild 4

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Monday 6 February 2012 12:28

37, you're an idiot. READ THE FML. It's all about cats.

GovernorGeneral 8

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Monday 6 February 2012 14:00

No its fucking not =.= she thought there were cats but there were none.

homeboyangst 17

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Monday 6 February 2012 14:09

No, she owns some cats that she thought were going on the counters, but it actually turned out to be rats.

humorizer 14

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Monday 6 February 2012 16:05

What a ratastrophe!

pdp_fml 21

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Monday 6 February 2012 8:39

Your cats weren't doing their job!

imepelepticsir 5

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Monday 6 February 2012 12:20

pussy dont like dirty vermin.

silentbutfunny 0

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Monday 6 February 2012 18:07

44 have you been to high school?

imepelepticsir 5

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Tuesday 7 February 2012 11:32

i actually graduated, barely.

bjr1208 3

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Thursday 9 February 2012 5:52

81, figures

BeaterOfTheDrums 15

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Monday 6 February 2012 8:40

Damn.. If there's 1 there is usually more. That sucks OP. So what are your cats for if they aren't catching Vermin?

lovexbox 8

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Monday 6 February 2012 9:37

Agreed haha. Guess it depends on how big the cats are.

BeaterOfTheDrums 15

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Monday 6 February 2012 9:45

When my cat was 7 months old it started catching hummingbirds. He is 8 years old now and still catches hummingbirds. He even brought me a fruit bat once.

cja101 8

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Monday 6 February 2012 15:41

If the cats won't do it get a Jack Russell those dogs are very effective at catching rats. well at least mine is.

bizarre_ftw 21

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Monday 6 February 2012 8:41

Well now we know the difference between rats and mice Mice hit cats over the head with drop ironing boards, rakes, and the occasional hammer and are named Jerry (or possibly Tom) and rats piss on your counters and get the cats blamed for it. Either way F the cat's life

japtch 15

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Monday 6 February 2012 9:57

Just so you know. I'm a fan. :-)

DalPozzo13 10

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Monday 6 February 2012 8:41

Oh really, is that what you "seen"?

raney150 0

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Monday 6 February 2012 20:12

Op said I'd seen. I'd is short for I had (in this circumstance). Therefore op was using the past perfect tense, and in the past perfect tense, you use the pronoun (I), the simple past (had in this case), and the past participle (seen in this case). Seen is the past participle of the verb to see. So op is correct.