All the FMLs

By banana2894 - 10/08/2012 04:40 - United States - Eugene

Today, I looked over at the car parked next to me and noticed a very large woman plucking her mustache. She locked eyes with me and kept plucking. After that, every time I looked over, she was still staring. Staring and plucking. Now when I close my eyes, I can still see her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 590

You deserved it 3 509

By mike h - 10/08/2012 04:37 - United States - Mcadoo

Today, I started my dream job of being a veterinarian. My first day consisted of having to put down 12 dogs and 5 cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 490

You deserved it 4 859

Happy Caturday

By couchsurfer - 10/08/2012 00:02 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I finally convinced my girlfriend to allow the cats to sleep with us on the bed. As we started to cuddle, one of the cats pissed right in between us. We are sleeping on the couch until the baking soda absorbs the smell in the mattress. I'll be sleeping there longer than that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 081

You deserved it 29 978

By sincerely depressed. - 09/08/2012 21:42 - United States - Fremont

Today, at work, I decided to make things more interesting, so when I called people I used a fake accent. As I was using an Australian accent, the person I was talking to asked me where in Australia I was from. I desperately replied, "Where the kangaroos are..." I'm now jobless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 833

You deserved it 40 542

Stay out of it

By feelsterrible - 09/08/2012 19:51 - United States - Duluth

Today, I was at the mall, when a guy started screaming at his buddy for sleeping with his sister. It was pretty hilarious, so when he stormed off, I mockingly yelled, "Pussy!" He then whirled around and beat the absolute hell out of his friend. Now I feel like I'm going to reincarnate as a turd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 363

You deserved it 54 910

By flatfoot - 09/08/2012 19:33 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I discovered the crunching noise your foot will make if you accidentally drop a cement block on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 290

You deserved it 3 028

By mary - 09/08/2012 18:10 - United Kingdom

Today, some guy asked me if he could borrow my lighter. I said "of course," reached into my handbag, and gave him the lighter. He stared at me for a few seconds until I realised I'd given him a tampax. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 034

You deserved it 6 895

By MsConfusedd - 09/08/2012 14:51 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I discovered that the only thing more disgusting than watching a little kid shove their finger up their nose and eat their fresh green mucus is watching your grandmother do the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 803

You deserved it 1 955

Alarm

By Anonymous - 09/08/2012 14:26 - United States

Today, my dog farted so loud in his sleep that he scared himself and woke up barking. This afternoon I achieved the same feat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 612

You deserved it 4 016

By Anonymous - 09/08/2012 11:39 - United States - Desoto

Today, I went out with a friend to grab some food and we were served by this really cute and fun waiter. Stepping out of my comfort zone and deciding to do something crazy, I left my phone number on the bill. I got home only to realize that I forgot to pay the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 814

You deserved it 24 618

By Anonymous - 09/08/2012 10:50 - United States

Today, I found myself actively concerned about what the characters from "Will and Grace" have been doing since the show went off the air. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 959

You deserved it 17 950

By Anonymous - 09/08/2012 04:19 - United States - La Crosse

Today, I found one of my mom's old diaries that dated back to my infant days. I couldn't help but read a little. I'm now in great concern over how many times my mom wrote that she wanted to dunk me in the toilet or throw me against a wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 638

You deserved it 3 949

By bellabreeze - 09/08/2012 03:29 - United States - Lebanon

Today, my son thought it would be a great idea to spray a whole can of spray tan all over my freshly-painted white bathroom walls as an "experiment". He's 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 154

You deserved it 3 367

By Dumbfounded - 08/08/2012 23:03 - United States - Padre Island Ntl Seashor

Today, my wife yelled at me for admitting I take my wedding ring off at work. I explained that I work in a chemistry lab and don't want to damage it. She laughed and said, "Oh please, that chemistry stuff is nonsense anyway." All while reading her horoscope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 410

You deserved it 3 977

By Deaththreat101 - 08/08/2012 20:39 - United States - Evanston

Today, I posted a Facebook status on how I hated the new Batman movie. I'm now single, and have received multiple threats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 401

You deserved it 44 670

By mishkaroni - 08/08/2012 19:26 - United States - Chula Vista

Today, I found out that just because you express mail something, it doesn't mean the post office won't still lose it. What did they lose? My signed marriage license. We spent all that time and money to get married on the day of our choosing, and our marriage isn't even valid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 407

You deserved it 2 605

mishkaroni tells us more.

mishkaroni 15

Thursday 9 August 2012 4:32

Thank you for your kind words. People don't understand that we did everything to get it there on time and backed it up with express mail which is overnight delivery to ensure or very important document was received on time. The sad thing is, those employed at the post office just don't care.

By Anonymous - 08/08/2012 17:15 - United States - Chagrin Falls

Today, it's my girlfriend's birthday. To celebrate, I spent the day with her and then took her out to a really nice dinner. She is currently giving me the silent treatment because I didn't write "Happy Birthday" on her Facebook wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 411

You deserved it 4 282