All the FMLs

By fuq - 22/05/2012 18:42 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my wife allowed my mother-in-law to move in with us. She believes the government spies on her in the shower, and that the Prime Minister is a shape-shifting lizard who wants to microchip us all. I have to live with this psychotic wench until someone is desperate enough to employ her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 897

You deserved it 2 780

By boblaj - 22/05/2012 16:11 - United Kingdom - Hastings

Today, I took the day off work to be with my wife, since she's always bemoaning my lack of romantic gestures. As thanks, she spent most of the day reading Fifty Shades of Grey, which is basically a blatant plagiarism of Twilight, starring a pair of two-dimensional BDSM freaks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 880

You deserved it 4 039

By angry girlfriend - 22/05/2012 14:32 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I found out via Facebook status that my boyfriend is going to Hawaii with a group of friends, including his ex-girlfriend for a few weeks. When I confronted him about it, he said he didn't think I needed to know, and to mind my own business. I think I'm about to be single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 724

You deserved it 3 614

By ordinaryday - 22/05/2012 12:21 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I reached a new level of commitment in my relationship with my boyfriend. This happened when he pooped on the side of the road beside my truck, while talking and making eye contact with me while wiping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 269

You deserved it 3 344

By Rick - 22/05/2012 11:02 - United States - Spartanburg

Today, I didn't even bother to turn my cellphone off in a movie theater because I knew no one would text me or call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 086

You deserved it 4 819

By Anonymous - 22/05/2012 10:35 - Philippines

Today, I learned that shaving while feeling upset is a very bad idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 339

You deserved it 6 615

By BowlofCherries - 22/05/2012 02:48 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was in a café when a construction worker asked to borrow a pen. The only pen I had on me was my brand new Parker, which I reluctantly loaned him. As he was writing, he stopped to think, and happily chewed on the end of the pen, which he later returned to me, glistening in saliva. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 477

You deserved it 5 280

By bronco_lover89 - 22/05/2012 01:05 - United States - Essexville

Today, after months of using the empty driveway across the street from my house, a note was placed under my windshield wiper. It read, "Please stop parking in my driveway. P.S. You’re hot. Are you single?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 939

You deserved it 39 434

By bear - 21/05/2012 22:47 - Norway - Bod?

Today, it's been three weeks since I started using a hair-growth shampoo in the hopes of combating my balding. All it's done so far is make the hair I do have monstrously bushy, both upstairs and down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 957

You deserved it 4 382

By Cam - 21/05/2012 22:38 - United Kingdom - Holsworthy

Today, I photoshopped a picture for my Facebook profile so my stomach would look a little flatter. I came back later, only to find someone had said, "What in God's name is this? Is your belly duck-facing?" and half a dozen other insults. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 240

You deserved it 43 805

By sickdisney - 21/05/2012 18:42 - United States - Riverside

Today, I watched a movie with my little sister. I couldn't understand a word that was said during one scene, but I figured it was in some kind of made-up language. When I commented on it later, she called me a moron and said it was Spanish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 119

You deserved it 36 033

Just checking

By whytoday - 21/05/2012 14:59

Today, I read an article on babies dying after being accidentally left in cars in the sun. On my lunch break, I decided to walk around the parking lot, checking to see that no kids were abandoned in cars. A guy gave me a smack for looking through his car window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 082

You deserved it 45 038

By Rebecca - 21/05/2012 14:11 - United States - Austin

Today, my colleague yet again misused the word "literally." It's driving me insane. I have to work opposite him and hear him say things like he's just "literally shit himself inside out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 282

You deserved it 5 200

By medosin - 21/05/2012 12:10 - Austria

Today, I went into Whole Foods asking if they carried a supplement called Carnosine. The girl assisting me had no idea what it was, but asked, "Is this for weight loss?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 344

You deserved it 4 594

By Anonymous - 21/05/2012 11:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the orthodontist's to get my braces tightened, and I chose baby blue bands. Turns out they make my teeth look extremely yellow. Only a month and a half to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 743

You deserved it 4 843

By HomelessGirl1 - 21/05/2012 05:28 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, while volunteering at a local homeless shelter, I asked the woman next to me how long she'd been homeless. She works there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 782

You deserved it 10 864

By thejbarrick50 - 21/05/2012 02:29 - United States - Bergen

Today, I decided to save a few bucks and let my mother cut my hair. I then had to wait in the hospital for attention due to the fact that she cut the tip of my ear off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 156

You deserved it 4 801

By Anonymous - 21/05/2012 01:10 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, someone threw an open soda can at me from a car. It missed, so they circled around and threw an unopened can. That one hit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 094

You deserved it 2 038

By VocalizedBoar - 20/05/2012 23:35 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, there is an annual solar eclipse. As I was buying the last pair of solar glasses to watch the eclipse with, some jerk snatched them out of my hands and bolted off with them. I now have to make the decision between watching the eclipse and not going blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 769

You deserved it 3 323

VocalizedBoar tells us more.

VocalizedBoar 6

Monday 21 May 2012 9:32

No joke, all solar eclipse glasses were sold out. Even all the welding goggles were sold out at the hardware stores.

By Anonymous - 20/05/2012 19:43 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I went to a job interview at a small family-owned business. After the interview, the owner's son took me into his office and told me I'm not getting the job and to get out, because apparently, the old man thinks I'm "possessed by a demon". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 928

You deserved it 2 151

By Jacquelinez - 20/05/2012 18:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went mini golfing with his family. We had a competition going on, and when I managed to get two consecutive holes in one, he started seething and muttered that I'm dangerously close to becoming single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 090

You deserved it 3 112

Careful

By taob - 20/05/2012 17:11 - China - Nanning

Today, I was walking up some stairs, and I told the guy in front of me to be careful, as the handrail was loose and well-worn. I then put my hand on it, and promptly fell backwards down the stairs with a piece of handrail still in my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 401

You deserved it 6 470

By jcdc - 20/05/2012 15:03 - United States - Georgetown

Today, I spilled boiling water on my legs. A coworker told me that putting mustard on the burn would heal it. I ended up at the emergency room. When people walked by I could hear them say "it smells like hot dogs". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 424

You deserved it 8 834

By shygirl - 20/05/2012 13:13 - United States - Sterling Heights

Today, my sister got married. It was also the day that I was supposed to deliver a heartfelt toast to the happy couple. I got so nervous that I kept stuttering and finally ended with "Congrats Beth and Steve!" Her husband's name is Eric. Her ex was named Steve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 281

You deserved it 10 191

By slayerdeath - 20/05/2012 05:19 - United States - Valparaiso

Today, my girlfriend went in for a kiss too fast and broke my front tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 638

You deserved it 2 550

Less haste, more speed

By Ouch - 20/05/2012 04:06 - United States - Costa Mesa

Today, I tried to beat my dad to the car. I jumped over the steel cables in the parking structure and hit my head on a metal pipe, then bounced off the wires, and onto my back on the pavement. Good thing we were already at the hospital to visit my sick mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 610

You deserved it 26 808

By Anonymous - 19/05/2012 23:20 - Sri Lanka - Piliyandala

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said it was because my mom's lazy eye creeps him out, and that my dad hates him. She doesn't have a lazy eye, he's never met my dad, never seen my mom, and now according to his friends, he's been cheating on me for the past two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 105

You deserved it 2 548

By cheesfactor - 19/05/2012 19:50 - Bulgaria - Rousse

Today, my wardrobe door jammed, and I couldn't change out into some nice clothes for my date. On the way there, my car broke down. Not wanting to be late and make a bad impression, I scuttled the rest of the way, only to find I'd been stood up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 977

You deserved it 2 379

By GothicAngel17 - 19/05/2012 11:05 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I thought I felt my baby kicking for the first time. After excitedly exclaiming this fact to the few people around me, I involuntarily let out the loudest fart. Not the baby kicking, just gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 709

You deserved it 4 362

GothicAngel17 tells us more.

GothicAngel17 24

Sunday 20 May 2012 3:09

57- well you seem to have quite a good memory, ha. I've gotta say I'm thankful that the morning sickness has subsided so I don't have to drop everything and run for the toilet or for fresh air (except on a Saturday for some reason). Now I'm just gassy it would seem. Oh joy. And forgetful. Speaking of which I just remembered I put eggs on the stove to boil a while ago and forgot about them so now I have to go D:

By lubey - 19/05/2012 10:02 - United States - Charlotte

Today, before I went into surgery, the patient next to me just finished the same procedure I was going to get. As he woke up in the recovery area 10 feet away, I was getting my final prep before the operation. On my way into the operating room I was comforted by his screams of agonizing pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 406

You deserved it 1 850

lubey tells us more.

lubey 5

Saturday 19 May 2012 21:33

Thanks for all the positive comments :) to answer som questions: yes I'm recovering well. The surgery was to fix a deviated septum. The patient before me didn't immediately respond to the pain meds that's why he was screaming. And I wrote this fml last night at 2 am after the anesthesia wore off