Today, I was trying to sleep away a fever, when my grandma woke me up. She was sitting next to me, shoving gummy bears into my mouth until I started choking. She laughed, ran away, and denied everything. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I choked on a gummy bear and ended up in the emergency room. The first thing the doctor said to me was, "Well, that must have been 'beary' uncomfortable." The entire room burst into laughter. FML
Today, my grandma saw me putting some mints in my mouth when she walked by my room. Instead of confronting me, she told my dad I was doing drugs. FML
Today, my phone rang while I was home alone. When I picked up, all I could hear was heavy breathing. Convinced it was one of my friends playing a joke, I said loudly, "Get off the phone, you fucker, and don't call back!" It turned out it was my grandma. She had been having a stroke. FML
Today, my grandma told everyone at our party to stay away from me, saying, "Ya might catch obesity from her and become fatass porkers too." I complained to my dad, at which point my gran faked being inebriated. My dad rolled his eyes and said, "She's DRUNK, honey. Chill out." FML
Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML
Today, after months of taking care of my grandma after a surgery, the doctors gave her a clean bill of health, and I finally got to sleep in my own bed. She passed away while I was at home. FML
Today, my mom told me she’d never forgive me for eating her birthday candy. I ate it in my sleep. FML
Today, after an exhausting weekend of work, I decided to take a nap. I was awoken several hours later by my mother-in-law knocking on my door. Apparently my 11-year-old called up grandma to complain that she was hungry and that mum was sleeping instead of cooking dinner. FML
Today, my grandma called me to see how my oral surgery went. She gave me a kiss over the phone, but when I tried to make the kiss sound back to her, the bandages got in the way and it came out as a fart sound. FML
Today, I got slapped in the face for stifling a yawn at my grandmother’s funeral. I wasn’t being disrespectful; I have a condition. FML
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Top comments
perdix 29
Grandma running away and laughing? Are you sure you're not delirious from the fever? Go easy on the gummy bears and don't blame your dead relatives for your overindulgence.
Aeroxx1337 17
Fair warning, you grandmother might be a sociopath. Don't go to sleep.
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Comments (109)
BVBarmy_girl 22
Are you sure you weren't hallucinating? If not, your grandma rocks!
Pleonasm 35
Ok, why don't you have your grandmother try to choke you in your sleep. Tell me how that goes for you, if you survive.
evilplatypus 38
All it would take to make sure they weren't just hallucinating or dreaming is to pull the gummi bears out of their mouth. Ta-da.
BVBarmy_girl 22
Elderly people tend to have an old-fashion sense of humor (: As I see it, this is refreshing - A bit odd perhaps... Had it been my grandmother, it would probably have been oatmeal?! Another reason for my new found respect for that generation!
ohcheriecherie 20
17- my father also thinks its hilarious to shove food in my mouth. Usually fruit, though, like pears and strawberries. Perhaps it's some sort of generational thing.
MidnaLink 33
Yeah, cause attempted murder rules!
Carmstro 13
When I was 10 I had a sleepover birthday party. We thought it would be funny to shove cheezies down the first person who fell asleep's throat. We got in a LOT of trouble. He didn't choke thank god. But 1, this isn't really a sense of humour thing. It's extremely dangerous. I didn't understand that when I was 10 but obviously OP's grandma is an adult. Not awesome.
perdix 29
Grandma running away and laughing? Are you sure you're not delirious from the fever? Go easy on the gummy bears and don't blame your dead relatives for your overindulgence.
AllieCat21 21
Who said grandma was dead?
Feared 9
Who said she wasn't? Who says we even exist? .. Philosophy!
perdix 29
#28, no one, really. Since both of my grandmas have passed away, I just decided to ASS-U-ME that the OP's are, too. Once you hang around here awhile, you'll realize that I like to make shit up. ;)
perdix 29
#30, according to Descartes, "Commento, ergo sum" (I comment, therefore, I am). So, I'm good ;)
Pleonasm 35
I Kant believe we're going into philsophy here.
ThePsyche 9
The real question is, if I don't choose to "show comment anyway," does #1's comment still stink? Schoenberg ftw!
Pleonasm 35
Isn't schoenberg a musician???
ThePsyche 9
#48 Schrödinger's cat * sorry -_- auto correct is such a sour gummy bear.
perdix 29
#53, perhaps you mean Heisenberg, but I can't be certain?
ThePsyche 9
#55 Well, Schrödinger was the first to prove, experimentally, the problems with the Copenhagen interpretation of quantum mechanics. It's quite interesting stuff. Like, blow-your-mind-scientifically-induced-coma type stuff. :)
poccocurantes 7
Snicker snack. I am using Ocams razor to skin Schroedingers cat.
bfsd42 20
I am such a damn nerd. I found 55's comment to be hilarious.
sens3sfailing 24
It may have been L'Hopital, but I wouldn't rule out that it's Simpson.
benhd1 14
What a Nietzsche little discussion we're getting into here.
Aeroxx1337 17
Fair warning, you grandmother might be a sociopath. Don't go to sleep.
Damian95 16
Grandma FML's are on the rise. Not sure if I should be amused, or keep a close eye on my own grandma! Maybe both...
Pleonasm 35
So, she sounds a bit homicidal, and that probably isn't the most efficient way to kill someone without being noticed. Plus she denies everything while laughing. I'd say this needs to be looked into. Quick. And dealt with. Seriously.
etchsanity1 11
Technically he never said she was laughing while denying really could be some fever hallucination stuff going on here
Pleonasm 35
I ruled out hallucination, because to write this FML it would be some time later and they would have had time to determine whether the incident really happened or not, and since it is on FML I assumed that they had concluded that Grandma was stuffing gummy bears down her throat for real.
etchsanity1 11
Meh maybe grandma has dementia but I was thinking it was on FML because nobody believed her and she was unable to prove it... That's why I was leaning towards hallucination lol.
RainbowzSkittlez 6
Well, at least it was gummy bears..
Synapsky 10
RainbowzSkittlez > gummy bears
Connect 10
Gosh how I hate skittles.
False_Stupidity 41
Gummi bears are the best!
spliit_fml 8
Your grandma is awesome!
ohcheriecherie 20
Attempted choking is not awesome.
AssTard 15
6- Why do people on here always think that when a crazy, demented grandma/pa does something insane like this that they're awesome?
dmoz 7
Well, tell your parents and start locking your door. If it doesn't have a lock, put one on.
magymofucka 9
lol, your grandma's a douchebag.
beachchick9498 5
I've always wondered, can you call a woman a douchebag?
outoftown 26
Yes. It actually works better that way.
KiddNYC1O 20
#9- You seem like a douche too. =P
magymofucka 9
#83 - it's because i am.
DocBastard 38
Feed a cold, starve a fever. It doesn't say anything about sleeping away a fever! Unless I missed that day of medical school...
TheDrifter 23
These daggummed lazy whippersnappers, always looking for a reason to hide from work. "Sleep away a fever" Humbug. /rant
ohcheriecherie 20
It doesn't hurt to sleep when you're sick. It rests your body to help you get better! Just kidding, I'm a young whippersnapper trying to get out of work.
drkrissy1331 12
Ive never recomended this to a patient, but I always go for a run with fever. I either sweat out all the bad shit or ended up sick as shit. Usually the run works, but boy it sucks running 5 miles feeling like ass.
zandalee 19
My head usually pounds when I have a fever. Running with a pounding head is like running with scissors. All fun and games until you slip into a coma...
Coop817 19
Lock your door and hide your gummy bears!