Today, I was trying on some shoes. As I was bending down, an old lady with a walking frame slowly approached. As she got close she whispered to me, "Mmm, you've got a nice tushie." My girlfriend will not let me hear the end of it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as I was bent over at my waitressing job, an elderly woman walked by and smacked my ass. I looked at her, shocked, and she said, "It was too tempting with you bent over like that, I have a dirty old mind." I didn't know whether to be flattered or horrified. Maybe both. FML
Today, I held a door open for a sweet old lady with a walker. After she went through the door, she turned and said, "That's not how you're gonna get into my pants, son." FML
Today, I was putting on my new pair of jeans, when my girlfriend walked in. She found the "XS" size sticker on the side of my pants, held it for a little while then put it on my crotch. She then looked at me, gave a little shrug and half-smile and walked away. FML
Today, I'm reading in the subway sitting one leg over the other. An old lady sits down next to me. After quietly examining me for about two stations she leans over to me and whispers in my ear: "Girl, sitting like all the time will make you end up with a crooked c**t". I'm a man. FML
Today, I was at the mall with my friend. A lady came up to us and told my friend that she could be a model. Then the lady looked at me and said, "Oh... Nice shoes." FML
Today, a middle-aged woman came into the shoe shop where I work, and asked me to help her put on a pair of boots that were obviously too small. Simultaneously as I knelt down by her feet, she booted me in the face while we tried to get them on. FML
Today, an old lady steamrolled over my foot with her wheelchair, then laughed as she slowly rolled away, leaving my toes in ruins. FML
Today, I was walking down the street on my way to work, when an old lady's walking stick caught my leg and sent me crashing to the ground. She apologised for the accident and watched me stumble to my feet. I said not to worry. Just as I turned to leave, I could swear a smirk crept over her face. FML
Today, I got punched in the back by elderly woman because she thought I was mocking the way she walked as I passed her. I was walking funny because I have a brace-boot on my foot due to the fact that it got run over. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house having dinner with her and her parents. I was casually playing footsie with my girlfriend under the table, until her mom stopped eating and said, "You know that's my foot, right?" FML
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Top comments
Psycho_Babydoll 26
Awwh c'mon, that's funny as hell.
RedPillSucks 33
All the more reason why she's a strange man.
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Comments (93)
mimerino 9
Lol yo
HowieDoIt 21
What a wasted opportunity for this comment. You are a sad, strange little man, and you have my pity
RpiesSPIES 27
#1 is a woman, 18.
RedPillSucks 33
All the more reason why she's a strange man.
rocker_chick105 31
Am I the only one who read 18's comment in a Buzz Lightyear voice?
_1296 10
Why has this been thumbed down. She is a girl
klovemachine 24
I just did 28, and thank you for the laugh :D
teareb 9
29- So you're saying girls can't be thumbed down?
Psycho_Babydoll 26
Awwh c'mon, that's funny as hell.
ShannyAK 16
At least she didnt take her shirt off in the middle of the mall
Dylan94_fml 8
If that was an old man saying it to a young woman all of the comments would be about how much of a creepy perve he was. Double standards always seem to elude some people.
yresim 12
Personally, 54, I'd still say the same thing. You think I haven't gotten some old guy commenting on my body from time to time? I smile, say thank you, and move on. As long as they don't touch, I don't get worked up. Every attractive woman has been through this at least a dozen times.
Clioo_fml 17
56- do you know how conceited you sound saying that? "Every attractive woman has been through this..." You're calling yourself attractive. Confidence is good..but this...a little too big headed.
yresim 12
I'm not trying to be conceited. My point was that women go through this constantly. 54 was complaining about double standards. The truth is, if a woman posted about this, no one would even blink. She doesn't even need to be super hot, just moderately attractive (which is why I used that particular word). Yes, the guy would be creepy, just as the old woman is. However, it's practically expected, and women are expected to put up with it. Not even just from old guys, but from all kinds of creepy types. Summary: 54 is complaining about double standards, but the only reason we're even talking about this is because OP is a guy.
Clioo_fml 17
I understand your point. It was just the way you phrased your earlier comment that made you appear conceited. I guess I misread, my apologies!
safaeita 32
you're right ^^
Aspen_Grace33 27
That's awesome! It seems the older someone gets, the less they filter their thoughts!
RpiesSPIES 27
I believe you mean to say 'actions,' not 'thoughts.' Old people have free reign over screwing with us young people. Let 'em have their fun :P
Aspen_Grace33 27
But it was her thinking that he had a nice ass, not her actions!
longchow 8
We all have naughty thoughts. You can't filter your thoughts, but you can filter your actions (speech in particular). I bet you didn't realize that you weren't filtering your thoughts as you read this, did you?
cajekraze 7
it was a reference to an FML yesterday
license2chill 5
They are approaching the end of their journey, sadly, so they really got nothing to lose..
Alexweber929 14
If thats the case im a little worried about how im going to be when im old and seenial..... Cenial, senial, how the **** do I spell that?
False_Stupidity 42
#76 it's senile.
Ameel_fml 19
I can't decide if I find the old lady really creepy or really adorable. I'm leaning towards the latter, mostly because she used the word "tushie".
DeVaughnS 5
Not when you put it in freaky old lady voice
RedPillSucks 33
adorably creepy?
MistressCaitlyn 7
I'm going with creepy, but hilarious. I really want to do this when I get old, now. Not sure I could keep a straight face, though... lol
DKjazz 20
Creepicute? (if anyone follows Daily Squee)
CheeseTron 15
Well its nice to know you have options.
taytoc 10
All she wants for her birthday is a big tushy hoe
JT1996_fml 12
At least you can say that she has fallen and can't get up if something happens between you two.
NickaPLZ 26
It's the oldies you gotta watch for!
Shrouds 14
At least your girlfriend found it funny and did not go into some jealous hulk rage mode like most of these FMLs
windfuelsfire 10
Wait, your girlfriend thinks this is hilarious, or she's jealous? The wording doesn't specify
CheeseTron 15
Unless OP's girlfriend is a psycho bitch, I think its pretty self explanatory.
windfuelsfire 10
Exactly, the world of FML and in general is full of psycho bitches, so to me it's not self explanatory. The votes do tend to point towards her finding it funny, though.