Transportation: Today, I drove into my school. Literally drove into my school....

By shilpajayseanfan - 24/02/2009 13:43 - Canada

Today, I drove into my school. Literally drove into my school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 215

You deserved it 54 482

Transportation

Dysfunctional

Mama's boy

Seize the means

Thanks guys

By daddy - 22/12/2008 05:43 - France

Today, someone stole both rear view mirrors from my scooter. And where were the police? They were 500 m down the road, waiting to stop me for not having any mirrors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 554

You deserved it 2 216

How deep is it?

By Anonymous - 22/12/2019 01:00

Today, my husband rolled over in his sleep, cuddled up to me, and lovingly whispered “I love you Pizza Hut...” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 816

You deserved it 256

By Anonymous - 23/07/2019 20:00

Today, at work, we ran out of receipt paper. Someone paid for $3 in gas and asked for a receipt. I explained that the company we order our paper from sent us toilet paper, not receipt paper. He got mad and said that he was never coming back. Twenty minutes later, he was back to get $3 more in gas, wanting a receipt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 726

You deserved it 117

By BunniesOnAcid - 03/07/2012 23:01 - United States - Clinton

Today, I was at the airport. I was on my way to see my dad for the first time since I was 4. Whilst I was waiting for my dad to find me, a strange man started flirting with me. Irritated, I told him I was waiting for my dad to get me, and to f*ck off. The strange man was my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 730

You deserved it 4 101

By Anonymous - 19/10/2016 10:54 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, during my shift as a vet nurse, I picked up a gorgeous cat for cuddles, only to discover it was covered with pee. And now I am too. I still have 4 hours of my shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 365

You deserved it 2 466

By anonymous - 05/04/2012 21:53 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I realized my Internet addiction had gone too far when I tried to Google what was in my freezer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 644

You deserved it 28 807

Triple Dog Dare

By MiserableGradStudent - 11/12/2017 01:30

Today, I was teaching my microbiology lab class as a graduate TA. Some dumbass frat boy dared his friend to drink a tube of E. coli and the idiot did it. Now everything in the lab is contaminated with vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 823

You deserved it 345

By Anonymous - 26/05/2016 16:58 - Belgium - De Pinte

Today, my co-workers decided in our meeting with my boss that everything is my fault. When asked for examples, they couldn't come up with any. Now they are mad at me, because I'm apparently good at my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 666

You deserved it 981

By Kftc88 - 11/01/2013 08:03 - United States - Pomona

Today, I have severe back pain that is only relieved by lying flat on my bed. I also have acid reflux that is only prevented by sitting straight up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 100

You deserved it 2 920

By Anonymous - 20/11/2012 10:41 - United States - Huntington Park

Today, I have an ear infection. The pain from it radiates from my ear all the way down the left side of my face, so my doctor prescribed me something that makes half of my face numb and pretty much unusable. Tomorrow, I have to give a presentation on strokes for my med class. Go figure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 143

You deserved it 1 906

By FMarinasL - 30/06/2011 23:43 - United States

Today, I asked my mother to pay back the $50 she owes me. Rather than paying me back, she raced off to "work". She's been unemployed for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 985

You deserved it 4 402

By fmlguy382 - 22/06/2011 08:13 - United States

Today, I was complimented on how big my penis was. I was complimented by the guy peeing next to me in the men's restroom at McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 175

You deserved it 7 843

By Anonymous - 14/05/2016 20:16 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I bought a treadmill as part of my goal to get fit for summer. It doesn't look like it's going to get much use, seeing as how I sprained my ankle trying to get it in my doorway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 462

You deserved it 1 479

By LearnGeographyUSA - 12/12/2012 06:45 - United States - Kirkland

Today, it's been 13 months since I've been living in the States. I've been called a Nazi, asked if we have electricity in Germany, and been made fun of the way I speak with my "German accent", the list goes on. I'm not even German, I'm Danish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 405

You deserved it 2 855

By hate - 06/07/2017 11:58

Today, I spent 2 hours scrubbing puke off the dishes in the kitchen. Why? Because my moronic flatmate was dared by his equally moronic friend to drink a bottle of castor oil and then eat an entire jar of marmite. As a result, he projectile vomited all over all the dishes and left me to clean up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 169

You deserved it 438

By Metime - 05/11/2009 04:17 - United States

Today, I ran out of my usual hand lotion that I use for 'me time'. I instead decided to try and us my after shave lotion as a replacement. Apparently, my member doesn't agree with one of the ingredients, and has now swollen to the size of my fist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 633

You deserved it 33 273

By lance - 10/04/2010 05:00 - Australia

Today, I was pulled over by a cop and was fined $210 for making an illegal u-turn. When the cop finished writing my ticket and hopped in his car, he made the same u-turn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 718

You deserved it 7 446

By PoorGramps - 09/12/2009 07:39 - United States

Today, my greatgrandpa came over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, he pooped himself. My family went through the rest of the meal acting like we hadn't noticed to avoid embarassment. As it was coming to an end, my sister came home and immediately yelled, "Ew! Did someone poop?" He cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 333

You deserved it 3 117

By squishy - 11/02/2010 00:07 - United States

Today, my 4-year-old niece told me she likes it when I'm around because I'm "squishy and smell like fried chicken all the time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 438

You deserved it 25 562

By Anonymous - 04/10/2012 00:45 - United States - Eugene

Today, I was slapped by a fourteen-year-old girl because I was apparently "stealing her boyfriend." I'm twenty-five, and her boyfriend is my nephew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 178

You deserved it 2 069

By pam - 03/12/2008 05:04 - France

Today, I said thanks to a man who got up for me in the bus. He angrily said "no, not you!". The old lady who sat down is now staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 134

You deserved it 7 918

By kb - 10/01/2015 14:35 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I accidentally sent my teacher a picture of me in my boyfriend's boxers instead of my essay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 662

You deserved it 22 243

By Anonymous - 23/07/2012 15:41 - United States - Apex

Today, while bussing at my restaurant job, I felt a cold, wet animal slither down my leg. I started shrieking loudly and dancing dementedly to get it off, and everyone in the restaurant turned to stare. Then I realized there was a hole in my pocket and some quarters had slid out down my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 973

You deserved it 8 210

Check yourself

By Anonymous - 18/03/2021 14:58 - United States - Bothell

Today, the dorm above me had their toilet pipe break and leak through my ceiling, so I have to move rooms. The worst part was I answered the door to let the repairman in while I was in pajamas, but he looked uncomfortable. I didn't notice until he left that my 'thing' was poking out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 592

You deserved it 427

By Anonymous - 18/05/2016 05:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my cat refuses to drink from any source of water that isn't the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 733

You deserved it 1 636

By curtain buyer - 09/03/2015 01:05 - United States - Albany

Today, I moved into my new apartment. As I sat in my living room watching Netflix, I found out that my window has an excellent view of my new neighbors, who just so happen to like to shag with the blinds open. I guess I'll be buying some curtains. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 897

You deserved it 3 662

By Anonymous - 04/10/2010 19:59 - Canada

Today, my ex-girlfriend was having lunch with my parents. Believing she was in love with me and feeling the same, I dropped by. My parents told me that she’s their friend and that she has a boyfriend that they approve of, all while telling me I was never good enough for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 481

You deserved it 4 837

By noweddingforyou - 29/09/2013 19:21 - Canada - Guelph

Today, my girlfriend walked in on me taking a dump, and started plucking her eyebrows. When I told her I was uncomfortable, she said, "Aww, is my baby's poo shy? Is it, is it?" and pinched my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 333

You deserved it 7 622

By Anonymous - 29/04/2009 10:16 - United States

Today, I was feeling up my girlfriends chest. I was getting into it until she said "What are you doing?" I said I was rubbing her nipple. She replies, "Thats not my nipple, its a pimple." I felt up a pimple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 106

You deserved it 43 713

By promposer - 04/04/2016 18:55 - United States - Dobbs Ferry

Today, I asked a girl to prom by having 5 friends hold up signs saying "P-R-O-M-?" while I snuck up behind her. She said yes... to my friend holding the "?", who she thought was the one asking her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 561

You deserved it 4 456

By Anonymous - 26/12/2011 15:32 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend did the washing as an attempt to help me. Not only are all my clothes now pink, he refuses to do the dishes, vacuuming, bathroom, ironing etc., as he has done "plenty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 661

You deserved it 4 593

By Anonymous - 04/12/2010 00:11 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was making salsa and got jalepeno juice all over his mouth. A little bit later, he started going down me. He hadn't washed his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 907

You deserved it 5 869

By SadDad - 06/03/2009 01:51 - United States

Today, in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 162

You deserved it 4 334

Cum hoc ergo propter hoc

By Anonymous - 09/09/2020 04:01 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I fell down my stairs twice after helping a senior get in her car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 044

You deserved it 122

By sissydlk - 02/12/2010 15:54 - United States

Today, my wonderful boyfriend asked me if I wanted him to cook me scrambled eggs with sausage for breakfast. When I said yes, he pulled out his junk, and started shaking it violently in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 142

You deserved it 10 333

By CheeseMonsters - 24/01/2010 12:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to get my friend a drink while she sat in the lounge watching TV with my dog. When I came back, I found her licking my dogs ears. She said he dared her to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 384

You deserved it 3 416

By WhoopteeDooDoo - 12/10/2011 22:47 - United States

Today, I pulled into the gas station to fill up only to realize I had forgot my wallet. By the time I went home, got it, and came back, the price had gone up eleven cents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 229

You deserved it 4 958

By all shat out - 07/11/2014 06:53 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I got demonic gastric distress while taking my final college exam. I only got about 50% of it done, left the classroom 50% faster, and experienced both 50% dread and 50% relief. Now I have to repeat 50% of the class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 507

You deserved it 4 192

By Anonymous - 04/01/2011 20:28 - United States

Today, I hit a parked car which was sticking out in the road and practically unavoidable. I left a note on the windshield saying, "You deserved to get hit - you park like an asshole." Later I realized that the paper I tore to write on was the back of my bank statement, name and address included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 483

You deserved it 79 648

By alycion - 17/06/2019 19:07

Today, I woke up with my face flying at the wall. A muscle spasm had caused me to pop out of bed. I'm now dealing with a concussion and sprained neck, thanks to an almost physically impossible feat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 617

You deserved it 115

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Jason_fml 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 24 February 2009 20:02

Maybe it's God's way of telling you you need glasses.

such_is_life_fml 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 24 February 2009 22:19

Haha, I heard that somebody drove into MY school today too!! Don't suppose you live in Doylestown?

I_love_BOAD 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 24 February 2009 20:02

Hilarious!

kmi123pink 0

Send a private message

Saturday 1 August 2009 1:49

Your my heeero!

pepsie_fml 0

Send a private message

Friday 5 March 2010 2:26

awesome. u rock

albert17 0

Send a private message

Monday 8 March 2010 8:09

that was you?! frickin woke me up during history

zezjo 3

Send a private message

Saturday 10 April 2010 19:54

lmfao

calebg23 0

Send a private message

Thursday 22 April 2010 13:36

it is hillarious! this wins

piepieburger 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 22 September 2010 6:31

"sorry I'm late, mrs flannigan"

jonan1212 5

Send a private message

Monday 4 October 2010 13:17

LOFL

236schertzi 1

Send a private message

Friday 24 June 2011 4:26

haha lol

drdingus 27

Send a private message

Thursday 23 February 2012 12:27

That made me lol

starbucksguy 16

Send a private message

Saturday 12 May 2012 15:26

Talk about being lazy...could you have parked any closer?

Jason_fml 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 24 February 2009 20:02

Maybe it's God's way of telling you you need glasses.

frannytrois64 0

Send a private message

Friday 7 August 2009 4:03

Maybe it's God's way of telling her to stop driving.

Cjw1220 0

Send a private message

Friday 3 September 2010 0:09

Maybe god doesn't exist and you should shut up.

xAllygator 1

Send a private message

Wednesday 15 September 2010 8:49

That was really lame, #73.

poiuytjfffc 0

Send a private message

Sunday 7 November 2010 14:21

Ya 73, chill

colliebuddz420 7

Send a private message

Monday 26 March 2012 4:32

Maybe it's gods way of saying women shouldn't drive :P

Chickmechanic69 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 24 February 2009 20:17

smooth

moig_fml 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 24 February 2009 20:37

i really wish people would elaborate on these...

karmaking 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 24 February 2009 20:58

Hahaha!

Dr_Phil 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 24 February 2009 21:06

Anyone need a blowjob? Only gay guys please.

tehhboss 6

Send a private message

Friday 19 October 2012 2:51

Wtf?

eddeeezzyy 19

Send a private message

Sunday 15 December 2013 9:20

This FML. Not a sex site, ya cunt.

Silas_fml 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 24 February 2009 21:23

Every student's waking wet dream.

PureGold 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 24 February 2009 22:00

Oh no!! :( But we could use a little more info lol...

such_is_life_fml 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 24 February 2009 22:19

Haha, I heard that somebody drove into MY school today too!! Don't suppose you live in Doylestown?

adelaide_evening 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 24 February 2009 23:11

Well, did you make it on time?

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 17

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 18

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 15

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 644

You deserved it 187

Thanks guys

How deep is it?

Triple Dog Dare

Check yourself

Cum hoc ergo propter hoc

Add a comment - Reply to : #

Top comments

Comments