Today, I drove into my school. Literally drove into my school....

By shilpajayseanfan - 24/2/2009 13:43 - Canada

Today, I drove into my school. Literally drove into my school. FML

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Transportation

Doomed

Gas giant

That'll be Kevin in accounting

By JD - 6/2/2010 01:20 - Australia

Today, I was in my drama class and I was standing behind the curtains. My friend accidentally bumped me into the bin that was hidden behind the curtain. Everyone heard me fall and they opened the curtains. My butt was stuck in it and my knees were in front of my face. No one helped. FML

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By keepmouthshut - 12/10/2009 02:20 - United States

Today, my wife asked me if she looked cute in a new dress that she bought earlier today. I told her that she almost looks like a supermodel. Appearantly "almost" doesn't cut it. Guess who's sleeping on the couch. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/6/2013 20:27 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, the weather was so hot that I couldn't stop sweating profusely while using the restroom. Ever slipped off the toilet seat and hit the floor hard due to ass-sweat? Not a pleasant experience. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/10/2010 07:31 - United States

Today, I found dried cum in my hair - after being at work for two hours. FML

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By admin1771 - 25/12/2016 17:00 - United States - Alexandria

Today, I'm supposed to go to my girlfriend's house for Christmas with her family. I got a text from her saying that her dad found our used condom package from last night. I'm supposed to be there in 3 hours. FML

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By DOGSNACHER - 29/12/2010 03:43 - United States

Today, I woke up to my whole room ruined, it was a mess and everything was torn and chewed up. I suddenly see a dog walk across the hall. I don't have a dog. FML

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By lawl - 7/5/2011 13:25 - Canada

Today, my date asked if I could drive his friend home before we went out for breakfast. His friend had blonde hair, big boobs and wore a skimpy black dress. He wasn't 100% sure of her name. I guess I drove home my date's one night stand. FML

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By Ella - 24/7/2009 02:26 - United States

Today, I tried to break up with my boyfriend. He said no. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/8/2020 02:01

Today, on "Dr. Phil"…

Today, my dad got upset when one of his employees showed a romantic interest in my mom. Both parents were totally fine, though, with that same employee announcing his engagement to my 15-year-old sister. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/3/2018 01:30

How shocking!

Today, my brother thought it would be hilarious to put his dog shock collar on me to wake me in lieu of my alarm. You know how those cartoon characters look when they're electrocuted? That's exactly how I woke up. FML

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By emoflowers - 10/4/2012 02:51 - United States - Amarillo

Today, my mother made me see the doctor to see if I had irritable bowel syndrome, on the account of how often I go to the restroom. I then had to admit I only go in there to get away from my family. My doctor thought it was hilarious. My mom didn't. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/4/2016 10:04 - Australia - Brunswick

Today, I ran into a new guy at work who told me the regional manager was visiting today to evaluate the staff. I scoffed and said that everything I'd heard about the manager made him seem like a total prick. His reply? "Maybe, but I'm a prick who can FIRE people." FML

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By Anonymous - 11/8/2009 08:58 - United States

Today, I was at the pool, casually flirting with one of the lifeguards. He said that he would gladly give me CPR, in the event that I needed it. I laughed and thanked him, stating that it was a sweet idea, even though I wouldn't be needing assistance. I then choked on my bottled water. FML

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By damnit - 11/9/2010 20:46 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend called and told me he had a surprise for me and to meet up with him to find out. The big surprise was a consultation with a plastic surgeon for rhinoplasty surgery. I never disliked my nose. FML

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By not a shitty situation so fuck you - 24/6/2016 22:52 - United States - San Francisco

Today, in a public toilet, I got to experience a guy high out of his mind kicking in my locked stall door and puking all over me. FML

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By 315 - 28/1/2009 22:20 - United States

Today, I drank a good amount of vodka and cut my own hair. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/11/2009 11:47 - Denmark

Today, I got the flu. Feeling really sick and depressed, I called my boyfriend to get some comfort. When he didn't answer his cell, I called his house, only to hear his mother telling me "he was so sad that we broke up." I didn't know. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/4/2012 02:53 - United States - Dallas

Today, I blacked out at a wedding as a bridesmaid, during the service. FML

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By iblamethetories - 11/10/2012 17:49 - United Kingdom - Colchester

Today, I had to pay my bus fare in very small change. After carefully counting out coins under the withering glares of a bus-load of people, I quickly slid them into the machine, and somehow ended up jamming it. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/10/2014 10:13 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, while out for dinner with my parents, a woman, approximately the same age as my mother, repeatedly propositioned me for sex during the course of my meal. After declining firmly several times, she only stopped after my mother convinced her I was gay. FML

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By boop snoop - 1/9/2019 16:00 - United States

Today, the power at work was out. This would be fine, if they didn’t make me stay for another hour to wait for it to come back on in the Texas heat. FML

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By dragonstooth257 - 21/6/2019 06:14

Today, I'm so bad at people skills when I got a call to set up a job interview, I weirded the lady out so much that she trailed off when talking about emailing me a time. This took 2 minutes to achieve. A new record. I still haven't got an email. FML

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By PictureLess - 10/1/2010 17:14 - United States

Today, I got home from a family trip to Disney World. I had taken nearly 300 photos of our trip on my new digital camera. As our car pulled into the driveway, I was using my camera to try to delete one unflattering shot of me. I accidentally deleted every picture off the memory card. FML

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By surrounded by dumbfucks - 13/12/2012 23:44 - United States - Carmel

Today, in history class, we were talking about Ancient Rome, and what childbirth would have been like back then. One girl asked in all seriousness why they didn't use ultrasound machines to see what sex their babies were. I have to deal with people like this on a daily basis. FML

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By chawlay - 5/7/2011 14:04 - United States

Today, I had to sift through hundreds of pages of legal documents. They were all written in Comic Sans font. FML

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By NeverEscaping - 3/2/2013 00:52 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I decided at age 18 that it's time to put into storage the picture books that have been collecting dust in my room for nearly a decade. My mother took this as a sign that I'm planning to move out and abandon her forever, and has been crying for the last four hours. FML

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By hihipanda - 30/8/2009 12:58 - Singapore

Today, my friend and I went to a bar for drinks. I noticed this cute girl and went over to say "Hi." I had a great conversation with her and I asked for her number before she left. She passed it to me on a piece of paper with instructions specifying for my friend to call her and not me. FML

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By Noname - 17/3/2009 14:42 - United States

Today, I was flirting with a really hot guy at a track meet and I gave him my number. When I asked him what school he went to he replied, "Oh, I don't go to school, We're from the juvenile corrections facility." FML

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By mydadforgetsme - 4/11/2015 17:26 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my dad forgot it's my birthday. When I told him about it, he accused me of lying and threatened to ground me for a week. FML

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By canwesayfail - 18/5/2016 02:20 - United States - Gloucester

Today, the only part of my Psychology final that I was 100% confident in was my name. FML

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By HenryRollinsForPresident - 25/9/2012 11:54 - United States - Edmond

Today, I was waiting for my wife in a mall when some kids came and sat near me, wearing band t-shirts. I recognized some, as I was into The Smiths and Black Flag in my youth. I tried to strike up a music-fan chat with them. "Fuck off, grandad" and "Ew, pedo" is all I got in return. FML

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By koolkat9 - 22/12/2014 19:11 - United States - Albion

Today, my boyfriend told me that my mom paid him to date me. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/7/2011 04:26 - United States

Today, my house got robbed. They left a note: "Next time, we steal your souls." FML

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By SureDoesMakeAGirlFeelGood - 13/4/2016 01:45 - Canada - Paradise

Today, I found out that my husband has more topless pictures of his ex on his computer than he does of me. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/5/2019 12:00

Today, I nearly drowned. I was at a wave pool for the first time and stupidly swam out to the deep end. When the waves turned on, I discovered I can't swim in rough water. Despite my yelling, "Help!" and flailing around, the lifeguard paid me no attention. My friend had to save me. FML

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By pikapikafuckyou! - 19/7/2020 08:01

Fucknut

Today, my overly religious fucknut of a cousin called me, ranting about my daughter trying to corrupt hers. They were chatting on a kids' messenger app when my 5-year-old sent her 7-year-old a Pokémon sticker. Apparently, Pokémon in satanic and we ought to know better. Now she won’t let them talk to us. FML

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By RollieCollieUSA - 30/1/2009 17:27 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other. Before, I reached over to her computer and put on "Your Body is a Wonderland". Surprisingly, I lasted through the song and didn't realize her itunes was on random. "Rape me" by Nirvana came on. I still finished. FML

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By Should I stay or go? - 17/2/2017 17:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was supposed to hear from my supervisor about whether or not my company was going to be letting me go. I've been on continual probation for the last 6 months, waiting to hear when they'll decide. She'd said last Friday that I'd definitely hear from her today. It's now 5:30 p.m. She's gone home. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/10/2015 22:22 - United States - Saint Peters

Today, I finally stood up to the guy who's been bullying me for the last 2 years. Even though he's been caught in the act several times, he never gets punished, so I figured I'd get away with gut-punching him. Nope. An hour later, I was suspended from school. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/3/2013 14:58 - United States - Springfield

Today, of the two IDs I possess, I handed the cop that pulled me over the fake one. FML

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Top comments

By Jason_fml | 0

#6573 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 20:02

Maybe it's God's way of telling you you need glasses.

By such_is_life_fml | 0

#6637 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 22:19

Haha, I heard that somebody drove into MY school today too!!
Don't suppose you live in Doylestown?

COMMENTS

By I_love_BOAD | 0

#6572 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 20:02

Hilarious!

kmi123pink | 0

#446272 - Saturday 1 August 2009 1:49

Your my heeero!

pepsie_fml | 0

#915470 - Friday 5 March 2010 2:26

awesome. u rock

albert17 | 0

#924486 - Monday 8 March 2010 8:09

that was you?! frickin woke me up during history

zezjo | 3

#977405 - Saturday 10 April 2010 19:54

lmfao

calebg23 | 0

#983639 - Thursday 22 April 2010 13:36

it is hillarious! this wins

piepieburger | 0

#1439824 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 6:31

"sorry I'm late, mrs flannigan"

jonan1212 | 5

#1496889 - Monday 4 October 2010 13:17

LOFL

236schertzi | 1

#2746377 - Friday 24 June 2011 4:26

haha lol

drdingus | 27

#4076872 - Thursday 23 February 2012 12:27

That made me lol

starbucksguy | 16

#4424629 - Saturday 12 May 2012 15:26

Talk about being lazy...could you have parked any closer?

By Jason_fml | 0

#6573 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 20:02

Maybe it's God's way of telling you you need glasses.

frannytrois64 | 0

#465020 - Friday 7 August 2009 4:03

Maybe it's God's way of telling her to stop driving.

Cjw1220 | 0

#1340321 - Friday 3 September 2010 0:09

Maybe god doesn't exist and you should shut up.

xAllygator | 1

#1407206 - Wednesday 15 September 2010 8:49

That was really lame, #73.

poiuytjfffc | 0

#1662254 - Sunday 7 November 2010 14:21

Ya 73, chill

colliebuddz420 | 7

#4216248 - Monday 26 March 2012 4:32

Maybe it's gods way of saying women shouldn't drive :P

By Chickmechanic69 | 0

#6579 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 20:17

smooth

By moig_fml | 0

#6589 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 20:37

i really wish people would elaborate on these...

By karmaking | 0

#6605 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 20:58

Hahaha!

By Dr_Phil | 0

#6607 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 21:06

Anyone need a blowjob? Only gay guys please.

tehhboss | 6

#5057746 - Friday 19 October 2012 2:51

Wtf?

eddeeezzyy | 19

#5792795 - Sunday 15 December 2013 9:20

This FML. Not a sex site, ya cunt.

By Silas_fml | 0

#6615 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 21:23

Every student's waking wet dream.

By PureGold | 0

#6630 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 22:00

Oh no!! :(
But we could use a little more info lol...

By such_is_life_fml | 0

#6637 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 22:19

Haha, I heard that somebody drove into MY school today too!!
Don't suppose you live in Doylestown?

By adelaide_evening | 0

#6668 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 23:11

Well, did you make it on time?