Today, my young son swung a plastic pipe, it makes a kind of...

By Dr_Dolittle - 12/1/2010 15:27 - United Kingdom

Today, my young son swung a plastic pipe, it makes a kind of whistling sound as it spins around. I was standing a little too close, luckily it missed both my legs, but hit my happy sacks full on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27318

You deserved it

5481

Favorite

Kids

Breaking Badly

Race against the clock

Gas giant

By littlelia - 15/9/2019 14:00

Mirror, mirror…

Today, my fiance's mother asked him how he can be with someone with chronic pain for the rest of his life. She has chronic health problems too, but doesn't see how this is a hypocritical question. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1502

You deserved it

109

Favorite

By dammit hearing aid - 10/7/2014 22:17 - United States - Wallingford

Today, I was interviewing a woman for a job. She told me that she may need days off because of her artistic son. I jokingly replied, "Does he color on the walls or something?" She then stared at me with a weird look on her face. Autistic, her son is autistic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42741

You deserved it

22160

Favorite

By indefiniteforest - 20/2/2017 13:00 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, my roommate was complaining about a headache, so I offered her some aspirin. She looked at me like I was stupid and said, "Uh... That stuff's only for heart attacks." I'm living with an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7098

You deserved it

521

Favorite

By Drew - 6/3/2013 15:16 - United States - Great Falls

Today, I discovered that the neck injury that my mom has had since last week was planned just as an excuse not to shovel when today's snowstorm came. She has planned on being lazy for over a week now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30884

You deserved it

3099

Favorite

By justgivemethed - 25/4/2013 07:55 - United States - Westminster

Today, I was tutoring a band member. Whenever I ask him to play a D or any D scale, he stops just to snicker and say, "Ha ha. D." He still sucks. I hate his guts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42749

You deserved it

5542

Favorite

By serialkillingex - 7/5/2013 07:45 - Netherlands

Today, my ex won a writing competition. His story was inspired by our relationship. In it, I'm a serial killing prostitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53037

You deserved it

8053

Favorite

By weddinggirl - 27/8/2010 09:57 - Germany

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years finally asked me to marry him. He said: We could save taxes if we married.. what do you think? That was the most romantic thing he said to me in the last 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34325

You deserved it

10013

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/2/2012 21:10 - United States

Today, I asked my professor what happened to the assignment I gave him several weeks ago. Turns out he lost it, and graded me zero as a result. Now if I want a mark, he says I'll have to hand-write it all over again, but that I "probably shouldn't bother," because it was "a bit shit, really." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28417

You deserved it

2389

Favorite

By Argh - 3/11/2013 20:18 - France - Saivres

Today, my car keys are in my house and my house keys are in my car, and I'm in neither. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51809

You deserved it

9236

Favorite

By twoheadedboy - 6/5/2009 20:46 - Canada

Today, I got industrial toilet cleaner in my eyes. Despite the raging fire party going on behind my eyelids, I resisted the urge to stop, drop, and roll, and calmly got in the shower to wash it off. Wherein I promptly slipped, fell, and whacked my head full-force on the bathtub on the way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55448

You deserved it

4987

Favorite

By hi Mum - 11/12/2013 19:59 - United States - North Charleston

Oh, hai Mark!

Today, I learned that just because you live on a different continent, it doesn't mean your mother won't come knocking when you are having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60112

You deserved it

5174

Favorite

By confusedcatlover - 6/4/2013 11:42 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I walked in on my husband eating cat food out of the cat bowl dressed in a cat costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57105

You deserved it

6189

Favorite

By Sam - 2/12/2012 14:05 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my mom and I took my senile grandmother to the mall, since she doesn't get out much. She complained it was hot, then took her clothing off in the middle of the food court. It took us thirty minutes to make her put her shirt back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26353

You deserved it

2243

Favorite

By fml9124 - 5/9/2019 20:00

Et tu, Doggo?

Today, as usual, my neighbor's 9 year-old son came over after school. I work from home so he stays until his mom gets home. My dog mopes around the house until 3 p.m., then gets all excited because he has a friend to play with. I'm almost jealous because a dog I've had for 11 years likes him more than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1295

You deserved it

338

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/7/2014 20:44 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I tried fixing my dad's lawnmower after he said, "Girls can't change a lightbulb right, let alone fix a machine." An hour later, when I had the lawnmower running again, he bitched me out for trying to make him "look stupid." He's been sulking and acting pissy ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57713

You deserved it

5051

Favorite

By CarSick - 23/2/2011 03:55 - United States

Today, I threw up in the car. While driving. The good news though, I had a bag to catch it all. Bad news? The bag had a giant hole in the bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31289

You deserved it

3845

Favorite

By lonely - 11/1/2016 21:04 - United States - Twin Falls

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Whilst browsing the web, I clicked on an ad that said "How to Get Your Ex Back in a Day". Now I am single and have a computer virus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17217

You deserved it

22437

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/10/2015 13:45 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I was talking with some friends and the girl I like. During a lull in the conversation, she looked at me and said, "Ugh, I really wanna pop your zits." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25629

You deserved it

3397

Favorite

By inconnue - 18/3/2013 22:34 - France - Lyon

Today, it was my first time with my boyfriend, at his house, in his Dora the Explorer sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43485

You deserved it

9090

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/3/2012 22:36 - United States

Today, I had to patiently listen as a customer nattered on and on about how incompetent I was for not stocking the movie she was looking for. It took nearly 20 minutes to get her to calm down long enough for me to explain that there is no such movie as "Hobbits With Shotguns". FML

I agree, your life sucks

29652

You deserved it

2614

Favorite

By MorganRox26 - 31/12/2010 16:52 - Canada

Today, I was looking through pictures on Facebook. There was a picture of me and my friends with the caption "I love you guys!" below. I had been cropped out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33440

You deserved it

3025

Favorite

By no name - 22/2/2011 12:25

Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52820

You deserved it

4753

Favorite

By Dakota - 28/9/2017 04:30

Bad Day for a Good Boy

Today, on my way home from work, I went to the car wash. When the spray jets hit the car, my dog jumped out of his crate, into the front seat, and onto a button lowering both back windows. I got both an exterior and interior wash. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2825

You deserved it

820

Favorite

By Uwrongfodat - 9/5/2013 10:11 - United States - Denton

Today, I had my college graduation ceremony. As I was walking across the stage, some asshat, in front of over 55,000 students and staff, brazenly ran across the stage, snatched my diploma up out of the president's hand, and ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61666

You deserved it

4253

Favorite

By aineroo - 5/11/2014 21:25 - Ireland - Galway

Today, I managed to convince my sister that when you press down the diet button on the lid of a McDonald's cup it turns whatever is in there diet. I pressed the button and she started shouting how she hates diet drinks. She's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33546

You deserved it

3889

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/6/2013 13:25 - United States - Elk Grove

Today, my idiot horse decided to grab a mouthful of stinging nettles while I was riding him. He panicked at the burning sensation in his mouth and bucked me off. Don't worry, though, my fall was cushioned, by the nettles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55352

You deserved it

5472

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/4/2020 08:00

No one likes a smart-ass

Today, I accidentally stumbled on a method of getting my job done in about a third of the time, so my boss made it mandatory for all employees. Unfortunately, my coworkers now can't slack off pretending jobs take 2-3 hours, and their constant petty revenge bullying is driving me mad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1911

You deserved it

735

Favorite

By makin bacon - 8/11/2019 20:00

Bad smell

Today, my idiot roommate read somewhere that bacon grease could be used on squeaky doors and windows. Now, we're desperately trying to scrub the rancid goop out of door hinges and window tracks. Our whole place smells like rotten pig ass and death! FML

I agree, your life sucks

2025

You deserved it

397

Favorite

By Sally - 26/12/2011 11:48 - Australia

The struggle is real

Today, my friend told me how depressing it is that she hasn't had sex in two weeks. I haven't had sex in 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39489

You deserved it

5806

Favorite

By nottililgirl - 4/9/2009 03:24 - United States

Today, after taking a shower, I noticed a weird noise and asked my husband about it. "I think it's in the walls," I told him. After careful inspection, he simply turned off the electric razor I had just used to shave my legs and gave me 'that' look. I had beaten him in an IQ test not 24 hours prior. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7984

You deserved it

43982

Favorite

By Alex - 11/6/2019 14:30

Today, I was working at my job at a bank. A couple was waiting in the lobby, and not being busy, I asked what they needed. They told me that they were applying for a loan, so I asked if it was for something exciting. It was to pay for their 12-year-old son's burial expenses. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2308

You deserved it

340

Favorite

By FueledByFate - 4/2/2016 04:59 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I went to the doctor after being sick for weeks. I found out that I had bronchitis that then progressed to pneumonia. My girlfriend is hearing impaired, and when I can finally get words to come out when I speak, she can't understand them. I'm not sure who I feel more sorry for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21611

You deserved it

1763

Favorite

By waymoreiwanted - 15/2/2014 03:21 - United States - Ashland

Today, I opened up a snapchat from my best friend. I received a full and detailed view of her and her boyfriend having sex. All I wanted to know was how her Valentine's Day dinner went. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56780

You deserved it

9578

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/10/2012 19:28 - Germany - Nuremberg

Today, I saw a folder on my son's PC named "PussyPictures". I sat him down for a talk, only to be told they contained pictures of the James Bond character Pussy Galore, for his essay about sexism in movies. He's now mocking me for "having a dirty mind". FML

I agree, your life sucks

11520

You deserved it

38323

Favorite

By anonymous - 21/10/2013 06:53 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I noticed that my sweat smelled like cat food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37199

You deserved it

7165

Favorite

By anonymous - 18/6/2010 17:25 - United States

Today, I was on an airplane and had to go to the bathroom. The guy next to me was asleep and blocking the aisle. I tapped him on the shoulder, and he responded by punching me in the stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39191

You deserved it

3756

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/11/2010 16:26 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was the first time in four months since our baby was born, that I could really enjoy it. After we finished up we walked into the livingroom, where my white faced brother was sitting. He said we left the baby monitor on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15648

You deserved it

37126

Favorite

By IntimidatorStag - 6/2/2009 23:54 - United States

Today, I gave my girlfriend some non-alcoholic beer as a joke. In slurred speech, she told me I have the body of a monk seal. She then took my keys, staggered to my car, and drove away. She crashed into a tree two blocks later. She's fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26259

You deserved it

30443

Favorite

By lalala - 18/7/2010 04:02 - Philippines

Today, my best friend told me I lost weight. I was happy because I've worked hard to shed off those pounds. I asked her what changes were evident, she told me that I now have a neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30984

You deserved it

9942

Favorite

By rabbitkiller - 20/6/2015 10:42 - China - Wuhai

Today, I went to my boyfriends house to meet his parents, and now they have a dead rabbit because I sat on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27596

You deserved it

5699

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By skyeyez9 | 24

#770530 - Tuesday 12 January 2010 20:10

I never heard the slang "happy sacks" until FML.

By _Noon_ | 0

#770565 - Tuesday 12 January 2010 20:28

Happy sacks is such a lame term. Therefore YDI.

COMMENTS

By adrianlives702 | 0

#770520 - Tuesday 12 January 2010 20:04

second!

Boddmon | 0

#770635 - Tuesday 12 January 2010 21:06

Fail

iKaite | 0

#770706 - Tuesday 12 January 2010 21:50

LOL! YOU ROCK!!!!

elektrik_fml | 0

#770732 - Tuesday 12 January 2010 22:07

Haha this is the greatest first comment I've ever seen! If it was intential of course :)

But I don't get the point of saying it makes a whistline sounds as it spins around...is it just me or was that completely irrelevant lol?

pegasus77 | 0

#770763 - Tuesday 12 January 2010 22:29

His son was entertained by it.

barrymjones | 0

#770890 - Tuesday 12 January 2010 23:39

The bit about the whistling sound is relevant in that it provides sensory detail so that you can imagine how it went down. You know that thing was moving fast when it hit him.