Today, I ran to my car and zoomed to work to avoid being late. I was in such a hurry, I forgot to close all my windows. When I got back to my car, I found a dead squirrel inside. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I left my car window slightly open while I went shopping. When I returned, I discovered that what I assume to be a mischievous squirrel had got into my car and chewed through the wires in my dashboard, causing extensive damage. FML
Today, I accidentally ran over a squirrel on the road. I was late for work so I didn't stop. Later, someone keyed the word PETA into the side of my car. FML
Today, while driving my new car, a squirrel ran in front of me so I slammed on my brakes. The person behind me didn't notice and rear-ended me. The squirrel got hit by a car going the opposite direction. FML
Today, I spent an hour and a half washing my car. As I was driving down the highway, a large bird flew over my car and accidentally dropped the dead animal he was about to have for dinner. It landed on my windshield. FML
Today, I found a dead bird on my windshield. Thinking I was clever, I turned on my windshield wipers to get the bird off. Unfortunately, the dead bird fell through my open window and onto my lap. FML
Today, I found a baby squirrel on the pavement and thought I'd try and rescue it. While I googled what to do, it started running around. I tried to grab it, but it ran straight into the path of a car. FML
Today, I found my cat downstairs with a squirrel dangling from his mouth. When I saw this, I yelled at my cat to put it down. He did. Turns out the squirrel was still alive and run. I had to spend the next three hours chasing it out of my house. FML
Today, I was on a drive with my uncle. We saw a dead deer on the side of the road and expressed our pity for it. Then a squirrel runs across the road and my uncle swerves toward the squirrel, laughing hysterically and yelling, "Run rodent run." FML
Today, I swerved out of the way to avoid hitting a squirrel, and in the process hit another squirrel. FML
Today, I was running late for work. As I hurried out the door, I managed to trip over my own feet, fall off the front porch, and key my new car. FML
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Top comments
mk58 31
He was trying to jack your car when he died of a heart attack from the adrenaline rush.
iAmScrubs 19
Put the squirrel in the passenger seat with a seat belt on it. He/she can be the best friend you never had. You can walk it on a leash, have tea parties with it, and cook it dinner. OMG, I'm so excited.
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Comments (102)
mk58 31
He was trying to jack your car when he died of a heart attack from the adrenaline rush.
yummycupkake 0
once when I was younger my family left to my God mother's house and since it was in the summer, we left our basement windows half way open since there wasn't any AC down there. the night before we had a party and I'm guessing there was alcohol because when we returned there was half a bottle left of Corona and a passed out squirrel. moral of my story is be happy the squirrel wasn't drunk.
OceanBreathesSal 5
cool story bro.
dolphincheddar 10
that squirrel was a lightweight. and I'd rather laugh at a drunk squirrel than clean a dead one. anyways. how a squirrel got into your car and died within it's short visit I don't know. this whole situation sounds nuts. I hope they didn't cashew with your windows open.
iiNfAMoUs_KiiD 3
atleast you still got your car :P
The_Weirdo 10
Don't tell me you killed Hammy! He was just looking for his nuts!
agaba 0
"the weed hacker Vern THE WEED HACKER" haha lmao I love that movie
vergaso 0
ohh look another eminem fan....^^^^^ another person who doesn't wanna admit he's been gayer and gayer and even back then he was only really for kids..... when have you heard a grown man listen to eminem?mostly never and they only like him because he's white and he went through such a *struggle* growing up face it eminem sucks he's a fake and his new shit isso gay with little accents and him singing
jennabug0403 4
83 , whatcha got against eminem ? his music doesnt suck .. hes a genius ..
zzzBOLTzzz 1
Thats ''nut'' very nice.
sammeeleigh8 0
huh? ^^
cicpjaky 6
mmmmmm dinner!!!
mk58 31
*licks lips* Mmmmm, delicious.
cicpjaky 6
no need to go to the store, plus it's already dead do you save in bullets!!! it's a win win situation
everybodyluvsMEN 0
I actually wouldnt eat that if i were you... unless you like the taste of my cum
jewknowit710 2
NOM NOM NOM!!!
jmtmxer 0
29 that makes zero sense
everybodyluvsMEN 0
I was saying that I ****** the squirrel.
vergaso 0
I'm doin this for the lol but sorry 7 number 5 can't lick his lips all the way..... they're too big cause he's black hahaha
alissa222 15
sounds like somebody needs to clean their car!
zzzBOLTzzz 1
F the squirrel's life!
ImAHomosexual 0
Well he's dead now...
wordnerd42 0
OP should give it to some little girl as a new friend. "It's a squoyyel!(: It's dead."
Outsider_77 0
SURPRISE!!!!!
jackiemoonthepro 5
well if you will leave your winter nut stash o your chair
MilkShakez 0
sounds like a free meal to me
salvorican 24
If u like eating bones and fur then sure
MerrikBarbarian 9
it's called squirrel stew! I'm making some later tonight actually!
icecreammintz 0
yea and get fleas everywhere and possibly get various types of diseases, now if it was a dead winged tiger then thats a meal
F0xyTurtle 8
Obviously not... the squirrel died remember?
sydmior 10
At least you learned a valuable lesson to not rush with your windows down. As for the squirrel, its life can't be F'ed since it doesn't have one anymore. Literally.
Garyy_fml 11
My pet squirrel died today. Then someone stole it. I hope they didn't eat him.
alex6946 10
15- ahh that sounds amazing! ;D