Romance isn't dead

By Anonymous - 22/07/2021 02:01

Spicy
Today, it's been six months since I gave birth, and no matter how many times we've tried, my post baby body just doesn’t arouse my husband anymore. We still love each other, but for him to get a boner these days he has to watch a few minutes of porn first then keep his eyes closed during sex so he doesn’t go soft. FML
I agree, your life sucks 1 897
You deserved it 154

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Top comments

Before you give up or do anything rash, try talking to your Husband. What is it in specific is it that turns him off? By any chance was he in the delivery room? Did that experience have an impact on him or you? And, of course turn the lights down a bit - Not off and dark, just not blazing bright. Hopefully the two of you can work through this period and rekindle the sex drive. But without honest and non-judgmental conversation nothing gets worked out.

TomeDr 24

Porn is NOT helping! It will only make him dislike your postpartum body more. I suggest marriage counseling.

Comments

Leave him. He sounds shallow, immature, and is disrespecting you immensely. You brought a child into this world with him and he should be more mindful of that fact. He has some nerve treating you like that after what you've been through and considering he was the one who impregnated you. You deserve better.

People are fast to say "leave them" to every issue. A person can't control what they're attracted to, him having issues is a valid problem, not shallow immaturity. If they had a great relationship from before the baby (and maybe still do other than the sex problem) I believe in their ability to figure this out together!

Certainly, they can try to work this out together through therapy. Perhaps he's having mental health issues after the birth of their baby. I just can't help but see the major red flags in OP's post, especially since her husband hasn't done anything more than watching porn and shutting his eyes for months. There's still so many questions about their situation.

What surprises me is having sex only six months after giving birth. That's so hard on the body! Likely painful! I hope there's no forcing happening :/

Um, the wait time on sex is 4-6 weeks for any delivery method. If you're still in pain/rough shape after six months, you need to see your doctor because something isn't right.

How dare he treat you like that??? You do realize an erection is not something you can just will in or out of existence. If he's not physically attracted, then he's not. You can't make him be. He should be respectful and kind about it, though

That's why most people have sex in the dark. Anyone who is attractive enough to have sex with the lights on is making porn. The rest of us need to give up on the visual aspect of boinking.

I'm glad you're back, I missed your comments.

bleachedraven 14

🤣🤣🤣 he's not wrong

Marcella1016 31

“Anyone who is attractive enough to have sex with the lights on is making porn.” Holy shit I need to check my room for hidden cameras!

If you find them, send me some clips. I'll let you know if they're making it on to the web.

TomeDr 24

Porn is NOT helping! It will only make him dislike your postpartum body more. I suggest marriage counseling.

Before you give up or do anything rash, try talking to your Husband. What is it in specific is it that turns him off? By any chance was he in the delivery room? Did that experience have an impact on him or you? And, of course turn the lights down a bit - Not off and dark, just not blazing bright. Hopefully the two of you can work through this period and rekindle the sex drive. But without honest and non-judgmental conversation nothing gets worked out.

randybryant799 20

That's just wrong. If he can't get it by up because he loves you then I can't imagine having sex with him. For him to blame your body is completely unfair and ridiculous.

Getting it up has absolutely nothing to do with love. Physical attraction is the only thing that does that.

Doom_Kitty 10

Actually it hasn't neccessarily to do with you but more with the baby. Some men do have struggles to view mothers as sexual beings. Maybe it's that and he just doesn't know it? When you still love each other i'd definitely try therapy before leaving him.

My ex used to go soft during sex. Turns out, he's gay. 🤷

my gf isn't the most beautiful girl in the world but I love her immensely and I have no issue getting it up when she wants to go

Yummi_913 18

I second the suggestion for therapy. It's not uncommon for some new father's to also be affected by things like postpartum depression - which can cause erectile dysfunction, lack of libido, and other issues. It wouldn't hurt to get some professional insight if something might be going on.