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The all-time greatest FMLs

By Frenchgirl - 16/09/2011 01:42 - United States

Today, it was my first day at school in the United States. Being from France, my French accent is really strong. After being made fun of all day, I met someone from Montreal. I was so excited and said, "Parlez-vous Français?" And his response? "HUH?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 268

You deserved it 6 222

By nyatzz - 16/11/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, my landlady cut off the Internet to my flat. She says she has no use for it, and doesn't want to keep it anymore. I have 3 online assignments due in the next week, and finals the following week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 268

You deserved it 2 932

By allwrong - 16/03/2010 10:27 - Australia

Today, after years of thinking I was weird for never being attracted to anyone, I realized that for the first time in my life I actually have a crush on someone. That 'someone' is my English teacher. He is 60. I am 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 267

You deserved it 13 278

By Anonymous - 19/05/2015 14:01 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I bought my first vibrator. I was really excited, until my crippling OCD kicked in, forcing me to turn it on and off seven times in rapid succession, causing it to give off a cracking sound and stop working. Now I'm sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 266

You deserved it 12 880

Toys R Us

By J…… - 07/02/2009 21:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I went looking for a childhood doll - I remembered that my mum kept her in her bedside cabinet. I could see the doll at the back, but there was stuff in the way, so I reached in and took some of it out, only to find I was holding one of my mum's toys… a big black rubber cock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 265

You deserved it 6 998

By Anonymous - 17/10/2011 21:37 - United States

Today, I learned the hard way how easy it is to get on my boss's bad side. We were talking about reality TV shows and I'd mentioned how much I despise Snooki, and how useless to the planet she is. Now I fear for my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 265

You deserved it 6 375

Remember those vampire dudes?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, the painting I worked on for three weeks was rejected from an art contest because the rules prohibit fan art. It wasn't fan art. They mistook it for Twilight fan art. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 264

You deserved it 8 299

By Agata - 21/12/2009 16:15 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years announced that he is not ready for marriage, and won’t be for 'at least' another 2 years. Of course he waited to tell me this 2 days after he had proposed to me in front of hundreds of people, I said yes, and we announced it to all our family members and friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 262

You deserved it 2 891

By me - 30/04/2011 04:25 - United States

Today, I was sword fighting in a play when I accidentally hit the other person in the head. He called me a bitch and stormed off stage, leaving me alone with an audience of 50. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 261

You deserved it 5 210

By plantfood - 06/08/2011 06:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend showed me his penis for the first time. All I could think to say was, "That's a clean circumcision." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 258

You deserved it 9 098

plantfood tells us more.

plantfood 4

Sunday 7 August 2011 7:12

Deep conversation for FML.

By Anonymous - 10/05/2011 05:12

Today, I learned what a nail gun shooting my leg feels like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 257

You deserved it 11 977

By Anonymous - 11/08/2011 05:44 - United States

Today, I zoned out in a coffee shop for about two minutes and was brought back to reality when a woman smacked me out of my seat. Apparently I was staring at her chest while zoned out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 256

You deserved it 7 214

By Anonymous - 24/04/2015 17:39 - Qatar - Doha

Today, my boss's incompetent, lazy son got another raise. He only started working here five months ago. Since then he's been promoted twice and given a Bentley as a company car. All this while company profits are in the shitter and the rest of us are facing a wave of layoffs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 255

You deserved it 2 092

By Username - 09/05/2011 17:23 - China

Today, I made a cup of tea at work. Whilst talking to a workmate, I took a sip of the tea, which I had forgotten was boiling hot, and laughed at the same time, causing it to come out of my nose. I have blistered my whole mouth and even burnt my nostrils. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 253

You deserved it 10 559

By IngenuityAbsent - 22/02/2015 13:54 - Canada - Grimsby

Today, I had a dream where I whacked my head against my shelf. I woke up immediately after, freaked out and whacked my head against my shelf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 253

You deserved it 4 762

Praise the Lord

By Zippermania9 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that if you fall asleep in church, people will think you're having a spiritual moment, and you'll wake up to ten people praying for you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 250

You deserved it 13 888

By cantunhear - 20/12/2014 03:16 - United States - Fishkill

Today, my parents had a loud argument over who is worse in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 250

You deserved it 2 470

By badbride - 26/07/2011 17:11 - United States

Today, I accidentally slept in two hours later than I was supposed to. Today is my wedding day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 248

You deserved it 34 782

By Peter C. - 22/01/2011 05:53 - United States

Today, my friends and I were messing around with an app on my phone that makes your picture look fat. My picture looked the same before and after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 247

You deserved it 10 429

By Grindwhore - 17/09/2012 10:46 - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, I got fired for saving my company upwards of $6,000. I'm as confused as you are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 246

You deserved it 2 362

Grindwhore tells us more.

Grindwhore 2

Tuesday 18 September 2012 7:01

They have yet to give me a reason why, I'm still confused as hell.

By Anonymous - 01/01/2013 19:34 - United Kingdom - Cheltenham

Today, I discovered that if I turn my shower off for a minute, then back on again, the water comes out scalding hot. I discovered that while the showerhead was pointed directly at my genitals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 245

You deserved it 9 557

By klaatu barada nikto - 20/01/2015 13:23 - United States - Des Moines

Today, at the soup kitchen I volunteer at, a guy called the food crap and threatened to shove his bowl up my ass if I didn't give him something better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 245

You deserved it 2 697

By xXangelaXx - 21/08/2011 18:23 - United States

Today, my beloved pet chicken ran away from home. I got so distraught that my dad offered to buy me dinner. Specifically, KFC. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 245

You deserved it 6 095

Bad boy

By VtecKickIn - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was driving home with my girlfriend. As we turned onto our block, she shrieked that our dog was running down the street and into traffic. I jumped out of the moving car and chased him for about a mile, only to give up, go home, and find out it wasn't our dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 244

You deserved it 5 810

By rybread - 01/03/2010 00:34 - United States

Today, I was on a crowded el train listening to my iPod touch. As I stepped off the train, my headphones got caught on a man's jacket and my iPod fell on the floor. The doors shut. I then watched the train pull away. With my iPod on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 243

You deserved it 4 188

By CatLitterLover - 08/02/2011 06:51 - United States

Today, I dropped my Xanax. It wasn't until after I washed it down with some water that I realized it was still on the floor and I had actually swallowed a pebble of cat litter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 242

You deserved it 15 647

By Anonymous - 09/05/2012 22:09 - Egypt - Cairo

Today, I found out where all my missing panties have gone, when my 12-year-old daughter was caught selling them to the boys at school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 242

You deserved it 3 392

By hannahlorraine - 25/11/2011 03:12 - United States

Today, while I was in the shower, my very drunken mother came home. She then barged into the shower with me, still completely clothed, and gave me the longest, most awkward hug of a lifetime. After she left me still in shock, she came back and did it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 241

You deserved it 2 816

By virginat16 - 14/12/2010 11:00 - United States

Today, I got a call from a restricted number. When I answered, it was a prank call. The kids on the other end had porn on high volume and put the phone next to the speaker. Way to remind me that I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 240

You deserved it 7 808

No signal

By XxFA1LxX - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Calgary

Today, my neighbors bought a signal scrambler to stop their kids from going on the internet at night. Too bad it blocks my internet too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 240

You deserved it 2 590

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, despite me being a master-level carpenter, and my art sells for thousands, I heard my mom telling her snobby friends how embarrassed she is of me because I’m “basically unemployed” and waste my time on “hobby crafts” like a teenage nerd instead of getting “a real job” and finding a wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 126

You deserved it 125

Today, my husband and I were talking about possibly having a threesome. In his words, choosing a woman would be "a fun new experience for us to enjoy together." But choosing a man would be "forcing me to watch you cheat, and pretend that I'm okay with it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 551

You deserved it 221

Today, my pet hedgehog thought it would be funny to roll around in the kitty litter. It was like washing a poopy cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 418

You deserved it 4 584

Today, my cat tried to look outside the window in my room by climbing on top of the air conditioner. It's already rather flimsy, as she had broken the accordions with her clumsiness last year. But this time, she somehow managed to make the AC fall out of the window, and she followed along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 359

You deserved it 155

Today, I was so excited to hear my phone get a message that I jumped out of my seat. It was the TV, advertising texting plans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 415

You deserved it 5 141

Today, a police officer gave me a ticket for smoking. He told me that my parents would have to be contacted to come pick me up. My drunk dad came to the rescue, and almost hit the police car. Way to go dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 125

You deserved it 17 860