By ohyey - 29/1/2011 01:50 - Norway

Dead bed

Today, I discovered that my wife isn't cheating on me after all, as I'd feared. We just don't have sex anymore. FML

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QAnon weirdoes

Lockdown is driving us down

Recycling helps

By Fractured - 31/3/2012 01:43 - United States

Today, I fractured a bone in my knee. Now not only do I have to wear a huge knee brace for the next two months, I'll have to sit around in a hotel room all of next week while my family has fun skiing in the mountains. FML

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By squarecircles - 15/6/2019 10:46 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, while working at my unfulfilling part-time job, my colleague said, "Are you aware of how much you sigh?" And then she said, "You're too young for that." So, am I supposed to hold my breath now? FML

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By Jlipka - 22/5/2010 02:33 - United States

Today, while house sitting, I went to take my pizza out of the oven, not realizing that the oven mitt had a hole in it. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/2/2010 05:15 - United States

Today, I had an interview for a college. The college is in Rhode Island. I live on the West coast. When I asked the interviewer if they got to the mainland by boat or by some other form of transportation, he told me Rhode Island is not an island. FML

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By vlcardenx3 - 12/3/2011 21:11 - United States

Today, I was at Aéropostale with some friends when I noticed a woman glaring at me. When we got to the checkout, the woman still had her eyes on me, so I asked why she was staring. She snapped, "If you had kept your legs closed, you wouldn't be pregnant." I'm not pregnant. FML

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By secretmisery05 - 25/5/2020 17:00

Oh, hello there!

Today, my husband and I waited until the TV shut off at 11 p.m. in the next room to signal his grandmother had retired to her bed upstairs. After doing it on a very squeaky bed, we went out naked half an hour later to go to the restroom across the hall, only to discover his Nana laying on the couch. FML

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By FckMyLife - 24/3/2011 14:46 - United States

Today, while at the mall I opened a bathroom stall thinking nobody was in there. The door just didn't close properly. I hit an elderly woman in the head. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/6/2020 05:00

Extreme drying

Today, I was drying my duvet and pillows in the dryer. Apparently, one of the pillows was memory foam, which I was not aware of. It caught on fire due to the heat and nearly burned down my laundry room. FML

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By CoA - 6/9/2016 11:40 - United States - Dekalb

Today, at my new job, I realized I have been spending too much time with just my cat. As I passed some coworkers in the hall, I nodded and gave them the "slow blink of trust" that is used with cats. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/1/2010 05:30 - United States

Today, I was drinking from a water fountain. I bent over to sip the water and felt a HUGE slap on my ass. Completely confused, I turn around to see some guy with a horrified look on his face. Apparently he thought I was his girlfriend. And then I saw his girlfriend standing behind him. Giving me the evil eye. FML

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By kaitlyna15 - 1/8/2012 01:54 - United States - Bellevue

Today, while life-guarding, I had to explain to teenage boys that shoving objects up each others' butts and complaining that someone was giving them anal was inappropriate at a family facility in front of kids under the age of 10. FML

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By cjk004 - 15/2/2009 11:35 - United States

Today, I was trying on lingerie in the dressing room of Victoria’s Secret with my boyfriend next to me. I told my him in a seductive, playful tone “You can stay and watch if you give me a piece of your gum.” He said “No I only have three more” and left the room. FML

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By areyouserious - 29/2/2012 10:36 - United States

Today, I caught myself yelling at the girl in the porn I was watching for looking at the camera every other second. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/12/2009 01:23 - United States

Today, as my dad was handing me my Christmas gift, he pats me on the shoulder and says, "These were mine, hope you enjoy them as much as I did." Thinking it was something special of his he wanted to hand down to me, I quickly unwrapped the box only to find old 70's porn. Merry Christmas? FML

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By TheNaturalOrderofThingsSucks - 11/9/2012 03:13 - United States - Seattle

Today, after pouring my heart out to a beautiful girl on Facebook, and having her return the favor, she typed a final message that read, "That was my friend. Please f*ck off now. Thanks." FML

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By Anonymous - 12/8/2019 22:02 - Germany

Today, I asked my boss to pay me for the only 2 sick days I had taken in 6 months, but he didn't want to. I reminded him that it's the law now in Germany, even for part-time work, so he said OK. Two hours later, he fired me. One week before my probationary period was up. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/1/2014 15:11 - United States

Today, my mom asked me when I'm going to propose to my girlfriend. Not only was she in the room at the time, I've spent the whole week thinking of ways to break up with her without ending up in the hospital. 5ML

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By fuck no - 22/8/2015 10:18 - India - Kollam

Today, my husband wanted to use bacon grease as lube. FML

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By broke_otaku - 9/8/2009 04:21 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me to sniff his armpit to see if he was the one who smelled. I did because we are that comfortable with us. After a couple of sniffs I heard laughter. I forgot I was sitting in his living room and his family was watching me the whole time. I am now the BO finder. FML

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By GuitarNerd - 23/1/2017 22:41 - United States - Denver

Today, my mom told me that I would get to leave school halfway through the day. What she didn't tell me was that the reason I was missing school was to get 2 teeth pulled. FML

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By kirbykylestorm - 16/9/2018 20:30

Online Dating = Brutal

Today, I realised just how lonely I am. After using Tinder for about a week, I got my first match. I said hi while I was in class since I was excited, but by the time I'd gotten back home, she'd unmatched me. I've never felt so hurt by a complete stranger before. FML

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By mer - 8/2/2009 23:34 - United States

Today, I told my best friend of 10 years that somewhere along the way I fell in love with him and I think we should be together. His response: "I appreciate the sentiment." FML

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By chickennoodlesoup - 21/5/2009 01:50 - Canada

Today, I made chicken noodle soup for the girl I've been seeing to help her get over her cold. From scratch. Everything fresh save for the canned chicken stock. It took an hour in preparation and half an hour to take the bus to her place. Her first words? The celery's not cooked enough. FML

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By copper - 30/1/2011 02:20 - United States

Today, a cop pulled me over because there was a sign hidden behind a tree that said "No left turn". As I was getting my ticket, I watched as three cars turned left. The cop saw them, laughed, and said, "I guess you're the unlucky one." FML

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By NotSteve - 18/4/2009 08:19 - United States

Today, I was walking home from when I passed an old woman sitting on the curb of Walmart begging for change. I gave her my last dollar and felt good about it. Five minutes later I saw the same woman driving away in a car. I don't even own a car. FML

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By anonymous - 25/7/2013 05:47 - United States - Gerald

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, saying, "I'm not ready for a serious relationship." We're supposed to get married in a month. FML

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By >{%£•¥ - 27/11/2010 07:08 - United States

Today, right before my boyfriend and I were about to have sex, he touched his butt and says, "Oh I have a butt pimple." He then went and popped it. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/4/2011 17:34 - United States

Today, my landlord informed me that after 8 months, we are finally getting cable and internet in our house. I move out tomorrow. FML

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By shitballs_911 - 7/10/2009 11:13 - United Kingdom

Today, it was my friend's paintball party and we were doing it in a forest nearby. When I arrived at his house, his parents said they already started, so I geared up and went out there to find that there was a note on a tree. It said 'Sorry', and then twenty people jumped from bushes and ambushed me. FML

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By laughxlove - 23/8/2010 04:03 - United States

Today, I went to see my mother with my kids. Before, I had told my son to give her hugs and kisses and I would buy him candy. He did, but then he told her that I said that. FML

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By scooterbyrd - 6/11/2016 06:08

Today, I saw a photo on Facebook of all my best friends from high school together at a 50th birthday party I wasn't invited to. I knew the birthday guy for longer than any of them and introduced everyone in high school. They wouldn't even know him without me. FML

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By thatonegirl.SBS. - 29/9/2012 05:38 - United States - El Cajon

Today, I found out that my boyfriend has been seeing another girl behind my back. The kicker is that he told her I was his lazy sister and had just moved in. FML

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By daremetobecooler - 8/4/2009 15:53 - United States

Today, I saw a letter from Geneseo that invited me to apply to the honors college. Excited, I wrote the required two page essay on how I am organized. I then saw the strict deadline was March 15th. My little brother thought it would be funny to hide my mail. For the past seven weeks. FML

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By Noname - 12/3/2009 00:09 - United States

Today, I was studying for a final when I noticed all I had was a blue highlighter. I decided to drive to the store to get a yellow one. On the way there, I got $200 worth of traffic tickets for not stopping at a stop sign. I basically spent $200 because I prefer yellow highlighters over blue. FML

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By whoops - 8/7/2015 16:30 - Taiwan

Today, while visiting family in Taipei, I came across a large button that said "PUSH" on it. I was curious and pushed it. A deafening alarm then sounded for the next 10 minutes, attracting concerned neighbours and finally a security guard who informed me that I'd pushed a panic button. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/11/2018 05:00

Today, I signed for a delivery for my mom and something inside started to vibrate. I can't leave it because if she gets home and it's still vibrating she'll know I know what it is, but if I open it to turn it off, she'll know I've opened it and know what it is. Someone help me. FML

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By WhatTheF - 11/7/2016 05:42

Today, after far too many times of my brother stealing food out of my own personal mini fridge, I bought a lock and chained the handles together. I came back to find that my brother had responded by breaking the doors off their hinges. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/10/2012 22:43 - United States - Lahaina

Today, I learned that despite having told them two years ago, my parents still aren't accepting of me being gay. I found this out when my mom called and asked if I was "cured" yet. FML

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By Good_old_Grim - 23/2/2010 07:56 - Latvia

Today, I went to move my girlfriend's car. I failed to notice that the snow packed under the front bumper is actually ice. After a bit of struggle I managed to move the car. The bumper, however, is now a separate entity. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/6/2014 14:34 - United Kingdom - Ormskirk

Today, my mother-in-law confessed that for the longest time, she had fantasies about killing me for "ruining" her daughter's life, basically because I'm not wealthy enough for my mother-in-law's standards. She made sure to let me know the situation hasn't changed at all. FML

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Top comments

By summerkingsley | 0

#2019849 - Saturday 29 January 2011 9:09

lick that pussy. honestly.

By TheAftermath | 0

#2019776 - Saturday 29 January 2011 8:57

Then start making your marriage interesting dude!

COMMENTS

By robbilee | 14

#2019771 - Saturday 29 January 2011 8:56

like every other marriage out their

Reply

TheRealFamilyGuy | 5

#2019995 - Saturday 29 January 2011 9:56

I like to spice things up with lois, last night I wore this Indiana jones costume and I had to raid her lost ark. It was alright till Steven spielberg joined in and that just ruined everything...

Reply

Honesty4U | 0

#2023726 - Sunday 30 January 2011 3:10

there not their
Is no one educated in proper English any more?

Reply

theepots | 0

#2023847 - Sunday 30 January 2011 4:41

shut up, this is the internet were talking about here

Reply

LoveMySoldier82 | 0

#2025024 - Sunday 30 January 2011 14:25

Not every marriage.

Reply

ayeitsmerr | 0

#2027618 - Monday 31 January 2011 4:15

is no one understanding of a simple spelling or grammar mistake anymore?
I mean geez. get over yourself.
cool, you check over your comments 500 times to make sure everything is spick and span for what? a FML comment...ON A COMMENT?
seriously?
fail on your part, Honestly4U..
by the way..you spelled "you" wrong and you're using the wrong "for" in your user name.

Reply

atone | 0

#2042985 - Friday 4 February 2011 5:08

owned that biotch!!! oh, I'm sorry, bitch

Reply

FML102938 | 8

#4389655 - Friday 4 May 2012 7:32

Fuck my life? More like fuck my wife!

By LaidToRest48 | 9

#2019772 - Saturday 29 January 2011 8:56

sex is good at FIRST

By TheAftermath | 0

#2019776 - Saturday 29 January 2011 8:57

Then start making your marriage interesting dude!

By kcnutt10 | 1

#2019783 - Saturday 29 January 2011 8:58

*there*

By TheAftermath | 0

#2019797 - Saturday 29 January 2011 9:01

Rushing to get first Eh?

By TheAftermath | 0

#2019815 - Saturday 29 January 2011 9:03

Comment was meant for #1.

By scuba113 | 2

#2019821 - Saturday 29 January 2011 9:04

try to spice up your sex life alittle that might help. if not your life sucks

By stacster | 0

#2019823 - Saturday 29 January 2011 9:05

well if you get your balls back you should learn how to use them correctly!

By summerkingsley | 0

#2019849 - Saturday 29 January 2011 9:09

lick that pussy. honestly.

Reply

JERZBornNRaised | 7

#2021927 - Saturday 29 January 2011 17:36

hahahaha straight to the point, i like it! lmao

Reply

summerkingsley | 0

#2023740 - Sunday 30 January 2011 3:24

hahaha well really. he needs to grow some balls and satisfy her.

Reply

miles17 | 0

#2044127 - Friday 4 February 2011 13:38

amen

Reply

jaydoo | 6

#7423624 - Sunday 12 March 2017 1:37

It's very tasty.

By FYLDeep | 25

#2019851 - Saturday 29 January 2011 9:09

Then quit wasting your time not trusting in her and spend some time being romantic.