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The all-time greatest FMLs

Don't jump to conclusions

By Anonymous - 27/12/2022 03:00

Today, my girlfriend of six months broke up with me. In her words, “Liking you fucked up my brain.” Later that afternoon, she posted a story of her with another dude’s arm around her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 150

Alexa, play "Unhappy Birthday" by The Smiths

By Anonymous - 25/04/2022 04:00 - United States - Brookline

Today, it was my birthday. Nobody said anything, not even my Facebook friends, who probably got a notification about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 181

Overbearing

By LAAAAAAAZY - 24/06/2022 18:00

Today, thanks to years of verbal abuse from my mother, I can't even watch a ten-minute YouTube video without hearing her voice in my head, telling me to get off my lazy ass and do something. I can't afford therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 143

Social parasites

By Dank memes - 16/08/2021 22:01 - United States - Leesburg

Today, I can’t even find a place to rent. Every place has dozens of applications, with several offering well over asking price. I just graduated from college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 119

Drunken ramblings

By VHgolf1989 - 30/03/2022 12:00

Today, as usual, my mother had wine when she has the next day off. Three bottles deep, she started talking about an Indian burial ground that haunts the house, and she knows this because they talk to her in her dreams, so she is right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 120

A brief ray of sunshine

By Wait, I'm not happy - 17/09/2022 07:00

Today, I had an extremely great day, to the point that I actually forgot for a moment that I suffer from depression. When I remembered, I became inexplicably sad, as usual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 299

Unreasonable

By Anonymous - 21/02/2021 10:01 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my father-in-law decided to disown myself and his son, because my husband decided to hyphenate his last name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 290

High expectations

By Anonymous - 14/09/2023 08:00

Today, I was arguing with my husband how he has never told our son that he’s proud of him. Without missing a beat, he told me that when our son gets around to doing something he can be proud of, then he’ll tell him he’s proud of him. Our son is a university graduate and trainee doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 100

Sorry dude

By EatYourGreens - 21/08/2021 06:01 - Australia - Augustine Heights

Today, my four year-old very loudly asked me if the little person she saw at the shops was like that because he didn't eat his vegetables. He definitely heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 156

Are you lonesome tonight?

By Anonymous - 26/11/2021 14:01

Today, Thanksgiving Day and I have no family to spend with, all my friends are busy or out of town, and the only person actively talking to me is a random guy on Bumble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 186

Customer service

By Anonymous - 26/11/2022 12:00 - United States

Today, I went to work during Black Friday, after not being invited to my family's Thanksgiving dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 127

PSA

By Anonymous - 04/06/2023 12:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, my mother-in-law showed my five year-old a video of a dog biting a baby, complete with blood all over the baby’s face. We have a dog and a baby. I had to explain that we are careful and that she was a baby with the same sort of dog and is fine. I don’t think she believed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 177

Happy Anniversary!

By Anonymous - 29/06/2021 06:00

Today, it was my first anniversary with my husband. Not only were we mad at each other and not speaking the whole day, he doesn't even remember and spent the night out with his friends instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 300

Alexa, play "Don't Go" by Yazoo

By nexus - 22/09/2021 04:00 - Papua New Guinea

Today, my girlfriend is on her period. She hugged me, crying because she was going to miss me. Where was I going? To the store down the street and back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 169

That one weird friend

By MsSmellyFeet - 16/11/2022 04:00 - United States - Bedford

Today, my friend and I went back to my house after a gym session. After I took my shoes and socks off in the foyer, I told her to wait while I brought some post-workout smoothies. I came back to find her sniffing my socks. She stared back at me for a bit, said, "Uh, catch ya later", and left with my socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 140

Just go already!

By i…… - 07/11/2022 14:00

Today, I told my dad to go to the doctor, as he’s been hacking his lungs up every minute for a month, and I've not had a decent night’s sleep since then. He insists he’s not sick, and my mom yelled at me because she sleeps in the same room and is able to sleep through it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 88

Mah grandbabiiiiiies!!!

By Anonymous - 23/03/2023 06:00

Today, my brother-in-law's baby died due to SIDS. I called my mom, hoping to hear words of comfort for losing my nephew at such a young age, but instead she told me to not let something like this scare me into not having kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 128

Dogsbody

By Anonymous - 17/11/2021 07:58

Today, and like every day, after I'd just had finished serving a customer on one side of the store, my boss asked me to go help another one on the other side of the store, which is literally a 2-minute walk away, while 2 other staff members were besides him, doing nothing. I don't even get paid commission. FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 126

It's me!

By He who must not be named - 28/10/2022 19:00 - United States

Today, my mom struggled tried to say my name. She said my brother's name, my sister's, my dad's, my uncle's, and finally my cat's (who doesn't even have a human name) before she gave up and said, "You!" and pointed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 124

The nerve!

By Anonymous - 06/12/2021 20:01

Today, a couple of packages were stolen from our apartment doorstep shortly after being delivered. A little while later, the thief brought the torn packaging back and left them at the bottom of our stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 86

Two sides

By GET A BABYSITTER - 30/05/2023 15:00 - United States

Today, my coworker brought her two children to work again. She's normally a nice lady and pleasant to work with, but around her children she becomes a total bitch, to the point that she screams at them for simply asking her a question. Way to make a long day even more miserable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 885

You deserved it 111

Turn off your mind, relax and float downstream

By Anonymous - 07/09/2021 14:01

Today, as usual, I'm receiving constant texts and calls. I'm socially exhausted and just want to be left alone, but everyone I complain to just thinks I’m bragging about my popularity. Including my therapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 885

You deserved it 421

Desperate times call for desperate measures

By Anonymous - 05/05/2024 19:00

Today, I found out my parents only got pregnant with me because they were desperate for a bone marrow match for my brother, who ended up dying before I was born, and who I had no idea existed. What’s even more messed up is that they gave me his name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 885

You deserved it 94

Belly bounce

By Somehow fat and flat at once - 08/06/2022 14:00

Today, my mother gave me a dress she'd made for herself at twenty five. I’m seventeen. It fits around the stomach but is gappy all around my butt and boobs. Thank you for reinforcing my theory that I’m somehow both flat and fat at the same time, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 885

You deserved it 260

Keep it hidden

By Anonymous - 13/11/2021 05:01

Today, I posted in one of my groups about my lupus and rheumatoid arthritis, and took a pic of my feet to show some of the problems that come along with these diseases (like we all do). Facebook actually covered it, saying it could be offensive! Well damn, talk about their double standards on bullying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 885

You deserved it 196

Not safe for work

By Anonymous - 02/11/2019 00:02

Today, I went to move an intimate, very NSFW Word document to a secure folder on my phone. Instead, I accidentally sent it to a printer somewhere in my office building at work. I don't know which of my 40 coworkers or managers has it on their printer for when they arrive tomorrow morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 885

You deserved it 2 348

Stranded

By Anonymous - 27/12/2020 01:01 - United States - Saint Joseph

Today, my husband found out that not only has he tested positive for influenza A, but also has tested positive for Covid 19. My work won't let me return until I have isolated for 14 days from someone with Covid. Our house is really small. FML

I agree, your life sucks 885

You deserved it 174

Cart Narcs will get ya!

By May - 10/01/2021 20:01

Today, my dad forced me to leave my empty shopping cart in the middle of a store, rather than return it to the corral. My dad’s word is law, and all I can think about is how much of an asshole I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 885

You deserved it 274

Seize the means

By Anonymous - 21/06/2022 00:00

Today, the person recently hired to work in my spot during my days off started at a higher hourly rate than me, after I have been here for nearly three years. I asked for a raise and got a dollar more; meanwhile, my regional counterparts make 4 dollars more per hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 885

You deserved it 178

Used car, one careful owner

By Anonymous - 24/04/2021 23:01 - United States - High Springs

Today, after searching online and in the newspaper for an affordable used vehicle, I finally came across one that wasn't a scam or the seller lying about the actual condition of the vehicle. It was legit and and sold about 10 minutes after the seller gave me his info for me to go look at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 885

You deserved it 100

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The Top

Today, a customer checking out a camera at my pawnshop asked if the memory cards got erased. I said yes. He asked if I had a case for it and I left to get it. I came back and the guy said, "There's naked pictures on this memory card!" I Look at the LCD screen and it's a picture of his own dick, which he'd just taken in the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 660

You deserved it 110

Today, my dad was putting seasoning salt into his mashed potatoes, when the lid came off and poured a ton of salt into the pot. My parents hate wasting food, so we still had to eat it. I think my taste buds are broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 344

You deserved it 2 891

Today, I was at a sandwich shop and couldn't help but secretly remove a loose hair from a girl standing in front of me. I yanked it and she instantly began screaming and crying. It was in fact a very long mole hair. The thing started bleeding like a gunshot wound. My apologies went unnoticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 871

You deserved it 168 681

Today, as the clock struck twelve for the new year, I was in the bathroom having a nosebleed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 469

You deserved it 4 161

Today, while at work I passed out due to my blood sugar not being normal. Despite the fact that it took 10 minutes to wake me, no one thought I was in any sort of danger. After the episode, I then got fired for "sleeping on the job." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 425

You deserved it 2 983

Today, I got a bikini wax. They said it wouldn't hurt too badly, and that it would just sting. My friend heard me screaming from all the way down the hall in the waiting room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 246

You deserved it 20 060