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The all-time greatest FMLs

Follow through

By Anonymous - 21/07/2022 16:00

Today, my kid was on an app that makes fart noises. After too many minutes of this, I wrestled the phone away. He then went on to make real farts. Stinky ones. Then, had the inevitable shart, along with hysterical laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 282

Missing out

By Anonymous - 08/07/2021 00:02

Today, after I gave notice to quit my job 3 weeks ago, and my last day is tomorrow, I found out that all overtime is now $40 an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 234

I don't want to know

By LoneFox - 18/04/2022 18:00 - Denmark - Thisted

Today, I heard my ex, the woman I am still in love with and want to get back together with, say she had sex with her boyfriend this morning. It affected me so bad, I started getting physically ill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 906

Strangely specific

By Anonymous - 12/07/2023 10:00

Today, it's been 2 years of finally being on the right dosage of thyroid medication and going to the gym. I'm now 130lbs down from my heaviest weight. I just received an unprompted invite to be an event model at a local dungeon that only caters to fat fetishists. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 188

The Voice

By Anonymous - 06/09/2021 05:01

Today, my boyfriend took our dog to the vet because he heard him whining in pain this morning. It was actually me singing in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 296

Rookie mistake

By hayley - 05/12/2021 20:00

Today, I was taking a nap when my dad texted me, asking me to go check the mail. So I went outside, then the wind blew the front door shut, and it automatically locked. I didn’t have my key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 300

Cougar

By Anonymous - 04/07/2022 18:00

Today, I had a sex dream about a coworker I've known for a few weeks. He's a lovely guy, but is not someone I'd usually be attracted to. He's also 18, and I'm 29. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 325

Sticky situation

By Anonymous - 05/12/2020 12:28 - Canada - Holyrood

Today, all was going fine until I had a tickle in my throat, which turned into a coughing fit. Only to cough for the last time and shart my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 149

High expectations

By Anonymous - 14/09/2023 08:00

Today, I was arguing with my husband how he has never told our son that he’s proud of him. Without missing a beat, he told me that when our son gets around to doing something he can be proud of, then he’ll tell him he’s proud of him. Our son is a university graduate and trainee doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 101

Don't blame the dog!

By Anonymous - 22/04/2023 10:00

Today, I realized that it's not just the dog who's cockblocking me and not letting me get close. My girlfriend, whom I live with, rejects practically every advance. Of course, during her shark week, at least I get an excuse. I average once a month if I'm lucky. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 420

Rent-a-wreck

By PolarBear2020 - 11/02/2023 14:00

Today, I was driving my rented car on the highway at 60 mph when I realized that the brakes had gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 101

By Lying - 24/07/2014 06:09 - China - Shenzhen

Today, travelling in China, I was told to write a wish on a ribbon attached to a stone, and then throw it into a tree. The higher the wish lands, the greater the chance that it’ll come true. My wish landed in a trashcan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 104

Three's company

By Anonymous - 12/10/2023 18:00

Today, it was the marathon. My girlfriend, has a unique name spelling, ran and I cheered and passed her supplies at two different mile markers. I then noticed a guy I’d never met who had signs with her name at the same mile markers. She was too lazy to split up both her boyfriend’s mile markers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 100

Plumbing issues

By oops - 25/01/2023 03:00

Today, I realized that sometimes when I sneeze, I pee a little. I’m 28 years-old and I've never had kid; I’m even a virgin. This shouldn’t be happening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 172

Late bloomer

By Forever Lonely - 13/06/2023 22:00 - South Africa - Centurion

Today, I saw one of my best friends having sex with a girl at a party. It was the first time I'd ever seen a girl naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 262

Tired as hell

By Anonymous - 17/08/2021 02:01

Today, I have to wake up in 3 hours for work, the medicine that should've made me sleep 8 hours straight failed and I woke up an hour later, not being able to sleep anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 73

By booboo300 - 29/04/2019 00:00

Today, I was supposed to have sex with my ex after he’d been out of town for a week. After a lot of build up and sexting last night, I woke up sick and he hurt his leg. It’s like our bodies are telling us not to sleep together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 2 460

Happy sad

By Anonymous - 23/06/2022 16:00

Today, during our date, I burst into tears like a nutjob because out of the 10 or so guys I’ve gone out with since I turned 17, literally none of them have been as nice to me as this one has. I got so emotional, we had to leave because of everyone staring at us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 285

Butt stuff

By Anonymous - 27/02/2023 05:00 - United States - Springfield

Today, I found a strange brown ball while emptying my husband's underwear from the dryer, more like a marble-sized pellet. It was exactly what it sounds like: a ball of shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 107

No pain, no gain

By SailorVenus93 - 26/02/2021 02:01 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, I woke up with a sore clitoris. I haven't had sex with my boyfriend for weeks, but I did masturbate yesterday. I guess I can't get horny without feeling pain afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 218

Pissed

By pl. - 03/06/2021 21:59

Today, while on a road trip, I stopped at a gas station and told my kids to go to the restroom. My youngest daughter said, "I had to go earlier, but not anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 168

Thanks, I guess…

By leogs23 - 03/06/2021 06:01

Today, I was taking a shower with my girlfriend when she 'complimented' me by saying, "You’re cute, like a rat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 161

English very good

By Anonymous - 16/04/2022 16:00

Today, I slept in my parents’ room because there was a mouse in mine. My father speaks English as a second language, and is telling everyone that we’re sleeping with each other. Thankfully I’m old enough for it to just sound gross, not illegal. The last thing we need is a CPS visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 141

You helped her see the light

By losercancer - 23/04/2021 23:30 - Georgia

Today, my girlfriend left me, saying she'd started to appreciate herself more with the help of a therapist. That I paid for her to visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 230

Unfair failing

By Mistakes were made - 24/10/2022 23:00 - United States

Today, while I was taking a test in class, there was a question that had everyone stumped. After what seemed like forever, the teacher finally noticed and said he'd typed the question wrong. I spent more than half the time I had to complete the test on a question that wasn't even written correctly. Yes, I failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 461

Moobs are great

By FML_Fan86 - 23/01/2021 20:02

Today, I finally got a "sexy" pic from my boyfriend. It was his man boobs. They're bigger than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 241

.- ... ... .... --- .-.. . ...

By Anonymous - 24/06/2022 06:00

Today, I learned Morse code. My whole family said it was useless, and that I'm wasting my life away. I just wanted to learn a new skill in my free time… FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 123

I don't like to move it, move it

By Anonymous - 22/03/2020 09:30

Today, I realized just how sedentary both my work and home lives are after I went to the doctor with a rash on my butt and he diagnosed it as bedsores from near constant sitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 1 249

I need a wipe!

By Not funnu - 23/10/2022 04:00 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, I crashed my motorbike and broke both my arms. I now have to rely on my mom and aunt taking turns to do everything for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 265

Classic blunder

By Jake404 - 10/07/2023 00:02 - Australia

Today, I went on a blind date that my friend set up at a coffee shop. I arrived early, feeling nervous but excited. As I sat waiting, I noticed a person waving at me from across the room. I smiled and waved back, only to realize that they were actually waving at someone behind me. My date never showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 126

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The Top

Today, while I finished my business with my girlfriend, she asked if I used Viagra. I replied, "No I never use Viagra." She responded with, "You should." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 187

You deserved it 421

Today, my dad awkwardly asked me how to selectively clear his browser history. Apparently, my mom discovered his browsing habits and tore him a new one for looking at "nothing but vile smut". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 976

You deserved it 3 490

Today, my dad introduced me as his pet orangutan. I'm a redhead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 607

You deserved it 2 696

Today, after I got turned down for yet another job, my dad glanced up at me and casually remarked that porn is always a stable market. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 483

You deserved it 6 658

Today, my twin sister gave birth and somehow now weighs less than before she was pregnant. She also has huge boobs now and not a stretch mark in sight. Meanwhile, I’m still carrying an extra 15 pounds, even though I gave birth 5 years ago, and so many stretch marks I look like a fat zebra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 538

You deserved it 354

Today, I went to the park and sat down on a bench to enjoy my coffee. I heard a few young girls behind me talking about how their first experience of sex was. I turned around to see how old these girls really were. One of them was my daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 359

You deserved it 7 556