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The all-time greatest FMLs

Startled

By Achoo - 24/09/2022 13:00 - United States

Today, I tried to introduce myself to the stray cat outside my house. As it turns out, this cat is very friendly. He got up and started climbing on my shoulders like a parrot, sniffing me everywhere. Then I sneezed and he fell, scratching my back and neck very badly as he did so. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 343

Classic

By Daniel - 09/08/2021 16:01

Today, at work, I casually mentioned I was meeting some friends for dinner. My co-worker's response was, "You have friends?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 106

By Anonymous - 15/07/2019 18:00

Today, I realised the recruiter for the Navy lied to me. This shit ain't fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 2 451

By booboo300 - 29/04/2019 00:00

Today, I was supposed to have sex with my ex after he’d been out of town for a week. After a lot of build up and sexting last night, I woke up sick and he hurt his leg. It’s like our bodies are telling us not to sleep together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 2 453

Take your time

By Easy-bake oven - 14/08/2022 14:00

Today, after I’ve been head-over heels crushing on a girl for years, she finally told me she felt the same. A month after I'd moved to a different country forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 250

Demonic

By sarcastic_centipede - 09/06/2021 06:02

Today, my mom told me to take the trash out. I started to, but then I saw that the trash can had been rolled out to the curb, so I went to my room to put on shoes. My mom apparently took this as me deciding not to take the trash out, as she not only yelled at me, but growled and hissed as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 105

Unpleasant

By Anonymous - 13/05/2023 14:00 - United Kingdom - Barnsley

Today, my brother tried to sit on my head and fart, except he followed through. It didn’t make it past his trousers but for a few brief seconds before he ran to the bathroom I could smell it and feel how warm it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 105

Worst party ever

By Dumbass - 10/01/2019 12:00

Today, I got too drunk at a party and cracked a tooth from opening a beer bottle with my teeth, farted something nasty in a room alone with someone, tried to climb a tree and fell out, and watched my crush make out with his new girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 4 075

You helped her see the light

By losercancer - 23/04/2021 23:30 - Georgia

Today, my girlfriend left me, saying she'd started to appreciate herself more with the help of a therapist. That I paid for her to visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 226

Gross dude

By summer - 26/03/2021 21:30

Today, I had to beg my boyfriend to get him to take a shower and brush his teeth. This is a basic weekly argument. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 338

You mug

By IHateMyLife - 25/03/2021 02:01 - Germany - Stuttgart

Today, it should have been my day off from work because I did a lot of night shifts. At 6 a.m., my boss called told me that my day off was canceled, because a coworker is ill. Now I'm sitting here on a night shift with a pinched nerve in my shoulder and a lot of pain, just because I stretched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 80

Unfair failing

By Mistakes were made - 24/10/2022 23:00 - United States

Today, while I was taking a test in class, there was a question that had everyone stumped. After what seemed like forever, the teacher finally noticed and said he'd typed the question wrong. I spent more than half the time I had to complete the test on a question that wasn't even written correctly. Yes, I failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 459

Three's company

By Anonymous - 12/10/2023 18:00

Today, it was the marathon. My girlfriend, has a unique name spelling, ran and I cheered and passed her supplies at two different mile markers. I then noticed a guy I’d never met who had signs with her name at the same mile markers. She was too lazy to split up both her boyfriend’s mile markers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 99

Hi-Di-Hi!

By Jeff Turner - 20/12/2022 06:00 - United States

Today, I was preparing to leave my campsite when I noticed that my neighbors were trying to put up a canopy. I walked over and said, "Do you need a hand?" Then I noticed the man had a prosthetic hook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 161

Leaked internals

By Poopy pants - 12/06/2023 12:00

Today, my anus has given up the ghost. Now if I vomit, have a violent coughing fit, or orgasm too intensely, I will shit myself. Even if I have absolutely no gas or need to go. I'm scared to leave the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 139

Mind your own business

By janie - 10/01/2021 17:01

Today, I'm so skinny that I was told to, “Eat a burger.” While I was eating a burger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 166

We have so much in common

By Frank - 19/09/2022 09:00

Today, my girlfriend of 4 years confessed to me that she had sex with my best friend before she started to date me. Funny thing is, I'm bi and had sex with the same best friend at around the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 688

Teenagers…

By LieutenantDimwit - 30/04/2021 18:01 - Jordan

Today, my uncle picked up a tissue box and threw it at my sister for fun. My sister got mad and yeeted the box at me. I reacted with the same action, but she lost her crap and kicked and punched me. When I reported the incident to my parents, I get berated and my sister got away with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 175

Off his **** on placebos

By being this dumb should hurt - 17/03/2023 18:00 - United States

Today, I had to stop my son from climbing out the window, slithering on the stairs like a snake, and attempting to call 911 to help bring him down from his “bad trip”. What caused all this? His older brother convinced him the dried mushrooms in the kitchen were ‘shrooms and the idiot beloved him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 165

Memory low

By emma - 24/12/2020 05:02

Today, while my mom was explaining the house rules surrounding the towels, I took out a notepad and began taking notes. She snatched it away and threw it across the room. I need the notes or else I’ll forget. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 185

How very dare you?

By Anonymous - 16/08/2023 04:00

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he "couldn't handle the distance." He said he "couldn't commit to driving to see me long term." We live two hours apart, and I've driven to him every time; he never tried to come to me once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 157

Butt stuff

By Anonymous - 27/02/2023 05:00 - United States - Springfield

Today, I found a strange brown ball while emptying my husband's underwear from the dryer, more like a marble-sized pellet. It was exactly what it sounds like: a ball of shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 106

Leave some for the rest of us

By Fourth Wheel - 15/07/2021 11:01

Today, I met up with a couple I know, who wanted to introduce me to someone. I thought they were setting me up with her, but no. They were coming out as polyamorous, and she was their new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 153

The Voice

By Anonymous - 06/09/2021 05:01

Today, my boyfriend took our dog to the vet because he heard him whining in pain this morning. It was actually me singing in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 294

Sleep tight

By Anonymous - 29/03/2021 21:30

Today, my depression caused me to sleep through my appointment to try and get more antidepressants. We love mental instability. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 135

Rookie mistake

By hayley - 05/12/2021 20:00

Today, I was taking a nap when my dad texted me, asking me to go check the mail. So I went outside, then the wind blew the front door shut, and it automatically locked. I didn’t have my key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 297

Fast and Furious

By Anonymous - 02/03/2020 01:00

Today, my girlfriend were having sex. When I finished, she whispered in my ear, "30 seconds." FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 1 821

Pissed

By pl. - 03/06/2021 21:59

Today, while on a road trip, I stopped at a gas station and told my kids to go to the restroom. My youngest daughter said, "I had to go earlier, but not anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 168

Tense

By Anon - 06/04/2021 07:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my doctor told me if my blood pressure gets any higher, he could use me to reinflate the air in his tyres. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 158

Tough choice

By SickAndTired - 18/09/2021 05:00

Today, I have an acute URI and acute bronchitis. The cough syrup works amazingly well to stop the coughing, but if I take the cough syrup it gives me insomnia. So I get to choose: do I want to spend all night coughing, or spend all night tossing and turning? FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 84

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The Top

Today, I came into work late, tried to sneak in, but got caught by my supervisor. Usually I wake up at 7am, hit the road around 7.30, arrive at work before 8am. Today I woke up at 5am, thought that I could go back to sleep for 2 hours, I went back to bed. When I woke up, it was already 9am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 755

You deserved it 601

Today, while walking across campus, I stopped to look at my reflection in a window. I straightened my bra straps and then turned to the side to dig a wedgie out. It wasn't until I heard peals of laughter that I realized I couldn't see IN the classroom, but they could see OUT. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 523

You deserved it 36 097

Today, following a 6-hour roundtrip after having lost both games from a baseball doubleheader, I was pleasantly surprised to see that my 4-year-old son was still up. After updating him on the day's results, he went off to bed with the words, "Good night, loser." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 937

You deserved it 1 251

Today, two days after leaving hospital with a broken left leg, I tripped and fell heavily on the floor. My dad quickly asked if I'd broken my other leg. When I reassured him that I hadn't, he disappointedly muttered that it would've been a hilarious story to tell his friends at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 582

You deserved it 2 385

Today, my laziness reached a whole new level when I caught myself skipping the longer FML stories to read the shorter ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 497

You deserved it 13 828

Today, I shat a magnet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 688

You deserved it 35 764