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The all-time greatest FMLs

Bad sign

By Anonymous - 24/02/2022 02:01

Today, I found out that a girl I had been seeing for two months used her having a brain tumor as an excuse to break up with me. She said she wouldn’t feel good for three months because of treatment, but then a month into "treatment", she posted a picture on a date with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 146

Stop! Hammertime!

By Anonymous - 17/07/2022 00:00

Today, my husband picked up and threw a hammer which smashed a hole in the plastic side of the conservatory, that daylight and rain can now get through, all because he “thought” he saw a mouse, which turned out to be one of my fluffy slippers half hidden under a chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 154

Ever get the feeling you've been cheated?

By TiredOfItAll - 21/09/2022 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, after I spent months trying to show a woman we can be besties, because she thought I only wanted sex (which I totally don't), we've talked every day, texted, shared videos, ect. Now she has a boyfriend and doesn't have time for friends, let alone a bestie. I should've never tried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 565

FOOTBALL player reveals TRUTH!

By fml9124 - 28/01/2021 20:01

Today, I told my wife Philip Rivers retired. Being born and bred in Baltimore, she hates anything Colts now. "Philip is a stupid name", she says. I pointed out my middle name is Philip. She laughed, then said, "Are you serious?" We've been married 33 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 136

The Conquest of Bread

By Anonymous - 26/04/2021 11:00 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around, tickling each other. He grabbed my stomach roll and told me it looked like a baguette. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 271

Walk it off

By Anonymous - 14/07/2022 17:00 - United States - Tucson

Today, I woke up at 5 a.m. because my throat was swelling up. I called 911 and they determined that I would live, so I took two Benadryl and slept all day. Then I went to urgent care for my scheduled appointment time and tested positive for Covid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 223

Worked out

By leigh - 18/06/2021 14:01

Today, three days after receiving the vaccine, I was finally able to lift weights again. At the beginning of the workout, I broke my finger. Lifting weights is the one thing that keeps me from being depressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 175

Quack detector

By gummy - 13/03/2022 20:00 - United States

Today, my date told me that he, his parents, and grandparents, believe that all doctors, but especially dentists, are nothing but drug-pushing crooks, and therefore completely unnecessary. Oh and the fact that they’ve all lost their teeth is “genetic” and has nothing to do with their hygiene. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 87

More cowbell

By Piitaaraq Vaisanen - 24/09/2021 05:00

Today, I was editing sound on a recording of a live music show. The woman who hired me said she wanted less reverb. I told her that this is how the recording was and I can't magically remove acoustic reverb from something recorded in a church. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 107

But they're so cute…

By Anonymous - 03/01/2023 12:00

Today, I went to a restaurant in a casino, thinking I wouldn’t have to deal with any kids. There was one family with rowdy toddlers and a baby, all crying and being loud. Guess where the restaurant seated us? There goes my child-free outing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 254

This job sucks

By Rafael - 14/01/2022 20:01

Today, the thirteenth new hire quit at the call center I work at, while still in training. We just started last week with a wave of 20 new hires. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 277

Sunshine of my life

By Anonymous - 14/04/2021 15:30 - United States - Toledo

Today, while watching a news clip about NASA's Mars helicopter, Ingenuity, my wife asked me if Mars has a sun. She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 175

Never mix business with pleasure

By LiarLiarPantsOnFire - 17/12/2022 21:00

Today, the girl I work with, who I’ve developed feelings for, started dating another guy at work. She’d told me that she “doesn’t believe” in dating coworkers and she doesn’t “shit where she eats.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 302

Deep fried eggs

By Anonymous - 09/07/2022 18:00

Today, after I broke up with my boyfriend about two weeks ago, I didn't think much of it since we haven't spoken, I went out on a date last night with an old friend, came back home and went to sleep… When I got up for work, I went out to my car to find someone had egged it. It still won't come off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 136

Snot machine

By Anonymous - 07/11/2022 16:00

Today, I had to supervise my 9 year-old nephew taking a shower, because he won't wash with soap or shampoo unless someone makes him. Instead, he blows three-inch-long green and brown boogers out of his nose that dangle from his nostril. He's disgusting and hasn't even hit puberty yet. This is future of the world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 176

Freaked out

By bby - 16/02/2022 14:00

Today, I was at Walmart and I asked an employee for help. She turned around with tears streaming down her face and said, “I'm kind of in the middle of an emergency right now!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 243

I'll give you something to mope about

By Anonymous - 22/10/2021 11:00

Today, I got fired from my low-paying, depression-inducing job. At least now I have a "real reason" to be depressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 131

Fragile

By HashiManGo - 02/09/2022 14:00

Today, my girlfriend's bastard ex whispered in my ear that, "she used to suck my cock with that mouth, think about that the next time she tries to kiss you." Now it's all I can picture every time she kisses me, and it's lowkey disgusting, and turns me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 2 016

What the hell did you do?

By Anonymous - 13/08/2021 07:01 - United States - Steele

Today, while at a family reunion, my parents kept bringing up horrible things I did when I was about 4-6 years-old that I've been trying to forget for decades. After a while, I just stormed out. When I came back in the room, my dad had the nerve to ask me why I left and why I wasn't talking to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 164

NYC public transport

By Anonymous - 04/12/2020 17:02 - United States - New York

Today, there was a pretty girl sitting near me on the train home. I thought about asking for her number., but instead a drunk nitwit decided to wander around the car and came very close to touching her. She got up and moved to the other end, while I had to deal with a belligerent hobo who was now intent on fighting me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 192

Too demanding

By Anonymous - 23/06/2022 18:00 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, my work decided to fire me. Three days ago, I sat down with my boss and asked if they could fix the sewage leak in my office, and maybe look into how loud it is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 83

It's all too much

By Anonymous - 23/06/2022 05:00 - United States - Steele

Today, I discovered that in addition to being an autistic HSP, I also suffer from misophonia, hyperacusis, and tinnitus. My audiologist has described me as having, "the worst case of abnormally sensitive hearing she has ever seen in her life." I rarely leave my house anymore. I wish I was deaf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 126

Coming through!

By Fender bender - 10/09/2022 05:30 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I was driving around a parking lot, looking for an empty spot. Someone was backing out a bit too quickly as I was about to pass by, so I honked to announce myself. The driver instead panicked and reversed into my front bumper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 249

It's The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Like Shit)

By The lights will flicker on...and off... - 18/12/2022 18:00

Today, the massive snowstorm that has been mercilessly attacking my city for the past week started causing random, brief blackouts every 2-5 minutes. I'm very sick, so the last thing I need is for this house to be cold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 148

Silver linings

By Jessé - 23/11/2021 23:01

Today, after going to the convenience store and getting my card declined, the clerk let me come back home with all the things I'd bought so I could look for money and pay with cash instead, so I went back to pay a few minutes later. Karma paid back the goodwill 3 minutes later by making me burn my left hand with boiling water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 247

It's the thought that counts

By Anonymous - 22/03/2023 00:00

Today, I drove two hours to secretly buy an antique book my wife has been looking for for 30 years since her childhood copy was lost in a house fire. There was one other guy there interested in buying it, we were both cash buyers but with one difference: I was the one who forgot his wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 358

Lost in translation

By ThatLove - 28/05/2023 00:02

Today, my boyfriend lamented that I do not profess my love for him as often and poetically as he does his for me. I try my best, but he's Italian and I am German, and this is not a level playing field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 169

Health tip

By Anonymous - 12/10/2023 16:02 - United States - Laramie

Today, I was hanging with my mates when we found an old pregnancy test. Since I’m a guy, we thought it’d be hilarious if I took it. It came out positive, so we were roaring with laughter. That is, until someone looked up why. Turns out, I might have cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 127

Brain fog

By Anonymous - 01/05/2021 20:01

Today, I was at the dentist and got laughing gas to lessen the anxiety I get from the numbing shots. When I was good and "relaxed", an assistant leaned real close and said, "Open wide." I just stared back at her and widened my eyes. She had to clarify she was talking about my mouth. Duh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 271

Mopping mad

By samdog37 - 01/12/2020 14:06

Today, my brand-obsessed sister bought $200 shorts. She was cutting the tag off of them in the kitchen and left them on the counter. I went into the kitchen, poured me some coke, and spilled it all over the counter. I thought the shorts were a rag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 377

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The Top

Today, I found out that there's nothing like having to chase a 100-something pound Bloodhound around the neighborhood when you're 8 months pregnant, with a 3 and 4 year-old in tow. Especially when she runs the other way at the sight of you coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 010

You deserved it 4 391

Today, I went to a Dodger game with my crush. Between innings, the "Kiss cam" came up on the big screen. The camera happened to land on us, and when my crush saw us on the screen, he leaned away from me and buried his face in his hands. Everyone saw, and sympathetically said "Awww." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 249

You deserved it 3 657

Today, while getting ready to welcome my first child into the world, my father in law decided to "help out" and threw out a bunch of papers I needed. Like my child's application for a health card, social insurance number, and my birth plan, as well as instructions from my doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 049

You deserved it 3 727

Today, I invited my boyfriend over to watch a movie with myself and a few friends. He got drunk, talked during the entire movie, fell into and broke my fan and then threw up all over my roommate's bathroom. He is still leaning over the toilet and my fan sounds like a woodpecker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 134

You deserved it 542

Today, I was informed by my next door neighbor that they heard me singing in the shower last night. I laughed and she told me that the family gathers in their upstairs room closest to my bathroom window to guess which song I'm singing. Every night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 630

You deserved it 6 614

Today, I went to the doctor for a suspicious lump under my armpit, so he suggested a breast examination. While pressing all over them he said, "We're gonna have to send you for an X-ray because you have the most lumpy breasts I've ever felt in my life." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 885

You deserved it 604