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The all-time greatest FMLs

The nerve!

By Anonymous - 06/12/2021 20:01

Today, a couple of packages were stolen from our apartment doorstep shortly after being delivered. A little while later, the thief brought the torn packaging back and left them at the bottom of our stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 87

Worst prank ever

By Dexter - 21/05/2023 18:00

Today, I was in school when I got up to ask the teacher a question. For no reason, the guy sitting next to me punched me in the gut so hard I collapsed and saw stars. The teacher simply rolled her eyes and told me to get back to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 117

Belly bounce

By Somehow fat and flat at once - 08/06/2022 14:00

Today, my mother gave me a dress she'd made for herself at twenty five. I’m seventeen. It fits around the stomach but is gappy all around my butt and boobs. Thank you for reinforcing my theory that I’m somehow both flat and fat at the same time, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 264

Used car, one careful owner

By Anonymous - 25/04/2021 05:01 - United States - High Springs

Today, after searching online and in the newspaper for an affordable used vehicle, I finally came across one that wasn't a scam or the seller lying about the actual condition of the vehicle. It was legit and and sold about 10 minutes after the seller gave me his info for me to go look at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 101

Are you calling me fat?

By hannah - 05/08/2022 12:00

Today, I was talking on the internet about my goal to get back up to a healthy weight. Their responses consisted of, “Uh, don’t you mean DOWN?” No, I meant up. I had a stomach condition for months that made me puke if I so much as thought about food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 144

Deep fried eggs

By Anonymous - 09/07/2022 18:00

Today, after I broke up with my boyfriend about two weeks ago, I didn't think much of it since we haven't spoken, I went out on a date last night with an old friend, came back home and went to sleep… When I got up for work, I went out to my car to find someone had egged it. It still won't come off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 137

Leave me alone

By Antisocial, I guess - 23/11/2022 04:00 - United States

Today, I got yelled at for having a set of headphones around my neck at all times, because it "makes me seem disinterested." Two things: 1. I have established myself as a very good listener among my peers; 2. I'm autistic, so I need the headphones readily available at all times to cope with loud environments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 146

That's not how any of this works

By Not your bulter - 25/04/2023 06:00

Today, my fiancée's life ambition is to become a "couch slug" so she presented me with a brilliant plan: She wants to go on medical leave from work and apply for disability payments. She's perfectly capable, just extremely lazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 228

Feeling faint

By jacey - 12/06/2021 02:01

Today, I discovered that my body will go straight to “weak and lightheaded” before it even considers “hungry.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 102

The movie of my life

By Anonymous - 19/11/2020 05:02

Today, I learnt my boyfriend has just been using me for character development for the last 5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 147

Customer service

By Anonymous - 26/11/2022 18:00 - United States

Today, I went to work during Black Friday, after not being invited to my family's Thanksgiving dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 128

Cartoonish

By mr_dinzaster - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, a dog came into my yard. I bent down to pet him, forgetting I had a burger in my hand. The dog grabbed it and ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 2 258

Home invasion

By Anonymous - 08/05/2022 00:01 - Canada

Today, I’m living out of a suitcase this week, so that my ex-boyfriend, who moved across the country and was going to stay with me for a little while, can quarantine in my house with his girlfriend, who I requested wasn’t in my house in the first place. They didn’t ask, just decided while I wasn’t home that it was okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 447

Go to a doctor

By norelaxtime - 20/04/2021 14:00 - United States - Lexington

Today, I spent all day on the toilet trying to pee and when I did, very little would come out. I would stand up, sit on the couch then go back to the toilet. I have been going to the bathroom around 30 times, including last night trying to fall asleep. Worst day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 99

Tonight, on First Dates…

By Anonymous - 14/02/2023 22:00

Today, I took my date to a restaurant but I had no idea how picky of an eater she is. Our waiter had to practically use 3 pages in his notebook just to write down all her special requests for this single meal. By the end, I could see he really wanted to ask if she was being serious or taking the piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 121

Tooth hurty

By Anonymous - 28/10/2022 00:00 - Germany

Today, I asked my dentist for a sick note so I could get my lost filling put back in ASAP. According to her, being in pain 24/7 is not a medical condition that would justify immediate treatment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 108

You wouldn't let it lie

By Anonymous - 08/12/2021 13:59 - United States - Verona

Today, I couldn't have a conversation with my mother without it turning into yet another rehash of 20 years of bad family history, like a broken record. An hour later and I just want to jump out of the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 120

The end is nigh!

By Anonymous - 03/10/2023 14:00

Today, my thick-as-pig shit mother, who is both religious and almost illiterate, went through my room and threw away anything she thought would be immoral. She threw away Moby Dick because of the word Dick, yet ignored 50 Shades of Grey, because that’s how thick and ignorant she is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 145

People are awful

By Hazel - 10/10/2023 22:00

Today, I put up lost dog signs and even posted a Facebook post regarding my lost dog. I keep getting “Restricted” calls taunting me, saying they found my dog and are not giving her back. I’m unable to trace the calls and this is making me more upset and frustrated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 112

Mission: Do it all over

By SonjaPea - 27/08/2021 22:01 - United Kingdom - Stevenage

Today, I spent 5 hours working on emails for work in a desperate attempt to get back on top of my task list. Having written about 45 emails waiting in my outbox to go out first thing Monday morning, Outlook has "stopped responding". I might've just lost them all and worked through the day for nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 162

Dogsbody

By Anonymous - 17/11/2021 07:58

Today, and like every day, after I'd just had finished serving a customer on one side of the store, my boss asked me to go help another one on the other side of the store, which is literally a 2-minute walk away, while 2 other staff members were besides him, doing nothing. I don't even get paid commission. FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 127

Holiday assumptions

By Red Toad - 27/12/2020 04:59 - United States - Litchfield Park

Today, I said a few words to my mom that happened to be similar to something offensive, and she misheard. I tried to tell her, but she was so angry that she assumed I was saying more offensive things. Now she is punishing everybody in the house, and I’m not allowed to speak to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 156

It's me!

By He who must not be named - 29/10/2022 02:00 - United States

Today, my mom struggled tried to say my name. She said my brother's name, my sister's, my dad's, my uncle's, and finally my cat's (who doesn't even have a human name) before she gave up and said, "You!" and pointed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 124

Knackered

By Anonymous - 25/11/2021 08:01

Today, when I got home from work exhausted and literally ready to fall over, my mom had me carry several heavy bags of dog food for her. Yesterday, it was coals; before that it was horse feed and gas bottles. Before that, I'd just asked her to keep the hard, physical work to the weekends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 243

What?

By IHaveThePower - 21/02/2022 02:00

Today, something blocked my ear. I couldn't get it out, so I went to Urgent Care so I didn't pop my eardrums. Turns out my allergies made my ears stop draining. After they rinsed my ears, I can now hear almost nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 103

Keep it hidden

By Anonymous - 13/11/2021 05:01

Today, I posted in one of my groups about my lupus and rheumatoid arthritis, and took a pic of my feet to show some of the problems that come along with these diseases (like we all do). Facebook actually covered it, saying it could be offensive! Well damn, talk about their double standards on bullying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 200

Love is a battlefield

By Anonymous - 15/12/2020 11:01 - United States - Tilton

Today, after I finally got up the courage to open myself up to someone new after going through a brutal divorce, it was going great until he went back to his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 392

Fortnite thievery

By Anonymous - 06/08/2021 16:01

Today, my little brother decided he needed $170 worth of V-Bucks. How was he going to get it? From the credit card he took from my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 74

Surprise!

By Michelle - 18/10/2023 05:00 - United States - Stormville

Today, the guy I was dating for over a year would only perform oral on me and never sex. I couldn’t figure out why. We grinded a few times. I got pregnant but couldn’t figure out how, because I didn’t have sex. Apparently his penis, hard, is the size of my pinkie. We were having sex, I just never felt it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 340

Supermarket crash

By Anonymous - 03/03/2023 10:00

Today, I slipped on a small wet patch of floor in the grocery store and fell flat on my back, bringing my half-full shopping cart down with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 104

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The Top

Today, my thundercunt of a neighbor, who's hated me since I moved in, called the cops on me. He told them he saw me shooting up on drugs. I'm diabetic and was injecting insulin, which he could only have seen by spying on me through my living room window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 027

You deserved it 2 231

Today, I walked in on my girlfriend having sex with another man. Her main reaction was to get mad at me for not knocking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 952

You deserved it 5 084

Today, I spent a hundred dollars on new "business casual" clothes and took two hours to get ready for my interview with a government agency. My interviewer was blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 930

You deserved it 7 396

Today, I handed in my resignation letter after over three and a half years working at the company. My manager is angry with me, since we returned from an overseas business trip yesterday, and why didn't I inform her before the trip. She now wants me to pay all costs of trip before leaving the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 059

You deserved it 1 238

Today, my social awkwardness got to an all-time high when I hoped that I wouldn't get the job that I applied for, because I'd be working with the public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 379

You deserved it 360

Today, my in-laws surprised us with an unannounced visit. I was in the middle of my weekly self-care routine, which includes a green face mask, curlers, and a bathrobe. When I opened the door, they looked horrified and my mother-in-law whispered, "Is this a bad time?" Without thinking, I blurted out, "Depends, do you believe in aliens?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 499

You deserved it 118