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The all-time greatest FMLs

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By Anonymous - 24/06/2022 06:00

Today, I learned Morse code. My whole family said it was useless, and that I'm wasting my life away. I just wanted to learn a new skill in my free time… FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 121

Thanksgiving sucks

By Anonymous - 26/11/2022 04:00 - United States

Today, I spent Thanksgiving alone. I'm not close to my family, I'm the black sheep but my sister said she would come over. To my surprise, she ended up going to my family's', where I'm not wanted. My boyfriend went to his family's, so I spent the whole day alone. He'd even took my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 210

Run!

By Anonymous - 08/10/2021 11:00 - Australia - Vermont

Today, I have come to the conclusion that my fiancé is the most selfish person I know. I can't talk to him about it, because the conversation will just turn on how I'm the worst person he knows. I don't know what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 379

Don't blame the dog!

By Anonymous - 22/04/2023 10:00

Today, I realized that it's not just the dog who's cockblocking me and not letting me get close. My girlfriend, whom I live with, rejects practically every advance. Of course, during her shark week, at least I get an excuse. I average once a month if I'm lucky. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 416

When karma does its job

By Anonymous - 17/02/2020 18:00

Today, I found out the guy whose ass I used to routinely kick in high school is now dating my 19 year-old daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 5 064

Tired as hell

By Anonymous - 17/08/2021 02:01

Today, I have to wake up in 3 hours for work, the medicine that should've made me sleep 8 hours straight failed and I woke up an hour later, not being able to sleep anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 72

Missing out

By Anonymous - 08/07/2021 00:02

Today, after I gave notice to quit my job 3 weeks ago, and my last day is tomorrow, I found out that all overtime is now $40 an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 233

Strangely specific

By Anonymous - 12/07/2023 10:00

Today, it's been 2 years of finally being on the right dosage of thyroid medication and going to the gym. I'm now 130lbs down from my heaviest weight. I just received an unprompted invite to be an event model at a local dungeon that only caters to fat fetishists. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 188

The internet hates you

By Anonymous - 28/07/2021 11:01

Today, I had to cancel my vacation in Norway, which I had been planning for 2 months and had cried and stressed over all that time because this was the first vacation I'd ever planned myself. Now YouTube won't stop showing me ads about visiting Norway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 207

No pain, no gain

By SailorVenus93 - 26/02/2021 02:01 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, I woke up with a sore clitoris. I haven't had sex with my boyfriend for weeks, but I did masturbate yesterday. I guess I can't get horny without feeling pain afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 216

Down!

By Imnotfromhere - 23/07/2021 22:01

Today, I tripped over a dog and broke my elbow. I'm stuck dogsitting for the rest of the weekend and he won't stop jumping up at my broken arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 114

Insurance is a scam

By leogs23 - 27/02/2021 16:58

Today, my fiancée wrecked my car so I had to use my other car to pick her up. Ten minutes after I did, my other car broke down in the middle of the road and I had to get it towed. My insurance covers none of these incidents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 227

Itchy and Scratchy

By Ashley - 15/04/2021 21:30

Today, I was getting ready for a very unpleasant doctor's appointment. I got out of the shower and used a new body spray all over my torso and arms. Turns out I'm allergic to it and now my skin is on fire, so now I get to go to an already uncomfortable appointment even more uncomfortable than I'd planned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 210

Crushed

By Anonymous - 26/10/2022 03:00 - United Kingdom - Saint Ives

Today, I appreciated how much my older sister is engaged and fully appreciative of how wonderful my girlfriend is… until my girlfriend told me that she has a huge crush on my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 134

Carless whisper

By JaneSimple - 05/02/2021 17:01

Today, my car broke down. Yesterday, my husband mentioned he found my dream car for sale, but I'd insisted my car had a lot of miles left and we should save money. They sold my dream car this morning. Now I'm carless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 363

WHO ARE YOU?

By Bamboozled - 17/11/2022 07:00 - United States

Today, I almost got attacked by a dog. The dog that occupies the same house as I do. The reason? He didn't recognize me because - get this - I was wearing a beanie. A hat made me unrecognizable to my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 177

Empathic siblings

By Anonymous - 15/05/2023 18:00

Today, our son finally received his autism diagnosis. We sat our daughters down to explain and they both started celebrating, because they thought he was going to a facility and never come back. When I told them he was staying with us, our youngest actually started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 256

English very good

By Anonymous - 16/04/2022 16:00

Today, I slept in my parents’ room because there was a mouse in mine. My father speaks English as a second language, and is telling everyone that we’re sleeping with each other. Thankfully I’m old enough for it to just sound gross, not illegal. The last thing we need is a CPS visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 139

Stranded

By mmmmmm no - 24/06/2021 02:00

Today. I worked my 10-hour shift and drove over 3 hours to the hotel that I'd reserved a room at for 3 nights. The hotel required ID to get a room with a bank or credit card. I realized I'd lost my state ID, they wouldn't accept my work photo ID, they won't let me pay cash… No ID, no room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 173

Classic non-ironical Ironic

By Karen - 21/11/2022 18:00

Today, I had a shift at my job at a grocery store that was full of rude and impatient customers. Someone dropped a bottle of wine and it shattered next to me. I found a half-eaten packet of sushi behind some magazines. The scale on another register broke. "Ironic" by Alanis Morissette played on the store radio at the end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 124

So, how did it go?

By Help me - 05/01/2023 21:00

Today, it's one week until I have to attend a public speaking event that is mandatory to graduate where I live. I have severe social anxiety and even worse stage fright. Not attending the event, even with a tremendously sound excuse, will bar you from graduation. Hopefully I don't suffer a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 1 184

Family dynamics

By Anonymous - 21/04/2022 04:00 - Germany - Zittau

Today, my mom told me how happy she is that I'm living with her. No wait, that was a month ago. Now she tells me it’s “bad timing” that I'm living with her while she potentially has a new boyfriend, because things like me demanding that people tidy up after themselves might upset him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 167

Rent-a-wreck

By PolarBear2020 - 11/02/2023 14:00

Today, I was driving my rented car on the highway at 60 mph when I realized that the brakes had gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 101

Alexa, play "Hot Hot Hot" by The Cure

By Talented73 - 07/07/2021 16:01 - United States - Yonkers

Today, we're in the middle of a heatwave. When I woke up this morning, I noticed that my scrotum was stuck to the side of my leg from all the perspiration. I had to actually peel it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 160

Late bloomer

By Forever Lonely - 13/06/2023 22:00 - South Africa - Centurion

Today, I saw one of my best friends having sex with a girl at a party. It was the first time I'd ever seen a girl naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 261

Kids will be kids

By Anonymous - 27/05/2022 22:00

Today, at my little cousin’s birthday party, some spoilt child played a prank and placed chocolate cake on my seat just as I was about to sit. Let’s just say of all the days, today was a bad day to wear cream trousers and park the car quite a way away from the venue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 139

Pavarotti next door

By Anonymous - 18/02/2021 18:30 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I had to hear my neighbor whine again through the walls because he can't talk in a quiet voice. You can hear him from across the street, and that's before he gets drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 81

Pig in shit

By Anonymous - 18/10/2021 14:00

Today, after leaving for a two-week-trip, and thinking this time my mom would finally have no choice but to clean the dirty toilet herself for once, because I’ve been doing it the entire year, along with most other chores, I think you can guess what I did first thing upon my return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 151

Targeted vagueposting

By Craig - 04/10/2023 16:00

Today, a girl I rejected is making passive-aggressive posts, and posting stories with anti-dating quotes, and “Fuck love” and “All men are dogs”, making me look like an asshole. Am I an asshole just for having free will about who I date? FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 102

Run for the hills

By Anonymous - 21/08/2022 04:00

Today, I heard for the nth time (I lost count after 100) how my roommate and her boyfriend plan to have kids (yes, plural) because we’re "BFF family", and "family babysits for free." She’s actively trying to get pregnant, but wants to continue smoking and drinking like a fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 103

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The Top

Today, we were watching old Kung Fu movies and I said how ridiculous the two inch punch was. My dad claimed he taught it to himself years ago, so like an idiot I dared him to prove it. Two inches later I was across the room gasping for breath. I guess it’s real then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 516

Today, I sent a text to a guy I'd met over the weekend. He'd traveled 40 miles to my town for the date, so I picked up the tab for dinner. My text simply said, "Had a nice time. Looking forward to getting together again." His reply was, "When did you get so needy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 767

You deserved it 3 836

Today, I realized that the guy I lost my virginity to only slept with me for a bet. He confessed and apologized. He truly looked like he regretted it, so I forgave him and we hooked up again. Turns out this was a bet too. The worst part? I would do it again, because I'm really that lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 891

You deserved it 886

Today, I got to find out for myself if dying in a dream causes you to die in real life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 539

You deserved it 192

Today, I laughed so hard at a joke that I snorted, which caused me to choke on my Coke, which then caused me to fall off my chair. The joke wasn’t even that funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 213

You deserved it 276

Today, I worked all year hand making a costume, just to get kicked out of the Renaissance Faire in an hour. The people next to me got so drunk, they started puking, and just the sight of it makes me puke too. Security wouldn’t listen when I tried to tell them I hadn’t had a single drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 466

You deserved it 90