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OP here. I can't even believe this got published. When I published this, I went with a different name because I forgot about my old account, but I managed to recover it. For those wondering about what happened, yes I did explain to my dad how it works. He comes from a much older generation and isn't into cosplay like I am, but he's also never run a business before, so he didn't understand the process of how it goes. To those who claim Cosplay isn't a real profession. Go to a convention sometime. You'll meet a lot of people who model, make their own costumes, and make a fortune on this. It's a newer market and better than working in a cramped cubicle, selling your soul to a minimum wage pension that doesn't even give you good health benefits at the end of the day, let alone having a boss who either constantly yells at you or steals your hours for their own selfish gain.

By live2dance4ever - 06/07/2019 14:00

Today, I went to attend my summer school class again after being out sick for a week. When I said "Here" during roll call, everyone started cheering and clapping. Apparently, my professor has been badmouthing me while I've been absent for pretending to be sick. I'm sure my grade will be fantastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 723

You deserved it 223

White line fever

By Anonymous - 10/04/2020 17:00

Today, I've been using a lot of Flonase recently for my stuffy nose, and my 4 year-old happens to call it "mommy's special nose medicine" out loud all the time. My neighbors now think I do cocaine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 723

You deserved it 253

By TheStroker - 01/06/2019 06:03

Today, I was cleaning off a carrot by rubbing it up and down under the tap over the sink. My 13-year-old son comes in and says, "Mom, you could get a job doing that." I told him that a carrot cleaner wouldn't make much money. He says, "I wasn't talking about carrots." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 723

You deserved it 355

Class Wars - UK Edition

By Anonymous - 19/06/2020 14:01

Today, my wife blames me for our son having a “posh” accent, because she thinks he’ll be bullied at school. I’m a Yorkshireman and use “ey up”, “ow do” , “pillock” and “arse” in everyday conversation, whereas my wife was raised in Oxford, I doubt I’m the one making our son sound posh. FML

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You deserved it 260

By Anonymous - 21/05/2019 18:00

Today, my walk of shame may have been caught by the Google car. FML

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You deserved it 662

Mid-life crisis guys

By Choppedliver - 13/01/2023 14:00

Today, my husband is divorcing me, leaving our 4 children behind because, and I quote, “She’s 22, 5’3 with perky tits and ass, you don’t find women like these often.” I asked him three times if he was serious. He said, “As serious as a heart attack.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 722

You deserved it 256

Issues

By Anonymous - 25/08/2020 04:18 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend told me I’m clearly turning into my mother. I turned round to have a go at him when I stopped, thought about it, and realised he’s completely right. I’m just like her. Now I’m so depressed, I don’t know if I want booze, a relaxing bath, or a really long, ugly crying session. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 722

You deserved it 460

Intense

By AloneAtPerkins - 21/12/2020 23:04

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and it started getting heated. I climbed on top of him and took his shirt off, but I guess my brain had a different idea. I ended up clinging to him for dear life because my brain decided that now was a good time for a seizure. Mood ruined. FML

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You deserved it 137

Late bloomer

By Anonymous - 02/09/2020 17:02

Today, I’m at the age where I should be married or in a committed relationship and having kids. Instead, I’m STILL single. I haven’t had a first date or a first kiss. If any of that changes, luck and time aren’t going to be on my side because biologically I won’t be able to have kids. FML

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You deserved it 378

Family Ties

By Anonymous - 17/10/2019 12:00 - Australia

Today, I found out via Facebook that my older sister just had another baby, a whole week ago, whose name is my middle name. No one told me. I didn't even know she was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 721

You deserved it 391

Golden shower

By Anonymous - 08/11/2019 03:00

Today, I had my first golden shower. Too bad it was from my cat. FML

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You deserved it 395

By Tomaino - 18/08/2019 04:02

Today, my best friend got drunk and told me he's only friends with me because no one else will be friends with him. He then went on to tell me that he wasn't actually that drunk. FML

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You deserved it 156

No BigMac for you

By Anonymous - 17/09/2019 18:00 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, after months of searching for any kind of work, I finally received a call. It was McDonald's, but they said I was overqualified for the position. I thought they took anyone with a heart rate. Apparently not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 720

You deserved it 117

Today, on Dr Phil…

By anon - 17/10/2022 22:00

Today, it's been a week since my girlfriend committed suicide. Everyone keeps telling me how sad they are for me. The truth is, she was an abusive piece of shit and I'm happy to be free, but my family and friends loved her and I can't bring myself to tell them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 720

You deserved it 172

Bunged up

By P DarklyKira - 18/05/2020 23:00

Today, after weeks of quarantine, I can finally go to the hospital to get my haemorrhoid surgery, which was confirmed. I have a big internal one. I didn't not consult with the same doctor as before, but he didn't even do a check up inside and told me, "You have nothing, go home." I can't shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 720

You deserved it 186

Thanks, dad

By manoloonfire - 21/12/2020 15:04 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, I'm a MD who graduated with honors. I can't work right now because I'm preparing myself for the medical residence exam. I want to be a cardiovascular surgeon. My dad is ashamed of me and treats me like shit, because I don't work and I'm 26 years-old, living with my parents while I'm studying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 720

You deserved it 127

Move on, dude

By Sabrina - 03/09/2019 04:00 - Australia - Canberra

Today, looking on the internet, I came across my ex's Facebook page. Most of the posts were about me, and his profile picture was still of me and him. We broke up over a year ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 719

You deserved it 220

First impressions

By Anonymous - 01/03/2022 14:00

Today, my dad has such a low opinion of me, he refused to believe I have a girlfriend and instead chose to believe she's a prostitute I hired to try and impress him. My girlfriend was so insulted she dumped me, all while my dad was applauding her for her impressive role play. FML

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You deserved it 120

It's frostbite time!

By Freezing - 24/03/2020 05:06

Today, the whole upstairs was so cold that I had to wear mittens inside. When I asked my parents why it was so cold, they replied that to save money, they had decided not to heat the upstairs, since "nobody is ever up there, anyway." My bedroom is upstairs. FML

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You deserved it 193

By Embarrassed wife - 21/12/2018 14:00

Today, I let my 5 year old play on my tablet while we were both using one of those family restrooms with two toilets. She took a selfie showing both on us on the toilet and sent it to my husband. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 718

You deserved it 1 302

Projection much, Mom?

By Anonymous - 10/12/2022 14:00 - United States - Bellevue

Today, my mother brought my sex life in front of an entire family gathering. I lost my virginity at 17 and when she found out she called me a whore. This time, she told the family I'd slept with 100 men by the time I was 18. I’m 40 and my body count is 10. FML

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You deserved it 250

Well planned out

By Anonymous - 25/07/2019 06:01

Today, after 6 months abroad, I finally got home to the airport at 5 a.m. where my parents were supposed to be picking me up. I called my mother to let her know I'd landed. She picked up with a sleepy voice and asked, "Who is this?" I'm an only child and we live 2 hours away from the airport. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 718

You deserved it 164

Racing rats

By Anonymous - 04/10/2019 20:00

Today, after working my ass off for months for an open supervisor job at my work, I found out that they hired someone for the position. The guy has never worked for the company before, has a background completely unrelated to what we do, and has to be trained as he knows nothing about what we do. FML

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You deserved it 153

Roommate From Hell

By bigbuldge - 17/09/2019 00:01

Today, my roommate whipped my face with a frozen chicken cutlet. My cheek is now the size of the chicken cutlet, and now he won't drive me to the hospital because it's "too funny to look at." FML

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You deserved it 183

Vandals

By Interpid traveler - 07/09/2021 05:01

Today, I was woken up by my wife calling the police because our garden had been ransacked during the night. A whole row of houses has had their plants uprooted, greenhouses broken into and garden tools stolen. The cops haven't found any leads and I feel terrible for my wife, who poured her heart and soul into that garden. FML

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You deserved it 93

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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Today, I planned on "breaking up" with my best friend by confessing my love for her, hoping she would feel different and move on. She reciprocated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 969

You deserved it 33 093

Today, I was taking a table's order. After I finished, the guy told me, "Just FYI, I'm not a tipper." Trying to lighten up the situation, I replied, "It's amazing how many people forget I handle their food." He complained to the manager that I'd threatened him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 773

You deserved it 10 184

Today, I turned 22, without anyone wishing me a happy birthday. In fact, the only phone call I received all day was from my brother. He wanted to borrow money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 135 179

You deserved it 7 467

Today, my city is in the news because of a huge Covid outbreak in a factory that's under construction. They have over a thousand workers and refuse to shut down to stop the spread. FML

I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 168

Today, it's been since 2014 that I've been looking for a girlfriend, and the average response I've gotten was no. Today I got, "Ew, hell no." FML

I agree, your life sucks 910

You deserved it 187

Today, I had an argument with my wife. I told her to get back in the kitchen. How does she respond? By doing what I told her to do, and returning to hit me with a frying pan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 126

You deserved it 121 424