Today, I've been using a lot of Flonase recently for my stuffy nose, and my 4 year-old happens to call it "mommy's special nose medicine" out loud all the time. My neighbors now think I do cocaine. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my nosey louse of a coworker went to HR and told them I was snorting drugs at my desk. I was using nasal saline, as the dry winter weather wreaks havoc on my sinuses. The fact that they even brought me in pisses me off beyond words. FML
Today, I was babysitting for a new family. The youngest said, "Wow! You have huge nostrils!" She noticed my offended look and pushed her nose up like a pig's, saying, "It’s okay! Now I do too!" FML
Today, I was talking to my crush when I laughed so hard that I snorted. Then I tried to play it cool by saying, "I do that on purpose sometimes." Now he probably thinks I fake-snort for fun. FML
Today, my mom forbade me from taking any allergy medicine, because she is afraid that I'll turn into a meth addict. I have horrible allergies and can barely see or stop sneezing without them. FML
Today, I picked my son up from school, and asked how his day went. He told me how his friend explained to him that his mommy snorts sugar with his uncle, and if he could try what his friend's mom calls "Booger sugar" when we got home. FML
Today, I asked my shut in of a daughter why she was sniffing black pepper. She said she was practicing to make her sneezes sound like coughs, thereby decreasing the likelihood of someone talking to her. FML
Today, the steroids I was prescribed for a slightly irritating sinus infection have worked, albeit at the price of making me almost shit my pants multiple times. My sinuses are now clear enough that I get the full scent of my steroid-induced diarrhea. FML
Today, I have a cold. Trying to clear out my stuffy nose, I tried putting mouthwash in my nose. Thinking it was an awesome idea, I put some more in. I then starting screaming in pain due to the extreme burning in my nostrils. FML
Today, my nose was really stuffed up and I was out of cold medicine. I heard spices may help with this kind of problem. Unfortunately I thought red pepper would be a great thing to snort at the time. Not only is my nose still stuffed up but I also have immense nasal pain. FML
Today, my hay-fever started. I'm five months pregnant, and every time I cough, sneeze or blow my nose I either fart or wet myself. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 30
Go around the neighborhood and tell people you're not on coke. That ought to quell the suspicion, especially if you knock on their door at 3 am to inform them.
mackdeezy 22
On the one hand, its none of your neighbors' business as long as you dont give them a reason to (i.e unkept home/kid, strange occurrences most nights during the early AM hours) On the other, parents really need to stop referring to things as their "special" something. Otherwise kids will attribute anything with that label, and then you're in this situation again.
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Comments (5)
RichardPencil 30
Go around the neighborhood and tell people you're not on coke. That ought to quell the suspicion, especially if you knock on their door at 3 am to inform them.
mackdeezy 22
On the one hand, its none of your neighbors' business as long as you dont give them a reason to (i.e unkept home/kid, strange occurrences most nights during the early AM hours) On the other, parents really need to stop referring to things as their "special" something. Otherwise kids will attribute anything with that label, and then you're in this situation again.
Justin Pugh 7
That’s amazing
Sonotsuave 35
I mean I feel like there’s faster and more logical conclusions people could come to like oh I don’t know you’re using a nose spray perhaps? But okay if that’s what they think
AmbrosiaFan 18
Unless they told you that you are only ASSuming...