Miscellaneous: Today, I learned that when you put duct tape over your mouth... - FML

By ow - 17/01/2010 05:25 - United States

Today, I learned that when you put duct tape over your mouth because you are bored, it really hurts taking it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 231

You deserved it 69 656

Late term

You mug

Doin' it for the 'gram

By WTFFAIL - 03/12/2012 05:06 - Canada - Montreal

Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 514

You deserved it 8 951

By luh8r - 09/04/2009 14:38 - Canada

Today, while teaching swimming to a bunch of five year olds, one particularly bratty girl decided she didn't want to swim and lead the entire class to strike, leaving the pool empty and me without a job. Apparently I was teaching the next world tyrant to swim. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 107

You deserved it 4 674

Smells like Toddler Spirit

By anon - 06/03/2017 00:00

Today, a toddler threw up on my backpack mid-flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 547

You deserved it 364

Round and round

By Decibell - 18/04/2020 05:00

Today, I found out the trigger to my horrendous, disgustingly painful migraines that last up to 5 days is... Pain. My migraines are literally causing themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 453

You deserved it 133

By Anonymous - 24/09/2010 11:25 - United States

Today, there were a few loud and annoying kids running around my store. My coworker and I started talking and I jokingly stated "Yeah, kids ruin everything." But before I could get out "God knows I'm not ready to be a dad," my phone rang. It was my one night stand. I'm going to be a daddy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 054

You deserved it 75 180

Road hog

By DanJames24 - 10/10/2021 07:00 - United Kingdom - Rochdale

Today, a girl seemed to be tailgating me while I was driving home. I ended up letting her past as I didn’t like it, so I pulled into the next petrol station. She did too, so I thought I’d ask her why she was tailgating me. She asked what I was going to do about it, before kneeing me in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 120

You deserved it 218

By Oblivious - 25/09/2009 01:19 - United States

Today, I fell off my desk chair. Why? I failed to notice that the screws I'd been finding on the floor around my room for the past few months belonged to said chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 469

You deserved it 31 941

By danielle - 23/04/2009 07:16 - United States

Today, my friend and I wanted to get some alcohol (we're under 21). We went to a liquor store and asked a random guy to go in and buy us some vodka. After giving him $20, he said he had to go turn off his car, then he'd get us the drinks. He got in his car and drove off, with my $20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 169

You deserved it 259 306

Bouncing off the walls

By whyyyyyy - 21/05/2021 08:01 - United States

Today, I'd always suspected my mother in law hated me. My suspicions were confirmed when I went to pick up my son from her house after work. She smiled smugly and let me know that he’d been asleep since noon. It’s after 5. He’s never going to get back to sleep now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 77

By ishouldhidethekeys - 04/11/2009 08:44 - United Kingdom

Today, my son thought he'd take my new car for a drive without permission. He accelerated straight into a tree, reversed into a lamppost and then accelerated again into the neighbours car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 870

You deserved it 4 720

Iron Chef America

By Anonymous - 05/01/2021 19:59

Today, I thought about trying something "new", so I put raspberry preserves and maple syrup on my waffles. It tasted like cough medicine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 505

You deserved it 385

By _schaden_freude - 27/12/2015 17:31 - United Kingdom - Ashford

Today, my boyfriend's dad came onto me. I was shocked and awkwardly tried to exit the situation. My boyfriend then sprang out and started shouting at me. Apparently, it was a "test" to see if I would still be attracted to him in 30 years. I failed. What. The. Fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 311

You deserved it 1 815

By Anonymous - 17/10/2012 20:08 - United States - Hobart

Today, while mowing the lawn, I was attacked by an underground hornet nest. I now have many stings, two scared dogs, and a mower still running outside. The hornets are swarming it and some are sitting on the lever, as if to turn it off. It's like they know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 015

You deserved it 1 878

By Med - 13/11/2012 12:02 - Netherlands - Groningen

Today, after clubbing with my girlfriend, we went to her place. She then threw up on the floor, and went to clean herself up. When she came back, she'd forgotten that she'd just thrown up. She blamed me for puking, and kicked me out. It was 4:00 am and a 3-hour walk home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 666

You deserved it 2 958

By HillaryAngelic - 22/07/2013 07:09 - United States - Flint

Today, after a church service, a man approached me as I was walking to my car. He had tears in his eyes and politely asked if I would pray with him. He asked if we could hold hands. As I reached out to hold his hands, the bitch snatched my purse and ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 442

You deserved it 8 798

By 2gewd4u - 15/01/2012 01:24 - United States

Today, I walked in on my sister sitting on the toilet, trying to use "The Force" to pull over the toilet paper roll sitting on the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 161

You deserved it 4 059

By Anonymous - 01/11/2009 05:44 - Australia

Today, I was driving my child to school when the car let out a huge bang. It shuddered to a halt. My son started laughing. I asked him what was funny but he wouldn't tell me. The car wouldn't start. I called RACV and they told me the problem. My son had rolled 9 golf balls into the exhaust pipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 083

You deserved it 3 932

By babysheets - 17/03/2012 16:22 - Uruguay

Today, I washed my sheets. They wouldn't dry quick enough, so I had to use my old Buzz Lightyear sheets. My new girlfriend took it upon herself to become a damn psychic and pay me a surprise visit right there and then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 355

You deserved it 4 341

By notgonnaeatthat - 17/03/2016 20:40 - Germany - T?bingen

Today, it appears that moth larvae can make a water boiler their home, especially during my absence for four weeks. I learned it the hard way by pouring their boiled carcasses over my noodles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 642

You deserved it 2 189

By Noname - 12/03/2009 22:08 - United States

Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me. I was getting undressed to get into the shower. My cat looked at me after I'd undressed and then threw up all over the rug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 150 200

You deserved it 22 902

By it's sharty time :/ - 02/07/2016 18:45 - United States - Bismarck

Today, during an 8 hour shift at a very busy bowling alley, I found out I can't trust a fart anymore. I'm only 25. Now I have to finish my shift commando, and also get rid of the evidence without anyone noticing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 447

You deserved it 1 749

By wellfuck - 15/07/2016 23:04 - United States - Clarksville

Today, I got a call from a job I had applied for. Everything went great until I realized I had applied to the wrong location, across town. I'm so broke, I went to the interview anyway. It will cost me more to pay for the gas to drive there to work, than what I will actually make. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 980

You deserved it 2 219

By llmd - 10/08/2010 04:30 - Canada

Today, I called my boyfriend just to hear his voice since I haven't seen him in a while. His mom picked up and said "Chris isn't here right now, he's with his girlfriend. Do you want to leave him a message." We've been dating for 4 and a half months now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 550

You deserved it 3 964

Toxic

By Anonymous - 01/07/2021 22:00

Today, I realized my husband of 30 years consistently makes fun of me in front of friends, and he gets mad when I express opinions contrary to his. I don't think he respects me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 047

You deserved it 138

This guy grudges

By PocketTrash - 20/03/2020 21:00

Today, my dad is still mad because I tossed his empty coffee can over 3 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 334

You deserved it 210

By Anonymous - 09/09/2013 23:58 - United States - Elmhurst

Today, I went to a suicide prevention walk with a girl I like. Before the walk, we bought balloons to set free when they called the names of the deceased. To buy a balloon, you had to write a name on a sheet. Apparently, you weren't supposed to write your own. They called my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 351

You deserved it 13 776

By Anon - 30/04/2014 02:07 - United States - Maidens

Today, after getting home from finals and finishing the semester, I had a very heartfelt reunion with my dog during which he licked me all over the face. About an hour later, my dad told me, "By the way, don't let him lick you, he has hookworms." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 818

You deserved it 5 009

By Uniforms - 29/03/2017 12:00

Today, a friend of mine asked me to take him to a city about an hour away to pick up his firefighter uniforms. When we arrived, he was told that his uniforms had been shipped to the station he works at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 502

You deserved it 401

By blanknameisblank - 09/06/2014 19:36 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I broke my nose trying to pop a zit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 609

You deserved it 22 057

Check these out

By doubleds - 03/06/2009 19:39 - Canada

Today, I was buying an expensive pillow for my mother from a store clerk who wouldn't stop staring at my boobs. After paying, I saw an elderly lady who had dropped a bag, so I walked to help. I walked back to the clerk, who refused to believe I paid. The reason? He didn't recognize my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 162

You deserved it 5 634

By Anonymous - 10/07/2009 04:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me in my front yard. As I stormed off in my dramatic exit, I realized I had locked myself outside. I had to ask my now ex-boyfriend to borrow his phone so I could call my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 910

You deserved it 9 505

By hiii. - 16/03/2010 02:27 - United States

Today, I was so bored I googled the word "bored." The results were boring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 310

You deserved it 40 751

Thanks mom

By Anonymous - 14/02/2021 14:01 - Colombia

Spicy

Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 88

The Nutcracker

By lalalohan - 17/04/2009 15:19 - United States

Today, I was at a ballet recital with my friend, sitting between her and the mother of the head male ballerina. When he came on stage in obscenely tight white tights I whispered to my friend, "You can see his whole freaking package!" I'd whispered to the wrong side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 744

You deserved it 64 250

By ChevRooon - 27/01/2012 04:46 - United States

Today, I went to the gas station, paid the clerk, and drove off without pumping any gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 124

You deserved it 38 948

By Anonymous - 24/08/2009 15:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and his parents met my family. My grandpa thought it would be funny to walk around with a realistic gun and make references about being in the mafia. The rest of my family went along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 438

You deserved it 5 396

You tried

By Loveless - 10/09/2009 06:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, during foreplay, I was trying to be sexy. But instead I fell off the bed, landed in the laundry basket, and was attacked by the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 997

You deserved it 5 652

By 5minsolder - 08/02/2011 01:21 - United States

Today, I found out that even though my sister and I are identical twins, I'm known as "The ugly one". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 302

You deserved it 3 608

Getting fit for all the wrong reasons

By Anonymous - 01/05/2020 14:00

Today, for the 28th consecutive day, I went jogging for an hour, even though I never really used to, just to get away from my husband and two kids, because being stuck in lockdown with them is boring me out of my mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 333

You deserved it 486

Masterchef

By Embarassed - 19/03/2014 22:24 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, my boss told me that there is no point in making me cut onions anymore because every time I do, I look like I've "been beaten", and can't be seen by the customers for at least half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 666

You deserved it 3 606

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Sunday 17 January 2010 12:13

OH NO! WHO KNEW TAKING OFF DUCK TAPE HURTS!!!

Send a private message

Sunday 17 January 2010 12:15

I really hope you aren't over the age of 12.

Comments

Send a private message

Sunday 17 January 2010 12:13

OH NO! WHO KNEW TAKING OFF DUCK TAPE HURTS!!!

Send a private message

Sunday 17 January 2010 14:58

Duck tape? OMG, what part of ducks do they use to make it from? :O

Send a private message

Sunday 17 January 2010 16:48

LMFAOO! fail

itsmyflife1323 0

Send a private message

Sunday 17 January 2010 17:27

like chopping your fingers off won't hurt? hahhah

thatoneguyinca 0

Send a private message

Sunday 17 January 2010 19:32

Obviously women don't..... Oh, when will they learn to stay in the kitchen and have no thoughts or ideas? Sigh......that'll be the day

Send a private message

Tuesday 19 January 2010 6:35

Duck tape was actually the original name for it, so either is appropriate. http://www.octanecreative.com/ducttape/duckvsduct.html

ilovefatcats 12

Send a private message

Friday 19 February 2010 23:34

um how is that a FML? it's ducktape grow up

EmmaMarieCullen 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 6 April 2010 22:47

no it doesn't! it doesn't hurt

Send a private message

Saturday 10 April 2010 9:05

dude it's duct tape they use it for air ducts

Send a private message

Monday 26 April 2010 5:43

actually it is ducT tape. ducK tape is just a brand of ducT tape.

mrstomkaulitz 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 16 June 2010 6:16

asshole

Send a private message

Friday 16 July 2010 0:34

Really, you think that hurts? Cleary you haven't had a friend put duct tape on your legs. The FML is the op is retarded enough to actually do this.

Awesomeness44 9

Send a private message

Saturday 8 October 2011 2:18

@131 I agree. That doesnt hurt. But it might if OP has a mustache.....

Send a private message

Monday 9 March 2015 3:55

Sometimes you get bored enough to try the most random shit. And yes, that includes duct taping your mouth shut for no reason. And then realizing that you've dug yourself into a hole.

RipIt 0

Send a private message

Sunday 17 January 2010 12:13

lame lame laaaaaame

Send a private message

Tuesday 11 December 2012 1:27

1. Did you make an account just for this rip related post?! 2. I learned it hurts when your girlfriend puts duct tape all over you're balls after you slept together for the first time.

Send a private message

Sunday 17 January 2010 12:15

I really hope you aren't over the age of 12.

Send a private message

Sunday 17 January 2010 12:19

OP, I disagree with your assessment.

Send a private message

Sunday 17 January 2010 12:21

It's not actually that bad, unless you've really sealed it up well... Saliva often does half the job -- you can sometimes get the duct tape almost entirely off without even touching it with your hands, for instance.

whataloadofbull 0

Send a private message

Sunday 17 January 2010 14:28

That is disgusting. I'm assuming you have experience... vat a douchebag.

Send a private message

Sunday 17 January 2010 12:26

why is this an FML I'm preety sure ur not the only one whose put duct tape on some part of their body and realized the removal of the duct tape wasn't pain free... suck it up this isn't an FML

Send a private message

Sunday 17 January 2010 12:33

unless your lips came off, this isn't an FML. you suck.

sarcasticbitch 7

Send a private message

Sunday 17 January 2010 12:34

How old are u?

Send a private message

Sunday 17 January 2010 12:35

YTDI for being a grade A twat

zuluz 0

Send a private message

Sunday 17 January 2010 12:36

Haha my one is as cheesy as this :D

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 50

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 5

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 270

You deserved it 58