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No worries, he's okay now. :) Later on in the day, he laughed about it and thought it was pretty hilarious, which is good because I felt pretty bad about biting him.

By Thesuz - 06/09/2013 03:27 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my neighbour was practicing his opera singing, drunk. FML

agreeclassic 36 668

vote type 1 3 326

Yaaaaaay!

By Username - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I saw a firework show. In my kitchen. When my stove blew up. FML

agreeclassic 36 667

vote type 1 4 544

By Anonymous - 21/11/2010 14:49 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked how I could go to the bathroom and leave my tampon in at the same time. He didn't realize there are two separate holes. He's 28. FML

agreeclassic 36 666

vote type 1 5 010

By Hairball - 10/12/2009 20:41 - United States

Today, my coworker asked to borrow my nail clippers so he could take care of a hangnail. He went to the bathroom, which I thought was polite, but when he got back to his desk and returned my clippers, there were little curly hairs stuck inside. He's bald. FML

agreeclassic 36 666

vote type 1 3 162

Lonely birthday

By anon - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Israel

Today, it's my birthday. Out of loneliness, I went to order some flowers and a cake "for a friend". The guy who delivered it to my house was the same guy from the counter. FML

agreeclassic 36 665

vote type 1 13 536

By apple - 16/07/2010 19:38 - Netherlands

Today, it's my 18th birthday. I was telling my friends a story when my mom started talking. I simply said 'Mom...' so she'd realize she interrupted me. She gave me the finger and called me rude in front of all my friends. FML

agreeclassic 36 665

vote type 1 6 280

Welcome back!

By Anonymous - 25/12/2013 23:19 - United States - Lebanon

Today, I realized my family is more excited to see my girlfriend than they are to see me. FML

agreeclassic 36 664

vote type 1 4 277

By raebelle - 02/06/2011 17:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went shooting. While I was showing him how to properly hold and adjust a rifle, he accidentally pulled the trigger. The gun kicked back and hit me in the face, breaking my nose. FML

agreeclassic 36 660

vote type 1 10 779

By loner - 12/02/2011 00:08 - United States

Today, in an effort to make new friends in my history class, I sat in the empty seat next to a friendly-looking guy. He got up, walked away, and sat down in a different seat. FML

agreeclassic 36 660

vote type 1 4 205

By Anonymous - 01/08/2014 22:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I got suspended from work after getting caught reading a work-related FML. Irony is funny, but it doesn't pay the bills. FML

agreeclassic 36 659

vote type 1 18 341

By cinemasaddo - 25/09/2013 22:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I was let down for a movie date. As I'd already paid for the tickets, I got my narcoleptic sister to come and sit next to me while she slept, so it didn't look like I came on my own. FML

agreeclassic 36 659

vote type 1 3 562

Thanks

By Appelflap - 29/03/2013 22:18 - Belgium - Sint-niklaas

Today, I was feeling down following a recent breakup. My dad tried to comfort me by patting me on the back and saying everyone goes through ups and downs, "Like when I found out your mum and I were having a boy." I'm their only son. FML

agreeclassic 36 659

vote type 1 2 814

By damnbananas - 24/01/2011 20:38 - United States

Today, while at school, I slipped on a wet patch in the hall and fell over, smacking my head against the floor. I laid there for a good five minutes in agonizing pain while people literally walked over me. Not a single person bothered to help me up or ask if I was okay. FML

agreeclassic 36 658

vote type 1 4 353

By ari - 17/06/2011 11:06 - United States

Today, I woke up to NYPD detectives banging on my door with flashlights, looking for some criminal who used to live in my house. Apparently, when they showed the man's mugshot to my neighbors upstairs, for some reason they identified the man as my husband. FML

agreeclassic 36 658

vote type 1 3 027

By LiLGeek - 12/01/2009 15:37 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking for our bubblegum flavored "numbing" lotion to have some morning fun. We couldn’t find it anywhere. After about 10 minutes, my little nephew comes from my room crying and drool coming out of his mouth. He smelt like bubblegum, his mouth and tongue were all numb. FML

agreeclassic 36 658

vote type 1 9 219

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, my girlfriend invited her sorority sister, who fled an abusive relationship, to live with us without asking me. This wouldn't be a problem, but her friend is easily two points hotter than her and…. thirsty. FML

agreeclassic 514

vote type 1 1 914

Today, I called my boyfriend to let him know that I'm pregnant. He instantly replied "Bullshit!", then hung up and apparently skipped town. FML

agreeclassic 48 872

vote type 1 6 968

Today, at 11:30 p.m., after a 5-hour train journey to get back to Paris carrying a suitcase that’s 5 kg heavier than when I left, I decided to take a taxi. The driver yelled at me because the short journey to my place wasn’t worth his time, and told me to take the subway. Welcome to Paris. FML

agreeclassic 724

vote type 1 64

Today. after I moved to a new area, I bumped into an old guy on crutches who asked me where the doctor's was. I wasn't sure, so Google Mapped it. I read the map wrong and sent him in the opposite direction. I've seen him twice since and I reckon if he could catch me, he'd kill me. FML

agreeclassic 266

vote type 1 179

Today, while staying at my mother’s house, she messaged me at 5:45 a.m. saying she “desperately” needed my help. I rushed over to her, only to find out she'd lied. She actually wanted me to help clean her garbage dump of a room. I’m starting to remember why I don’t visit often. FML

agreeclassic 939

vote type 1 126

Today, the guy I've been dating told me with a wink that before he'll go on any more dates, he'd require me to take a series of "oral exams" to prove I'm right for him. I think he actually expected that to work. NEXT. FML

agreeclassic 48 597

vote type 1 6 178