Miscellaneous: Today, in an effort to make new friends in my history class,...

By loner - 12/02/2011 00:08 - United States

Today, in an effort to make new friends in my history class, I sat in the empty seat next to a friendly-looking guy. He got up, walked away, and sat down in a different seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 577

You deserved it 4 183

Miscellaneous

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Mama's boy

Bye bye love

BIKES!

By _aPerson_ - 22/04/2016 15:58 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I lost the key to my bike lock. I ended up having to cut it off, even though it was brand new. After spending 30 minutes hacking away at it, it finally came off. When I hopped onto my bike, I felt something poking my leg. My key was in my pocket the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 818

You deserved it 20 806

By partygirlxxx - 24/05/2009 03:01 - United States

Today, for my birthday, my brother gave me some of those fake 'Harry Potter' edible cockroaches. I ate one. It wasn't fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 650

You deserved it 9 696

By eightleggedtictac - 08/06/2014 15:10 - United States - Worcester

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend shrieking at the top of his lungs. I ran into the dining room where he was, to find him standing on the table screaming "Kill it!" while pointing at an unmoving spider the size of a Tic Tac on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 714

You deserved it 6 833

By karmaquestionmark - 20/11/2012 02:04 - United States - Silverton

Today, my mom sold my Magic box at a garage sale because I "never use it." Locked inside it was my fake ID, a couple of hundred bucks, and a bag of weed. She can't remember who she sold it to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 077

You deserved it 36 778

By Anonymous - 23/11/2010 15:51 - United States

Today, I woke up to a man stroking my leg while smelling my hair. I asked my roommate who he was and she said, "Oh, that's just my brother. He needs a place to stay and he will be living with us until June. Didn't I tell you that?" No, you didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 607

You deserved it 2 761

By The Drew - 21/09/2012 18:49 - United States

Today, after completely refilling my almost empty gas tank, I witnessed the price flip from $3.69 per gallon to $3.59. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 004

You deserved it 2 640

By PeepShow - 06/08/2009 06:04 - United States

Today, it was just too hot. I stripped down and, being home alone, pranced around nude, lip synching and playing air guitar to some music. I was getting really into when I opened my eyes and looked out the window to see an old man with binoculars on his terrace. He wasn't birdwatching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 227

You deserved it 46 990

By Anonymous - 03/11/2014 15:54 - United Kingdom - Bath

Today, I learned that the house I've been living in and paying rent for the past two months was never advertised as vacant. I learned this when the actual homeowners walked in, and called the police for an "intruder." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 995

You deserved it 3 622

By libraries are a girl's best friend - 19/07/2013 21:53 - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, my dad grounded me for swearing, after I read a funny comment on Youtube to my sister. The supposed swear word? "YOLO." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 892

You deserved it 35 583

Time to ditch

By Anonymous - 20/02/2021 19:58 - Czech Republic - Prostejov

Today, I'm worried senseless over my mom who's in hospital in an induced coma due to COVID-19, and my boyfriend complains that I don't want to have sex with him as often as he wants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 344

You deserved it 128

PUA

By Anonymous - 13/03/2016 16:16 - United States - Smyrna

Today, while jogging in the park, a confused elderly gentleman asked me for directions, so I told him how to get to where he needed to go. He paused for a long moment, then asked me if he could eat me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 222

You deserved it 2 211

By ohtheshame - 02/05/2011 08:34

Today, I sent a kinky text message to my boyfriend. Within minutes I got a reply of 'whoever this is, fuck off and give my girlfriend's phone back.' Apparently I'm so bad at writing sexy messages that my boyfriend thought it was a prank from someone who'd stolen my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 767

You deserved it 10 680

Don't blame me

By anonymous - 15/11/2020 05:02 - United States

Today, I got suspended from school for smoking in the stairs. I'm grounded for a month without my phone, TV or any type of social connection. All of this would seem like a fair enough punishment if I actually smoked, but instead I just smell like my parent's second-hand smoke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 686

You deserved it 124

By ari - 18/02/2013 22:15 - United States

Today, I started at my new job. The woman who I'll be working right next to 40 hours a week introduced herself with, "I know what your name is. I know what you're planning, and I've been sent to destroy you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 848

You deserved it 3 867

Problematic language

By Anonymous - 27/02/2021 05:01

Today, at my new retail job, I accidentally referred to white tank tops as, "Wife beaters." That's what I thought they were actually called, until my boss had to correct me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 682

You deserved it 357

By MALICEG - 26/05/2012 07:00 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, there was a knock on my apartment door. It was the man from next-door, who sarcastically asked if I was alright, because he said he heard me screaming in agony. I was singing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 441

You deserved it 4 745

Give it your best shot

By Staywidowed - 08/04/2021 23:00

Today, marks almost two years of being sexually inactive after being widowed. It also happened to be the day I made an uncharacteristic decision. I hooked up with a male friend. I'm so out of practice, I honestly believe round-two the next morning was out of pity more than actual interest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 179

By undoable - 08/09/2010 23:14 - United States

Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 095

You deserved it 9 721

By I have Flashbacks Now - 10/11/2016 21:15 - United States - Woonsocket

Today, while going to the mall, I witnessed the horror of someone sneezing and shitting themselves at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 344

You deserved it 889

By oh, feck off - 27/04/2016 13:02 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I missed an interview to work in a school as a teacher's assistant because the email inviting me to attend got buried among the spam emails. Oh well, back to my usual job as an assistant janitor. Yes, that's right, assistant janitor. It's the same job as a real janitor, but for less pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 041

You deserved it 1 475

By therapygal - 17/11/2018 15:30

Today, my girlfriend got very mad at me after finding several appointments with "Amanda" in my calendar. Amanda is my psychiatrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 639

You deserved it 285

By Anonymous - 04/01/2012 03:30 - Canada

Today, as an important meeting with clients was drawing to a close, we all stood up and they bid their farewells. My response was to blurt out, "Hello!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 573

You deserved it 7 786

By Sedici - 18/12/2011 07:44 - United States

Today, I got screamed at, threatened, cursed, and spat on by an elderly couple for "running them off the road". I was driving an ambulance, lights and sirens on, with a 4 year old in the back who couldn't breathe. They were going 20 in a 50mph zone for 2 miles straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 249

You deserved it 2 564

Christmas Racket

By Dave - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Tallahassee

Today, my 5 kids were singing their favorite Christmas carols in the van, each trying to sing louder than the others. It would have probably sounded better if they were all singing the same one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 982

You deserved it 4 605

By Anonymous - 25/11/2017 06:00

Today, I was getting one of the best blow jobs I have ever received. My girlfriend was getting into it when I heard an "uh oh". Her tongue ring got twisted around the hair close to my balls. She started to pull, I started to scream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 886

You deserved it 1 703

Social media is dangerous

By Anonymous - 27/11/2015 12:50 - United States - Ontario

Today, I spent half an hour trying to convince my husband not to re-enact a video he saw online of a guy tying some rope to a running chainsaw, then swinging it around his head. He finally agreed not to do something so stupid. A few hours later, he did it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 768

You deserved it 2 610

By Anonymous - 25/09/2009 22:53 - Canada

Today, I went our school's football game against their rival team. Before the games started, I got my school's logo painted on my face. After nearly 5 hours of watching the game, I went home to wash the paint off my face, only to find the logo had been sunburned onto my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 276

You deserved it 35 338

Prison Break

By Anonymous - 25/09/2020 16:01 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I went to my daughter's best friends birthday party, only to find my ex there, who is now sleeping with the mother, who has a fiancé in prison, who isn't going to be happy when he gets out. Most awkward kids birthday party ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 042

You deserved it 166

By kai - 27/01/2009 01:32 - United States

Today, the only guy who I ever thought liked me for my personality said he had something important to tell me. Later I got an e-mail from him saying he is "worried about me because I lack the skills to get along with other people." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 721

You deserved it 3 191

By Missy - 02/02/2011 18:16 - United States

Today, I told my mom I broke up with my boyfriend because he wanted to have sex and I wasn't ready. Her reply? "Well, you can't stay a virgin forever." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 080

You deserved it 17 202

By TSampson - 11/06/2009 11:51 - United States

Today, my mom's will was read to the rest of the family. I helped my mom write it a couple years ago, and I was to get funds to pay off school loans. She revised it and put in a note saying I was to get nothing because I was "lazy." The executor read it out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109 989

You deserved it 11 273

By whereismyring - 28/03/2016 00:47 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my ex-boyfriend announced he was engaged. We broke up last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 545

You deserved it 1 699

By notquitejuliet - 04/07/2015 00:54 - United States - Gibsonia

Today, I decided I wanted to bleach my hair, so I asked my mother for help. Apparently, something went wrong, because clumps of my hair started falling out. Now I'm half blonde and half bald, and my mom is just laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 230

You deserved it 6 649

Ménage à nope

By 3somer - 20/08/2017 04:29

Today, I received a text from the woman with whom my boyfriend and I recently had a threesome. After years of fantasizing, I finally experienced what it was like to be with another girl. Now we also get to experience what it's like to have gonorrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 849

You deserved it 4 817

Check this out

By Anonymous - 04/06/2015 07:06 - United States - Corning

Today, I walked in on my roommate with her ass cheeks spread wide, and her friend ripping a strip of wax off of her while wearing a headlamp flashlight to see if she "got it all". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 197

You deserved it 4 344

By lifeofamusicteacher - 08/12/2016 01:22 - Hong Kong

Today, I got yelled at by parents of one of my students because their child didn't perform well at their Winter Concert. These are the same parents who told me months ago that I needed to be more lenient by allowing their kids to skip rehearsals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 131

You deserved it 566

By Anonymous - 06/10/2011 20:35 - United States

Today, my new coworker asked if I knew her daughter. I responded yes and asked how her pregnancy was going. She didn't know her daughter was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 707

You deserved it 6 816

May be

By Anonymous - 29/02/2020 20:00

Today, while I was at my job as senior care, I was in a client's home vacuuming the carpet and found a very used vibrator that belonged to his wife. It wasn't clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 557

You deserved it 121

By Anonymous - 22/07/2009 16:43 - United States

Today, I went to the airport for my two week trip to explore Europe. My ticket was denied and the workers turned me away. When I asked why, they told me to check the date. My ticket was for June 22nd, not July. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 599

You deserved it 62 004

By Anonymous - 12/09/2010 16:56 - United States

Today, I admitted to my mother that I've had sex with my boyfriend. She seemed to handle it well, but when my boyfriend came over, she condemned him to hell in between asking him what he would like to have for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 937

You deserved it 10 288

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Top comments

Doortje 29

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Saturday 12 February 2011 1:33

What an ass. Clearly, looks can be deceiving. Next time go sit next to the pitbull-looking guy.

noobmuffin 0

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Saturday 12 February 2011 1:26

Follow him and be a creeper, but make it look really obvious. When he starts talking to you, spaz out and act like a weirdo. But FYL, wait a bit and people will start talking to to you.

ssenefeld 0

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Saturday 12 February 2011 1:25

Someone just shoved a stick up my ass.

springer937 13

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Saturday 12 February 2011 1:25

I really hate when people do that.

mrahhhhh 21

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Saturday 12 February 2011 1:27

Americans have a larger personal space then most. You should have expected that.

mrahhhhh 21

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Saturday 12 February 2011 1:49

Thanks for deleting the first part of #6 and making me look like one of those threadjackers I hate so much, Sirin. :'(

ohthebloodygore 16

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Saturday 12 February 2011 2:37

You hate when people shove sticks up your arse?

ssenefeld 0

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Saturday 12 February 2011 2:39

WTF I didn't even post that

ohthebloodygore 16

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Saturday 12 February 2011 2:40

35, don't lie. The proof is there. Be happy you didn't post first!

phatdaddy62 23

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Saturday 12 February 2011 2:41

Let me guess, you said something lame about being first. Thank you Sirin!

CovertMilitance 0

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Saturday 12 February 2011 1:26

LAWL

gamercanadian 11

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Saturday 12 February 2011 8:50

u should have sat back on his seat and came back to yours and gave him a weird look saying ok well f*** u douche bag

MrsDruidess 23

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Tuesday 27 January 2015 9:51

no what OP should have done is put one seat in between them, that way op could have worked up to a friendship, then moved seats. There's nothing creepier than someone sitting right next to you when there are empty seats about.

noobmuffin 0

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Saturday 12 February 2011 1:26

Follow him and be a creeper, but make it look really obvious. When he starts talking to you, spaz out and act like a weirdo. But FYL, wait a bit and people will start talking to to you.

TheDrop 0

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Saturday 12 February 2011 2:36

This. become a level 5 stalker

sims715 0

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Saturday 12 February 2011 6:19

OMG hahahaha if you really want to make more friends say "hey" or ask them a question to start off a convorsation! DON'T.BE..CREEPER!

WallyTheWombat 0

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Saturday 12 February 2011 11:04

Don't be a creeper! They explode and leave holes in your shit.

jbsington 8

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Saturday 12 February 2011 15:53

LMAO yes the green exploding penises <3

mattiga14 0

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Saturday 12 February 2011 17:17

lol minecraft reference

dragonaair 5

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Sunday 13 February 2011 9:30

Minecraft is win ^^

maxac_fml 0

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Saturday 12 February 2011 1:26

Theres a little something called deodorant, dude... Use it!

xNikkiez 0

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Saturday 12 February 2011 2:55

I was thinking the same....

samantha0911 0

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Saturday 12 February 2011 7:10

douche bags.

bioboy725 10

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Saturday 12 February 2011 10:13

those might help too

JanisEvans 10

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Saturday 12 February 2011 11:11

That's what I thought as well. The only reason to jump up and run for the hills is someone you don't know picks the seat next to you is some really foul smell coming off them.

james_aka_frosty 3

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Saturday 12 February 2011 11:11

81 mega win!

TheBunner 3

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Sunday 10 May 2015 17:58

That CRACKED ME UP!!!

FMLoverAgain 7

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Saturday 12 February 2011 1:28

what an ass that guy was unless you were repellant in some ways

DylanDavidson 0

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Saturday 12 February 2011 1:29

D'Aww. Maybe he just has a over-protective girlfriend?

IHeartJimi02 0

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Saturday 12 February 2011 1:32

That sucks op. He sounds like a jerk. Did you smell? Maybe he was saving a seat for someone.

fearthereaper79 0

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Saturday 12 February 2011 1:32

You ever stop to think that maybe its you and your a fucking weirdo and nobody wants to be friends with you plus maybe you stink

chili10 18

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Saturday 12 February 2011 2:08

I think thats the whole point of the fml..

BugsBunny1 4

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Saturday 12 February 2011 7:18

Now that wasn't very nice. Apologize!!!!

blocparty 0

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Saturday 12 February 2011 11:27

featherreaper, I dont think YOU have any friends.

TenderWhispers 0

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Saturday 12 February 2011 1:32

we're all thinking it, so I'll ask...you a heavyweight?

lakeybalboa 0

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Saturday 12 February 2011 5:55

I think pogs champions are some of the most heavyweight people around

TenderWhispers 0

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Saturday 12 February 2011 6:48

deal with it

veritoswty6 14

Saturday 12 February 2011 8:17

just because a person is heavyweight doesn't mean he or she is not going to be liked OP.. have you ever thought maybe he got away 'cus a strong smell might've caught his nose?