Animals: Today, I accidentally left my sister's hamster's cage open and... - FML

By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 21:31 - Ireland

Today, I accidentally left my sister's hamster's cage open and it escaped. My dad recently put mouse traps down. Guess where I found her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 876

You deserved it 34 767

Good kid

Projectile

Doin' it for the 'gram

By abc123 - 16/12/2013 16:44 - United States - Marysville

Today, I was taking a shower with my boyfriend. While we were washing our hair, he got soap in his eyes and mouth. I was facing him, and since his eyes were closed he didn't realize how close I was. When he spat the soap out, it went straight into my eyes. Neither of us could see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 459

You deserved it 6 876

By girlsgottagotoo - 26/06/2016 20:52 - United States - Covina

Today, I passed a cashier when I came into a store. Later I passed him again as I was leaving, and he asked me if I needed help finding something because I had been in the store for a while. I told him I had been browsing upstairs, but in reality, I had been in the restroom the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 558

You deserved it 1 504

By whatdidimarry - 24/09/2015 23:31 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I caught my husband and the cat licking the butter together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 207

You deserved it 2 278

Suspicious

By Confused - 23/09/2020 17:01 - Australia - Perth

Today, I texted my boyfriend, asking him to meet me when he finished work. Paranoid as he is, he took this to mean that I wanted to break up with him, and is ghosting me into oblivion. All I wanted was to see him on our 4-year anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 145

You deserved it 141

By NeedTea - 21/12/2018 06:00 - United States

Today i stopped at Starbucks to get a tea before work and was surprised that there wasn't a line. As i was leaving the automatic door closed knocking my out of my hand. I headed back in only to discover a huge line had formed and they made me pay for the replacement that their door spilled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 911

You deserved it 736

By iet_Wyrda - 04/10/2013 23:00 - France - Verneuil-sur-seine

Today, my dog tore up a single book from the dozens within his reach. That book was titled "How to Train Your Dog". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 006

You deserved it 5 696

By a tad whipped - 28/04/2013 20:44 - Australia

Today, I summoned the courage to call my abusive mother-in-law about her non-payment of the money I stupidly lent her last year. She replied, "Why don't you go deepthroat a cactus, then we'll talk about it, cunt." and then hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 130

You deserved it 7 211

Don't get it

By Anonymous - 09/05/2015 19:17 - United States - Bristol

Today, my fiancée called off our wedding at the last moment, because her neurotic sister thinks she's "too fat" to be the maid of honor, and says she needs several months to lose weight. So that's a few thousand dollars wasted. My fiancée says I'm "overreacting" and that I "just don't get it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 144

You deserved it 3 321

It's called a calendar

By Anonymous - 19/05/2021 17:31 - India - Mumbai

Today, it was my first day at my first job, I got up early, got ready, waited an hour for HR to call. I called them instead and they didn't answer, so I wrote an email to the partners. It turns out I got the first day date wrong. Some first impression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 658

You deserved it 371

By suicide - 04/02/2009 15:48 - United States

Today, I took a big sip of water while on a bus. It went down the wrong pipe, causing me to cough and hack loudly. The old woman sitting across from me asked if I was okay. Jokingly, I said, "Just dying." She replied, "You too, huh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 789

You deserved it 33 792

By Username - 24/11/2010 01:40 - United States

Today, I woke up early and went to the dermatologist's, only to have them tell me that the skin condition I have that causes big, white spots to appear is chronic and I can do nothing about it. But they did give me cream for a different skin condition they found. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 342

You deserved it 2 388

Sensitive subject

By Anonymous - 23/07/2021 10:01 - Australia - Warrnambool

Today, whilst working in a law firm, I took a call from a criminal, demanding that we apply for bail as he didn't like being in jail. When I tried to explain no one likes being in jail, he became angry and hung up the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 707

You deserved it 139

By thankspal - 24/06/2012 10:57 - United States

Today, while shopping, I bumped into a guy I knew in high school. He went on about he heard I'd got married, looked like I'd had a baby, and that, "she looks just like you!" The kid was my niece, and my husband broke up with me 2 years ago. Thanks for bringing that up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 177

You deserved it 5 358

In a rush

By Crappy - 11/04/2015 12:12 - Canada - Rodney

Today, I got trapped in my building's elevator for over an hour, with my dog who I had been rushing outside with because he had explosive diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 437

You deserved it 2 981

By confused - 07/04/2013 14:51 - Australia - Glen Waverley

Today, I was at University when a giant mascot started walking in my direction. As they walked past, they whispered my name seductively. I still don't know who it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 602

You deserved it 5 311

By Kat - 08/11/2008 07:51 - France

Today, everyone thought that I was the one who farted in the lift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 363

You deserved it 5 214

Nice try

By Anonymous - 06/01/2022 16:59

Today, my wife forgot our anniversary, and since she always makes me suffer when I forget, I made a fancy 4-course meal in our living room, wearing a suit and tie to really rub it in that this time she forgot. Turns out I got the right date, but wrong month. It’s next month, and so… my suffering begins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 273

You deserved it 1 832

By SickOfYourShit - 16/12/2015 15:41 - United States - Kennewick

Today, my boyfriend's bitch of a mother had surgery and now I'm expected to be her at-home nurse. I haven't been able to sit down for more than 5 minutes thanks to her and I've barely slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 206

You deserved it 2 955

The arrogance of youth

By reese - 11/06/2020 05:03

Today, as always, I had to have my dad help me with my computer issues. Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 515

By anonymous - 24/12/2014 23:56 - United States

Today, as I walked into McDonald's with my mom, she glanced at me and said, "Smells like your future." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 945

You deserved it 3 969

By Omi - 20/10/2009 17:44 - United States

Today, I microwaved a cup of soup. While walking back to my desk to eat and do homework, I noticed a message that said, "WARNING: Hold cup by sides, as lid may not be secure." At that exact moment, the lid that I was holding fell off and the soup drenched my Nintendo DS, and printer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 854

You deserved it 41 482

By dab1230 - 07/02/2013 00:26 - United States - Binghamton

Spicy

Today, I asked my mother if I could have my boyfriend sleep over for Valentine's day weekend. Her response? "If you're on your period he can. Unless he's into that. Then no." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 710

You deserved it 42 509

By Anonymous - 24/03/2017 22:00

Today, my son followed me around like a shadow, chanting, "Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom…" to the tune of Jingle Bells. It's March. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 568

You deserved it 502

By deadinavan - 13/10/2010 12:57 - Germany

Today, I found out the man I'm getting a ride from drives a windowless van and is "excited to see me". My friends had encouraged me to sign up for the cheap-ride program because it was less expensive than taking a train. If I never come back, look for a windowless van somewhere in Europe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 150

You deserved it 5 147

By Baby Bethy - 25/12/2016 04:00 - United States

Today, I went to bed at noon after having driven 11 hours from Washington to Maine. I missed my flight due to a delayed plane, and was told there were no open flights the next 2 days. I'd been driving my $200 rental car for 1.5 hrs when the airport told me, over the phone, that there was in fact a flight available. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 680

You deserved it 565

Pissed

By Anonymous - 19/02/2020 14:00

Today, I went to the hospital, which was super busy. I did a pee test when I first arrived. After 5 hours of waiting, they told me they'd lost my pee. How do you lose someone's piss? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 712

You deserved it 112

By Anonymous - 28/07/2009 01:20 - United States

Today, I was sitting in a coffee shop when the weird guy who had been pacing the store talking to himself approached our table. He looked at me, and in all seriousness, said, "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your butt crack is showing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 250

You deserved it 44 942

Halloween, the long wait

By androidjezus - 03/11/2019 18:30

Today, I asked my girlfriend to get a bunch of candy for our first Halloween at our new house, so she got $60 worth. We got into an argument about who was going to give it out. It’s now 9 p.m. No one came to our door all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 695

You deserved it 442

By Cantswim - 20/05/2009 15:45 - United States

Today, I had to go take swimming lessons because my mom has a fear I'll drown and I'm totally afraid of swimming anyway and never get anywhere near water. My instructor? A high school classmate of mine. My fellow swimming classmates? 5 and 6 year old kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 499

You deserved it 9 953

By future burger flipper - 03/06/2013 19:22 - United States - Whitewater

Today, my parents blew my entire college fund in their quest to finish building their replica Hobbit house in our back yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 759

You deserved it 6 302

By lonelygirl - 17/08/2012 23:33 - United States - Circleville

Today, I bought the only cat on Earth that doesn't like chasing after a laser dot. Goodbye, hours of sick, sick entertainment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 032

You deserved it 26 928

By hardee fucking har yourself, sir - 07/08/2013 22:00 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, a guy started taking a leak beside me at the urinal. Evidently he figured he wasn't being enough of a cockbite, because he looked at my junk, laughed, "HAH!" then broke down into hysterics and totally lost control of his stream. I smell like piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 519

You deserved it 4 037

By mykodu - 02/10/2014 20:29 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my little sister had her second son. She is 31 and she named her sons after her favorite television characters, Sam and Dean Winchester. She has made it her life goal to make sure her husband never finds out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 257

You deserved it 4 860

By KS - 17/02/2009 20:52 - United States

Spicy

Today, at the end of a really long day my boyfriend was rubbing my back. I told him I appreciated how sensitive he was being. His response? "I was just trying to figure out how to unhook your bra." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 204

You deserved it 8 926

By Anonymous - 05/10/2014 15:47 - United States - Arlington

Today, I got on one knee in front of my girlfriend. I pulled out the ring, uttered the words, "Lisa, will you…" then abruptly shat my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 129

You deserved it 6 278

By elena02 - 21/11/2015 19:45 - United States - Wayne

Today, my house is so cold that I chipped a tooth from chattering so hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 371

You deserved it 2 930

By Ryanissaur - 19/10/2009 05:34 - Australia

Today, being a music student, a professional orchestra performed a symphony that I wrote and dedicated to my girlfriend. It took months to compose and it the first and only time it was ever going to be played. My girlfriend forgot to come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 423

You deserved it 2 993

By snakeboy - 24/08/2009 04:49 - Australia

Today, for the first time in about 3 years, I decided to clean my car. It was going really well until I looked down at what I was about to pick up. On the back seat floor lay a dead snake, which at one point, for god knows how long, was living in my car while I unknowningly drove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 457

You deserved it 47 716

By Granny - 24/10/2009 21:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I was having a nice moment with my granddaughter as she was being affectionate by stroking my face. We were both quite content, until she said, "Aw, Grandma, your skin feels just like a crocodile." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 899

You deserved it 3 452

High school drama

By Anonymous - 01/10/2021 20:00

Today, I went to the mall with friends. I'd ditched other friends in order to go out with these friends. At the table next to me was an ex, and on the top floor were the other friends I'd ditched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146

You deserved it 1 526

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Tuesday 16 November 2010 1:04

i absolutely love the way you worded this. makes it sound like you let your sister escape from her hamster cage

Send a private message

Tuesday 16 November 2010 1:15

Obviously in jail. You have to use the context clues. Dad puts down traps, hamster protests out of solidarity with other rodents, protest gets out of order, hamster bitch slaps dad, hamster jailed for assault.

Comments

Send a private message

Tuesday 16 November 2010 1:04

i absolutely love the way you worded this. makes it sound like you let your sister escape from her hamster cage

Send a private message

Tuesday 16 November 2010 1:13

this has nothing to do with the fml but whatever: once time i brought a female hamster without knowing it was preggo so it has babies then the mom and sex with he babies making more babies which the mom ate the babies of the babies. it was a fucked up thing. i had to get ride of it. moral of the story? get a male hamster or just make sure you know its not pregnant before you get it.

Send a private message

Tuesday 16 November 2010 1:15

you deserved it

mfmylifesrsly 29

Send a private message

Tuesday 16 November 2010 1:51

LOL @11. poor babies :(

Send a private message

Tuesday 16 November 2010 2:27

11- Just for the hell of it, I really hope those were typos...

Send a private message

Tuesday 16 November 2010 5:53

Today I was trapped in a hamster cage FML

Send a private message

Tuesday 16 November 2010 5:54

The FML doesn't say where OP found the hamster.. Was it in the toilet, oven, fridge!?!?!? it's driving me crazy... :'(

Send a private message

Tuesday 16 November 2010 6:04

yeah I really hate typing on my iPod sorry D:

asian_invasionz 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 16 November 2010 6:28

^ agreed

Send a private message

Tuesday 16 November 2010 6:46

"im a chirstian, but i suck cock like a pornstar." LMFAO. that made my day. thank you! :) hah

Send a private message

Tuesday 16 November 2010 7:32

60 I really hope u r joking

thecrazyasian 3

Send a private message

Tuesday 16 November 2010 8:15

that's a hard one ... IN THE TOILET?

Send a private message

Tuesday 16 November 2010 8:16

looool hahah thts fucked up

TheRealFamilyGuy 5

Send a private message

Tuesday 16 November 2010 8:23

MOUSETRAP!!

Send a private message

Tuesday 16 November 2010 10:27

11: "Babies! 400 babies!"

Send a private message

Tuesday 16 November 2010 10:28

Oops! Reappearing comment!

Send a private message

Tuesday 16 November 2010 11:45

ignorance seriously? you're an annoying bitch getting on fml is probably the highlight of your day hit me back I might satisfy you with ATTENTION.

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 November 2010 5:47

89- "GIVE YOUR BABIES SHOCKOLATE AND THEY'LL RUN ABNORMALLY FAST!! they'll run as fast as KENYANS!" 25- sooo wanna come over and study the lord's great gift together? my bible is huuuuge!

iHOOT4Hooters 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 November 2010 5:53

I give up, OP! Where did you find her? The anxiety is killing me!

ThePaperDragon 31

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 November 2010 6:41

XD

FusionPlacebo 26

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 July 2015 17:31

It doesn't say "my sister's hamster cage", it says "my sister's hamster's cage" which implies she's talking about the pet, not her sister.

Send a private message

Tuesday 16 November 2010 1:05

hey at least she won't ask you to take care of her pets anymore!

stronghand0331 17

Send a private message

Tuesday 16 November 2010 3:01

Yeah, I really don't think that was a goal she wanted to achieve.

Send a private message

Tuesday 16 November 2010 3:02

);

takethesebrokenw 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 16 November 2010 1:05

yum. hamster soup.

Send a private message

Tuesday 4 October 2011 23:20

Not funny..,

OreosBeGooood15 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 16 November 2010 1:05

Soooo where'd you find her ? Can't just end the story like that .

Send a private message

Tuesday 16 November 2010 1:15

Obviously in jail. You have to use the context clues. Dad puts down traps, hamster protests out of solidarity with other rodents, protest gets out of order, hamster bitch slaps dad, hamster jailed for assault.

Send a private message

Tuesday 16 November 2010 1:44

#12, That makes perfect sense.

Send a private message

Tuesday 16 November 2010 2:33

#12, you had me literally laughing out loud with everything you just said. I looked pretty pathetic laughing in front of my iPod. But you just made my day :) Thank you.

TheIrishJaneDoe 8

Send a private message

Tuesday 16 November 2010 3:29

Brava, IF. That was inspired.

Send a private message

Tuesday 16 November 2010 7:25

cheers 12, that was smooth ;P

Send a private message

Tuesday 16 November 2010 1:06

1- OP did make it sound that way. Too funny!

Send a private message

Tuesday 16 November 2010 1:06

well guess you got her christmas present covered

Send a private message

Tuesday 16 November 2010 1:06

you keep your sister in a hamster cage?

zp5 4

Send a private message

Tuesday 16 November 2010 1:09

in the cage?!

zp5 4

Send a private message

Tuesday 16 November 2010 1:11

lol if you read it the right way it does sound like that. (sorry this was for comment #7)

hcovballer247 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 16 November 2010 1:15

Ur awful. Fhl= f**k her life

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 11

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 1 020

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 823

You deserved it 1 163