By oh god why

Precision flinging

Today, while I was changing my tampon, I somehow managed to fling period blood into my eye. I wish I was making this up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1621

You deserved it

212

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Understandable

Instadrama

Time for the ER

By life_isnt_fair - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me and dumped me. Thirty minutes later he called asking for me back. When I asked why, he said "The other girl dumped me." FML

I agree, your life sucks

48502

You deserved it

4539

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By Anonymous - 3/9/2020 14:01

Venmo me

Today, my mother-in-law called to find out how the first week of school went for the kids. She spent most of the call complaining about her husband. I'd like to send her a bill for her trying to use me as a therapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1105

You deserved it

192

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By Anonymous - United States

Try to do a nice thing…

Today, I mowed our lawn without being asked. My sister wouldn't stop yelling at me for not checking with her, because she wanted the grass to get long enough to "play jungle" in. My mom sided with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1739

You deserved it

111

Favorite

By JH - United States

Today, I was making out with my new boyfriend when he pulled away and looked me deeply in the eyes, he smiled and said, "I don't care what anyone else says, I think you're beautiful." FML

I agree, your life sucks

43084

You deserved it

17962

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By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, my boyfriend tried to be dominant during sex. It was so out of character for him, I couldn't help but break into hysterical laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43490

You deserved it

12000

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By Anonymous - United States - Bellerose

Today, I was watching anime in my room when my mom walked in with fresh laundry. It would've been fine at literally any other moment, but the scene on at the time involved girls groping each other in a hot spring. Now she's accusing me of being in cartoon porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2129

You deserved it

800

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By prego - United States - Sterling Heights

Today, my husband told me to stop faking being sick, because, "morning sickness doesn't happen after noon." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33303

You deserved it

3174

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By just socially awkward

Today, despite the carriage being entirely empty, a large man chose to sit right beside me on the train. After making me uncomfortable with personal questions, he asked if we could be friends and hang out, both of which I shyly declined. He then accused me of being a racist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2980

You deserved it

189

Favorite

By TooTallNiCo - United States

Today, I was at lunch with my mom and we were talking about how to tell my brother that Santa Clause isn't real. After we finished our conversation, I heard someone crying. Little did I know, two little kids and their parents were sitting in the booth behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13957

You deserved it

35919

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By Jebus - United States

Today, I walked to Starbucks. On the way a homeless guy asked me for change and I lied and said I had no money. On my way back, Strawberry Frappuccino in hand, the same guy recognized me. He followed me for 3 blocks, swearing and yelling at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29054

You deserved it

60867

Favorite

By rholt - United States - Baldwin City

Today, as I was taking out the trash, I spotted my cute neighbor doing the same. In a rush to get out before he went back inside, I slipped on my iced-over porch. I passed out and woke up with a note on my chest saying, "I unlocked your door but you were too heavy to drag inside". FML

I agree, your life sucks

50357

You deserved it

8051

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By paper towel virgin - United States - Warrensburg

Technologically Challenged

Today, I was using a restroom with automatic sinks and toilets. I assumed the paper towel dispensers were automatic too. I stood there waving my hands like an idiot before a girl walked in, pulled a lever, and made paper towels come out for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22292

You deserved it

40170

Favorite

By LittleArtist - United States - Bessemer

Today, after 3 weeks of hard work, I finally finished painting my room. Apparently my 6-year-old brother thought I wasn't done and that he should help me out. I now have little red handprints all over my white walls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40225

You deserved it

5229

Favorite

By hcditfi5foygy

Today, my crush confessed their love for me, and I happily told them that I felt the same way. They looked uncomfortable, so I asked why. Apparently they'd been paid to prank me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4358

You deserved it

254

Favorite

By iGreen - Canada

Today, my mom cooked her dog some potatoes, carrots, beef, rice and peas. She cooks better food for her dog than she will for our family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35437

You deserved it

3595

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered that my fiancé had tried to fake his own death because he thought it would be easier than confessing to the affair he was having. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71503

You deserved it

3465

Favorite

By zappy - United States

Today, I decided to see if electric dog collars work on human necks. They do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9687

You deserved it

118822

Favorite

By Its_Sinon - United States - Oceanside

Today, I got married. After the ceremony, my sister asked to talk to me. I followed her and she told me that we are no longer related because we don't have the same last name anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25311

You deserved it

1835

Favorite

By brebis - France

Today, when I threw away my cigarette out of the car window, the wind blew it back in again. My trousers got completely burnt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9291

You deserved it

70880

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Daytona Beach

Today, a guy called customer support, claiming his internet wasn't working. I asked for his customer details, and he gave his name as Mike Hunt. I recognized the old joke, called him an idiot, and hung up on him. It turned out that was his real name. I'm now on suspension. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28682

You deserved it

36014

Favorite

By Allie - United States

Today, I got a text from my boyfriend that said, "Last week was the most embarassing time of my life, we're over." He was of course referring to the seizure that I had due to my epilepsy at Olive Garden. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47948

You deserved it

2788

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By weezel - South Africa

Today, I took pictures of myself and my girlfriend doing naughty things together on my camera. My mom later asked me if she could borrow the camera for the weekend. Without thinking, I gave her the camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13243

You deserved it

53937

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By Anonymous - 22/6/2020 17:01

OK sweaty, time for a bath

Today, I realized my morbidly obese, sweaty sibling is the source of a strange waft I've been smelling when I get home. He'll only shower once a week, so the apartment and furniture smell like sweat and sometimes poo, especially on hot days. I didn't notice until I went outside and stepped back in to follow my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1709

You deserved it

120

Favorite

By Ew. - United Kingdom

Today, after being filled with joy after seeing my very elderly cat finally enjoying the sun in my garden, I skipped over to give her a hug. Turns out she was taking a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21804

You deserved it

9191

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By Paul - United States

Today, my boss called me into his office. After yelling and firing me, his assistant comes in telling him he had mistaken me for someone else. He did not give me my job back, as he claimed it would make an awkward work environment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53904

You deserved it

2595

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By the un-loved child - United States - Salida

Today, my mom confessed to loving my "little sister" more than she loves me. My "little sister" is the family dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53576

You deserved it

3950

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By Brandee - Canada

Today, a guy commented on a picture of my boyfriend and I kissing on facebook, and said to please stop 'testing' him. He also messaged me saying how he wishes he could get a girlfriend like me, that I'm gorgeous, and that he wants to go out with me. I'm his cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38289

You deserved it

3189

Favorite

By thankskimi - United States

Today, my first girlfriend of over 3 years left me for another guy. She said she's looking for someone who can financially provide for her in the future. The dude owns a T-Mobile kiosk. I'm going to medical school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

565399

You deserved it

40108

Favorite

By toe - United States - Sullivan

Today, I stole my brother's fuzzy slippers for the day as I usually do. Too bad he had been anticipating this and had left a mouse trap in one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16545

You deserved it

44893

Favorite

By Lickmylovepump - United States

Today, my boyfriend insisted that we try phone sex. He started telling me all the things he wanted to do to me while breathing heavily. Unfortunately, it sounded so ridiculous, I burst out laughing. He hung up on me, and has refused to pick up since. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20352

You deserved it

35370

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was approached by a policeman who asked me if I was the owner of the green Camry. Turns out my parents decided to teach me a lesson for lying where I had been by reporting the car stolen. They also wouldn't answer my one phone call. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28885

You deserved it

9015

Favorite

By Secret Isis supporter - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss asked me if I'd realized that "I support ISIS" was written on the bottom of my water bottle. The bottle was a gift from my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24962

You deserved it

1938

Favorite

By Earths_Venus - Australia

Today, I was driving to my new home with a lot of my belongings in the car. I could hear things shifting in the back. When I parked, I opened the door, ready to catch my vodka. I caught it- and watched my laptop slide out of the car, onto the concrete, and break into 3 pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11733

You deserved it

35549

Favorite

By Tom

Today, after setting up surveillance in my front yard to see whose dog keeps crapping on my lawn, I finally caught the culprit on film. It was my heroin addict neighbour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42161

You deserved it

3575

Favorite

By screaming monkey - United Kingdom - Whitton

Today, I'm recovering from colon surgery. They gave me codeine as pain relief, which has made me constipated. I'm currently sat on the toilet, trying to push out what feels like a small child wrapped in barbed wire out without busting my stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34185

You deserved it

2091

Favorite

By Aginsafa - United States

Today, at work my boss told me I have been late, under-productive, and using up a lot of sick days. He says my job is on the line. My reason for barely showing up at work: I've been on maternity leave for 6 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38332

You deserved it

3669

Favorite

By gazza - United Kingdom - Guildford

Today, in the middle of a localised drought, and an accompanying hosepipe ban, my mother has decided that she still needs to water her lawn. To balance out the water usage, she's placed a complete ban on the use of our shower until the weather lets up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23337

You deserved it

1739

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Seattle

Today, while waiting for a bus, someone started smoking at the bus shelter, which is illegal in my city. I politely asked him to stop smoking, citing the city ordinance. He just cackled and said that if I'm so concerned about the state of my health, I should start by losing 90 pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21546

You deserved it

39005

Favorite

By Lovelysister - United States

Today, I texted my brother saying, "Always remember I love you! Never forget it!" to which he replied, "You better not be doing drugs." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29924

You deserved it

9719

Favorite

By jlover42 - United States

Today, I forgot my inhaler. I had an asthma attack and had to go to the ER. The doctors told me it wasn't an asthma attack. It was just a panic attack from worrying about whether I would get an asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64752

You deserved it

18311

Favorite

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Top comments

By Susan Yee | 9

#7848850 - Sunday 6 October 2019 1:00

On positive side, at least it’s your own blood.

By Charlie Given | 23

#7848873 - Sunday 6 October 2019 4:11

🤣🤣😂 That takes talent

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 28

#7848847 - Sunday 6 October 2019 0:24

I hope you are!

By Susan Yee | 9

#7848850 - Sunday 6 October 2019 1:00

On positive side, at least it’s your own blood.

By EmDizzle2007 | 28

#7848853 - Sunday 6 October 2019 1:14

something you usually have to pay to see

By bullsonyourface | 20

#7848861 - Sunday 6 October 2019 2:37

I'm actually incredibly impressed

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7848868 - Sunday 6 October 2019 3:52

How hard did you pull?

By Charlie Given | 23

#7848873 - Sunday 6 October 2019 4:11

🤣🤣😂 That takes talent

By Mara Malayin | 4

#7848912 - Sunday 6 October 2019 11:15

This is probably the first “FML” ive laughed at in YEARS 😂😂

By ThatOneLonelyAsian | 31

#7848934 - Sunday 6 October 2019 11:55

thst last line gives it away

By ojosRojos | 28

#7849021 - Sunday 6 October 2019 19:51

Omg that would be traumatizing! Hope your eye is okay

By Taurus_ChicKa | 36

#7853009 - Tuesday 22 October 2019 5:22

Carrie White, is that you?