By oh god why

Precision flinging

Today, while I was changing my tampon, I somehow managed to fling period blood into my eye. I wish I was making this up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1637

You deserved it

214

Favorite

Taking stock

The smell detective is on the case

Reverse psychology

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while going to work, I was mugged. On the way back, I was mugged. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43513

You deserved it

3697

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, our Christmas tree was damaged beyond repair after my son and his friends borrowed it for a little experiment. They tied balloons to the branches and tried to make it fly, after seeing a similar video online. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25533

You deserved it

3534

Favorite

By disapointed girl - United States

Today, my boyfriend of a month and I had sex for the first time. We started in the shower and then moved to his bedroom. He then feel asleep when I was on top. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21874

You deserved it

5838

Favorite

By Lax - France

Today, my 5 year-old daughter watched me getting dressed in the bathroom and asked, "Mum, when my boobs grow, will they droop like yours?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

30827

You deserved it

3461

Favorite

By redneckfamily - United States - Roy

Today, I realized my family is the textbook definition of redneck after listening to my grandpa threaten to smash with an excavator the trailer that my uncle lives in behind our house if he didn't return the set of tires he had stolen and pawned from my grandpa's garage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39906

You deserved it

3659

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I found out all the "work meetings" my husband has been going to wasn't him having an affair after all, but him attending a neo-Nazi group. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20133

You deserved it

1381

Favorite

By Anonymous - Denmark

Today, my allergies flared up and I started sneezing. I guess my girlfriend was having a bad day, because she lost her shit and started telling me how annoying I am and how I can never do anything right. I'm not sure if we're still a couple, because she stormed out and won't answer my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39813

You deserved it

3302

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - University Park

Today, I was walking around my college campus when someone asked me if I had gotten separated from my tour group. He didn't believe me when I said I was a student there. This happens all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40166

You deserved it

3658

Favorite

By clumsyandpoor - United States - Watertown

Today, I was short on money for bills, so I pulled out my alto saxophone, knowing that no matter how much I loved it, I'd be able pay my rent with the money. As I pulled it out of its case, the neck strap broke and I dropped it, breaking the bell beyond repair. Now I'm poor AND depressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39582

You deserved it

3856

Favorite

By Concussed - Australia

Today, as I showered, I sneezed, hit my face on the wall, got shampoo in my eyes, slipped on a bar of soap, bashed my head on the wall as I fell, grabbed at the walls to stop me from falling and happened to turn off the cold water, scorching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52597

You deserved it

6036

Favorite

By leaannec30 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I thought my car was overheating. I then thought it was wise to put my hand close to my muffler to feel the heat. Needless to say, I stuck my entire hand on my muffler then had to drive around with the only cold thing in my car. A cold beer from my cooler. Yes, I got pulled over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6732

You deserved it

11758

Favorite

By Neuronerd - United States - Richmond

Today, my Uber driver tried to detour my trip home to take me on a date to Waffle House, even after I showed zero interest and talked about my boyfriend non-stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5183

You deserved it

354

Favorite

By ExtemelyBroke - United States

Today, I checked my bank account that i've been saving money in since I was a kid for college. I have $100 left out of the $10,000 I had last month. Apparently my parents thought buying a pool and an HDTV for themselves was more important than my college education. FML

I agree, your life sucks

130917

You deserved it

6421

Favorite

By smellyfeet - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was finally time for both of us to have sex with each other. He kept his shoes on the whole time because he thought he had smelly feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36918

You deserved it

5649

Favorite

By Anonymous - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, after months of a very healthy sex life with my boyfriend, he asked me to let him try anal. I'm dead-set against it, so I tried to let him down easy by jokingly saying that I would, but only if he let me try it on him first. He said, "Sure." Fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29225

You deserved it

48287

Favorite

By Jyocka - Canada

Today, on a first date, I finished eating my sushi, feeling proud to have managed chopsticks so elegantly and then rubbed my eye, oblivious to the fact I had just touched some wasabi. What followed was a classy exhibition on how to jump around screeching in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16228

You deserved it

27010

Favorite

By MissKitty

Special Snowflake Kitty

Today, I found out why I couldn't properly breathe nor sleep for the past 2 days. I'm allergic to the new kitty litter. This is the special litter I had to buy because my snowflake cat is allergic to all the other brands. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4945

You deserved it

678

Favorite

By Hana - Canada - York

Today, I went to the movies with my boyfriend, and ended up sitting next to this girl who wouldn't stop sneezing. Grossed out, I asked my boyfriend if we could switch seats. After doing so, the girl immediately stopped sneezing and started flirting with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36008

You deserved it

5963

Favorite

By seriously wtf - United States - Saint Petersburg

Today, in my architecture class, my professor's lecture consisted of a list of movies and books which feature characters who are architects. I couldn't leave because I needed the attendance points, and it lasted 45 minutes. I paid out of state tuition for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27425

You deserved it

4080

Favorite

By prettylady? - United States

Today, I said "bless you" to a nice man who sneezed on the subway. That nice man has now followed me home and stood outside my apartment complex for two hours, claiming to be my "soulmate." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35019

You deserved it

2835

Favorite

By cl3v3l4nd5t34m3r - United States - Geneva

Today, I got into a fight with my mom over the chores, and stormed out. When I returned later, I found the house had been egged. My mom told my dad she saw me do it, and he won't believe my side of the story. He says I'll be lucky if I see sunlight this summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29773

You deserved it

4466

Favorite

By grossed out - United Kingdom - Peterborough

Today, my friend asked to borrow my new laptop to email his college professor. When he returned it, it had a virus on it, and I had to fish out two pubic hairs that were sticking out between the keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42543

You deserved it

7469

Favorite

By Monkey - United States

Today, I woke up to my English bulldog standing over me, getting ready to pee. I didn't move in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33573

You deserved it

5475

Favorite

By Cheated - Canada

Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, my wife then told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60162

You deserved it

4536

Favorite

By Kreen - China

Today, I realized that mixing alcohol with my medication causes me to lose my memory. I went to see my favorite band in concert last night and I can't remember a single song they played. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12026

You deserved it

44400

Favorite

By fuckwank - United States - Red Oak

Today, I offered to help out at my grandpa's farm, and he had me load buckets of water into his trunk. When he came by and saw me struggling to lift a bucket, he sneered, called me a moron for filling it up before putting it in the truck, and told me to just go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36957

You deserved it

12337

Favorite

By Mary - United States

Today, I called a pest control company to ask them to come over to my place to help get rid of rats. The person on the phone told me to "be a man and stop acting like a girl". I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41280

You deserved it

3425

Favorite

By Willow McGarrigle - 4/6/2020 23:00

Manipulation

Today, my ex, who I only dated for 3 months, told me the only reason why he dated me was because he thought my sister was hot, and he just wanted to get closer to her. So thank you for that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1595

You deserved it

110

Favorite

By Anon - United States - Middletown

Today, my boyfriend told me he wants to marry me and be the father of my children. Five minutes later, he told me he wants to experience death. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47481

You deserved it

5202

Favorite

By TooLoud - United States - Moorpark

Today, I got a text from my neighbor complaining about my girlfriend and me being too noisy in bed. I'm at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45865

You deserved it

2969

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/1/2021 11:01 - Germany

Sing me to sleep

Today, there are two parts to my life: The 12 hours I spend in bed each night trying to fall asleep, with limited success, and the 12 hours I'm up and trying *not* to fall asleep, also with limited success. FML

I agree, your life sucks

843

You deserved it

Favorite

By Lex - United States

Today, I installed high performance brakes on my car after fearing that my old brake system was to weak and I could get into a crash. On the test drive a car in front of me stopped short. My new brakes worked, the ones on the car behind me didn't. I now have whiplash and a totalled car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52391

You deserved it

3504

Favorite

By theultimatesalonfail - United States

Today, a girl came into my salon to permanently straighten her really long and curly hair. After several long hours, I went to the counter to charge her. She ran out faster than an Olympic runner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42589

You deserved it

3144

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, as I was at Starbucks writing a paper, a man came and sat next to me. He started staring at me, then I noticed his hands were down his pants. It was noticeable that he was masturbating, so I went to tell a worker. They just said, "He's a regular" and didn't do anything about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10597

You deserved it

679

Favorite

By Babyhazy - Australia - South Yarra

Today, I'm so tired from constantly soothing my crying 2-month-old baby that I've started trying to soothe inanimate objects with baby talk when they make a noise. My fridge stated beeping and I began an involuntary chorus of, 'It's OK darling, shhhhhh, it's alright.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

13273

You deserved it

1419

Favorite

By ruvru - United States

Today, while lying next to me, my boyfriend smiled and told me, "I really like your eyes. They're pretty." He paused and then finished with, "They really help your face." FML

I agree, your life sucks

56599

You deserved it

4106

Favorite

By Ava777 - United States

Today, while leaving school to skip fourth period, I hit someone's car in the parking lot. It was the teacher's whose class I was going to skip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11726

You deserved it

59466

Favorite

By MJF

One step forward, two steps back.

Today, my boss thanked me for all my hard work and promised me a raise and a promotion. Shortly thereafter, she sent out a memo announcing she'd sold the company. The new owner immediately came in to "restructure." I got demoted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4284

You deserved it

227

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, after months of trying for a baby and telling me how he wants a family and can't wait to have a kid with me, my boyfriend was relieved when I got a negative home test, saying he's not ready for kids yet. I took another test this morning. I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3957

You deserved it

560

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my boss threw me out of her office during a conference call for daring to correct her. The client fired the company because she subsequently got all the information on the call wrong, and plainly had no idea what was going on. From all the screaming, this is now all my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12925

You deserved it

887

Favorite

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Top comments

By Susan Yee | 9

#7848850 - Sunday 6 October 2019 1:00

On positive side, at least it’s your own blood.

By Charlie Given | 23

#7848873 - Sunday 6 October 2019 4:11

🤣🤣😂 That takes talent

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 30

#7848847 - Sunday 6 October 2019 0:24

I hope you are!

By Susan Yee | 9

#7848850 - Sunday 6 October 2019 1:00

On positive side, at least it’s your own blood.

By EmDizzle2007 | 28

#7848853 - Sunday 6 October 2019 1:14

something you usually have to pay to see

By bullsonyourface | 20

#7848861 - Sunday 6 October 2019 2:37

I'm actually incredibly impressed

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7848868 - Sunday 6 October 2019 3:52

How hard did you pull?

By Charlie Given | 23

#7848873 - Sunday 6 October 2019 4:11

🤣🤣😂 That takes talent

By Mara Malayin | 4

#7848912 - Sunday 6 October 2019 11:15

This is probably the first “FML” ive laughed at in YEARS 😂😂

By ThatOneLonelyAsian | 31

#7848934 - Sunday 6 October 2019 11:55

thst last line gives it away

By ojosRojos | 28

#7849021 - Sunday 6 October 2019 19:51

Omg that would be traumatizing! Hope your eye is okay

By Taurus_ChicKa | 36

#7853009 - Tuesday 22 October 2019 5:22

Carrie White, is that you?