Insulting and Love: Rare and inventive insult - FML

Rare and inventive insult

By fuck you - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I asked the man of my dreams out on a date. His response: "I'd rather eat my own balls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 653

You deserved it 3 839

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 09/08/2013 14:54 - France

Today, I asked out a guy at work that I really like. He just stared at me and said, "Honestly? I'd rather smash my balls with a mallet. No offense." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 719

You deserved it 4 946

Nice dude

By ThroatSlasher - 17/08/2015 19:20 - United Kingdom - Grimsby

Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He's smart, attractive, and has a steady job. Imagine my surprise when he accepted. Then imagine my surprise when he followed up with, "Hah, just kidding. You're fucking BORING!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 999

You deserved it 2 459

He's a keeper

By mariana - 08/02/2014 00:18 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I decided to ask the guy I like if he'll be my Valentine. I wrote the question on a piece of paper and passed it to him, trying to be cute. He read it, wrote his answer with a smile, and passed it back. It said, "Depends, do you swallow?" No, no I don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 697

You deserved it 10 344

By (._. ) - 06/08/2013 20:35 - United States - Alburnett

Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He told me he'd have to ask his dad if it was OK. I thought he was just kidding, until he pulled out his phone and called his dad. After a few minutes of "Come on, Dad" and "But why?" he hung up and said his dad wouldn't let him. He's 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 772

You deserved it 5 129

By nameless - 12/07/2009 06:45 - United States

Today, I asked the girl I am in love with out on a date. She asked me for my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 286

You deserved it 11 865

By bertiebeth - 02/08/2014 05:35 - Australia - Padstow

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted me to get him some take out. He responded with, "I think we should see other people. Uh, chicken please." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 775

You deserved it 4 031

By MysticSoup - 21/04/2019 22:00 - United States - Carthage

Today, I asked my doctor out on a date. He had his nurse turn me down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 068

You deserved it 3 922

Honesty is the best policy

By Anonymous - 19/06/2020 02:00

Today, I finally went on a date with a girl I've been talking to for 2 years. She is my dream girl, picture perfect and I love her with all my heart. So I asked her, half jokingly, if I was her dream guy. Her reply? "Don't ask me something you don't want to hear the answer of." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 424

You deserved it 1 260

By -insert clever nickname here- - 29/04/2012 23:56 - United States - Seattle

Today, I asked the girl I'm madly in love with out to dinner. When she asked me if I would pay, I jokingly said, "Well, that depends on how the date goes." She looked me up and down and said, "No thanks then." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 523

You deserved it 15 015

Never again

By Catsfordays - 20/08/2015 06:02 - United States - Yucaipa

Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 942

You deserved it 2 633

Next

Top comments

nonsensical 26

Monday 27 April 2015 0:30

"Not if I eat them first!!" Yeah, no, that'd be weird nevermind.

spamhands1 18

Monday 27 April 2015 0:24

That is not nice, your better off without him

Comments

spamhands1 18

Monday 27 April 2015 0:24

That is not nice, your better off without him

Redoxx_fml 22

Monday 27 April 2015 0:33

You're

soullyfe 33

Monday 27 April 2015 1:06

Or he could be better off. For all we know OP could have a terrible personality, or some other negative situation we're not aware of. Have to see both sides sometimes.

ItsDutch 16

Monday 27 April 2015 1:10

Even if OP didn't have the greatest personality, he could've simply told her no. He didn't have to be an asshole about it...

Epikatz 22

Monday 27 April 2015 5:11

The one sure thing is that OP has a very strange type of Dream Man.

Sazzles 17

Monday 27 April 2015 0:24

Sounds like a lucky escape OP

IAmzephyr 22

Monday 27 April 2015 0:25

bon appetite?

flyingmind_fml 17

Monday 27 April 2015 1:42

i'll have the pleasure to cook them for u asshole !!

nityasomaiya 46

Monday 27 April 2015 8:34

Ask him if he'd prefer it with salt or pepper.

Hoopachi 19

Monday 27 April 2015 0:26

Dodged a bullet there OP! If he insults people like that without even giving them a try then you don't need to be with him

Redoxx_fml 22

Monday 27 April 2015 0:35

More like dodged a ballsack

renouttaluck 20

Monday 27 April 2015 0:27

Wow that is an extreme response OP. I would consider it a lucky break that the psycho said no.

fantasyworld 37

Monday 27 April 2015 0:27

I think you dodged a bullet there.

MrsHaxxo 22

Monday 27 April 2015 0:28

I think you dodged a bullet there..

Devildrake 19

Monday 27 April 2015 0:29

There's millions of other opportunities out there, chin up.

nonsensical 26

Monday 27 April 2015 0:30

"Not if I eat them first!!" Yeah, no, that'd be weird nevermind.

ItsDutch 16

Monday 27 April 2015 2:41

I'd tell you to marry me for that comment, but you could be a 40 year old horny stalker who will try to find out where I live.

shemademedoit 20

Monday 27 April 2015 7:54

so can you buddy. so can you

nonsensical 26

Monday 27 April 2015 10:25

If you marry me you'll have to accept me for who I am ♥

TheBelt 19

Monday 27 April 2015 0:31

Sorry O.P he doesn't deserve you.

garrettcreek16 6

Thursday 30 April 2015 3:58

What is op

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Keywords

Break-ups Love Christmas Poopoo peepee Gross Miscellaneous Argument Ironic Awkward Friends Cute Haircut Relatable Work Cars You're fired Covid Health Cheating Jealousy Parenting Kids Family Cats DIY Roommate Sex Intimacy Am I overreacting? Management

The Top

Today, thanks to pregnancy hormones, I had the most vivid dream of eating a caramel apple mousse cake with vanilla bean ice cream. Unfortunately, yesterday, also thanks to pregnancy hormones, I was diagnosed with diabetes. My dreams are taunting me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 932

You deserved it 266

Today, I caught my husband of 13 years looking at other women in Instagram. FML

I agree, your life sucks 204

You deserved it 425

The Top

Today, I was home alone and it started to rain. It hadn't rained in days so I went out on my balcony and ran around. I felt great until I realized that my door had been swung shut because of the wind, and it had no handle. I had to wait outside in the rain for two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 045

You deserved it 27 983

Today, I was pet sitting for a friend. As soon as I walked in the door, I stepped in dog poop. I took off my shoes to clean them, then stepped in cat pee in my socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 852

You deserved it 373

Today, was the first time giving head to my boyfriend. He couldn't finish, so I tried a handjob. In the end he kind of pushed my hand away so he could finish himself off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 314

You deserved it 7 527

Today, my boyfriend and I got into an argument; however, his new-found passion for hardcore rapping meant that he tried to "diss" me using bad rhymes and ill thought-out putdowns. It was ridiculous, and didn't really make any sense, so I started giggling. He stormed off, grumbling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 393

You deserved it 2 937

Today, my sister put a piece of leather in my homemade beef jerkey to prove a point. I ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 195

You deserved it 1 420

Today, I'm single again, after my now ex attacked my best friend out of jealousy, forcing me to choose between 25 years of friendship and 3 months of a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 137

You deserved it 125