Today, I asked the man of my dreams out on a date. His response: "I'd rather eat my own balls." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I asked out a guy at work that I really like. He just stared at me and said, "Honestly? I'd rather smash my balls with a mallet. No offense." FML
Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He's smart, attractive, and has a steady job. Imagine my surprise when he accepted. Then imagine my surprise when he followed up with, "Hah, just kidding. You're fucking BORING!" FML
Today, I decided to ask the guy I like if he'll be my Valentine. I wrote the question on a piece of paper and passed it to him, trying to be cute. He read it, wrote his answer with a smile, and passed it back. It said, "Depends, do you swallow?" No, no I don't. FML
Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He told me he'd have to ask his dad if it was OK. I thought he was just kidding, until he pulled out his phone and called his dad. After a few minutes of "Come on, Dad" and "But why?" he hung up and said his dad wouldn't let him. He's 22. FML
Today, I asked the girl I am in love with out on a date. She asked me for my name. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted me to get him some take out. He responded with, "I think we should see other people. Uh, chicken please." FML
Today, I asked my doctor out on a date. He had his nurse turn me down. FML
Today, I finally went on a date with a girl I've been talking to for 2 years. She is my dream girl, picture perfect and I love her with all my heart. So I asked her, half jokingly, if I was her dream guy. Her reply? "Don't ask me something you don't want to hear the answer of." FML
Today, I asked the girl I'm madly in love with out to dinner. When she asked me if I would pay, I jokingly said, "Well, that depends on how the date goes." She looked me up and down and said, "No thanks then." FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML
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Top comments
nonsensical 26
"Not if I eat them first!!" Yeah, no, that'd be weird nevermind.
spamhands1 18
That is not nice, your better off without him
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Comments (114)
spamhands1 18
That is not nice, your better off without him
Redoxx_fml 22
You're
soullyfe 33
Or he could be better off. For all we know OP could have a terrible personality, or some other negative situation we're not aware of. Have to see both sides sometimes.
ItsDutch 16
Even if OP didn't have the greatest personality, he could've simply told her no. He didn't have to be an asshole about it...
Epikatz 22
The one sure thing is that OP has a very strange type of Dream Man.
Sazzles 17
Sounds like a lucky escape OP
IAmzephyr 22
bon appetite?
flyingmind_fml 17
i'll have the pleasure to cook them for u asshole !!
nityasomaiya 46
Ask him if he'd prefer it with salt or pepper.
Hoopachi 19
Dodged a bullet there OP! If he insults people like that without even giving them a try then you don't need to be with him
Redoxx_fml 22
More like dodged a ballsack
renouttaluck 20
Wow that is an extreme response OP. I would consider it a lucky break that the psycho said no.
fantasyworld 39
I think you dodged a bullet there.
MrsHaxxo 22
I think you dodged a bullet there..
Devildrake 19
There's millions of other opportunities out there, chin up.
nonsensical 26
"Not if I eat them first!!" Yeah, no, that'd be weird nevermind.
ItsDutch 16
I'd tell you to marry me for that comment, but you could be a 40 year old horny stalker who will try to find out where I live.
shemademedoit 20
so can you buddy. so can you
nonsensical 26
If you marry me you'll have to accept me for who I am ♥
TheBelt 19
Sorry O.P he doesn't deserve you.
garrettcreek16 6
What is op