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By gdog10122 - 12/01/2013 09:52 - United States

Today, I found out that my dad, thinking it was an advertisement, threw away a letter from the college I applied to. FML

agreeclassic 39 227

vote type 1 2 669

Surprise!

By Anonymous - 19/09/2014 16:06 - Belgium - Poperinge

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend broke things off, because he says I have a "horrible, horrible personality" and that I'm only really fuck-buddy material, which is a problem because he wants something long-term. We've been dating for three years. FML

agreeclassic 39 226

vote type 1 3 924

By vee2013 - 26/04/2014 04:22 - Canada - London

Today, I finally decided to do something productive and clean my room. When I went to pick up the first thing off my floor, I hit my head on my desk and gave myself a concussion. FML

agreeclassic 39 224

vote type 1 6 935

By me - 13/01/2011 20:48 - United States

Today, my daughter was expelled from her school for beating another kindergartener with a Dr. Seuss book. FML

agreeclassic 39 223

vote type 1 7 782

By Anonymous - 27/06/2010 10:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a party. No one there was under 60. I'm 16 and it was the only party I've been to all year. FML

agreeclassic 39 221

vote type 1 7 847

Ready to rumble

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Canada - Saint John

Today, I got in a heated fight and ended up being punched in the jaw. The fight was about Harry Potter. FML

agreeclassic 39 220

vote type 1 21 694

By Anonymous - 09/10/2010 06:47 - United States

Today, after weeks of thinking and playing every outcome possible in my head, I told my parents I'm gay. My dad nodded and didn't even look up from his book; my mom told me to go to the doctor if it starts to itch. FML

agreeclassic 39 220

vote type 1 9 027

By hold your horses pony boy - 18/04/2014 18:24 - United States

Today, I took my car into a car wash. I guess it was a bad idea to do it with my dog in the car, because he freaked out, started scrambling around, and ended up pissing on everything, me included. FML

agreeclassic 39 220

vote type 1 13 744

Who are you?

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was in the bathroom stall when a man made eye-contact with me through the crack in the door. I quickly looked away, but about a minute later I looked back to see if he was gone. He was still there and was actually trying to keep making eye-contact with me while I pooped. FML

agreeclassic 39 218

vote type 1 3 004

By Anonymous - 02/03/2013 06:22 - United States - Lacey

Today, I was at my class's band concert. Before the curtain was raised, I helped haul the piano to a different spot so a girl who would've had to stand behind it could be seen. I said, "There, now your mom can see you play!" She responded with, "My mom's blind." FML

agreeclassic 39 218

vote type 1 4 077

By pleasestop - 11/06/2011 08:48 - Australia

Today, I woke up with bowel problems which have been causing me to violently pass wind every couple of minutes. I have to spend the next two hours sitting an exam in dead silence. FML

agreeclassic 39 217

vote type 1 3 424

By IMAWAKE - 17/03/2014 19:07 - United States - Romulus

Today, my roommate's extremely loud and obnoxious alarm went off six times, waking me up each time, before she finally gave up on hitting the snooze button and went back to sleep for good. FML

agreeclassic 39 217

vote type 1 3 851

By anonymous - 14/06/2012 14:54 - China - Nanjing

Today, I found out that my wife and two teenage daughters' periods are all one week after the other. I am living in hell almost every single day. FML

agreeclassic 39 214

vote type 1 4 753

Don't laugh

By PaneraSucks - 19/02/2014 06:24 - United States - Londonderry

Today, a customer at work pronounced the word "Asian" as "Ah-See-Awn" when ordering a salad. I wasn't allowed to say anything. FML

agreeclassic 39 214

vote type 1 4 299

By WhiteCaribbean - 22/09/2014 19:38 - Saint Lucia - Castries

Spicy

Today, what I thought was going to be a lunch date turned into a life insurance sales pitch. FML

agreeclassic 39 213

vote type 1 3 899

WhiteCaribbean app_comment_confession_title

WhiteCaribbean 3

Tuesday 23 September 2014 5:42

BTW I'm straight, for anyone in the comments wondering, it was a female who pitched the life insurance. I seriously thought she was interested in me; that's why i went to meet her =S

By fat and alone - 05/06/2014 04:11 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I figured I needed to go on a diet when I discovered I could make farting noises with my neck. FML

agreeclassic 39 212

vote type 1 18 125

By neonstarr - 30/10/2013 10:41 - New Zealand

Today, I could think of more 'pros' than 'cons' for why I should start drinking again. FML

agreeclassic 39 212

vote type 1 7 147

neonstarr app_comment_confession_title

neonstarr 15

Thursday 31 October 2013 9:31

Op here. Surprised this got posted. Sorry to burst some the bubbles but I'm not an alcoholic, I stopped drinking because of medical reasons, turns out I have gluten intolerance which caused damage to my gut, and by association killed my stomach lining and throat. Wasn't pleasant. Also I'm a chick. And since I'm better, I was weighing out pros and cons at 330am. If I ever do have a drinking problem Ill use some of the advice :)

By hisgirl4life - 05/02/2010 13:44 - United States

Today, I laughed so hard my milk went out my nose in front of the boy I liked. Then, since I was laughing so hard about that, I accidentally farted. FML

agreeclassic 39 211

vote type 1 8 761

By wahwah - 23/10/2009 06:51 - United States

Today, I had to complete a project for my course in Italian. We had to write a little paragraph about a friend. I had to make one up. FML

agreeclassic 39 209

vote type 1 6 276

By Tag - 24/09/2014 01:19 - Australia

Today, my psychotic, very jealous ex-boyfriend appeared out of nowhere and punched a male store clerk who was helping me look for azaleas in a garden center. FML

agreeclassic 39 209

vote type 1 3 166

By Anonymous - 15/09/2014 18:48 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, I took a shit of biblical proportions. I flushed and opened a window, but my pregnant wife went in straight after me. Her morning sickness kicked in and she quickly ran out, vomit dripping from her mouth. She's pissed and thinks I planned the whole thing as a prank. FML

agreeclassic 39 204

vote type 1 4 394

By Kyra.45 - 03/10/2013 22:46 - United States - Troy

Spicy

Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML

agreeclassic 39 201

vote type 1 32 521

By Quackadoodledoo - 24/04/2014 02:21 - United Kingdom - Edgware

Today, I was on the London underground reading a newspaper. A huge guy was sitting next to me and there weren't many other people around. As I turned a page, he leaned into me, glaring, and said, "I'm not finished yet". At the next stop I put down the paper and jumped off. It wasn't even my stop. FML

agreeclassic 39 200

vote type 1 5 405

How romantic

By fishtacos - 01/12/2014 03:32 - United States - Fontana

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend bought me some feminine cleansing wipes for my birthday so I could, "get the hoo-ha spick-and-span." FML

agreeclassic 39 200

vote type 1 6 771

Burn the witch!

By fanaticalfuckspawn - 25/08/2014 20:14 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I told my mom I've been taking yoga lessons, and that it'd be cool if she took some with me. She immediately went on a rant, calling yoga "satanic" and accusing me of trying to get her into "devil worship". Well, that's the last time I try to patch our relationship up. FML

agreeclassic 39 198

vote type 1 3 172

By mew - 25/10/2011 18:04 - Canada

Today, one of the children at my daycare came up to me and bit me on the face. He laughed so hard at my scream, that he threw up in my lap. FML

agreeclassic 39 197

vote type 1 3 239

Hermit life

By Pookaa - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got a text from someone I've been avoiding saying, "Can I come visit you today?" I replied, "No, sorry, I'm not home." They then replied "Then who is that in your living room?" FML

agreeclassic 39 196

vote type 1 8 406

Defeated

By Anonymous - 01/07/2012 23:08

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed making out. He then tried to unhook my bra. After a full minute of trying unsuccessfully, he shouted "Fuck you, bra!" before hiding his face in the pillows. FML

agreeclassic 39 195

vote type 1 5 461

By Anonymous - 09/04/2012 05:15 - United States

Today, I got mugged at Disney World, the happiest place on Earth. FML

agreeclassic 39 194

vote type 1 3 596

By Anonymous - 28/10/2009 08:03 - United States

Today, I cut my finger open with a spoon. After waiting for 4 hours in the emergency room, the doctor told me I was missing too much flesh to qualify for stitches. He then called 2 other doctors in to examine it. Apparently they had a contest for patient with most ridiculous injury. I won. FML

agreeclassic 39 193

vote type 1 7 950

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Today, I kindly asked my boyfriend to shave his pubic hair to make oral sex more enjoyable for me. He declined, saying, "Think of it as flossing your teeth. I'm doing you a much needed favor." FML

agreeclassic 34 706

vote type 1 5 881

Today, I found out my boyfriend didn’t know what quotation marks are. He’s 34. FML

agreeclassic 883

vote type 1 131

Today, my boyfriend of over a year decided he wants us to wait to get married before having sex again, after we've had sex almost every night of being together. FML

agreeclassic 2 009

vote type 1 280

Today, I got told I was too fat and needed to stop eating, because I need to lose weight. I was then given a full plate of food and had to eat it all. FML

agreeclassic 917

vote type 1 155

Today, I tried to make popcorn in the microwave but forgot to remove the plastic wrapper. The kitchen filled with smoke, the fire alarm went off and my neighbors came knocking to see if I was alright. When they asked what caused it, I had to admit that it was “Erm… popcorn.” FML

agreeclassic 103

vote type 1 414

Today, I was crocheting while watching television, and thinking to myself how proud I was that I taught myself to crochet. Then, an episode of Golden Girls came on, and I watched that while I crocheted. I'm 24. FML

agreeclassic 28 899

vote type 1 40 697