Health: Today, I woke up with bowel problems which have been causing...

By pleasestop - 11/06/2011 08:48 - Australia

Today, I woke up with bowel problems which have been causing me to violently pass wind every couple of minutes. I have to spend the next two hours sitting an exam in dead silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 128

You deserved it 3 412

Health

Mama's boy

Weird reason to leave, but OK

GERD Gang!

By Anonymous - 07/09/2018 03:30

Today, I found out my fiancé can't wear his ring at his parents house cause his mom and dad don’t want him to marry me, and it has nothing to do with me. They don’t like my parents so I’m not good enough for their son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 021

You deserved it 177

By nimrod23 - 18/10/2009 09:28 - Australia

Today, as I was walking home late at night, some asshole threw a lit cigarette butt out of their balcony. It fell between my glasses and my eye and left a burn mark on my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 997

You deserved it 2 512

Mindfullness

By Anonymous - 06/10/2010 07:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out I was pregnant. I told my boyfriend, who held me and promised it'd be alright, and he'd never leave me. One sandwich later, he'd forgotten about the whole thing, and dumped me when I reminded him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 274

You deserved it 6 007

By Anna - 13/07/2013 04:40 - United States - New York

Today, I was using a public restroom. As I lowered my pants, a man's head and arms popped out over the divider. He took a picture and immediately rushed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 256

You deserved it 3 205

By why - 14/03/2014 23:23 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was tanning nude in my backyard, when I took a picture of our dog lying in the grass and sent it to my dad. It was only after I looked at the picture indoors that I realized my nipple had made it into the picture too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 404

You deserved it 37 690

By Helpful Smile - 26/01/2016 02:56 - United States - Bettendorf

Today, my boss used our communal notebook to bitch out our entire department for not leaving a note notifying her that one of the machines was down. She wrote it on the same page as the note I left saying that one of the machines was down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 665

You deserved it 1 214

By EchoDearEcho - 04/02/2010 14:52 - Australia

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. My mother turned to me and said, "Wait you're actually gay? I thought you were just saying that to piss off your father." I came out to her when I was 16, and have confided in her about my past relationships. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 817

You deserved it 4 747

High school drama

By Anonymous - 30/08/2021 03:31 - India - Delhi

Today, the guy I have been going out with for six months cheated on me with the only girl I hate the most in the world. That girl ruined my previous relationship too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 091

You deserved it 69

By why me? - 06/09/2014 04:25 - United States - Tulsa

Today, my roommate decided that because she has an oral report due, she's going to scream at the top of her lungs until she loses her voice to get out of it. It's been two hours and she refuses to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 640

You deserved it 2 821

By Erica - 09/12/2018 13:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, not only did I find out that my 13 year old daughter is pregnant, I found out that she did it on purpose ‘to prove that she’s responsible’. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 418

You deserved it 666

By seussical65 - 14/04/2009 13:48 - United States

Today, during dress rehearsal before the show, I came in with crutches pretending I broke my leg as a joke. I then threw away the crutches, laughed and then fell down some stairs. I am now in crutches with a broken leg. I was the lead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 717

You deserved it 93 387

By Anonymous - 16/07/2009 05:51 - United States

Today, my wife gave me back my camera which she took on vacation to visit her parents with our 2-year old. I noticed the picture sequence had big gaps in the numbering. I ran an undelete on the card, and found 80+ pictures of her naked with another guy in her mom's bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101 904

You deserved it 5 363

By Anonymous - 27/09/2012 23:09 - Vietnam - Ho Chi Minh City

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend of a month has a new girlfriend. That girl is my cousin, the same one who's been listening to my tears fall as I've confided my feelings to her for the past few weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 566

You deserved it 2 599

By Fml - 22/04/2018 15:00

Today, a co-worker called in sick due to a family emergency. I ended up working an unplanned 12-hour overnight shift. After I clocked out, I dragged myself out to the parking lot to go home. Someone had smeared tacos all over my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 389

You deserved it 200

Cover up

By atsukobo - 02/11/2020 22:59 - United States

Today, after a nasty fight with my military husband, which resulted in mandatory marriage counseling, he told me we needed to talk about the fight. Not talk it over and apologize; talk it over so our stories are consistent when we see the therapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 299

You deserved it 156

By exfishowner - 27/01/2019 12:00

Today, my 3-year-old daughter put her grow-in-water salamander in my fish tank. The residue from the toy gummed up the filter and killed all the fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 436

You deserved it 331

By Anonymous - 21/02/2010 19:12 - United States

Today, it was my first day of softball practice. I'm the youngest one on the team by about 2 years, so I wanted to prove I'm just as good as everyone else. Too bad I tripped in the outfield and got hit in the head with a bat. I have a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 099

You deserved it 4 570

By Anonymous - 13/09/2011 06:05 - United States

Today, I apologized to the cat for walking into the laundry room while he was using the litter box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 953

You deserved it 10 479

By hejdixjeln - 17/03/2013 10:25 - United States - Evanston

Today, I advised my daughter to not drink a Coke before bed. She smiled at me and reassured me that it could be balanced out with sleeping pills. I'm raising a future drug addict. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 934

You deserved it 7 512

By ellie - 23/11/2009 18:09 - United States

Today, I was walking on the boardwalk with my mom when an old man came up and asked me to marry him. He promised he would buy me a Mercedes if I did. The man was homeless and delusional. My mom told me I should take the offer because it would be the best offer I could get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 627

You deserved it 3 123

By Username - 19/06/2011 18:08 - United States

Today, I went camping with my girlfriend and best friend. They are now having blood-curdling sex in our tent. My friend is also my ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 797

You deserved it 7 380

By lifesucks4me - 23/02/2009 12:51 - United States

Today, I'm playing basketball with my little brother. After jokingly blocking his shot, he turns to me and says "You're a bitch." He's 6. After asking where he heard that word, he responded with "Daddy calls you that when you're not around." FML

I agree, your life sucks 160 755

You deserved it 13 743

By Anonymous - 26/12/2012 08:30 - United States - Evergreen

Today, I unwrapped my present and, to my surprise, I had gotten a repair manual for my truck. Apparently, my parents are "Tired of seeing that piece of shit in front of our house." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 470

You deserved it 23 016

Some people are just lazy

By Anonymous - 22/06/2017 00:00

Today, while working, I saw a man napping under a tree. He was still there 3 hours later. Turns out he was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 685

You deserved it 306

By SGreene - 06/05/2017 20:00

Today, a storm dropped a tree across my road. I would have moved it with my tractor, but there was a tree on that too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 539

You deserved it 328

By Anonymous - 31/12/2009 08:06 - United States

Today, I was at work and I had to take a dump. Since I was the only person in the bathroom, I started singing, "I'm taking a poopy-poop poop poop poop." I was not the only person in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 281

You deserved it 64 265

Stuck in the middle with you

By dadlife - 08/06/2021 04:01

Today, I heard my wife and daughter arguing. My wife took away my daughter's phone and laptop for being disrespectful. My daughter screamed, calling her mom a fat cow. My wife simply said, "Yeah, well you’re gonna look exactly like me when you grow up!" Now they’re both locked in rooms, crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 128

You deserved it 71

Irrational

By Anonymous - 23/02/2016 11:10 - France - Brunoy

Today, I accidentally left my bedroom light on all day. When I got home, my mum screamed at me for wasting electricity. This is the same woman who leaves the TV on all day while she’s at work, all so our dogs have something to watch and won't be “bored”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 088

You deserved it 1 443

By kjirut - 27/10/2009 18:49 - Norway

Today, I realized that the only thing I learned from my first serious relationship was how to fake an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 495

You deserved it 5 043

By Anonymous - 29/12/2015 00:00 - United States - Granger

Today, I got together a surprise party for my mom's birthday. I invited all her friends and her douchebag boyfriend who I don't get along with. When my mom got home, he took credit and got her friends to back him up with bribing. My mom said I'm selfish and horrible for not trying for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 163

You deserved it 1 518

By supergirl7 - 27/07/2011 22:21 - United States

Today, I discovered I can properly operate the television remote with my feet. I then realized that it is pretty much my only talent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 362

You deserved it 8 656

Stuck

By fuckmyhair - 16/04/2020 23:00

Today, my brother thought it’d be a hilarious prank to put Super Glue in my hair extension glue. I didn’t notice until after the first couple rows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 437

You deserved it 208

By NotRetarded - 11/04/2009 02:37 - United States

Today, I went to a friend's sweet sixteen. Since I didn't know any else at the party I was really happy when the mother told me she sat me next to someone she thought I would have a lot in common with. He ended up being mentally challenged and talked to a sock puppet the whole party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 968

You deserved it 3 842

By papersofdivorce - 31/01/2013 17:08 - Peru - Lima

Today, thanks to our computer's browser history, I found out that my wife has been searching for local therapists who deal with cases of severe sex addiction. We've only had sex twice since we got married four months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 230

You deserved it 3 694

The nickname that sticks

By ap84 - 27/02/2009 21:47 - United States

Today, after soccer practice, I was walking to the car with my dad. My team mates waved and said "Bye POTHEAD!" They call me that because they think my head is shaped like a pot. Of course, my dad didn't believe me. I'm grounded now because I have an abnormally-shaped head. I've never smoked pot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 665

You deserved it 5 609

Pay up

By wasntme - 10/05/2020 08:00

Today, I got a bill for $62.70 because my company gave my last work car to some idiot who doesn't like to pay the toll road fees. They never took me off the registration. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 602

You deserved it 96

Awks

By Anonymous - 23/10/2009 04:56 - Australia

Today, while trying on a dress, my sister came up behind me and poked my back, asking, “What have you stuck down your dress?” I hadn’t put anything down the back of my dress; it was just my back fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 604

You deserved it 10 038

By KereKris - 01/12/2016 19:18

Today, I wrote a bad review for a pizza place after their pizza gave me food poisoning. Now, they won't stop calling me, begging me to take my review down in exchange for free pizza. I have tried to tell them that I wouldn't eat their pizza again even if I got paid to do so, but they won't listen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 513

You deserved it 1 371

By CUCKOO - 26/10/2013 21:27 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a blind date. The girl seemed perfect for me, until I found out she says "lol" and "rofl" out loud whenever she laughs. She also believes sex screws with people's "spiritual energy", and that's why she'll never have it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 295

You deserved it 5 026

By whyme - 31/05/2013 18:47 - United States - Crescent

Today, my friends and I went out for drinks. I'm the only one who's actually 21 or over, and they have fake IDs. Not only was I the only one to be carded, the bartender thought that my actual ID was fake. I got kicked out while my friends kept drinking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 404

You deserved it 4 451

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Top comments

Miss_Michaela 10

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Saturday 11 June 2011 15:51

Go in there with your head high, and your middle finger higher saying 'If I have to suffer, so do all of you!'.

dlohoh978 8

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Saturday 11 June 2011 15:54

what cartoons do u watch??? lol

Miss_Michaela 10

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Saturday 11 June 2011 15:51

Go in there with your head high, and your middle finger higher saying 'If I have to suffer, so do all of you!'.

dudemansoccer 0

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Saturday 11 June 2011 15:52

or just shove a cork up Ur butt like in cartoons

dlohoh978 8

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Saturday 11 June 2011 15:52

ask the teacher if u can take a dump, tell her its emergency

dlohoh978 8

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Saturday 11 June 2011 15:54

what cartoons do u watch??? lol

Bloodberry 0

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Saturday 11 June 2011 15:54

Jaja I like your way of solving his problem. All I'm thinking is what happened next?

a_nutritionist 10

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Saturday 11 June 2011 16:00

if thats legitimate advice you couldnt have done much worse.

imacreeper 3

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Saturday 11 June 2011 16:11

1 - your comment goes very well with your picture.

Miss_Michaela 10

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Saturday 11 June 2011 16:27

You could also go in with a peg on your nose. That way, you can claim 'Whoever smelt it, dealt it', and as you couldn't have smelt it you are automatically cleared of any suspicion.

ScaughtieHolden 11

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Saturday 11 June 2011 17:09

Or just spread your cheeks so it sounds like there's a draft in the room.

seanders 10

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Saturday 11 June 2011 18:54

I take pride in my farts!:D

DoWorkBro 4

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Saturday 11 June 2011 19:30

Shove a cork up your butt, are you kidding me bud

GrapeKoolAde 0

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Sunday 12 June 2011 8:53

u r a mofockrr

rocketpopper1030 11

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Wednesday 8 August 2012 10:27

Gas-x ?? (:

mj4life 0

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Saturday 11 June 2011 15:54

blame it on the kid next to you..

EagorLuvsBigFoot 8

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Saturday 11 June 2011 19:11

or as the bitch girl who wrote a comment similar to this one would say: "blame it on the fat kid"

Sub_Zero_is_God 13

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Saturday 11 June 2011 15:54

Fyl

EagorLuvsBigFoot 8

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Saturday 11 June 2011 19:10

nice comment

volley4eva1698 0

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Sunday 12 June 2011 0:58

yeah real creative

folfg0 12

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Friday 6 July 2012 19:12

Because we all know "Yeah, real creative." is soooo much more creative. Not like anyone already said "Nice comment" or anything. *facepalm* I'd like one ticket off this planet.

piedpiper303 29

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Thursday 18 July 2013 14:59

Pretty sure there's a button for that #5

nocanhaz 4

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Saturday 11 June 2011 15:55

I know what you are going through. Happened to me while I was taking my midterm this year.

regsworld11 2

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Saturday 11 June 2011 15:58

FYL indeed, that sucks! Be careful it doesn't come out as more than a fart :(

georgiamayxx 0

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Monday 13 June 2011 0:29

eww

regsworld11 2

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Monday 13 June 2011 8:22

Um you're ew, if you don't get the joke, don't comment!

elisabeth1_fml 0

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Saturday 11 June 2011 15:59

so long as you don't follow thru... lmao

shumian 4

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Saturday 11 June 2011 16:01

I'm sorry OP that really stinks

musicphreakk 0

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Saturday 11 June 2011 22:56

haha, play on words...

poohforMVP 4

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Sunday 12 June 2011 7:15

where'd u find tht pic is hilarious

lmaoatall 6

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Saturday 11 June 2011 16:01

someone at fml must have a strange fetish with farts. we have been seeing alot of 'ooops I pooped myself in public' postings. op, you'll have to come back on after your exam and tell us how you tried to cover one up by useing someones coughing fit. or how one snuck out while the entire class was dead silent. it would be great if an elevator is involved. thankyou.

livelaughcheer_2 2

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Saturday 11 June 2011 16:16

Bahaha

HouseKeeping 0

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Saturday 11 June 2011 23:12

I thought the same thing...

salvorican 24

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Saturday 11 June 2011 16:05

Every time u let one rip just cough and sneeze. That might help

cest_moi_baybee 1

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Monday 13 June 2011 16:13

snarting hurts though...LOL

fatalkiss 0

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Saturday 11 June 2011 16:07

Just do "silent, but deadly". Since it's your own fart, you shouldn't be too grossed out. Others won't be able to complain 'cause they could get in trouble for talking during an exam.