Today, my boyfriend bought me some feminine cleansing wipes for my birthday so I could, "get the hoo-ha spick-and-span." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I bought a new pack of "feminine wipes" on my way over to my boyfriend's house after a long day of work. He saw them in my purse and sweetly told me I shouldn't be so self conscious. Later on, when he was going down on me, he said, "I take back what I said earlier." FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to gift me soap, a razor, and deodorant for my birthday. FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me acne cream for my birthday. FML
Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend was kind enough to give me prescription strength deodorant. FML
Today, my boyfriend of four years told me that I have a potty mouth and that I should clean it with Harpic. FML
Today, per my boyfriend's request, I bought some lingerie. He got so excited when he saw me, he ripped it off me right away. After we were done he used it to clean up. I essentially bought a $40 cum rag. FML
Today, I was shopping with my boyfriend, when he suggested that I might want to buy a new loofah. When I asked why, he admitted he's been using it to scrub his ass crack for weeks. I use that loofah to wash my face. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I took a late night drive, and after a while he stopped at a gas station and asked if I wanted anything. I replied, "Guess." He came out and gave me a box of tampons. Apparently, I've been bitchy. FML
Today, my girlfriend was thoughtful enough to buy me some "Dude Wipes" because I work on construction sites and most of the time it's use a Porta Potty or hold it. I was late and decided I'd use the work potty. Grabbed my wipes, did my business., went to wipe and… FROZEN SOLID! Hell of a way to start my day. FML
Today, it's my birthday. I told my boyfriend I wanted to feel special even if for just one day. He said he would do the laundry for me. FML
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Top comments
eyebrowzzz 21
Buy him XS condoms for Christmas and say "they were all out of S but these probably fit you better" ;)
Raxal 21
One can only wonder what he'll buy you for Christmas...
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Comments (84)
DocDrose 20
cheap skate!
incoherentrmblr 22
"Look what ya did ya little jerk..." - Uncle Frank (Home Alone)...
Raxal 21
One can only wonder what he'll buy you for Christmas...
cakefete2 31
A Vagisil gift set?
emile_heskey 11
A dick in a box
Enslaved 38
Are you dating Al Pacino from a "Scent of a Woman"?
Enslaved 38
"Hoo-Ha!"
ka1729 14
That is an awful gift
TrippingOnAcid 29
Could be followed up by him going down on her though ;)
gatorclay97 28
Isn't that normally what the girl gives the guy for his bday?
MomentoMori 23
Not unless he has a ******.
worldclassrager 41
It's the thought that counts...right?
eyebrowzzz 21
Buy him XS condoms for Christmas and say "they were all out of S but these probably fit you better" ;)
Marcelb 17
Except that that won't work if he doesn't have a small one. Then she'll only look stupid.
King_Nero 15
16- that joke just went right over your head
mikepzz 27
I would say low blow, but I don't think there will be any blowing in that relationship for a while :o
ALegitOreo 11
That's an ego killer right there
Fr0gs 15
They only come in normal and magnum where i live
23lf 16
Where you living? Africa?
hateredblast 7
There are NO condom sizes people! Condoms are quite stretchable so they fit pretty much any peg!
jayfresh98 8
Let's just hope he had a sense of humor lol
firephoenix_ 6
I can't help but find it hilarious your user name is fish tacos. Too relevant..
AnOriginalName 19
I thought she created the user name specifically for the FML... Might the world ever know the truth?
SirMichael 13
If you're not signed in to your account when you submit an FML it lets you pick any name you want.
YFOS_fml 17
cleanliness is next to godliness
ileenefudge 29
I read that in Spongebob Squarepants's voice.
doctorhook86 25
"No, this is Patrick."
YFOS_fml 17
I can honestly say I have never watched sponge Bob and have no idea what your talking about lol
cadillacgal79 32
I read that in Ms. Kay's voice from duck dynasty.
patwo8 14
Wow
DenBriZel 31
I understand maybe you smell weird to him, but couldn't he have just told you instead of wasting your birthday present on something like that?
PhantomFollower 20
"Hey, I'm bored. Let't wash your lady-bits!"
DenBriZel 31
I know it would obviously make her upset no matter what but seriously, it's ****** up to make it her birthday present.
PhantomFollower 20
Agreed. Pretty mean and inappropriate.