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The all-time greatest FMLs

PTSD

By anonymous - 18/06/2010 17:25 - United States

Today, I was on an airplane and had to go to the bathroom. The guy next to me was asleep and blocking the aisle. I tapped him on the shoulder, and he responded by punching me in the stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 355

You deserved it 3 777

Weirdo

By dammitvasquez - 12/05/2011 23:34 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend came home from a camping trip and broke up with me. All because when he was watching the lake he was near, ripples formed. Apparently, this means God was telling him I'm impure and unable to be "saved by Christ" and therefore, a waste of his time. I dated this lunatic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 354

You deserved it 8 536

By SezzyJ - 02/10/2009 11:31 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me. Via text. With the iPhone I got him for our anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 353

You deserved it 3 872

Twins

By rufusthepenis - 02/10/2011 22:57 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She got my cock out, stopped, and told me it looked like "Rufus the naked mole rat." She spent the next 20 minutes showing me pictures, describing in detail why they looked similar, and laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 352

You deserved it 4 857

By Anonymous - 07/09/2014 15:55 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I woke up to find a huge zit directly between my two eyebrows. My friends have started calling me "The North Star." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 351

You deserved it 3 831

By Anonymous - 18/10/2014 19:29 - United Kingdom

Today, my 9-year-old daughter was acting out and wouldn't do her homework. I told her that if she didn't study, she wouldn't get her acceptance letter from Hogwarts. She looked into my eyes, straight through to my soul and said, "Hogwarts isn't real, retard." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 349

You deserved it 14 545

So many questions

By Anonymous - 07/04/2011 15:15 - United States

Today, I was walking along when I saw this girl kissing her boyfriend. I thought to myself, "I wish I had a boyfriend like that…" I'm a guy, and straight. At least I thought I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 347

You deserved it 14 341

By MailMaster - 22/07/2011 04:20 - Australia

Today, my new mailbox key finally arrived. Not at the front door as I requested, but in the mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 346

You deserved it 2 882

Close, so close

By perpetuallyscrewed - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff

Today, after nearly eight months of unemployment, I started a great new job. After seven and a half hours of work, my new boss comes up to tell me what a great job I was doing, but that he somehow forgot to clear the new hire with the company owner, so I'm fired. Hello, unemployment... again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 344

You deserved it 2 250

The talk

By airplanes-suck - 21/08/2009 00:20 - United States

Today, I went on a plane and was sitting next to a mom with her 12-year-oldish daughter. Apparently, they decided to have "The talk." On the plane, right next to me. I heard everything, and actually learned new things. I'm 35. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 343

You deserved it 6 688

Casting call out

By Kat - 17/09/2009 02:19 - United States

Today, I was trying out for a play I really wanted to be in. After my audition, I was feeling really good. She said she would post the cast list tomorrow. Not knowing where she would post it, I asked her. Her reply? "It doesn't matter. You won't be on it anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 343

You deserved it 3 352

The internet's busiest music nerd

By dillon - 01/07/2014 04:12 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I watched a YouTube video about artists who ripped off other artist's songs. All of the bands that were accused of stealing were all bands that I really enjoy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 341

You deserved it 11 078

By cay - 30/01/2013 19:59 - United States - Holley

Today, I was trying to sleep away a fever, when my grandma woke me up. She was sitting next to me, shoving gummy bears into my mouth until I started choking. She laughed, ran away, and denied everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 339

You deserved it 3 251

Bingo!

By Anonymous - 26/08/2009 20:05 - United States

Today, we had bingo. Three rounds into it a group behind me started to yell, "BINGO, BINGO!" I looked around and saw no one was coming to verify that they had a bingo, so I turned around and said "Stand up." The girl was a dwarf, and she was standing up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 338

You deserved it 14 481

By Anonymous - 07/11/2011 20:48 - United States

Today, I found out my soon to be ex-husband is going to be a father. We spent our entire marriage unsuccessfully trying for a baby. The mother of his unborn child isn't his new girlfriend, but someone else he was cheating on her with. Our divorce isn't even finalized yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 337

You deserved it 3 250

So, this is my mom…

By Emily - 03/07/2010 18:57 - Australia

Today, after spending a great evening with the guy I really like, he dropped me off outside my house. When he pulled into my driveway, his lights shone onto my drunken mum taking the garbage out in nothing but her black panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 336

You deserved it 3 160

By fuckyoutoo - 24/03/2013 23:47 - Canada - Armstrong

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't share food after I tried taking a chip from him. I made popcorn that night, and when he tried to take some, I said, "I'm sorry, I don't share food" to get him back. His response? "I can tell." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 336

You deserved it 9 646

By byebyeromance - 26/08/2014 01:03 - United States - State College

Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 336

You deserved it 5 079

By Worstjob - 03/03/2011 00:35 - United States

Today, I started my job as a high school janitor. A student decided to welcome me by taking a dump in the urinal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 333

You deserved it 4 439

By klee - 08/02/2009 05:21 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling in bed. After looking at me for a while he said, "you look better when I'm not wearing my contacts". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 332

You deserved it 2 650

Just a prank, bro

By unlucky dudebag - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my brother and father thought it would be a good idea to wake me up by turning on a chainsaw while wearing hockey masks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 330

You deserved it 4 750

By Anonymous - 14/02/2015 02:43 - United States - Titusville

Today, I gave birth to a baby girl. Where was my husband after the agony finally ended? Standing just outside the room, flirting with a nurse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 330

You deserved it 3 541

By mikeissad - 11/08/2012 19:37 - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, at work, I was forced to nod and smile as a pregnant, fifteen-year-old, brain-dead Jersey Shore wannabe cussed me out for being rude by using words from a "foreign language" during our conversation. I used the word "pretentious." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 326

You deserved it 2 489

By therealkathl - 05/03/2015 13:32 - Austria

Today, my boyfriend convinced a girl at the club to break up with her boyfriend and go home with him. She did. Now I'm single too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 325

You deserved it 3 446

By iGotSkill - 31/10/2009 01:32 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her mom who had passed away years ago told her that I was cheating on her, telepathically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 325

You deserved it 2 904

Memorable

By ForgottenSarahMarshall - 22/05/2014 05:51 - United States - Aubrey

Today, I was creeping on an old coworker's Facebook and noticed they'd tagged my face in an old group photo as another girl. According to the comments, the girl they'd tagged me as thought it was her too. I worked there for two years and nobody mentioned the mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 325

You deserved it 5 648

By WhoopteeDooDoo - 12/10/2011 22:47 - United States

Today, I pulled into the gas station to fill up only to realize I had forgot my wallet. By the time I went home, got it, and came back, the price had gone up eleven cents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 318

You deserved it 4 978

By DeniedAgain - 29/06/2009 04:04 - United States

Today, I walked into a gas station and saw some $.25 gum. It looked good and I thought I had a quarter in my pocket. I found no change in my pocket once I got to the register, so I pulled out my credit card. The cashier laughed a few seconds later when my card was declined for a piece of gum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 318

You deserved it 15 542

By SocialAnxietySucks - 26/03/2014 03:31 - United States - Houghton

Today, the clock in the study lounge was off, so I was half-an-hour late to class. I was too embarrassed to walk in late, so I sat for the next half-hour with my ear against the door trying to hear the lecture. People stopped to ask if there was something wrong with me. Yeah, probably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 316

You deserved it 11 973

By teach - 14/11/2010 07:31 - United States

Today, my teacher turned around from the blackboard and screamed, "Stop chewing your gum like a cow!" That wasn't so bad.--The bad part was when she realized it was me, she apologized saying, " I am sorry. You are not really a cow. I don't want to traumatize you; you're just overweight." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 314

You deserved it 8 517

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The Top

Today, despite having the same parents, I'm a lawyer and my brother is a redneck. He called wanting my advice, because he tried to book a prostitute online but when she turned up, she was a Latvian mail-order bride, and he wants me to fix it with my "big city law degree." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 171

You deserved it 118

Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 978

You deserved it 2 640

Today, I saw a video of myself filmed last night, hammered, climbing my wardrobe screaming, "I WANT TO GO TO NARNIA" while naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 184

Today, I took my 8 month-old to Urgent Care due to extreme constipation. I spent $25 for my son to poop on me the second the doctor had me remove his diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 840

You deserved it 4 271

Today, I found out that my 50-year-old ex-husband and the 20-year-old skank he cheated on me with are buying the house next door to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 659

You deserved it 305

Today, I overheard my niece telling my daughter that a woman’s only real purpose in life is to find a good man and make sure he’s happy. This includes having his babies, cooking his meals, and submitting to him in any way he asks. My sister is a business owner. I have no idea where she got this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 106

You deserved it 190