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Hey, I'm the original poster. I think comment #78 has the right idea - I wasnt saying it in a rude way, just sort of jokingly, since the last few people had all said toasted. Was just putting theirs in the oven and getting her order at the same time.

By Anonymous - 10/01/2011 02:35 - United States

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, in the bathroom. I noticed a pregnancy test in the trash can. He lives alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 542

You deserved it 3 141

By Anonymous - 27/09/2009 04:10 - Canada

Today, I went to the bar to celebrate my friend's birthday party. I gave the bouncer my ID and he kicked me out, saying that I should at least use an ID card with the correct gender. I'm 22 and female, he thought I was an underage boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 542

You deserved it 3 992

Whoops

By mmv - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took my car into the shop to get a minor problem fixed. I left several hours later, without my car. Why? The mechanic crashed it while out on a test drive to make sure he'd fixed the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 541

You deserved it 2 209

By Anonymous - 25/08/2013 18:21 - Canada - Grand Falls

Today, I was at the beach. I'd recently decided to try the "life hack" where you empty out a bottle of lotion and hide small valuables in it, to avoid them being stolen. I'd put the bottle in my bag. Instead of stealing stuff from inside it, though, someone just stole the whole bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 539

You deserved it 10 636

By I am not amused! - 03/11/2013 22:53 - United Kingdom - Andover

Today, I had the pleasure of driving in central London for the first time, to recover my drunk husband from his own brilliance, puking on the feet of Winston Churchill's statue in Parliament Square. At 4 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 537

You deserved it 3 646

By toadface - 04/08/2009 23:25 - United States

Today, I took my puppy outside to play. At one point, she stopped chewing on her toy and ran over to give me a big kiss all over my face and mouth. A few minutes later I realized that her chew toy was actually the dried up carcass of a toad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 530

You deserved it 7 990

By Anonymous - 12/05/2011 07:54

Today, I got a paper cut from a 'get well soon' card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 529

You deserved it 5 702

By ElementaryEdGuy - 12/09/2014 03:22 - United States - Benton

Today, I confiscated a 1st grader's cell phone. It was better than anything I could come close to affording. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 528

You deserved it 3 643

ElementaryEdGuy tells us more.

ElementaryEdGuy 18

Saturday 13 September 2014 20:14

I work in a low-income school. Very rarely do we have students who have OLD (think Nokia brick) cellphones that are deactivated so that they can call the police if necessary. These students are usually our 4th & 5th graders who may be involved with activities after school. Occasionally we will have a student with one of those "cellphones" that can only be used to contact parents & police. Otherwise, this was a rarity.

By qtpieo1 - 13/08/2010 16:14 - United States

Today, I was at the pool with two boys I babysit. The eldest wouldn't get out of the pool so I pretended to call his dad. He then ran out of the pool, pushed me down, grabbed my phone, chucked it into the pool and then ran back into the pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 527

You deserved it 9 741