Kids: Today, I found out the reason our toilet paper has been disappearing...

By Anonymous - 02/05/2014 14:04 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I found out the reason our toilet paper has been disappearing so fast recently isn't because my son is wanking like a gibbon as I first thought. He's just been using our shredder to make streamers out of the stuff, then hiding it all in a box in his closet. Fucking hell, son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 503

You deserved it 4 506

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 06/02/2015 08:26 - Canada - Maple Ridge

Today, after a day, I finally noticed that the toilet paper I'd been using to wipe my butt is actually a roll of paper towel cut in half. My dad thinks that it's a waste of money to buy proper paper. Guess who had to unclog the toilet twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 105

You deserved it 3 178

Shit for brains

By Anonymous - 31/10/2023 15:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, in desperate need of a shit, I quickly ran into a shop to buy toilet paper. I rushed home and unleashed, only to realise I'd bought paper towels. Without options, I had to wipe my ass with them and consequently blocked the toilet. I found rolls of toilet paper while looking for the plunger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 182

You deserved it 654

By Maxwell - 04/02/2010 10:47 - France

Today, my 4 year old son thought it was funny to put money in the shredder. He stuck over 500 dollars in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 806

You deserved it 16 775

"Shit ticket for one"

By Anonymous - 10/08/2018 15:00

Today, my household ran out of toilet paper so we have to shower after every dump. My mom just confessed that she does in fact have money for shit tickets, but won't buy any because it's the only way she can get my brother to shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 204

You deserved it 278

By will - 14/08/2019 12:00 - Canada

Today, my 6-year-old son apparently decided to make a game out of clogging the toilet with toilet paper. He won, and now the whole basement is flooded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 514

You deserved it 217

By Broke Ass Hoe - 28/12/2017 15:00

Today, as I realized I'm too broke to go out and get more toilet paper, I noticed my cat chewing on something and tearing it apart. It was my last roll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 764

You deserved it 606

By Anonymous - 13/07/2019 06:30

Today, my friend explained to me that the toilet paper in his bathroom is "just for show." Now I know why his hamper smells like shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 803

You deserved it 133

By Anonymous - 10/01/2010 10:45 - Canada

Today, I was wondering why my home smelled so weird, until I found out that my 4 year old son had been secretly scattering around food he didn't like to eat throughout the house. How did I find out? No one else in this family leaves half eaten spinach all over my underwear drawer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 866

You deserved it 3 893

Arnold Layne

By Anonymous - 09/05/2024 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, and for weeks now, I was sure my underwear was going missing. I found out why. My husband's brother has been stealing them whenever he visits, presumably to masturbate with. I literally caught him shoving an unwashed pair into his pocket he'd stolen from my laundry pile. Creep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 668

You deserved it 76

By Daddy - 10/11/2008 12:06 - France

Today, I gave my son a bollocking for losing a very important paper that I needed for work. I've just found it in my right pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 472

You deserved it 59 700

feelingold 18

Saturday 3 May 2014 0:27

You'd rather he was wanking like a gibbon?? *Parenting five*

auzziegirl1938 22

Saturday 3 May 2014 0:27

Follow up story? I'm actually curious why he wants streamers out of toilet paper...

Comments

kcpestwick 15

Saturday 3 May 2014 0:27

Umm, wtf?

Yeshua_fml 19

Saturday 3 May 2014 0:49

Which to prefer? Hmmm.

LeFrogDog 27

Saturday 3 May 2014 1:26

Whew, I thought he was eating it.

incoherentrmblr 21

Saturday 3 May 2014 4:33

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

incoherentrmblr 21

Saturday 3 May 2014 4:36

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

LittlestV 28

Saturday 3 May 2014 9:27

It's 'bollocks', not 'bullocks'. If you're going to imitate a Brit get it right...

RedPillSucks 31

Saturday 3 May 2014 20:22

In his defense, autocorrect may have had a hand in that

feelingold 18

Saturday 3 May 2014 0:27

You'd rather he was wanking like a gibbon?? *Parenting five*

MisUnFortunate 31

Saturday 3 May 2014 0:28

Well at least that'd mean he was using it instead of hoarding it in useless shreds.

feelingold 18

Saturday 3 May 2014 0:30

using and abusing...

gingaa96 18

Saturday 3 May 2014 1:15

Agreed, OP should count his blessings

itsellie27 9

Saturday 3 May 2014 3:02

What's wrong with him wanking?

Vitotaylor36 13

Saturday 3 May 2014 4:49

What the **** is a gibbon anyway???

MidnaLink 33

Saturday 3 May 2014 5:21

A species of primate.

pimrol 16

Saturday 3 May 2014 11:35

sinterklaas!

RedPillSucks 31

Saturday 3 May 2014 20:23

What the hell does Santa Claus have to do which this?

feelingold 18

Sunday 4 May 2014 0:12

well hello there

darkfireflame 15

Wednesday 7 May 2014 2:28

At least he'd e using the TP for a relatively constructive purpose XD

auzziegirl1938 22

Saturday 3 May 2014 0:27

Follow up story? I'm actually curious why he wants streamers out of toilet paper...

MrsPegg 45

Saturday 3 May 2014 16:49

Epic rolling/TP prank? I wish I would've thought of that...

mb2_native 15

Saturday 3 May 2014 18:38

Maybe saving for a wackathon to make his parents proud? Ya never know in todays society haha

Mynameislinh 24

Sunday 4 May 2014 8:35

Maybe he's prepping for prom?

weveallbeenthere 30

Saturday 3 May 2014 0:28

wanking like a gibbon. Lmao

CelticSkye 13

Saturday 3 May 2014 6:52

"******* hell, son." I lol'd at that!

NiceGuysDoWin 21

Saturday 3 May 2014 19:44

'wanking like a gibbon' is my new favorite quote.

kieron2013 19

Monday 5 October 2015 9:46

That's a surprisingly well used quote here in England.

WordAficionada 19

Saturday 3 May 2014 0:28

Haha; what the hell?!

cwl727 32

Saturday 3 May 2014 0:28

Toss them around his room for punishment.

thatnucca 36

Saturday 3 May 2014 0:32

I can't decide which of the two is worse? Either way, he's still a moron...

DomiLove 26

Saturday 3 May 2014 0:38

Well if he was "wanking" at least that'd be somewhat useful.... The streamers, well he could make that out of other things, or, you know, buy some.

RedPillSucks 31

Saturday 3 May 2014 20:25

Or he could be making the streamers AFTER wanking like a gibbon

sicksadworld1317 30

Saturday 3 May 2014 0:36

The way this was worded was just . . . great. You should tell him to get a grip on that. On second thought, maybe not.

foxwasalamb 24

Saturday 3 May 2014 0:37

why the **** would anybody stash shredded bits of toilet paper?

Llama_Face89 33

Saturday 3 May 2014 4:28

Especially if they're not wanking like a gibbon.. :

mario2012 18

Saturday 3 May 2014 0:37

I guess he likes to have his cumuppance.

Keywords

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Same thing different taste

Shit for brains

"Shit ticket for one"

Arnold Layne

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