Love: Today, I had the pleasure of driving in central London for the...

By I am not amused! - 03/11/2013 22:53 - United Kingdom - Andover

Today, I had the pleasure of driving in central London for the first time, to recover my drunk husband from his own brilliance, puking on the feet of Winston Churchill's statue in Parliament Square. At 4 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 526

You deserved it 3 639

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Same thing different taste

Oh what a night

By EmployeeOfTheMonth - 09/06/2013 23:33 - United States - Montpelier

Today, I attempted to make a good impression amongst new coworkers by volunteering to be the designated driver at my work party. What did that get me? A backseat full of puke and some idiot too drunk to remember where he lived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 466

You deserved it 9 137

By dee - 10/12/2011 10:14 - United States

Today, I wound up cleaning vomit out of the window track of my car at midnight, in the nicest dress I own, after my husband got completely wasted at his office Christmas party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 801

You deserved it 3 321

By Anonymous - 15/06/2014 00:34 - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, I started my job as a driving instructor. My first client showed up piss drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 215

You deserved it 4 241

Book him!

By Anonymous - 14/10/2010 13:42 - Reserved

Today, there were reports of a drunk and disorderly male, and I arrived at the scene only to discover a drunk guy having explosive diarrhoea in a photo booth. He turned to me and shouted "God save the Queen!" It's then that I remembered it was my job to do something about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 765

You deserved it 3 517

By THOMASisMYname - 06/07/2011 17:06 - Canada

Today, I went out drinking with my friends. Being safe as we were a little intoxicated, we took a taxi back. The cab driver was also drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 859

You deserved it 4 614

Party hard

By Coldflame - 06/03/2010 15:22 - United States

Today, I was designated driver for my friends. This entailed standing around in the cold for 3 hours, not drinking, dealing with drunk people, and oh yeah, I almost forgot, cleaning up vomit from my hair, my clothes, and my new car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 136

You deserved it 7 528

Night on the tiles

By Anonymous - 07/04/2022 18:00

Today, my wife got drunk and stopped for a pee against the wheel of a parked police car, with three coppers and a dog inside it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 227

Gratitude

By fuckmylife - 28/04/2009 08:45 - United States

Today, I decided to be the sober housemate for the first time in a while. I drove my drunk friends to the bar and back, even buying them pizza before they passed out in the living room. I got repaid by catching my wasted housemate in my room, peeing all over my floor, bed, and nightstand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 356

You deserved it 8 368

By brodinn - 11/04/2014 13:48 - United States - Florence

Today, I watched a drunk guy getting thrown out of a bar, then get tased on the sidewalk outside. He was our designated driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 321

You deserved it 5 876

PANIC!

By big time traumatized - 02/11/2022 10:00

Today, my husband drank way too much white wine at a wedding and projectile vomited all over me and my car while I was driving. We were 5 miles from home and I have emetophobia (the fear of vomit/vomiting). FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 179

DooleyFTW 17

Monday 4 November 2013 8:45

Old Winston is well used to drunk idiots on and around his statue I'm sure!

robbilee 14

Monday 4 November 2013 8:43

Did you enjoy the sites?

Comments

robbilee 14

Monday 4 November 2013 8:43

Did you enjoy the sites?

obnum 19

Monday 4 November 2013 13:25

Well I do enjoy this site, but there are some out there that I just absolutely hate.

DooleyFTW 17

Monday 4 November 2013 8:45

Old Winston is well used to drunk idiots on and around his statue I'm sure!

\ 28

Monday 4 November 2013 8:49

Maybe OP's husband is actually Neville Chamberlain.

chris_ohhhh 7

Monday 4 November 2013 8:45

Drinking problems

mif_fml 27

Tuesday 5 November 2013 9:00

Only if it was at 4:00pm.

yallneedjesus 5

Thursday 7 November 2013 1:08

Let's not jump to conclusions people, he may have just had a rowdy night out

mandyrozrox 13

Monday 4 November 2013 8:45

oh.. that sucks OP D:

hessel 13

Monday 4 November 2013 9:34

^ was so panicking that he was in the first four comments that he said something were they have a button for it

Bano360 25

Monday 4 November 2013 10:04

^ I find your comment worse.

thrifting 18

Monday 4 November 2013 8:47

If you're going through hell, keep going.

buckdharma 37

Monday 4 November 2013 20:11

You might make it out before the devil flicks a boogie on your winder.

thatonegirlnic 10

Monday 4 November 2013 8:51

You never forget your first time

QQmore_fml 18

Monday 4 November 2013 9:28

Except for those times you've already forgot.

dingleberrysteve 6

Monday 4 November 2013 16:02

i remember all of my drunken exploits, even more than standard exploits.

Dubai_fail 7

Monday 4 November 2013 8:52

hey,now you cant complain to your Hubby that you didn't visit central London :-)

BellaBear90 27

Monday 4 November 2013 19:04

Nobody complains about not having seen Central London.

graceinsheepwear 33

Monday 4 November 2013 8:54

Madam, you are angry. In the morning, he shall be sober.

cmac86 23

Monday 4 November 2013 8:57

I'd love to hear ol Winston's whit come out on this one.

cryssycakesx3 22

Monday 4 November 2013 9:07

Oh no. this is terrible.

Rainhawk94 27

Monday 4 November 2013 13:59

I wonder if people just comment whatever comes to their mind and realize later that what they commented was completely unnecessary

cryssycakesx3 22

Tuesday 5 November 2013 7:03

I wonder if people ever realize when someone is being facetious or if they're just arrogant and think they're smarter than everyone else.

Keywords

Embarrassing Love Poopoo peepee Miscellaneous Christmas Romantic Break-ups Annoying Money Gross Ironic Argument Awkward Friends Cute Haircut Lonely Holidays Relatable Bosses Capitalism Work Cars You're fired Health Covid Jealousy Cheating Parenting Kids

The Top

Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 636

You deserved it 42 714

Today, it is mine and my twin sister's birthday. We both wanted a day at the spa for our birthday. My sister got a gift certificate to the spa, while I got mouthwash and a $20 gift card to Target. My mom said it would cost too much to make me also pretty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 121 781

You deserved it 5 987

The Top

Today, I was in a store with my dad. He completely lost his temper and began yelling at the store owners. For some reason, he then removed his shirt in protest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 441

You deserved it 3 026

Today, despite me not liking cats, which my wife knew, she got a cat anyway. Her cat went for a walk outside and was hit by a car. I rushed outside to help the cat but found she was already dead, and the culprit had driven away. When my wife found out that her cat was dead, she thought I'd killed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 206

You deserved it 150

Today, my friend and I went to the park. I bet my friend I could fit into the swing that was sized for toddlers. I managed to fit in, but I couldn't get out. My friend had to call 911 to get me out. When they finally did, the fireman told me that fat ladies shouldn't try stuff like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 001

You deserved it 39 400

Today, my boyfriend asked me out to dinner, which we never do. While at the restaurant he gets down on his knees, looks me in the eyes, and pulls out a little box. He opens it and inside is a note that says 'We're Done.' He then leaves me at the restaurant with the bill and the $2.00 box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 171

You deserved it 6 212

Today, whilst sat next to a old lady on a flight back to the UK, I exclaimed how I wished somebody would gag the crying baby a few rows behind us. Her reply was, "That's my grandson." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 143

You deserved it 39 965

Today, I was walking through a field with my boyfriend and he picked me some pretty flowers. I hugged him and leant in to sniff them. In doing so, I inhaled a bee up my nose and had to force it out my swollen nostril after it had stung me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 340

You deserved it 1 185

Same thing different taste

Oh what a night

Book him!

Party hard

Night on the tiles

Gratitude

PANIC!

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