Work: Today, I turned in an essay after staying up late to work on... - FML

By oh dang /: - 25/05/2011 11:34

Today, I turned in an essay after staying up late to work on it. I was away when the teacher assigned it, so I'd asked my friend what the subject was. It transpires that she'd given me the wrong one, all because she was mad at me for not returning her pencil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 409

You deserved it 7 529

Empathy lives

Vulture

Look who's talking

Bad day

By Anonymous - 15/12/2020 02:04 - United States - White Plains

Today, I woke up feeling like I was on top of the world, until I got to work and I was demoted. Then I ordered Uber Eats for lunch, the driver was late and gave me the wrong meal. The worst part was when I got home and was dumped by my girlfriend via text. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 287

You deserved it 65

By heshay - 28/10/2010 04:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was seated in my section at work. As he sees me his face drops... he's on a date. He had forgotten I work there. I had to serve him and his date, and they didn't leave a tip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 653

You deserved it 3 526

The customer is always a dong

By Obviously works everywhere - 20/09/2017 23:15

Today, a customer filed a formal complaint with corporate about me, because I wouldn't help her find things she wanted while I was off the clock. We were in a completely different store than the one where I actually work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 850

You deserved it 196

By crayons128 - 24/01/2011 06:13 - United States

Today, I was at a fire roasting marshmallows. When mine caught on fire, I pulled it back so I could blow out the flames. It flew off the stick, and, still flaming, landed on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 978

You deserved it 6 580

By chunkymonkey - 24/08/2012 13:53 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend actually held onto my love handles while we were having sex. He said they "made it easier." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 212

You deserved it 10 276

By Rari - 09/06/2016 16:04 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I broke up with my fiancé after he cheated on me, and he now refuses to move out of the apartment. I'm even contemplating just offering him my Xbox One as a bribe so I can get him out of my life for good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 982

You deserved it 1 265

Run run run!

By Anonymous - 25/07/2013 20:33 - United States - Roseburg

Today, I went camping with my family. While I was using the shower house, my sister decided it'd be hilarious to run off with my clothes and towel. I ran back to the camper, completely naked, only for my parents to bitch me out for streaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 413

You deserved it 3 621

Medicare For All

By Anonymous - 10/05/2021 08:01

Today, it's Mother’s Day. It's also the day I’m expected to pay a very large medical bill due to my miscarriage of twin babies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 483

You deserved it 76

By ProsserBabe11 - 15/04/2012 02:21 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my brother why he can't go on dates with my new boyfriend and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 000

You deserved it 2 512

By Anonymous - 19/10/2010 17:32 - United States

Today, I found myself crying in the bathroom because I started to feel lonely and depressed. My mother came into the bathroom, hearing me cry and gave me an hour long speech about what a beautiful human being I am... And to not forget to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 480

You deserved it 5 660

Suspicious Minds

By Kelly - 29/11/2016 18:57

Today, I discovered that my 17-year-old daughter received several weird deposits from Paypal. I checked her phone to discover that she had changed the password for the first time in years. Fearing drugs, I confronted her. She broke down and confessed to selling rare digital Pokemon on eBay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 713

You deserved it 2 391

What's the point?

By Emily - 07/06/2020 20:08

Today, whilst doing training as a mental health nurse, our glorified pineapple of a lecturer told us that trying to stop patients wanting to commit suicide isn't a possibility. So, what the hell are we training for? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 356

You deserved it 145

By stink - 01/07/2015 02:40 - Australia - Sydney

Today, after working alone in a room all day, I let a fart sneak out. Just then, my drop dead gorgeous boss and two new girls walked in. I could literally see them hit the stench and cringe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 359

You deserved it 4 954

By Double Standard - 12/10/2018 08:30 - United States - Menasha

Today, my boss yelled at me for having Facebook open at work. That's fine, I closed it and continued on with my work. In a meeting later on I could see the reflection of my boss's laptop screen in a mirror behind her desk. For two hours, I watched her scroll through her Facebook feed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 828

You deserved it 417

By Lenny_R - 08/12/2016 19:53

Today, I got pulled over for having an expired registration. I also found out my husband hasn't been paying for my car insurance. Luckily, I didn't get arrested because I had my baby with me. They towed my car and gave me 2 tickets and a court date. Oh, and the cop sent me a friend request. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 325

You deserved it 860

By Anonymous - 11/01/2015 08:44

Today, my brother woke me up by trying to light my bed on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 864

You deserved it 2 828

By Anonymous - 16/01/2016 04:16 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad made me figure out how to disable the adult content filters on our internet. He spent what must have been a full 10 minutes on a distracting, long-winded speech about how he doesn't want to look up porn, but "it's just the principle of the damn thing". Sure, dad. Sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 781

You deserved it 1 679

By alynna007 - 02/01/2013 10:31 - United States - Lakewood

Today, I overheard my mother telling my sister that she expects my marriage to fall apart any day now. Apparently, I have no concept of what "marriage" really means. My husband and I just celebrated our 7th anniversary, while my mother is planning her 5th wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 272

You deserved it 2 300

By areyouserial - 05/12/2011 13:21 - United States

Today, Santa ran over my foot with a Segway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 179

You deserved it 3 008

By John-John - 06/03/2017 15:00 - United States - Jackson

Today, I got break-up text. She called me a poor, broke, little dick, sorry excuse for a man and said that my mom should have swallowed me "as an egg". She also said that no one could ever want me. Thing is, I haven't had a girlfriend in 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 817

You deserved it 427

By anonymous - 22/10/2014 02:11 - United States - Levittown

Today, I fell asleep on the couch. My parents didn't wake me up, went to bed and set our burglar alarm. If I trip a motion sensor, a siren will go off. The motion sensor in my living room is pointed directly at me and I have to pee. It's been 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 399

You deserved it 4 401

By Anonymous - 17/07/2009 22:40 - United States

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. I speak 4 languages and thought if I spoke French, the Officer would let me off with a warning thinking I was a tourist. Afterwards I turned to my wife and said "I can't believe that worked." He was a few feet away and heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 473

You deserved it 104 523

By Anonymous - 13/01/2014 20:35 - United States - New Iberia

Today, I puked up an anti-nausea pill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 174

You deserved it 4 879

By jina - 18/03/2009 03:48 - Korea Republic of

Today, the phone kept ringing but there was only silence on the other line. The third time I yelled, "What the fuck is your F*ing problem asshole!? Get a life shithead!" and hung up. Then the pastor's wife called and explained that she mistakingly set her phone on mute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 022

You deserved it 65 030

By Anonymous - 16/08/2014 02:16 - Australia - Notting Hill

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me. I asked why, and he said "Because sometimes you look good, and you buy me stuff." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 901

You deserved it 7 223

By Nick - 16/03/2009 05:08 - Canada

Today, I was talking to this hot girl I have dinner with every week. Lately she’s always telling me how she loves me and I do the same. Today she said: "The way we talk and act around each other, people would think we were dating." My answer was: "Aren't we?". FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 638

You deserved it 15 776

By SmallTownCutie - 29/05/2019 04:13

Today, I finally broke down and told my mom that I'd relapsed with my eating disorder. She told me to quit whining and eat a burger, because she didn't want to pay for another therapy session. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 021

You deserved it 437

By howrude - 11/09/2009 11:57 - Canada

Today, my friends took me out to the most expensive restaurant in town to celebrate my promotion, we ordered everything with expensive drinks too. They 'took a smoke break' and left me with the bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 557

You deserved it 4 732

By Summer Loving Happened So Fast - 02/12/2014 17:59 - United States - Cookeville

Spicy

Today, after two years, my girlfriend finally got over her intimacy and commitment problems, with a guy she met over the summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 074

You deserved it 3 266

By needs_another_loan - 02/10/2009 01:43 - United States

Today, while I was at work, my wife discovered you cannot put out a grease fire with water. I came home to a frantic spouse, a fire department bill, and a newly destroyed kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 532

You deserved it 2 594

By hatemyjob - 15/12/2015 00:15 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, after working at the same place for 3 years, I found out that they are not only cutting my hours but now I have to take orders from some girl I trained because she was promoted over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 433

You deserved it 2 668

By hantavirus - 26/08/2009 08:44 - United States

Today, I found out that the horrific smell coming from somewhere in my kitchen was a rotting dead mouse in my dishwasher. I have been eating off plates washed in dead-mouse water for the past week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 819

You deserved it 11 357

Alcoholics of the world, get help

By Anonymous - 28/01/2021 02:01

Spicy

Today, I know my life is awesome when my partner and I have to plan watching movies and having sex around his drinking schedule. FML

I agree, your life sucks 807

You deserved it 192

By Anonymous - 28/11/2010 23:49 - United States

Spicy

Today, I discovered my boyfriend prays before and after sex, because he thinks he'll keep his abstinence by doing so. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 271

You deserved it 4 884

Looking for another one!

By Anonymous - 20/12/2019 01:00

Today, I finally got a Christmas gift, a calligraphy set, for my father that I have been looking for for a month. My dad came home happily with the same calligraphy set today, saying that he surprised himself for Christmas. He got it cheaper than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 056

You deserved it 215

By Anonymous - 22/10/2011 21:51 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I were both at home, sick. We decided to make the best of it and spent the day in bed together. Things got a little steamy, and we started making out. As I started kissing her neck, I got nauseous. Before I could pull away, I threw up all over her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 272

You deserved it 18 005

Nice try

By haus - 19/01/2010 19:38 - United States

Today, I had to go to court to see whether my driver's license is suspended for an entire year. I woke up early, went to court, and everything went perfectly, with all the charges being dropped. Unfortunately, I then woke up, and am now going to be late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 259

You deserved it 31 442

By Anonymous - 05/09/2009 23:41 - United States

Today, knowing that the girl I broke up with last night goes crazy after breakups, I threw away my hair products, thinking she switched them with Nair. She didn't... but she did use the key I keep under a flowerpot to take all of my clothes and burn them on my lawn while I was at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 551

You deserved it 8 969

By Anonymous - 16/06/2012 19:03 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my sister asked me if I was going to be getting married "for real" this time, because she didn't want to waste her money like she did on my previous engagement. The reason that one didn't work out in the first place is because she slept with my fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 327

You deserved it 2 536

By Anonymous - 28/03/2011 18:52 - Macedonia

Today, my boyfriend tried to cure me of my snake phobia by buying one. When he took it out of the cage, it bit him. Now he's terrified of them too. Even worse, he dropped the snake, so it's now loose in our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 686

You deserved it 6 857

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Top comments

ProhibitionRose 14

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:01

what a bitch... some friend she is

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:02

Pencil's are very valuable things, especially if they are the ones with Hello Kitty drawn on the side.

Comments

ProhibitionRose 14

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:01

what a bitch... some friend she is

thedevilwithin 0

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:19

Should have taken that pencil and shoved it...ahem.

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 17:21

No, cuz it's a sex ed class, duh. -_-

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 19:47

Pencils are precious and should not be with-held .. is what I would say if there wasn't another explanation. In this case it would be that your 'friend' is a terrible human being ad deserves to be out of your 'friend' group. Hopefully the rest of them are a bit better, if there is a 'rest' of them.

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 22:35

Beautiful Chevelle, 1970 is it?

ColdplaySucks 18

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 23:36

I don't rely on my friends nowadays. I don't trust anyone.

tjv3 10

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Thursday 26 May 2011 1:41

you should have checked with the teacher. way to blame someone else for you not taking responsibility

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Thursday 26 May 2011 2:59

86 made my day xD

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Thursday 26 May 2011 4:23

#94SUCKS

JacksonCampbell 9

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Thursday 26 May 2011 4:44

That's why you ask your teacher for the topic.

Ashelizabethh 8

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Friday 19 August 2011 5:49

really over a pencil? why didn't she just remind you that you forgot to return it.

BruisedGiraffe 15

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:02

that pencil must have ment alot to her

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 21:27

maybe it was someone she had fun with jk what a horrible friend

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 23:42

YDI, but not because of the pencil, which I'll agree is a bit ridiculous, but because she should have asked the teacher instead.

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Thursday 26 May 2011 4:20

they had special nights together

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:02

Don't talk with that bitch again...

31889 0

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Friday 27 May 2011 3:38

don't mess with other peoples pencils

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:02

Pencil's are very valuable things, especially if they are the ones with Hello Kitty drawn on the side.

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:27

in my class, pencils are like currency and are always being stolen. you can like buy stuff from classmates with pencils

ydnar 5

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 17:02

#21 so pencils are to classmates what cigarettes are to prison cell mates.

awesomegirl2s98 1

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 17:10

I know. Hello kitty ones are the best. :P

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 19:39

I prefer the Hello Titty pencils

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 21:27

haha love it

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:03

masterbate using all of her writing utilities.....and fruit

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 17:52

wtf?

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Thursday 26 May 2011 5:41

למא דבר אתה?WTF are you saying

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Friday 27 May 2011 16:02

haha... let's hope she doesn't suck on her pens n pencils 0.o

iLazy 0

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:06

Give her back her pencil covered in (insert the most foul thing here).

Zombieslayer1 0

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:11

Love juice.

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:45

shit breaks

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:49

clumpey ass juice?

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 17:30

toilet water of someone with explosive diarrhea

Ldesu 0

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 17:33

An angry Chuck Norris.

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 17:59

all of the above. and vomit.

Captain_Obvious2_fml 6

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 21:53

bloody vaginal fart mixed with anal seepage

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Thursday 26 May 2011 4:05

Hah, 49, yours made me laugh and also showed me a nasty image of that scenery in my head

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:07

You should steal all her pencils and pens and see what she does.

Captain_Obvious2_fml 6

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 21:54

can you say homicide?

volley4eva1698 0

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 23:33

EXPLOSIIIOOONNN!

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:08

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:11

wow your friend has issues !

hockeyrocks39 0

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Wednesday 25 May 2011 16:11

I would think your teacher would understand, especially if it's a good paper and you're typically a good student. OP I would consider her, ex-friend.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 522

You deserved it 71

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 164

You deserved it 283