Love: Today, I finally got the courage to say to my boyfriend that... - FML

18/03/2011 12:36

Today, I finally got the courage to say to my boyfriend that I feel invisible and ignored. To this he said 'You aren't invisible, I mean, look at that nose.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 443

You deserved it 7 664

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Modern student life sucks

23/12/2016 19:12

Today, my sister gave me a early Christmas present. It's lice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 488

You deserved it 493

Disgusting

By ocdeane - 01/10/2019 22:00 - Germany - Mainz

Today, I noticed a disgusting, cheesy smell and spent all day wondering what it was. I later found out that it wasn't coming from my feet, but from my belly button. My surgery wound got infected. I'm a germaphobe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 518

You deserved it 245

12/09/2010 14:04 - Denmark

Today, someone whistled, so I turned around. The guy behind me then said, "Did you seriously think that it was meant for you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 764

You deserved it 5 026

24/01/2010 03:29 - United States

Today, when I logged onto facebook, I discovered a friend request from my ex who broke up with me and deleted me months ago. Upon adding her, I was taken to her profile where I saw dozens of status updates talking about how much she loves her new boyfriend, who she dumped me for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 667

You deserved it 9 782

29/07/2016 21:21 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I learned that the hardest part of marrying a historian is choosing baby names. His top choices derive from two Roman magistrates, two abbesses, a tenth-century author, and an obscure Greek official. I already let him name our pug, for whom he chose the name "Tertullianus." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 558

You deserved it 1 470

11/05/2019 12:00

Today, I'm stuck in a car with my sister, who is currently having a screaming match with her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 873

You deserved it 132

24/06/2009 06:44 - United States

Today, my friend decided to come clean to his parents about his pot usage. He told them that he did it with me on many occasions. His parents decided it would be the right thing to call my parents. Thanks a lot asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 548

You deserved it 66 392

21/08/2009 18:23 - United States

Today, I asked my husband why he won't list me as his wife on Facebook. Apparently, it's because he doesn't want the high school friends he just reconnected with to know that he married "the biggest geek in the whole school." We went to the same high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 046

You deserved it 3 758

FML: Uncensored

By LindseyS - 20/03/2012 02:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was enjoying my last day of Spring Break in Panama City. I got up to dance on the stage at the Holiday Inn in front of hundreds of college kids. I tried to be sexy by turning around and bending over. My friends took pictures and my bloody tampon string was hanging out the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 005

You deserved it 106 463

Creepy

By Anonymous - 13/01/2021 20:01

Spicy

Today, I had a huge argument with my wife because I declined a lunch invite with a married couple who live nearby. My wife has severe social anxiety, so having a friend nearby is a huge win for her. What my wife doesn’t know is that her new friend keeps hitting on me, and has already sent me unsolicited nudes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 866

You deserved it 275

18/07/2009 11:26 - United States

Today, after my son's new friend spent the night, I commented on how his hair had such a straight line in it from one ear to the other. I joked about how he must have fallen asleep with headphones on, or had bad hat hair. He informed me it was a scar from brain surgery he had when he was younger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 242

You deserved it 59 765

28/02/2009 18:55 - Hong Kong

Today, I jokingly asked my boyfriend of one year, "Why is someone as smart, funny and as handsome as you with someone like me?" He replied, "Opposites attract." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 004

You deserved it 28 904

16/11/2018 13:30

Today, I was asleep in my back garden and woke up when a bird landed on my hat and took a big shit right in my open mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 869

You deserved it 440

Unprofessional

By Allie - 26/08/2021 15:01 - United States - Tyler

Today, my youth pastor died and I was crying. My boss told me to dry my tears, because it was affecting my coworkers. Sorry I'm human and cry when someone I know dies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 134

18/11/2012 11:00 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was grocery shopping. When I turned around I noticed a group of teens passing by laughing. I didn't think anything of it until I got to my cart. The losers had left a pack of Slim Fast in my cart. I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 901

You deserved it 2 355

Tasty

By Anonymous - 17/08/2021 06:01

Today, we all know the expression “Salt in your wounds” and it sounds rather unpleasant, right? Well, I just managed to breathe in while biting into an egg, so trust me, salt in your lungs isn’t great, either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 636

You deserved it 151

15/06/2011 16:46 - United States

Today, my son's homework was to write a story about what he wants to be when he grows up. He wrote that he plans on being unemployed and living at home until we throw him out, then he'll live under a bridge. He's only 12, but already planning for a future as an unemployed bum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 223

You deserved it 8 474

02/02/2011 07:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I was pissed that I got a £60 parking ticket so rang my friend to rant about it. I then got pulled over by the cops for using my phone, and was fined £120. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 524

You deserved it 70 857

Priorities

By AJM - 22/06/2021 18:01 - United States

Today, the father of my children told me he is having gastric bypass surgery, which is 10,000 dollars. He is 9K behind on child support. FML

I agree, your life sucks 808

You deserved it 154

15/07/2014 22:04 - United States - Portland

Today, I returned to my teaching job at a local community college after surfing for the weekend. I'd got sunburned, one student immediately noticed and said to me, "Morning, Mr. Pinky!" Now they all do it. My students are assholes. I hate teaching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 400

You deserved it 8 352

28/03/2009 05:43 - Canada

Today, while lying in bed with my girlfriend and she was grabbing the fat on my stomach I said to her "stop touching my fat". She replied "so don't touch you at all?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 807

You deserved it 24 936

03/09/2013 06:31 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, my dad told me I was folding my laundry all wrong. I said with a smirk, "A little clothes-minded, are we?" He slapped me. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 424

You deserved it 12 075

25/02/2011 06:40 - Australia

Today, I sent an email to a girl I like about how I really feel about her. She later replied "Real funny, tell Michael to change his password!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 078

You deserved it 4 622

07/10/2013 01:34 - United States

Spicy

Today, I fell asleep while my boyfriend and I were having sex. What's worse is that he didn't even notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 630

You deserved it 14 975

15/05/2019 20:00

Today, I saw what I thought was a cobweb right behind my head where I sleep. I went to wipe it off and part of the sheetrock dented in. On further inspection, they were holes in the wall. Termites started coming out of them like something out of a horror movie. My husband is out of town for the next few weeks, and I'm extremely bug-phobic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 997

You deserved it 206

30/03/2011 16:37 - United States

Today, I told my crush of two years that I love him. He responded with an, "Aww, I'm sorry." and a pity hug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 578

You deserved it 9 874

09/05/2014 05:35 - Azerbaijan - Baku

Today, my computer crashed and lost all of its data while I was making a back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 085

You deserved it 4 159

11/05/2013 23:04 - United States - Raleigh

Today, my boyfriend woke me up the same way he always does, by pulling on my hair. Just to be playful, I pulled him down on top of me and kissed him. Turns out his brother thought it would be funny to wake people up the same way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 883

You deserved it 9 684

10/05/2018 15:00

Today, I rushed my wife to the ER because she was having abdominal pains. She was crying in the car and very faintly said, "If I die, our daughter goes to my sister and they get everything in my will." We later found out she was just having a bad gas problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 752

You deserved it 335

12/11/2009 07:11 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend how happy I was with him. He responded by pulling down his pants and slapping his ass. I have no idea what that was supposed to mean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 044

You deserved it 5 924

Helicopter parents

By that girl. - 06/06/2012 05:26 - United States

Today, instead of having my friends come pick me up, my dad drove me over to visit them. He insisted on walking me up to the door, hugging me goodbye, and making sure my friends were appropriate enough to hang out with. I'm in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 434

You deserved it 3 527

30/10/2012 23:42 - United States - Bowling Green

Today, I met someone really cool and their departing words were, for some odd reason, "We should totally be friends, I mean unless you're schizophrenic or something, haha!" I have schizophrenia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 015

You deserved it 2 415

10/08/2011 07:18 - United Arab Emirates

Today, a week after my fiancé and I got engaged, his mother is already complaining that she isn't involved enough in the wedding arrangements. We haven't even set a date yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 236

You deserved it 2 581

09/05/2013 00:07 - United States - Casper

Today, I let my dad put my dollar in the slot machine for me because I'm not old enough to gamble. I won $200 but he kept it because he "put the dollar in the slot machine." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 498

You deserved it 10 267

10/11/2010 01:31 - United States

Today, there was an animal rummaging around in my trashcan, so I kicked the trashcan to see what it was. The fox then chased me for three blocks to find out what I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 963

You deserved it 30 508

Three cheers for the boobies

By Laura - 28/04/2021 11:01

Today, I sent a reply-all email to my entire company that said "Go tit" instead of "Got it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 522

You deserved it 581

01/03/2016 15:46 - United States - Rochester

Today, my boss is now so comfortable with me that she doesn't even try to hide the fact that she goes digging for gold in her nose through every conversation we have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 743

You deserved it 1 338

14/01/2014 20:09 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Spicy

Today, my dad and I got royally bitched out by my mother, because she found a bill for a porn site subscription, which was paid by my dad, but made out to my name. I had no idea about any of this, but she now thinks I'm a filthy porn addict and that my dad is an enabler. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 678

You deserved it 5 828

29/07/2019 14:00

Today, I went over to my parents' house with my female, unspayed dog. I guess they haven’t had their dog neutered, because he tried to mount her. When I attempted to stop him, he knocked me into their stone fire pit, splitting my head and elbow open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 430

You deserved it 1 277

Classic playa move

By lifesux - 31/12/2009 17:33 - United States

Today, I had a blind date. When I arrived at our meeting place, I spotted my date, because he was the only one in the bar wearing a nametag. I walked up to him and asked, "Are you John?" He responded, "That depends. Are you Jen?" When I said yes he said, "Then no," and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 351

You deserved it 3 814

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Friday 18 March 2011 18:32

wow... nice boyfriend. to that I would of said, yeahh I feel almost as invisible as your dick looks.

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Friday 18 March 2011 18:33

Awhh): that's mean. I know what it feels like to get made fun of because of your nose. Just tell him, "If your penis was the size of my nose, I wouldn't be complaining" hah

Comments

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Friday 18 March 2011 18:29

T-SHIRT TIME!!!!!

vianetvargas12 0

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Friday 18 March 2011 18:30

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

froob 0

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Friday 18 March 2011 18:40

nose job probably cheaper

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Friday 18 March 2011 18:51

inb4 racism

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Friday 18 March 2011 19:50

eww nose job yes new boyfriend :P

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Friday 18 March 2011 20:06

No, there is no "or". Just get a new boyfriend. She doesn't need to change how she looks just because her boyfriend decided to be an ass.

kofinater 3

Saturday 19 March 2011 0:03

You guys interpreted this wrong, he meant "you aren't invisible, just look at that nose its the prettiest one in the world". And is it just me or do people with nose jobs look worse?

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Saturday 19 March 2011 3:52

^^^ AGREED!!!!

xoxoMEGANxoxo 13

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Saturday 19 March 2011 13:23

#54 I agree with u

AshleySezRawrz 0

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Monday 21 March 2011 7:09

you shouldn't have to get a nose job for his approval. he obviously doesn't appreciate her for who she is, personality wise .

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Friday 22 April 2011 22:58

tell him, "thanks. at least you don't have to be afraid of being invisible. I mean, look at that dick (of yours)!"

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Sunday 15 November 2015 4:57

thats really insensitive #2 she shouldn't have to change how she looks just to apease him.

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Friday 18 March 2011 18:32

wow... nice boyfriend. to that I would of said, yeahh I feel almost as invisible as your dick looks.

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Friday 18 March 2011 18:45

He is probably mad her nose is bigger than his dick! xD

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Friday 18 March 2011 18:47

Exactly. stupid dumb fuck, jelousy is ugly. we all know his dick isn't getting any bigger.

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Friday 18 March 2011 19:06

win comment 3!

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Friday 18 March 2011 21:49

Ahha I know right?

MassEffectNerd 0

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Friday 18 March 2011 22:25

Maybe the boyfriend was kidding. Chill out OP

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Friday 18 March 2011 22:39

win

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Friday 18 March 2011 23:48

not a funny joke

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Saturday 19 March 2011 3:30

laurbear ur nose is big LOL

Quest_ 13

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Saturday 19 March 2011 3:49

No it's not, asshole.

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Friday 27 July 2012 8:36

Mean

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Friday 18 March 2011 18:32

You deserve better.

nofatchicks90 0

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Friday 18 March 2011 20:47

how do u no?

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Friday 18 March 2011 18:33

FIRST!KL :JAK:LF

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Friday 18 March 2011 18:33

Awhh): that's mean. I know what it feels like to get made fun of because of your nose. Just tell him, "If your penis was the size of my nose, I wouldn't be complaining" hah

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Friday 18 March 2011 18:43

lmao :DD

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Friday 18 March 2011 21:32

hahaha!!! ^^^ win!

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Friday 18 March 2011 18:34

What a jerk.. Tell him "everyone has flaws, just look at your 'family jewels!'"

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Saturday 19 March 2011 2:25

I don't get it..

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Saturday 19 March 2011 6:16

she basically said tell him he has small nuts... lol it took me a second to get what she said too

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Friday 18 March 2011 18:34

Nut check him using your nose.

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Friday 18 March 2011 18:58

Lmao, sourgirl.

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Friday 18 March 2011 18:38

Who nose why he's such an ass, but you deserve better op.(:

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Friday 18 March 2011 19:09

I see what you did there.

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Friday 18 March 2011 20:58

only time the grammer nazis won't attack......

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Saturday 19 March 2011 20:34

haha good one

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Friday 18 March 2011 18:38

Are you a horse?

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Friday 18 March 2011 21:24

no shes jewish

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Friday 18 March 2011 21:57

aww that wasent that racist

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 238

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 590

You deserved it 69