The Top

Hey everybody, OP here, I love all the puns you have made and the concern. The spring that hit my leg went pretty far in, it chipped a small piece off my femur and the one in my abdomen was only skin deep. I'm currently in the hospital recovering from the surgery to get the little chip of bone out of my leg. I'm doing well and will be out within a few days! Thank you for the publish!!

By S.Bunny - 22/01/2010 08:14 - United States

Today, I found out that when you hit the neighbor's dog with your car, they might chase you a mile with a shotgun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 980

You deserved it 44 540

Let's slip out of here

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my friends and I saw a movie. We sat in the balcony. Halfway during the movie we heard a commotion, thinking it was a group of unruly teenagers like us, we began to pelt the lower half of the theater with candy. We later learned that it was a man having a heart attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 980

You deserved it 101 050

Smart move

By Triedtobecool - 06/04/2009 02:22 - Canada

Today, I went to buy beer underage for a party to impress a girl. I picked up the case of beer and went to the cashier, he ran it through without asking for ID. I left the store with a smirk on my face, I arrived at the party and showed the case to the girl. It was non-alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 977

You deserved it 99 990

By Anonymous - 25/04/2009 06:52 - United States

Today, I was in an elevator with my family and a family I didn't know. I was about to press the number when somebody came up behind me. I thought it was my brother trying to press the number first, so I aggressivly pushed him out of the way. Turns out it was the other family's ten year old son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 977

You deserved it 61 360

Paranoid

By rockefoe - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was studying late and kept hearing weird screeching sounds from outside. I couldn't figure out what it was and started getting really freaked out. It wasn't until later that I realized it was just my nose whistling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 977

You deserved it 33 830

Oh, hi y'all!

By JC. - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took a smoke break at work and I noticed a huge zit on my face. I used the reflection from a window to take care of the problem and then realized that there was a staff meeting taking place on the other side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 975

You deserved it 40 692

By Anonymous - 01/03/2013 16:35 - United States

Today, I received a chain-mail text that vividly described what "Tanya" would do to me in my sleep if I didn't forward it on. I'm so paranoid that I did just that. I also realized that accidentally forwarding such things to your boss can get you fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 973

You deserved it 51 833

By bman - 07/04/2012 06:41 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I caught myself staring at my grandmother's cleavage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 972

You deserved it 50 296

Personality crisis

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Marietta

Today, I told my dad about my new diet. He somehow figured I was only doing it to look more attractive to guys, because he told me my weight is fine and that it's just my personality that needs work. Thanks a lot, Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 970

You deserved it 2 010

By volleyballgirl - 28/02/2010 01:11 - United States

Today, at my volleyball tournament I was extremely pumped to start playing so I went to take my sweats off and everybody began to stare at me then I looked down to come to realize I had no spandex on, just a thong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 969

You deserved it 32 741

By Anonymous - 05/11/2009 00:40 - United States

Today, I stepped away from my desk for a few minutes only to return to find the general manager installing updates on my computer. This wouldn't have been an issue had I not pulled up a website explaining in great detail the effects and causes of vaginal yeast infections. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 967

You deserved it 30 769

By Anonymous - 02/04/2012 16:17 - Canada

Today, a guy in a fancy car tailed me for twenty minutes, just so he could take a picture of my license plate and tell me there's a $300 fine for flicking cigarette ashes out your window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 966

You deserved it 31 625

Surprise!

By BadKitty - 11/09/2016 13:37 - Australia - Invermay

Today, I woke up to a loud bang. Thinking someone had broken in, I grabbed my hunting knife and ran downstairs, only to find my TV on the floor, completely destroyed, and my cat casually sitting next to it without a care in the world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 965

You deserved it 1 282

By nekal - 21/09/2016 16:50 - United States - Nashville

Today, I tried to sneakily leave my boyfriend's house at 3 a.m. without his parents knowing. I had a flat tire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 964

You deserved it 3 688

By OhHeySlogan - 06/11/2011 18:24 - United States

Today, I picked up a broken piece of seemingly velvety cactus to show my mom. I now have a million microscopic, painful splinters in my fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 963

You deserved it 40 947

OhHeySlogan tells us more.

OhHeySlogan 4

Monday 7 November 2011 5:31

I'm the OP. That's what I did and it worked. Haha I'm still finding a few stragglers though.

By anon80214 - 30/05/2011 19:15 - United States

Today, I finally convinced my girlfriend to let me give her a foot massage after she had a long day at work. Halfway through, she fell asleep. Wanting to see how ticklish she actually was, I started to tickle her feet. She then kicked me straight in the nuts whilst sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 962

You deserved it 63 602

anon80214 tells us more.

anon80214 15

Friday 29 July 2011 23:26

Yeah, I probably did deserve that one.

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The Top

Today, I went in to a job interview with 6 other girls my age. I tried to sit down on a chair exactly like the ones every other girl was sitting on. Then, one of the interviewers offered to get me a more "sturdy" chair. For the entire interview, I got to sit in the "fat girl chair". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 683

You deserved it 8 916

Today, I had to buy a wrist splint for my carpal tunnel syndrome. Not because I'm a computer programmer or some hot shot web designer but because I spend ALL of my time playing Solitaire on my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 899

You deserved it 33 217

Today, my neighbor turned down his loud music that he's been playing for months, only to turn on a porn movie at maximum volume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 059

You deserved it 3 033

Today, I played back the images of the tiny camera I attached to the collar of my cat to figure out where she goes when she disappears for several days at a time. I found my husband with another woman in our bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 606

You deserved it 389

Today, I learned there are people who will beat you up if you don't give them your spot on a bench. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 595

You deserved it 324

Today, according to my mom, she didn’t make the selfless decision to have me just for me to grow up and make the completely selfish decision not to marry my long term partner, nor to give her any grandkids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 179