Today, I stepped away from my desk for a few minutes only to... - FML

By Anonymous - 5/11/2009 00:40 - United States

Today, I stepped away from my desk for a few minutes only to return to find the general manager installing updates on my computer. This wouldn't have been an issue had I not pulled up a website explaining in great detail the effects and causes of vaginal yeast infections. FML

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Everyone's an expert

Assumptions

Business savvy

By Sam - 1/4/2015 11:37 - Netherlands - Groningen

Today, my colleagues were excitedly talking about going for drinks after work. I heard one of them ask, Is Sam coming?' and shortly after leave without me. I'm Sam. FML

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By Kimmiko - 4/6/2009 12:17 - Germany

Today, I was driving on the motorway when a cop car made me stop. It was a routine check and when they said "Have you been drinking?" of course I said no. To that, my 6 year old sitting in the back screamed "Yes she did! She's lying I saw her drink!" I had drunk a milkshake. FML

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By a - 31/10/2009 04:14 - Korea Republic of

Today, I was chatting with a friend on msn. She told me a few days ago a Halloween party we had been planning was canceled because her parents said no at the last moment. Wanting to cheer her up, I went to her house to surprise her. I guess the party wasn't canceled after all. FML

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By kelly - 21/3/2011 07:07 - Estonia

Today, I called my mom to tell her that I'm coming over for a visit. She answered: 'Why? What do you need? Food? Money? I'm not going to help you! You're a grown woman!' And she hung up. I just found out that I'm pregnant and she was the first person I wanted to share it with. FML

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By Sapphire Mills - 28/11/2018 13:30

Today, it's my 2-year wedding anniversary. It also marks 2 years since my wife told me, "We're married now we don't need to have sex anymore." FML

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By sounds good mom - 14/6/2016 15:23 - United States - Katy

Today, my mom took away my car, phone, dog, laptop and college fund because I told her she lets me down sometimes. I'm moving to Arizona for college in two weeks. FML

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By gunnerdog - 27/8/2013 00:22 - United States - Galveston

Today, during one of my first days as a teacher, a student stole my phone. FML

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By SonOfACatKiller - 19/9/2019 08:00 - United States - Juno

Alas, poor Tiddles

Today, my mom asked me to pull out the load of laundry she'd stuck in the dryer. Instead of clothes, I pulled out my dead cat. FML

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By Ferniferousfern - 6/3/2019 16:00

Today, my boyfriend of several years outright refuses to come to my best friend's wedding, on the grounds he'll be "bored". FML

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By anonymous - 15/7/2013 01:07 - United States - La Pine

Today, my boyfriend and I were furniture shopping. They had miniature versions built of some of the desks. He commented how they were "cute for little kids" to use. They were 6 inches tall. I had to explain to him that they were only models, not real desks. I'm dating Zoolander. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/4/2009 19:41 - United States

Today, I was volunteering at the hospital. This lady was calling the Nurses' Station, and I had to go see what she wanted. When I asked her what she needed, she mumbled something. As I leaned in closer to hear what she was saying, she threw up all over my face. Apparently, she was nauseous. FML

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By radiant - 22/1/2009 15:22 - United States

Today, I told my mom I want to get liposuction. She said "Whats the point? Its not like you can get lipo on your face!". FML

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By Anonymous - 1/8/2019 22:00

Today, we were having a little bonfire. At some point, while I was inside, my stupid roommate filled a beer can with lighter fluid and threw it in the fire, resulting in it spewing 5-foot flames, catching the pile of wood and the chair next to it on fire. FML

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By acorn - 8/8/2009 23:59 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my mother making arrangements to go to a dinner tonight where I will be honored for my political activism. She made it clear she's only going for me, and does NOT support the gay rights group that is putting the dinner on. I was planning on coming out after dinner. FML

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By xobeachbabi428ox - 18/7/2009 22:32 - United States

Today, I used a public bathroom. I hung my purse up on the hook on the door. Two minutes later, a hand reaches over the door and steals my purse. I got robbed while taking a crap. FML

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By 3.14 - 8/2/2012 11:27 - United Kingdom

Today, I bought my mother an apple pie. She made a face at it and said that she'd decided to go on a diet. After I'd left the house, she put it in the oven, forgot about it, and burnt it to a crisp. She then called me up to inform me that I'd wasted my money, and to get her "another damn pie." FML

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By _aPerson_ - 22/4/2016 15:58 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I lost the key to my bike lock. I ended up having to cut it off, even though it was brand new. After spending 30 minutes hacking away at it, it finally came off. When I hopped onto my bike, I felt something poking my leg. My key was in my pocket the whole time. FML

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By fxck - 4/2/2015 19:28

Today, at work, I sneezed so hard that I hit my head on my cash register. A second later, I heard roaring laughter from the security room, followed by someone saying to play it back. I'd almost convinced myself it wasn't about me, when one of the guys came out and gave me a thumb up. FML

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By fuck you, jack - 4/3/2014 20:44 - United States - Peabody

Today, I got home late from work, so I decided to make myself a microwave meal. I pierced the plastic film several times. A little too loudly for my hateful bastard of a neighbor, I guess, because he called the cops on me, claiming he heard gunshots from my apartment. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/11/2014 18:23

Today, I sat my son down for a talk about how he's been too lazy to brush his teeth lately. I said "Son, we need to have a chat about oral hygiene." He rolled his eyes, sighed, and said he already knew to clean "it" before a girl went down on him, and asked if he could go already. FML

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By Rachel247 - 1/8/2009 23:13 - Israel

Today, we had a hike at my camp. We hiked in a line. I suddenly felt things hitting me at the back of the head. After a few minutes I finally turn around, only to discover a bunch of older guys throwing tampons at my head. They were my tampons, falling one by one out of my unzipped bag. FML

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By Superdumb - 26/11/2018 03:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about sex and I asked him if he had ever finished inside a woman. He looked directly into my eyes and said, "Babe... I have a son, remember?" Yeah, I forgot. FML

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By lavenderpiss - 16/12/2013 02:04 - Australia - North Adelaide

Today, I used my vaporiser to make my house smell like lavender while I went to work. My brother thought it would be funny to pee inside it. My whole house now smells like pissy lavender. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/2/2010 00:03 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of a couple of months texted me that she was very sad because her puppy had just passed away. Feeling sorry for her, I bought her another puppy of the same breed. I wrapped it in a blanket and placed it on the passenger seat and went to pick her up from school. She sat on it. FML

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By sandyseashells10 - 13/11/2010 06:29 - United States

Today, I went to the waterpark and my kids were fighting so I grounded them both. We concluded the day by boogey boarding on a mechanical wave. There was so much water I didn't realize my boobs had completely fallen out of my bikini. As revenge, my kids didn't tell me. FML

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By urbantrashcan - 5/10/2015 21:02 - United States

Today, my dentist and his hygienist were flirting while they worked on my mouth. I didn't really mind, however I definitely minded when the hygienist pierced my gum with her tool because she was laughing at one of his jokes. FML

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By social anxiety my a** - 18/3/2013 14:17 - Switzerland - Zurich

Today, after three years with my boyfriend hardly ever going to any social or public event with me due to his social anxiety, I got to witness him improve his flirting skills on every girl available at his house party. FML

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By no compassion - 16/4/2013 10:50 - United States - Aurora

Today, working in customer support, I received a call from a woman who'd just been robbed. My supervisor asked what was taking so long; I told him that she was hysterical. He took my phone and told her to call back when she had her "shit together", then hung up. I take orders from this man. FML

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By Anon - 4/8/2013 05:36 - Australia - Perth

Today, my girlfriend's dad pulled out the chocolate flavoured condom that went missing under the couch. FML

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By Iwasjustmovingout - 5/5/2019 00:00

Today, out of the blue, my husband suggested to his parents that they move to our town for the next six months, with the understanding that we’d see them nearly every day. I found out about this when they starting making plans. FML

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By justin - 13/12/2013 03:08 - United States - Waco

Today, my boss found out that my girlfriend dumped me. He asked if that meant she would no longer bring her delicious homemade cookies to the office. When I said yes, he fired me on the spot. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/12/2011 01:03 - United States

Today, I was with my boyfriend and we were talking about childhood memories. He told me about a girl he made fun of in middle school. That was me. FML

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By treehugger - 20/3/2012 09:47 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, since I was grounded, I tried to sneak out of my room to attend a party by climbing out the second-storey window and down the tree. I was unharmed, but I probably should have checked to see if my dad was in the garden before climbing down. FML

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By alikat - 26/4/2009 15:13 - United States

Today, I found out that the noise I thought was a mouse in my room was a water bottle shaking when my refrigerator turned on. I stayed up till 4am looking for a mouse that didn't exist. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/5/2009 23:22 - United States

Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML

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By Pain - 28/6/2010 23:37 - United States

Today, I accidentally dropped my cigarette down my shirt. There are now two unsightly, painful burns right in the center of my chest. FML

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By ugh - 28/4/2009 21:49 - Canada

Today, I texted my crush that I can't come over and invited him over instead. I was so anxious for his reply I took my cell to the washroom with me. Just as I was pulling up my pants I heard something fall into the bowl, I turned around and watched my cell floating in the my own pee, vibrating. FML

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By jsalmons - 2/6/2011 17:39 - Germany

Today, I flew home to Germany to see my wife before I'm deployed, only to find her in bed with another guy. She explained that she wants us to stay together, but she can't take a year without being intimate with someone. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/3/2009 20:18 - United States

Today, I was getting sick of listening to the guy in the next room over getting nasty with some girl, so I called my girlfriend to see if she wanted to go get some food. Then I heard her phone ring. Through the wall. FML

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By smarie09 - 6/3/2010 22:44 - Canada

Today, I accidentally downloaded a virus, which hijacked my email program. I somehow doubt the Dean at my university will thank me for my suggestion that he too could experience 100% natural male enhancement pills. FML

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Top comments

By Luckster | 0

#655831 - Thursday 5 November 2009 9:41

That's why you look up this stuff at home instead of the work computer. Saves yourself the embarrassment and the possibility of getting busted for improper use of work equipment.

By jchansfan | 0

#655848 - Thursday 5 November 2009 9:56

Because closing it when you stepped away would just be ridiculous...

Comments

By growingupnextmon | 3

#655809 - Thursday 5 November 2009 9:21

Wow, where do you work?

Reply

Reyo | 2

#656832 - Friday 6 November 2009 1:05

Perhaps it's best to let that type of research wait for your home computer...

By FMY_FYL | 0

#655810 - Thursday 5 November 2009 9:22

well at least now he knows why he keeps giving his wife them.

Reply

baconstrips | 12

#2925692 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 1:12

it's a girl...

Reply

longtimesunshine | 4

#5147452 - Wednesday 14 November 2012 9:52

45 maybe 2 meant the DM?

Reply

longtimesunshine | 4

#5147464 - Wednesday 14 November 2012 9:55

GM *

By angleod | 0

#655815 - Thursday 5 November 2009 9:27

Well, if you feel the urge to itch, he'll understand now.

By Luckster | 0

#655831 - Thursday 5 November 2009 9:41

That's why you look up this stuff at home instead of the work computer. Saves yourself the embarrassment and the possibility of getting busted for improper use of work equipment.

Reply

DeadxManxWalking | 27

#2591373 - Tuesday 31 May 2011 4:16

same as the guy who looked up porn on the news?

By nokillnobeepbeep | 0

#655835 - Thursday 5 November 2009 9:43

Are you one of those women who loves douches?

By jchansfan | 0

#655848 - Thursday 5 November 2009 9:56

Because closing it when you stepped away would just be ridiculous...

Reply

Rayn4u_fml | 0

#656050 - Thursday 5 November 2009 13:34

My thoughts exactly...whoever still doesn't lock their PC when they leave their desk deserves this kind of embarassment. FAIL!

Reply

BeeSkwaird | 0

#656059 - Thursday 5 November 2009 13:38

Agreed.

Reply

jc1015 | 22

#7900235 - Friday 24 April 2020 3:15

or not doing stuff like that at work...even more ridiculous

By lostfaithinpppl | 19

#655856 - Thursday 5 November 2009 10:06

That's why you don't do that stuff at work :D

By blastvortex | 3

#655869 - Thursday 5 November 2009 10:23

Come, now. You're the one who was silly enough to leave that up on your computer anyway. Besides, do you really think that you should've been doing that at work? *eyeroll*

By BellaMuerte_fml | 0

#655882 - Thursday 5 November 2009 10:31

You really shouldn't do that kind of stuff at work, tbh.
Anyways, it doesn't seem like that big of a deal. I mean, so what?

By Flutist | 3

#655912 - Thursday 5 November 2009 11:34

No wonder it was embarrasing, since he ate you out last night.

Reply

roflrawrlol | 0

#826445 - Friday 5 February 2010 5:08

win? fail? I'm so confused!!!