By grounded - United Kingdom

What ARE you doing?

Today, I was on Facebook when I saw a link about what Pokémon would look like if they had genitals. I'm not quite sure why, but I decided to click it, and at that exact moment, my brother and his friend walked in. They told my mom I was looking at Pokémon porn. I'll never be able to live this down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11932

You deserved it

28023

Tweet

Share

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Taking stock

Pompous twat

By Ricky - Canada

Today, in order to look nice for a date, I tried the new blue mouthwash that turns plaque blue so you know where to brush. I couldn't get all the blue. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20279

You deserved it

47720

Tweet

Share

By scaredinnyc - United States - Trenton

Today, I was looking at tattoos and fell in love with a really cool looking one, so I decided to get it. I later showed it to a friend who is a cop. He informed me that it is a gang tattoo. I think I just put a target on my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8951

You deserved it

31271

Tweet

Share

By titoutou222 - France

Today, my five-year-old daughter came home from school. It was cold and she was very tired. I said, "Take off your socks and blow your nose." She took off her socks and blew her nose into them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27428

You deserved it

18549

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was accused of shop-lifting by an old lady in a supermarket. Having proven myself innocent, I tried to storm off to show my displeasure at the situation. In my haste to make a dramatic exit, I tried to go out of the entrance and walked straight into the automatic door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25825

You deserved it

13388

Tweet

Share

By sleepwalker - United States

Today, I fell asleep in my math class. Turns out I sleep walk. I woke up at the front of the room with chalk in my hand, scribbles on the board behind me, and the whole class laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32535

You deserved it

8353

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I watched The Omen with my father. Halfway through driving me back home, he stopped the car and made me get out right there in a rough part of town. Fifteen minutes later, he drove up beside me, laughed hysterically at how terrified I was, and told me to get in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30642

You deserved it

2772

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mother asked me if she could borrow $200. Being the lovely daughter I am, I gave her my bank card to withdraw it herself. She gambled it away and maxed my bank account out. I had $1500 saved. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45593

You deserved it

20711

Tweet

Share

By SerenityJ - United States - Mountain View

Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

54807

You deserved it

7094

Tweet

Share

By unknown - France

Today, my girlfriend and I were in my basement. I play drums and guitar very well. My girlfriend bet me $50 that she could play better than me. I made the bet, but what I didn't know was that she had been taking both drum and guitar lessons since she was 5. I just lost $50. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9543

You deserved it

46096

Tweet

Share

By TeenaIs

SK8 OR DIE

Today, I asked a random guy at the skate park if he knew anyone who could sell me some weed. Turns out he was a parole officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

467

You deserved it

2787

Tweet

Share

By Piggirl

Today, one day after our 12-year wedding anniversary, which my husband failed to acknowledge, I found a receipt in his pocket for chlamydia testing. We haven't had sex in two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4142

You deserved it

962

Tweet

Share

By wellcrap - United States - Carrollton

Today, I walked into a really fancy hotel bathroom. I spoke to the attendant and gave her my purse and coat while I used the toilet. When I came out, she was gone. The receptionist informed me they didn't have a bathroom attendant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26995

You deserved it

52368

Tweet

Share

By topfisherman - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to have fun at school. So, we went into the locker room. We were making out for a couple minutes when the door opened. It was the principal, who also happens to be her dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14729

You deserved it

42113

Tweet

Share

By nooooo - United States

Today, I have no cell phone reception as I am visiting family who lives on the side of a mountain. They told me there was service on top of the mountain, so I hiked up. Only when I got there did I realize I'd left my phone back down at the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13785

You deserved it

45027

Tweet

Share

By Duellist

Today, someone in Fedex typo'd "KZ" for "NZ" and sent our fencing weapons to Kazakhstan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4373

You deserved it

244

Tweet

Share

By bthms - France

Today, I was standing in a queue when an old lady turned, looked straight at me, and asked me to hold her bag. Confused, I took a hold of it. She started screaming for help claiming I was stealing her shopping. Turns out, she was talking to her husband behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32833

You deserved it

3429

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, as I finished putting self tanner on my legs, the phone rang. Telemarketer. After returning to the bathroom I put moisturizer on my face. As I looked in the mirror, I soon realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands. My face is now streaky orange. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13555

You deserved it

51033

Tweet

Share

By Whoisshe

Unknown number

Today, I gave my phone number to a guy at the movie theatre. I was excited to receive a text a few minutes later, sure enough when I unlocked my phone I had received a message from an unknown number. It was his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1915

You deserved it

383

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/12/2020 05:01 - United States - Tilton

Love is a battlefield

Today, after I finally got up the courage to open myself up to someone new after going through a brutal divorce, it was going great until he went back to his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

774

You deserved it

343

Tweet

Share

By 3somer

Ménage à nope

Today, I received a text from the woman with whom my boyfriend and I recently had a threesome. After years of fantasizing, I finally experienced what it was like to be with another girl. Now we also get to experience what it's like to have gonorrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3822

You deserved it

4787

Tweet

Share

By Labro9

Today, as I was transcribing my manager's recorded orated memo, I heard an unmistakable grunt and splash of an impromptu "bathroom deposit". Seems my manager is economising his time like never before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9454

You deserved it

652

Tweet

Share

By arirx12 - United States

Today, after five months of not working, I have a check waiting for me at the office. Too bad the office is in another city. My gas tank is empty, and I have no money to put gas in my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27103

You deserved it

3635

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/2/2021 20:01

Regret…

Today, I searched my ex-boyfriend on Facebook while my husband slept. He recently got engaged. I regret everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

219

You deserved it

1671

Tweet

Share

By Acesup111 - United States

Today, I informed my grandparents of my upcoming graduation from college. My grandma looked at me with tears in her eyes, and told me how proud she was that I was able to make it so far in spite of being autistic. I am not, nor have I ever been autistic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42000

You deserved it

3447

Tweet

Share

By rattrap - United States

Today, I checked over the pictures on my night-cam to see if my cats are really going on our kitchen counters. As soon as I'd seen the first picture, I realized that this whole time my cats haven't been going on it. It was a rat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27973

You deserved it

2568

Tweet

Share

By confused - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my mom came into my room to yell at me because she thought she heard me having sex, saying I'm too young for it. I'm 23 and I wasn't having sex. The noises were from my dad watching porn in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38125

You deserved it

2954

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - El Paso

Today, while at the beach, my son needed to pee. I told him to pee in the ocean. He took off his pants and peed from the beach to the water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20501

You deserved it

48151

Tweet

Share

By stuckinalift - United Kingdom

Today, I got stuck in a small elevator. It started to violently judder up and down after I pressed the 'Help' buzzer. The man on the intercom wouldn't stop laughing at how my voice was jumpy from the juddering movements before he called for help. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28861

You deserved it

2896

Tweet

Share

By ulrika - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left, I was carrying her downstairs and tripped. Try calling your parents from the hospital and explaining that their daughter, who can't even crawl yet, has a broken leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18823

You deserved it

4160

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was bringing the garbage cans inside and noticed one felt a little heavy. I opened it, only to find a raccoon. A very angry raccoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34354

You deserved it

2915

Tweet

Share

By wtf bro - Australia - Canberra

Today, my brother babysat for me. He invited his girlfriend around without me knowing, and they were all playing hide and seek together. While he and his girl were hiding, they decided to have a quickie. My three year old found them and saw everything. She won't stop copying their sex noises. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40981

You deserved it

3602

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Crossed Wires

Today, while on Grindr, I saw that this guy I'm friends with and have liked for a while now had messaged me. I got all excited, just for it to be a picture of him flipping me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1363

You deserved it

193

Tweet

Share

By spaceavery - United States - Gresham

Today, I was having amazing sex with my husband. When he blew his load, he also blew something else - a giant glob of snot, directly at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16083

You deserved it

1551

Tweet

Share

By ThankfullyNotKickedOut - United States - Coldwater

Today, I was trying to cook a pizza for lunch at my in-laws. I preheated the oven and took my dog out to go potty. I come back in to find the house filled with smoke, the detector going off, and a fire in the oven. Apparently, my mother-in-law left a tray of glass candle holders in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11340

You deserved it

3982

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, after many, many years of desperate bodily insecurity and therapy, I woke up next to the man of my dreams, who told me the sex was wonderful. Apparently, gin plays wonders with my memory. I don't remember a thing. And that was my first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2498

You deserved it

833

Tweet

Share

By IllJustGetYouASweaterThen - United States

Today, I was called handsome. Too bad it was coming from a trashed homeless lady, who then went on to tell me that she likes my lips and wants to rape me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44310

You deserved it

4179

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I tried to flirt with my girlfriend since I'm really busy and we can't always be together. I tell her online that I think she's hot and she responds "Keep talking I have to pee". FML

I agree, your life sucks

32801

You deserved it

5878

Tweet

Share

By LordCrafte - Australia - Brisbane

Today, after finding out that I would never be able to move my dominant arm again, I decided to talk to my best friend about it because it was getting to me. She responded with, "It really bugs me that you made this conversation all about you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

52321

You deserved it

3220

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Fountain Valley

Today, I decided to go buy myself a dildo to use on my lonely nights. Once at the adult store, I also grabbed a birthday card to make it seem the dildo wasn't for me. At the register, the cashier looked at me and said, "For God's sake, save yourself some money. I already know it's for you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

64414

You deserved it

25364

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I woke up at 7, got to college by 7:40 to receive an email that my 8:00 a.m. class got cancelled. I stayed there until 12:00 p.m. for my second class, to then find out that the cancelled class was the one at 12:00, not 8:00. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23669

You deserved it

5846

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By trishay | 0

#753460 - Sunday 3 January 2010 23:36

I caught my brother watching kim possible porn. you aren't alone lol

By bballpg021xx | 5

#753430 - Sunday 3 January 2010 23:20

lovely

COMMENTS

By bballpg021xx | 5

#753430 - Sunday 3 January 2010 23:20

lovely

Reply

Darraghscoot | 0

#886036 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 20:52

every man know you always listen and look both ways before you watch porn of any type

Reply

bobnorris | 0

#904459 - Monday 1 March 2010 16:32

you scare me

Reply

StijnJanssen | 0

#1037365 - Sunday 20 June 2010 18:31

True #69.

Reply

bobnorris | 0

#1039345 - Tuesday 22 June 2010 17:45

oh, Pikachu!... That's hilarious

Reply

bobnorris | 0

#1047237 - Monday 28 June 2010 18:57

oh pikachu!... lol

Reply

nahgemsoohc | 0

#2825617 - Tuesday 5 July 2011 18:02

pokeporn...:p

Reply

ninjacutie | 6

#3788282 - Monday 26 December 2011 4:11

HAHAHA 69 am I the only one who caught that… no I'm not I'm just the only one stupid enough to post it and find it flipping hilarious… but he's talking about porn 69 is a position… 'nuf said?

Reply

jimmatallman | 0

#4548207 - Sunday 10 June 2012 15:13

We're can I find this

Reply

Thundernutz | 15

#7560768 - Monday 6 November 2017 7:01

"Pika" "Pika" xD ;)

By Foxracingluver | 0

#753432 - Sunday 3 January 2010 23:21

smooth move

Reply

tinkerbell1357 | 0

#915598 - Friday 5 March 2010 3:00

ydi for bein a weirdo!!!

Reply

ilovefatcats | 12

#972445 - Thursday 1 April 2010 5:30

LOL I looked at that too picatu looks like a fagg xD

By snow111 | 0

#753433 - Sunday 3 January 2010 23:21

haha that's funny first

Reply

xlasernoobsx | 0

#4570684 - Friday 15 June 2012 19:25

Not even close :P

Reply

SerenaSerenadex3 | 13

#5341847 - Sunday 27 January 2013 5:19

Well, remotely close.

By JoeNormal | 0

#753438 - Sunday 3 January 2010 23:23

lmao thats so funny... PERV!

By ThankYhuCaptinOb | 0

#753439 - Sunday 3 January 2010 23:23

Some brother ; maybe he looks at porn. ! Seek revenge my dare fellow lol nosa but next time be aware . !

By kidusgirma460 | 0

#753450 - Sunday 3 January 2010 23:30

so sad. u should put up a pokemam post in ur room just to freak them out

Reply

Jiplo | 18

#5435366 - Friday 5 April 2013 3:31

That is an amazing idea. I can't stop laughing right now!!

By trishay | 0

#753460 - Sunday 3 January 2010 23:36

I caught my brother watching kim possible porn. you aren't alone lol

Reply

olisykes_ | 0

#757734 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 4:20

link, NOW!

Reply

I3atman | 0

#2740567 - Thursday 23 June 2011 5:39

Kim is hot

By DillyLyn | 0

#753462 - Sunday 3 January 2010 23:37

Links please.

By mrs_sean_flanery | 0

#753466 - Sunday 3 January 2010 23:39

This totally just made my day! lol! :-D

By allen20 | 0

#753471 - Sunday 3 January 2010 23:42

Why can't i see my own comments?