By grounded - United Kingdom

What ARE you doing?

Today, I was on Facebook when I saw a link about what Pokémon would look like if they had genitals. I'm not quite sure why, but I decided to click it, and at that exact moment, my brother and his friend walked in. They told my mom I was looking at Pokémon porn. I'll never be able to live this down. FML

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Dangling modifier

Rock, hard place

Covid 19 ain't going anywhere

By 2k16 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I came home to find that my dog had figured out how to open the fridge again. He'd helped himself to raw eggs and crab. FML

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By PaePae - United States - Columbia

Today, I found out that I'm sensitive to the NuvaRing. It felt like I was a buffet for fire ants. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Piedmont

Today, I joined my friends out birthday clubbing. After I'd gotten a little drunk, a few guys asked for my number. I rattled off random numbers, until I accidentally said my mother's. Guess who woke up to a text at 2:17 in the morning, containing a picture of a penis. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I finally went running to help me start losing weight. I got 50 metres before someone in a passing car shouted out "Run fatty, run". I can't work up the courage to go for a run again. FML

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By LostInSunday

Today, I accidentally slapped myself in the face with my belt when I pulled it from my belt loops too quickly. FML

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By That'sMyBoy - Australia - Abbotsford

Today, I put glue traps around my home to catch spiders. So far, the only thing dumb enough to get caught in one is my 10-year-old son. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I'm having a nice evening out on the town. After my complimentary round of drinks for my birthday, my friend walks in with a big pink gift-box. It was an inflatable... erm... 'friend.' Which then got unwrapped in front of several of my other friends. And several members of my family. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Oakville

Today, I was feeling a bit insecure about my body, and I told my boyfriend I don't know how he can even stand to have sex with me. He replied, "I know, right?" FML

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By LoveDrug - Ireland

Today, the only guy showing slightly any interest in me is a Nazi-obsessed psychopath. He uses lovely pick-up lines such as, "Hey, do you know how much it hurts to staple your hand?" FML

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By wut - United States

Today, a guy said to me, "I'd really love to see that smile back at my place." Trying to be cute, I asked him if he was single. He replied with, "No, but I am a dentist. I could definitely fix that crossbite." FML

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By Ticklish - United States - Marion

Today, I realized that my boyfriend is so obsessed with tickling me that my body has developed a conditioned response. Now I flinch every time he touches me, no matter what we're doing. FML

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By annonymous - China

Today, I had a softball team dinner, and I was sitting with a bunch of girls who were talking about how far they've gone with guys. One girl goes "I must be the least experienced one here, I've never even kissed a guy!" Surprised, I said "me too!" and high-fived her. She was joking. I wasn't. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got sexually excited thinking about what kind of donuts I wanted to get in the morning. FML

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By thatsjustgreat - United States

Today, I was trying to be-friend a boy who was sitting alone. He had his gameboy nearly plastered to his eyes. I, cleverly, say to him, "Geeze don't put that thing so close, your eyes will fall out!" He took off his sunglasses, eyes going crooked, and said, "I'm legally blind." Insert foot here. FML

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By [email protected]

Today, though it’s been a month since I removed the plaster from my wrist, it still stinks of feet. FML

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By dontfencemein - United States

Today, I paid $5000 for a new fence in my backyard for my dogs. My dog escaped three hours after the contractor finished the fence. FML

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By MY CAR - United States

Today, an asshat in a Foghorn Leghorn t-shirt let his piece-of-crap mongrel dog do some sort of rain dance on the roof of my car, scratching the paintwork. He was a huge guy, so my backbone left town and I just smiled as if it was cute. FML

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By bigdaddy - United States

Today, I went out to a nice restaurant with my extended family. It was expensive, and when the bill came, I whispered to my brother, "We may need to make this one a Chew and Screw". When the waitress came back to the table, my five year old son decided to ask aloud "What's Chew and Screw?". FML

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By Mike - United States - Burlington

Drama Llama

Today, I called my mother to say hi. She spent a whole hour and a half complaining about how I never call her, bawling and calling me "a waste of human flesh." I call her at least once a week. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got fired from a large oil and energy service company after 5 and 1/2 months. The interview process to land the job took 8 months. My interview process was longer than my job. FML

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By mollyeyers - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. According to his Facebook, he had a new girlfriend 16 seconds later. FML

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By gorey - Canada

Today, I gave blood. He sneezed while he stuck the needle in my arm. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, during my shift as a vet nurse, I picked up a gorgeous cat for cuddles, only to discover it was covered with pee. And now I am too. I still have 4 hours of my shift. FML

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By DBR - United States

Today, I finally received a paycheck for the first time in six months. I celebrated by promptly falling down a flight of stairs and losing consciousness. FML

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By ellieowenie - Australia - Sydney

Today, my 4-year-old son cut half of my hair when I was asleep because he thought I would look better that way. FML

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By rained - Hong Kong

Today, I drove an hour in a rainstorm to go see my boyfriend. Thirty minutes and a blow job later, he tells me he's going to meet some friends for dinner in half an hour then kicks me out of his house. It's still raining. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my fiancé proposed to me at the movies. The movie stopped in the middle, and my fiancé stands up, takes out a microphone and announces to the entire theatre that he loves me. Right when he went on one knee, someone shouts, "Turn the movie back on!", and throws a cup of coke at my head. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's for the third time in a week for a huge growth under my jaw. I have seen an urgent care doctor, an emergency room doctor and an ear, nose and throat specialist who all gave me different diagnoses. I've so far spent $300. FML

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By Sugao - France

Today, during foreplay with my boyfriend, I put my legs around his neck. He pushed them away violently, shouting, "Bloody hell, it's prickling me!" I'd shaved the day before. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I contemplated the ratio of cats I have to friends I have. I need more friends. FML

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By PissingMeOff - 16/10/2020 13:55 - United Kingdom - Durham

Firehose

Today, I found out that my boyfriend pees in the shower. This would've been OK if he was peeing into the drain. Instead, he pees on the shampoo and soap bottles. FML

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By chunderful202 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, I woke up with a hangover from hell. My clothes were stained with vomit, I was propped up on the sofa with a bowl between my knees, and my hair tied to one side. My mum was taking photos to send to Grandma. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my husband told me he cheated on me two years ago with his ex-fiancée. In the process, he got her pregnant, but said it was okay, because she didn't keep it. FML

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By dharp7 - United States

Today, my girlfriend dumped me. Her exact words used were "I like the idea of you, but I don't like you." I still don't know what that means. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Regina

Today, after being totally in love with a guy since middle school, I finally had enough self confidence to go and talk to him. Turns out he's boring as fuck. I obsessed over this guy for nearly 4 years. FML

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By srhoa01

Today, while at school, some jerk shot me in the foot with a BB gun. While in agonizing pain, I yelled, "FUCK" as loud as possible. A teacher walked by, oblivious to the fact I had just been shot with a BB gun and wrote me up for, "Disrespectful language". FML

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By Bilibók Renáta

Today, I drove my car into a fence because a spider was crawling from the mirror. The police laughed their asses off. One of them asked, "What should I write in the report? That she got scared of a spider?" Then he wrote just that. FML

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By ClutchJunkie

Today, my classic car that I've put hours of wrench time into burst into flames when I tried to start it. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I waited in the pouring rain for my wife to come pick me up from work. It was only after I was thoroughly drenched that I remembered it was my wife's day off, and that I drove myself to work earlier in her car, which was parked fifty feet from where I was waiting. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my wedding. Everyone showed up, except my fiancé. FML

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Top comments

By trishay | 0

#753460 - Sunday 3 January 2010 23:36

I caught my brother watching kim possible porn. you aren't alone lol

By bballpg021xx | 5

#753430 - Sunday 3 January 2010 23:20

lovely

COMMENTS

By bballpg021xx | 5

#753430 - Sunday 3 January 2010 23:20

lovely

Reply

Darraghscoot | 0

#886036 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 20:52

every man know you always listen and look both ways before you watch porn of any type

Reply

bobnorris | 0

#904459 - Monday 1 March 2010 16:32

you scare me

Reply

StijnJanssen | 0

#1037365 - Sunday 20 June 2010 18:31

True #69.

Reply

bobnorris | 0

#1039345 - Tuesday 22 June 2010 17:45

oh, Pikachu!... That's hilarious

Reply

bobnorris | 0

#1047237 - Monday 28 June 2010 18:57

oh pikachu!... lol

Reply

nahgemsoohc | 0

#2825617 - Tuesday 5 July 2011 18:02

pokeporn...:p

Reply

ninjacutie | 6

#3788282 - Monday 26 December 2011 4:11

HAHAHA 69 am I the only one who caught that… no I'm not I'm just the only one stupid enough to post it and find it flipping hilarious… but he's talking about porn 69 is a position… 'nuf said?

Reply

jimmatallman | 0

#4548207 - Sunday 10 June 2012 15:13

We're can I find this

Reply

Thundernutz | 15

#7560768 - Monday 6 November 2017 7:01

"Pika" "Pika" xD ;)

By Foxracingluver | 0

#753432 - Sunday 3 January 2010 23:21

smooth move

Reply

tinkerbell1357 | 0

#915598 - Friday 5 March 2010 3:00

ydi for bein a weirdo!!!

Reply

ilovefatcats | 12

#972445 - Thursday 1 April 2010 5:30

LOL I looked at that too picatu looks like a fagg xD

By snow111 | 0

#753433 - Sunday 3 January 2010 23:21

haha that's funny first

Reply

xlasernoobsx | 0

#4570684 - Friday 15 June 2012 19:25

Not even close :P

Reply

SerenaSerenadex3 | 13

#5341847 - Sunday 27 January 2013 5:19

Well, remotely close.

By JoeNormal | 0

#753438 - Sunday 3 January 2010 23:23

lmao thats so funny... PERV!

By ThankYhuCaptinOb | 0

#753439 - Sunday 3 January 2010 23:23

Some brother ; maybe he looks at porn. ! Seek revenge my dare fellow lol nosa but next time be aware . !

By kidusgirma460 | 0

#753450 - Sunday 3 January 2010 23:30

so sad. u should put up a pokemam post in ur room just to freak them out

Reply

Jiplo | 18

#5435366 - Friday 5 April 2013 3:31

That is an amazing idea. I can't stop laughing right now!!

By trishay | 0

#753460 - Sunday 3 January 2010 23:36

I caught my brother watching kim possible porn. you aren't alone lol

Reply

olisykes_ | 0

#757734 - Wednesday 6 January 2010 4:20

link, NOW!

Reply

I3atman | 0

#2740567 - Thursday 23 June 2011 5:39

Kim is hot

By DillyLyn | 0

#753462 - Sunday 3 January 2010 23:37

Links please.

By mrs_sean_flanery | 0

#753466 - Sunday 3 January 2010 23:39

This totally just made my day! lol! :-D

By allen20 | 0

#753471 - Sunday 3 January 2010 23:42

Why can't i see my own comments?