Animals: Today, there was an animal rummaging around in my trashcan, so...

By Anonymous - 10/11/2010 01:31 - United States

Today, there was an animal rummaging around in my trashcan, so I kicked the trashcan to see what it was. The fox then chased me for three blocks to find out what I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 965

You deserved it 30 517

Animals

Walk the line

Receptacle

Who's that?

Stay safe, stay home FFS!

By wtf_are_people_doing - 21/04/2020 23:00

Today, I went to meet my boyfriend for a walk. It's our anniversary, and I hadn't seen him in over a month because of the quarantine, so we agreed to meet, as long as we had the proper safety gear and were careful. On my way to meet him, I drove past a park. In it were twelve half-naked teenagers playing volleyball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 406

You deserved it 325

By Boobs McGee - 31/10/2016 02:48

Today, I should probably throw out my old, torn dress as my boob popped out to say hello to a passing car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 944

You deserved it 2 737

By giantblueballsthesizeofjohnnysinscock - 19/12/2014 23:14 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, after six long, hard years of involuntary celibacy, I was finally about to get laid. Except it was just a dream, and in it my mom stormed in just as things got heated, called me a useless cunt, and told me to go do my chores. I guess my brain forgot I moved out years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 969

You deserved it 4 608

By nofriends - 01/06/2011 04:28 - Japan

Today, I wrote in my own yearbook with different styles of handwriting so my mom would think I have friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 281

You deserved it 15 015

By Anonymous - 13/10/2012 11:37 - United States

Today, while my husband and I are both stuck in the bathroom from food poisoning, our 3-year-old son is taking advantage of his freedom. All I can hear is banging noises and wild laughter. I'm afraid to leave the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 115

You deserved it 2 752

By ihateumicheal - 02/08/2010 15:37 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to visit me at work. With another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 417

You deserved it 4 232

Yummy

By Anonymous - 06/05/2020 23:00

Today, I decided to have some bagels. It was only after I ate them that I looked at the cream cheese and discovered that it expired 3 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 480

You deserved it 1 828

By hungry - 06/04/2009 03:19 - United States

Today, I was hungry and decided to nibble on some cheez-its I had in my room. After I had enjoyed some of them, I looked into the box to see how many I had left, where I noticed a lot of little black moving dots. Apparently I wasn't the only one enjoying the crackers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 485

You deserved it 16 888

By Googleit - 29/06/2011 16:44 - Canada

Today, I was told that I may die by the time I'm 30, and that I should Google the disorder because he doesn't know what it is for sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 079

You deserved it 3 444

By beekeke45 - 25/06/2011 13:39 - United States

Today, I had to dig up my twin boys birth certificates for baseball registration. Turns out I had been calling both of them by the other twin's name for eight and a half years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 689

You deserved it 67 516

By PlayTag - 05/02/2009 00:58 - United States

Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 731

You deserved it 18 664

By SydIsPrettyCool - 04/08/2011 05:44 - United States

Today, my pet fish died because my drunk father microwaved it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 085

You deserved it 3 380

Useful information of the day

By billy - 27/04/2021 08:01

Today, I learned that "unskilled labor" does not mean people who are bad at their jobs. I’m 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 249

You deserved it 888

By jtaylor94 - 21/07/2009 21:54 - Canada

Today, my dad's boss called our house and I answered. He said "is your dad home?" I replied "I'll go check." I put the phone on mute and asked my dad if he wanted to talk to his boss. My dad says "Does that asshole not have a life?" Turns out the phone wasn't on mute, it was on speaker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 209

You deserved it 42 394

By BoCoMoGal - 13/05/2017 04:00

Today, my phone reset, wiping the touch ID on my credit card. I can't remember the password so I'm locked out. I tried 'forgot password', but you need to have the physical card. The card is tucked away in the bank lock box. The key to the lock box is packed in one of the 150 boxes we have prepped to move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 741

You deserved it 2 405

By Oihana - 01/08/2015 03:30 - United States - Greensboro

Today, at work, I saw a lady leave her infant in a display crib so she could go shopping. When I stopped her and told her she couldn't do that, she said, "Well, I do it all the time". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 352

You deserved it 1 995

By anonymous - 03/02/2011 05:05 - United States

Today, I spent nearly an hour thawing out my car and driving to work in this stupid freezing rain, only to find out that I'm now unemployed due to budget cuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 908

You deserved it 2 312

By IMSERIOUS - 22/01/2014 19:23 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I told my parents I was thinking about joining the army. They looked at each other and laughed for about 10 minutes straight. I wasn't joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 930

You deserved it 5 789

By Anonymous - 09/06/2009 07:24 - South Africa

Today, I was painting the garage door. After 3 hours, I finally finished the job. As I was walking back inside, accidentally pressed the button that opens and closes the garage door. Not only did the paint job get messed up as it went up, the paint also dripped onto my parents brand new car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 554

You deserved it 24 582

By humanalarmclock - 21/05/2010 04:40 - United States

Today, I realized my boyfriend only asks me to come spend the night when he needs me to wake him up in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 353

You deserved it 3 980

By Anonymous - 10/01/2011 05:38

Today, I asked my parents if I had a college fund because I will be going to university in two years. They laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 756

You deserved it 5 717

By CoCo - 22/11/2008 04:03 - France

Today, my girlfriend came home with new condoms: Manix Endurance containing a numbing gel designed to help me "last longer". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 075

You deserved it 11 542

Stay safe, despite capitalism

By Anonymous - 23/09/2021 19:59

Today, despite both of us being vaccinated, my wife recently tested positive for Covid and now I'm showing symptoms. Neither my state or job offers any kind of financial support for Covid leave, so my options are infecting others or starving under a bridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 182

By allinicolesmh - 08/08/2011 16:03 - United States

Today, my dad said he can't go to my graduation because he has to work. He got fired a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 198

You deserved it 2 688

By Tanuki_paws - 26/08/2012 21:05 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I'm so broke that I got buyer's remorse after buying a $2 bottle of pancake syrup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 604

You deserved it 2 714

By hypocrite - 03/07/2012 16:43 - Canada - Campbell River

Today, my new boss gave everyone a lecture about sexual harassment in the workplace. Which would be fine if he'd been able to tear his gaze off my chest for more than a minute at a time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 702

You deserved it 3 850

By liu_kang - 16/03/2010 18:55 - United States

Today, my schlong decided to enter Mortal Kombat with my pants zipper. Guess which of the two won a flawless victory? FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 094

You deserved it 7 692

By mn051299 - 10/02/2016 09:09 - Switzerland - Richterswil

Today, I sat in my hotel room bathroom in dead silence for 30 minutes while I waited for the cleaning staff to stop watching TV and drinking beer from the minibar, so that I could finish using the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 315

You deserved it 3 730

By dickhead - 10/04/2015 22:17 - United States

Today, I bought a garden gnome to spice up my lawn. Tonight, someone threw it right through my living room window. Not only will the repairs cost a ton, my neighbor keeps saying stupid shit to me, like "You must be shattered" and "Looks like you ain't got a window gnome... more." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 101

You deserved it 3 376

Vape Nation

By Anonymous - 01/09/2021 19:01

Today, at work, the same manager who flagged me for being on my phone during an emergency call to my MIL, telling me my baby had an accident and busted her head open, was sitting in the office watching TikTok videos and hitting her vape pen. I guess the rules only apply to certain people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 216

You deserved it 87

Pants on fire

By Anonymous - 29/09/2013 04:12 - United States

Today, I texted a cute picture of my boyfriend and me to my mom, who lives very far away. She replied saying that my Photoshop skills are great, but that I don't need to go so far to pretend that anyone would date me, and that there's no shame in being single at 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 141

You deserved it 3 264

By Sally - 26/01/2009 00:06 - United States

Today, I am studying abroad in Mexico and someone asked me what it's like to be from Minnesota. I responded in Spanish, in front of thirty people, what I thought translated to, "If you get cold, you can just put on a jacket." Apparently, what I thought meant "jacket" actually meant "masturbate". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 156

You deserved it 5 327

By Anonymous - 26/12/2014 21:03 - Australia - Perth

Today, my obsessive stalker of an ex found my girlfriend on Facebook and sent her a message saying just ":)". For some reason I'll never understand, she took this as a sign that I'd just slept with my ex. Now I'm single, and my ex is probably planning her next move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 327

You deserved it 2 787

By MCForty - 27/02/2015 15:29 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I won a pool game against some guy. His friends started mocking him for getting his ass whooped by a pregnant girl who couldn't even lean over the table. He got mad, swung his pool stick at them, missed, and hit me right in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 935

You deserved it 3 120

By sdd - 23/01/2013 15:44 - Switzerland - Lotzwil

Today, I was chatting with my choir leader. I told him that I have been thinking about taking singing lessons. His immediate reaction was, "Thank god, finally!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 180

You deserved it 6 714

By Mommy - 29/09/2010 22:47 - United States

Today, my daughter watched a potty training video on Sesame Street. In the middle of the video, she got up and ran to her potty to practice. She then announced, "All done!", and proudly closed the lid to her potty. She then immediately stood on top of it and peed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 444

You deserved it 3 653

By Oops - 07/01/2017 20:48 - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I accidentally spilled red wine on my cat. She ran away and licked the wine off before I had a chance to clean her. My mother is deeply concerned our cat is dying. I'm trying to tell her to wait 24 hours before taking her to the vet's, simply because I think my cat is hung over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 791

You deserved it 1 246

By Anonymous - 28/10/2009 14:47 - United Kingdom

Today, we finally got our first electricity bill for our new flat. I was shocked to see that we had used £60 worth of electricity in 6 weeks. Then I noticed that it was only an estimate, and that we could read the meter ourselves to correct the amount. We now have to pay nearly £400. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 896

You deserved it 7 770

By Notaplacetogo - 17/02/2013 06:45 - United States - Walnut Creek

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend taking pictures of his penis in a condom. When I asked him what the hell he was doing he told me that he was making a stop-motion film called "All Dressed Up with Nowhere to go." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 561

You deserved it 10 083

Lujack

By Anonymous - 03/04/2016 09:46 - United States - Oakland

Today, I found out the real reason my dad bought a new car and generously gave me his old one. He knew the engine was about to fail and didn't want it to be his problem when it finally did. It blew out while I was driving at high speed on the motorway. Just my luck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 668

You deserved it 1 743

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Top comments

Lemou_fml 25

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Saturday 27 May 2017 12:28

It's better than a rabid polar fox. When they are, they chase people to bite them.

wpam1978 7

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Thursday 23 February 2017 14:12

This gave me a chuckle but I'm very sure it wasn't very funny to you. Sorry that happened to you.

Comments

wpam1978 7

Send a private message

Thursday 23 February 2017 14:12

This gave me a chuckle but I'm very sure it wasn't very funny to you. Sorry that happened to you.

Lemou_fml 25

Send a private message

Saturday 27 May 2017 12:28

It's better than a rabid polar fox. When they are, they chase people to bite them.

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 8

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 976

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 812

You deserved it 1 138