The Top

OP here. Im so shocked I got posted. Just like to say my cousin was gone when it exploded and I was stung about 9 times. Overall it was very exciting being able to go outside and know something wanted your freaking soul. Those suckers will Hunt you down and rape your body with their asses

By Ms Yeins - 26/04/2019 14:00 - Belgium - Mechelen

Today, I was changing my tampon in a public toilet. When I threw away the used one and opened a new one, it turned out that it had no thread on it! I took another one out. Again, defective! It was the last one I had with me, and it was the second day of my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 212

You deserved it 204

By X-men - 16/04/2015 02:24 - Honduras

Today, I’m a French teacher abroad, and as my beard has a huge hole near my chin, my students call me Wolverine. At every lesson, they wait for me with pens stuck between their fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 588

You deserved it 127

By thanksdoc - 24/06/2013 22:12 - United States - San Antonio

Today, after asking my psychiatrist about natural alternatives to medication for my depression, she replied, "Why not Zoidberg?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 958

You deserved it 6 392

thanksdoc tells us more.

thanksdoc 3

Tuesday 25 June 2013 19:55

Yes, my psychiatrist is a boss. She did the impression spot on without looking up from her notes, which was hilarious. Woopwoopwoopwooooop

By JJAnd - 28/08/2011 06:37 - United States

Today, I woke up at 7am next to the man I swore I'd never get intimate with again. After trying to get back to sleep despite my shame and disgust, he ripped the loudest fart ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 289

You deserved it 48 111

By ilovemom - 01/12/2009 06:20 - Costa Rica

Today, after reading a very emotional article about always letting your loved ones know how much you love them in case it's your last time seeing them, I went to my mom and told her how much I loved her and how thankful I was for everything. Her reply? "Shut up kid, Vince Vaughn is on Ellen". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 032

You deserved it 4 577

Wake up

By idiot - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was sitting in my car waiting my shift to start. I must've fallen asleep because I woke up to a call from my boss firing me. I was in the parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 231

You deserved it 23 845

By Nick - 13/05/2009 22:20 - United States

Today, I finally beat the song "Through the Fire and Flames" on Guitar Hero 3. I then realized that it was the biggest accomplishment I've ever made in my entire life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 367

You deserved it 37 569

By Anonymous - 08/07/2012 15:17 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, my mom wanted to send me a picture of me at graduation, saying that I looked pretty in it. It was a picture of a different girl; definitely not me. Way to go, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 568

You deserved it 1 821

By Nick - 27/11/2009 10:11 - United Kingdom

Today, I got out of the wrong side of the bed. Into a wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 024

You deserved it 28 946

Kidblocked

By Anonymous - 03/07/2012 23:50 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I discovered that my wife actually encourages my three year-old son to sleep in our bed, as a buffer against any romantic advances. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 838

You deserved it 3 700

No one's favorite

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I bought my mom a gift certificate for a spa treatment for two so we could spend some quality time together. She took my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 890

You deserved it 3 816

By I fathered a pussy. - 14/06/2013 22:12 - United States - Lakeland

Today, my son visited for the first time in three years, asking to stay a while. It turns out he insulted someone online and gave his address in case they wanted to fight him. They accepted the offer, and so my son's imaginary Muay Thai skills went AWOL, along with his testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 032

You deserved it 4 955

By thjeltz - 27/10/2010 18:48 - Canada

Today, I was showering at hockey practice. It would have been business as usual, if not for one of my teammates playing with his junk and not-so-subtly asked me to connect. There are 5 more months of hockey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 012

You deserved it 3 075

By drayloon - 27/08/2014 07:07 - United States - Antioch

Today, I tried to contact my college's financial aid office. After listening to the same damn "Our counselors are busy" message for over an hour, someone picked up the phone and hung up immediately. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 734

You deserved it 3 203

drayloon tells us more.

drayloon 50

Wednesday 27 August 2014 23:21

Good to know I'm not the only one the system bends over and goes to town on. But as far as driving out there to speak to them in person goes, it's about a 9 hour drive assuming there isn't too much traffic, which there usually is, so that's not a particularly viable option

By justhelpful - 02/07/2012 17:44 - Austria - Mils

Today, my dad got drunk and played a practical joke on me; a practical joke that resulted in my knee being broken. Now, I'm sitting in a hospital bed all alone while my dad hunts for "hot nurses". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 172

You deserved it 2 038