By clairebear104 - United States - Louisville Today, I went on a blind date. My date would respond to me by saying "retweet" and "favorite" when she thought something was relatable. FML I agree, your life sucks 46091 You deserved it 4078 92 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By nothowscienceworks - United States - San Francisco Today, I had the mother of a five year old come in for parent teacher conferences. When I told her that her son was very smart, but he often made up fantastical stories about his home life, she burst into tears. She then ran out of my office crying, "I knew it! I knew he was a sociopath!" FML I agree, your life sucks 25817 You deserved it 1718 80 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By dogggg - India - Pune Today, I caught my dog drinking from the toilet. After yelling at him, his apology was licking my face. FML I agree, your life sucks 39651 You deserved it 9581 77 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Kev - Canada Today, I walked home from work when a woman asked me to come inside for a free meal. It was at a homeless shelter. FML I agree, your life sucks 40133 You deserved it 5172 31 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fmljae Today, I rented a 4x4 to take my wife to a secret secluded beach for our anniversary. I got as close as I could to the spot and parked on the beach. After a few romantic hours we returned to find the car half way up the windows with water. I forgot it was king tide. FML I agree, your life sucks 10791 You deserved it 30698 55 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By -_- - United States - Amherst Today, my boss gave me the job of dealing with the guys doing the roofing at our store. His reasoning is that since we're all Hispanic, I'm perfect for the job because "You guys all know each other." FML I agree, your life sucks 31392 You deserved it 2720 62 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By unwed - United States Today, I found out that my fiancé is going to be deployed on our wedding day. FML I agree, your life sucks 64369 You deserved it 4383 199 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Tallahassee Today, I got to see my fiancé for the first time in 3 months. While we were having sex for the first time, he slipped out and slammed into the back of my vagina, tearing it open. Now I won't stop bleeding, it hurts to pee, and we can't have sex. I won't see him for another 2 months after this. FML I agree, your life sucks 4755 You deserved it 444 36 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kittens go meow - United States Today, I received a cute letter in my locker. It was in German, so I used Google translate. Apparently, someone hopes I choke on big fat cock. FML I agree, your life sucks 33728 You deserved it 3544 120 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Zoey_M - Saudi Arabia - Riyadh Today, my older brother told me that the only reason I like cats is because they control minds. I laughed. He was serious. FML I agree, your life sucks 39125 You deserved it 3729 65 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Bee - United States Today, I was taking a piss in a port-o-john and thought it would be a good idea to aim at a bee I saw buzzing around. The bee thought it would be a better idea to sting me on the knob. FML I agree, your life sucks 10356 You deserved it 91659 153 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By SkinsCastSelection - France Inspired Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend. I started to come, screaming, "Ah... ah... ah... AHH!" To which he added, "Staying alive! Staying alive!" FML I agree, your life sucks 36459 You deserved it 22254 292 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By holly - United States Today, I was watching tv on the couch. My mom then kicked me off so she could lie down. Exhausted, I asked if I could sit at the end. She said no. A minute later she called the dog to come sit with her. As I was sitting on the ground, my mom told me to move because "the dog can't see the TV." FML I agree, your life sucks 80980 You deserved it 4685 199 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 5/12/2020 19:08 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes Covidiots Today, I had to abandon my shopping after a Covidiot directly sneezed all over it. He took his mask off because he was about to sneeze. FML I agree, your life sucks 1035 You deserved it 164 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Username - France Today, my boss told me that I'd confessed my love to him last night when he'd held my hair back as I puked. FML I agree, your life sucks 12665 You deserved it 34870 100 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - United States - San Francisco Today, I managed to spill piping hot oil all over my kitchen floor, thinking it was too hot to clean right then and there I left it for a few hours to cool. I forgot about it, and slipped over in it bashing my head into my cupboard handle, FML I agree, your life sucks 2578 You deserved it 1618 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By goingdownhillfast Today, after getting her "out-of-office" email, I realized that my coworker is on vacation this week. We're doing our final presentation for a major project on Thursday, and she hasn't finished her part. I guess I won't be sleeping this week. FML I agree, your life sucks 4282 You deserved it 294 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By - 14/6/2020 02:02 Risky business Today, I went to get insurance and I have a non-fault third party claim and yet my insurance has gone up. I wasn't even in the car when someone hit it. Why have I got penalised? They claim I'm now "statistically more likely to get in an accident." My car was parked. FML I agree, your life sucks 1667 You deserved it 106 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By FatRunner - New Zealand Today, while going for my daily run, a woman stopped me and said, "I think it's so great that people of your size are comfortable enough to run and show their bodies in public." FML I agree, your life sucks 40849 You deserved it 5253 122 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Sad Sally - United States Today, a therapist told me that I was too depressed to attend his depression group meetings. FML I agree, your life sucks 33586 You deserved it 2957 168 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By KS - United States Today, at the end of a really long day my boyfriend was rubbing my back. I told him I appreciated how sensitive he was being. His response? "I was just trying to figure out how to unhook your bra." FML I agree, your life sucks 49161 You deserved it 8917 33 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By FML - United States Today, I had to buy another pair of 'fat jeans', because my old 'fat jeans' became my new 'skinny jeans'. FML I agree, your life sucks 26232 You deserved it 58871 220 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Noname - Canada Today, I won $5000 dollars from a lottery ticket and tried giving the man next to me a high five. He had no hands. FML I agree, your life sucks 35101 You deserved it 9948 74 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ehwat - United States Today, I told my boyfriend that since I lost my job I can't afford a Christmas present for him, or anyone. He said trying anal would be fine. FML I agree, your life sucks 26722 You deserved it 12710 146 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By f*cks_sake - United States Today, while tanning on a family cruise, I woke up to a crowd of people staring at me in disgust. Apparently, I'd fallen asleep, developed a boner, and started french-kissing the air. I had to sit through both the surveillance tapes and a grand bollocking from security in the aftermath. FML I agree, your life sucks 43250 You deserved it 11016 166 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By monkeywrench - Sweden Today, I was hit by acute food poisoning while attending a colleague's birthday party at his home. The toilet had a door that wouldn't close all the way, there were only three sheets of toilet paper left, and I had to walk home through town, in a dress, with my soiled underwear in a plastic bag. FML I agree, your life sucks 24876 You deserved it 1766 43 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I forgot to take my wallet off the roof of my car and drove away, onto the highway. A man behind me began flashing his lights and waving his arms. I thought he was freaking out because I cut him off. I flipped him off. He was trying to tell me that all my money was flying down the road. FML I agree, your life sucks 9665 You deserved it 84567 70 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my boss asked me to take some of the female mannequins and change the outfits. As I was changing them, I realized that this was the most action I've gotten in almost a year. Not only am I twenty-seven, but I'm married. FML I agree, your life sucks 27128 You deserved it 3654 51 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, the weather was beautiful, so I decided to go out skating. I guess I took a wrong turn into a bad neighborhood, because I ended up being chased several blocks by a group of jacked-up thugs wielding baseball bats and taunting, "Skate or die, homie!" FML I agree, your life sucks 48575 You deserved it 6369 111 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I finally had the courage to break up with the father of my child. When I got to my parents' house, they were happy, but after explaining that I was going to spend more time with them, they called and told him that they don’t accept devolutions. FML I agree, your life sucks 2005 You deserved it 231 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Tyler Today, a customer at my coffee shop bitched me out because we don't sell cranberry juice. FML I agree, your life sucks 22766 You deserved it 1761 47 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By what... - United States - North Port Today, my boss took me to one side and said, "Cross me like that ever again, and you're fired." I have no clue what he was talking about, and he denies ever having said a word to me. FML I agree, your life sucks 41527 You deserved it 2796 67 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By candice - Reserved Today, I had to tell all the trick-or-treaters that I'd run out of candy. I'd actually bought about $50 worth of candy, but managed to eat all of it by myself, sitting alone in my apartment, exactly like last year. FML I agree, your life sucks 14494 You deserved it 46457 213 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By J - United Kingdom Today, I went looking for a childhood doll - I remembered that my mum kept her in her bedside cabinet. I could see the doll at the back, but there was stuff in the way, so I reached in and took some of it out, only to find I was holding one of my mum's toys... a big black rubber cock. FML I agree, your life sucks 33033 You deserved it 6838 53 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By nothanks - United States Today, after struggling with an eating disorder and hiding my symptoms for months, I got up the courage to tell my mom that I need help. Then she asked if an ice cream would make me feel better. FML I agree, your life sucks 35573 You deserved it 5805 184 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Dogmom Today, I overheard my manager tell a customer that it's perfectly safe for dogs to eat grapes if they're seedless. I work in a pet store. FML I agree, your life sucks 3135 You deserved it 185 23 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By TordNorski - United States - Rancho Santa Margarita Today, I started a new job at a family owned business. About ten minutes in to training, the mother and father started an argument that ended in each of them storming off, demanding a divorce. FML I agree, your life sucks 23713 You deserved it 1402 42 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Worn out Today, while my boyfriend was going down on me, he fell asleep right between my legs. The worst part was I only noticed when he started snoring. FML I agree, your life sucks 34758 You deserved it 5944 121 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I finally worked up the courage to play my friends the demo CD that I've spent all summer recording. I didn't tell them it was me. Not even 10 seconds into the first song, my best friend asked me to turn it off because it sucked. FML I agree, your life sucks 30489 You deserved it 6628 71 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Poopalipa - United States Today, I woke up late, didn't shave, didn't have time to iron my clothes, didn't eat breakfast, and ran into the office with beads of sweat running down my face. The meeting had been cancelled. FML I agree, your life sucks 24795 You deserved it 3273 22 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ThisisMedSchool - United States - Johnson City Today, while studying liver pathology and highlighting important lines in my textbook, I realized that I could count the number of words I hadn't highlighted on one hand, over the last six pages. FML I agree, your life sucks 20341 You deserved it 8855 145 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By more4me | 27 #6068842 - Friday 19 September 2014 11:46 Dislike! Kidding. I hope you walked out. Send a private message 357 4 Reply
By CallMeWindSock | 24 #6068845 - Friday 19 September 2014 11:48 Does she also say "LOL" out loud? Send a private message 182 1 Reply
By more4me | 27 #6068842 - Friday 19 September 2014 11:46 Dislike! Kidding. I hope you walked out. Send a private message 357 4 Reply
Reply tashb | 17 #6068877 - Friday 19 September 2014 12:33 Thumbs up. Send a private message 74 5 Reply
Reply EvilTurtle | 35 #6068886 - Friday 19 September 2014 12:49 If only you could block people in real life... Send a private message 123 0 Reply
Reply patrickalamo | 47 #6068902 - Friday 19 September 2014 13:30 Friend request denied Send a private message 100 0 Reply
Reply superjewguy | 19 #6068942 - Friday 19 September 2014 14:41 you can lol. its called a restraining order Send a private message 80 4 Reply
Reply scooterdude720 | 19 #6068988 - Friday 19 September 2014 15:58 Just unsubscribe Send a private message 60 3 Reply
Reply BigLatchZatch | 14 #6069029 - Friday 19 September 2014 17:33 Unfollow! Send a private message 45 1 Reply
Reply cryssycakesx3 | 22 #6069073 - Friday 19 September 2014 18:29 should have tweeted her the cost of her half of the date. Send a private message 13 29 Reply
By dawood_k | 27 #6068844 - Friday 19 September 2014 11:48 No hashtag Send a private message 126 4 Reply
Reply Mystery_Unsolved | 16 #6069430 - Saturday 20 September 2014 5:33 #notgirlfriendmaterial Send a private message 11 0 Reply
By CallMeWindSock | 24 #6068845 - Friday 19 September 2014 11:48 Does she also say "LOL" out loud? Send a private message 182 1 Reply
Reply laylaeve | 9 #6068882 - Friday 19 September 2014 12:36 Oo in do that a lot....but my catch phrase is you tube that shit Send a private message 1 98 Reply
Reply superjewguy | 19 #6068944 - Friday 19 September 2014 14:42 someone at my deli the other day yelled out OMG, using each letter. I wanted to slap them silly Send a private message 48 7 Reply
Reply BigBamBoom | 15 #6069137 - Friday 19 September 2014 20:23 It might be a guy as op's username is clairebear which suggests she might be a woman Send a private message 1 21 Reply
By CoGhostRider | 31 #6068849 - Friday 19 September 2014 11:50 At least you will know if the sex is good, she will want to "retweet" it. If you can put up with it that long Send a private message 103 4 Reply
Reply pooldude | 24 #6068897 - Friday 19 September 2014 13:18 who knows... maybe she's loose. Send a private message 0 38 Reply
Reply ermagherdaturdis | 26 #6068991 - Friday 19 September 2014 16:02 If OP is bad she'll save for later. Send a private message 0 12 Reply
Reply cryssycakesx3 | 22 #6069074 - Friday 19 September 2014 18:30 "check-in" that pussy Send a private message 25 3 Reply
By pooldude | 24 #6068851 - Friday 19 September 2014 11:50 Ohhh God!! i had a date like that once, so annoying! I'm sorry OP. Send a private message 42 2 Reply
Reply Brandi_Faith | 33 #6069096 - Friday 19 September 2014 19:25 Part of me wonders if she only did this to try and end the date quickly. I almost prefer that than the thought of people actually talking like that. Send a private message 16 0 Reply
Reply mangelon86 | 15 #6069351 - Saturday 20 September 2014 4:25 There's more than one of these people?? Send a private message 4 0 Reply
By rt58killer10 | 19 #6068853 - Friday 19 September 2014 11:52 I'm going to share this via Twitter Send a private message 67 2 Reply
Reply MidnaLink | 32 #6068965 - Friday 19 September 2014 15:30 I'm doing it via facebook! Send a private message 9 1 Reply
Reply Zebediabolical | 38 #6069005 - Friday 19 September 2014 16:21 I'm doing it through MySpace so all the shitty MySpace bands will know about it. And people stuck in 2008 Send a private message 22 2 Reply
By bombielol | 20 #6068855 - Friday 19 September 2014 11:54 block her:) Send a private message 58 2 Reply
Reply kaiserfire | 1 #6087194 - Sunday 12 October 2014 0:51 How many of you only liked her post because of the pic? Send a private message 0 2 Reply
By simsimbeep | 13 #6068858 - Friday 19 September 2014 11:56 Run, run fast, run hard! Send a private message 17 3 Reply
By Emmap3 | 10 #6068859 - Friday 19 September 2014 11:58 Just say "block" and walk out. Send a private message 90 1 Reply
By isisorchid | 16 #6068860 - Friday 19 September 2014 12:00 Unfollow and block. Yikes! Send a private message 49 2 Reply
Today, barely able to pay rent while working 3 jobs, I decided to give in to the idea of making online sex work photos and videos. Everyone else seems... I agree, your life sucks 716 You deserved it 237 5 Comments
Today, I started to cry while masturbating. This isn't the first time that this has happened. FML I agree, your life sucks 546 You deserved it 224 4 Comments
Kidding. I hope you walked out.