Health: Today, I told my mom about the severe phobia I've developed towards...

By anonymous - 19/07/2012 01:29 - United States

Today, I told my mom about the severe phobia I've developed towards driving. She was very supportive and even made me an appointment to see a psychologist. His office is two hours away. I have to drive to see my doctor about my fear of driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 606

You deserved it 3 412

Health

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Broken heart

Vulture

By LovelessNewlywed - 14/12/2016 22:41

Today, for the first time since my partner moved in with me, I did one of my favourite things: I bought some nice cheese and a bottle of wine and went on to People of Walmart, just as I do every month or so. He called me a disgusting human being and went for a walk two hours ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 092

You deserved it 2 034

By honutattoo - 19/12/2009 08:29 - United States

Today, I finally came home from a semester of college, and all my parents and sister can talk about is how bad my acne has gotten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 920

You deserved it 3 062

This pandemic is ruining our health in so many ways

By Anonymous - 21/02/2021 20:01 - Germany - Zittau

Today, I'm in pretty good physical shape. No, wait, that was two years ago. Now I need to take a break after brushing each quadrant of my teeth because my arm gets tired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 421

You deserved it 578

By Bittersweet - 07/07/2019 06:00

Today, after 10 years of frequent international air travel, I got my seat upgraded for the very first time. Also, for the very first time in 10 years, the airline lost my luggage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 697

You deserved it 110

By shit... - 05/07/2009 18:16 - United States

Today, I sent out my monthly curriculum list to the parents of the kids in my math class so they can see what their children will be learning. I usually end my e-mails with the phrase 'math is power'. Now, 154 parents got an e-mail saying 'meth is power'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 871

You deserved it 23 755

Tasty

By bob - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was eating noodles. Midway through chewing, I sneezed. The noodles got stuck in my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 352

You deserved it 4 209

By wolfwhowanders - 11/12/2016 18:18 - United States - Grand Junction

Today, my $1300 mattress that I bought for my new home was delivered. To my old house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 366

You deserved it 1 613

By Belgian girl - 22/03/2017 19:00 - United States - Lewes

Today, I became my one night stand's shrink as he went through the process of realising he might be bisexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 293

You deserved it 694

By rtrim29 - 26/12/2009 16:18 - United States

Today, I was told by 'Seventeen' to add liquid highlighter to my foundation for an all-over glow. Little did I know that liquid highlighter is an actual makeup product. I now have an awful rash due to applying the ink from a highlighter pen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 713

You deserved it 93 574

By Goaway - 14/08/2011 11:20 - United States

Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 629

You deserved it 10 800

By zoe777 - 09/11/2013 02:54 - United States

Today, my mother not only told me that my ex-husband will be spending Thanksgiving with her and my dad, but that I'm also no longer invited to spend the holiday with my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 755

You deserved it 4 337

Never ever

By notgettinsome - 10/11/2013 06:15 - Australia

Today, my mother was scolding my youngest sister for having unprotected sex with yet another partner. She continued with, "Why can't you be like your brother and just never have sex?" I'm 22, and she's not wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 150

You deserved it 5 204

Doggy dog world

By Anonymous - 17/01/2016 10:02 - United States

Today, I reached down to pet an elderly man's dog. It jumped up and utterly mauled my face, drawing blood. As I gasped in shock and pain, the man said, "Careful, he likes to scratch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 148

You deserved it 11 183

By dominator152 - 11/06/2010 00:57 - United States

Today, my dad decided that my diploma makes a good pen-tester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 038

You deserved it 3 822

Turn off your mind, relax and float downstream

By Anonymous - 07/09/2021 14:01

Today, as usual, I'm receiving constant texts and calls. I'm socially exhausted and just want to be left alone, but everyone I complain to just thinks I’m bragging about my popularity. Including my therapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 320

By Coach - 30/10/2009 13:19 - United States

Today, I was woken up from a phone call from my boss. He asked if I had been asleep. I told him I wasn't, that I was in my car on the way to work. Then my alarm went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 323

You deserved it 41 529

By Loola - 21/12/2008 05:04 - France

Today, Father Christmas touched my ass in a shopping mall. I'm a bit worried about what's going to happen on Christmas Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 852

You deserved it 2 516

By fuckmylife - 02/02/2010 20:30 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my son that his dad was too busy in a raid on World of Warcraft to be at his award ceremony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 354

You deserved it 39 338

By Butterflyguy - 14/08/2009 17:10 - Canada

Today, I literally stopped traffic. I was crossing the street and a butterfly landed on me. Being phobic of butterflies, I had a panic attack in the middle of the road. Oh, and I am 17, captain of our football team, and in very good shape. My girlfriend laughed the hardest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 233

You deserved it 23 571

By Anonymous - 13/12/2018 15:30

Today, I’m almost six weeks pregnant. From exactly ten seconds of penetration. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 269

You deserved it 1 323

Bullshit excuse

By Anonymous - 27/09/2021 08:00

Today, my girlfriend recently dumped me because she's serious about her career (temp secretary) and needs a man who’s also serious about his career. I’m an area manager for 6 hotels, making almost six figures. I found out she's now dating a very low level weed dealer. Serious career. Sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 544

You deserved it 125

By Anonymous - 21/12/2012 14:22 - United States - Cottonwood

Today, I started my first day of work at our local humane society. I asked where the break room was, so my coworker directed me to a small room in the back of the building. The only place I get to take my lunch break is the same room where they euthanize, freeze and cremate the animals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 870

You deserved it 7 892

By dumbteacher - 23/05/2011 14:35

Today, my AP teacher once again accused me of plagiarism. Apparently the words "demise," "ultimately," and "rural," are too sophisticated for an 11th grade AP student to use and MUST have been copied from the Internet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 456

You deserved it 3 172

By thinkimquitting - 25/06/2012 21:49 - Australia - Yarraville

Today, my boss grabbed my arm, raised it above my head, closed my other hand into a fist, and pushed it into his armpit. After staring at me for several seconds, he winked and left without saying a word. This isn't the weirdest thing he's done, and I'm actually starting to fear for my safety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 943

You deserved it 2 560

By mcginnismr - 13/05/2016 22:57

Today, I went to the doctor's office, where my mother happens to work. When my doctor tried to prank her by saying I have chlamydia, my mother laughed and said she didn't believe it, adding, "Have you even seen the way she interacts with boys?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 173

You deserved it 1 350

By Ashley Marshburn - 17/10/2010 13:55 - United States

Today, my 4 year old daughter walked into my home office and said F*** you! Then she ran to my husband and said "Did I say it right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 895

You deserved it 5 227

By poormom - 27/06/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, I told to my son that I'm pregnant. After I'd told him, he looked up and yelled, "Fuck this shit!" and walked out of the room. My son is nine years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 009

You deserved it 28 857

By Falafax - 12/11/2009 21:37 - United States

Today, I auditioned for a part and made it because the director thought I would be "perfect" for the part and I was "just like the character in every way." The part is for a schizophrenic drug addict who everyone hates and is stabbed to death in the second scene. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 218

You deserved it 4 448

By msjustine - 06/05/2011 19:27 - United States

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, the one who does all the cooking in the house, doesn't wash his hands after using the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 882

You deserved it 13 339

By Rev - 18/03/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, I was working at Coldstone. When a customer tips us we are required to sing. A late night DJ came in, put 20 dollars in the tip cup, and asked to hear every song we had. After we sang one song he looked at me and asked me to please stop singing or he was taking his money back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 034

You deserved it 8 956

By susiedoggles - 05/11/2018 08:00 - United States - Milford

Today, getting home after a long day of work, my boyfriend came running out of the house. Being silly, I thought he was excited to see me. Nope - he was excited to show me the squirrel he shot. In the house. Apparently, we have house squirrels and a boatload of holes in the floor and couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 945

You deserved it 292

By kykynevs - 23/08/2011 07:14 - United States

Today, while at the grocery store an elderly woman farted very loudly next to me. Everyone in the aisle looked our way. The woman pointed at me, and left the aisle. I received many disgusted looks from children and their parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 107

You deserved it 2 847

By Anonymous - 02/02/2011 21:47 - United States

Today, I woke up from my honeymoon to discover the love of my life is a bed wetter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 589

You deserved it 9 411

IDANÄS IVAR d'you go?

By Nicole - 03/04/2011 07:11 - United States

Today, I was in IKEA when my friends and I thought it would be fun to play hide and seek. We all hid; I was in a good hiding spot. Half an hour later, I was still there. I texted my friends to see where they were. They all left to see a movie, and forgot about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 999

You deserved it 12 953

My eyes!

By Anonymous - 25/05/2021 18:01 - Canada

Today, I was on the phone with an Apple advisor, who helped me back up data to my computer using remote assistance. As we did, every file transferred showed up with a real-time preview. All of a sudden, the nude selfies I forgot about rolled in. He immediately shouted, “OH WOW.” It wasn’t a good “wow” either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 383

You deserved it 842

By Allie - 29/10/2009 23:44 - United States

Today, I got a text from my boyfriend that said, "Last week was the most embarassing time of my life, we're over." He was of course referring to the seizure that I had due to my epilepsy at Olive Garden. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 009

You deserved it 2 796

By Heather - 12/11/2012 21:20 - United States - Bethesda

Today, I realized that the bird I supposedly heard during the night throughout my childhood is actually the sound my mom makes when she comes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 030

You deserved it 3 203

By ants9omarching - 10/03/2011 01:48 - United States

Today, the seat in my car broke and wouldn't move forward. I had to walk to school in the rain because I was too short to reach the pedals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 507

You deserved it 5 926

By Anonymous - 11/03/2010 23:00 - United States

Today, while cleaning my car, I found my mother's underwear in the backseat. She'd borrowed my car last weekend because hers had been in the shop and she'd been called in to work. I see she put in for overtime. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 651

You deserved it 2 241

By Anonymous - 05/07/2013 14:26 - United States - Chicago

Today, I got home from work early and discovered why my 17-year-old daughter's sprained elbow isn't getting any better after weeks of treatment. She can't stop giving handjobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 254

You deserved it 8 687

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

thatgirlinoregon 21

Send a private message

Thursday 19 July 2012 9:18

I bet that drives you crazy!

perdix 29

Send a private message

Thursday 19 July 2012 9:29

She's a financial wizard! For the price of one hour with the shrink, she's getting you four hours of desensitization training for free! Next, tell her of your profound phobia of having sex with several beautiful women at once.

SweetJTBR 22

Send a private message

Thursday 19 July 2012 9:17

Well you said you fear driving but, do you fear being a passenger in a car? If the answer is yes, look on the bright side, you are fucked :)

SweetJTBR 22

Send a private message

Thursday 19 July 2012 9:30

Or, you know, you could ride the subway. Perhaps take a train. You're not necessarily fucked.

marmlr339 14

Send a private message

Thursday 19 July 2012 10:09

There is no bright side in your scrnario

SweetJTBR 22

Send a private message

Thursday 19 July 2012 10:14

I thought the smiley made it bright. It doesn't? Shit. Let me rewrite that then. "If the answer is yes, then look on the bright side, atleast if you walk everywhere from now on you'll be healthier" That better for you #29?

doctorhook86 24

Send a private message

Thursday 19 July 2012 10:26

My advice to cure phobia of driving: repeatedly expose yourself to the cost of taxi fare, OP.

JocelynKaulitz 28

Send a private message

Thursday 19 July 2012 10:26

Your psychologist was probably gonna make you do that anyways to help get rid of your phobia.

ddddddddg 9

Send a private message

Thursday 19 July 2012 11:52

Unless she's a pornstar I don't see how..forget it

citymayer 7

Send a private message

Thursday 19 July 2012 11:59

12 - Except that most of America doesn't have those luxuries..

_Oblivion_ 12

Send a private message

Thursday 19 July 2012 16:40

48 America has plenty of them. The New York City subway has 468 stations serving 24 subway lines - more than any other system in the world.

doctorhook86 24

Send a private message

Thursday 19 July 2012 18:19

65: Unfortunately, none of those lines go to, say, Buttfuck, AL.

GawdamitNappa 4

Send a private message

Thursday 19 July 2012 22:48

I think we need DocBastard's diagnosis on this one.

thatgirlinoregon 21

Send a private message

Thursday 19 July 2012 9:18

I bet that drives you crazy!

beccaishereyay 11

Send a private message

Thursday 19 July 2012 9:47

Maybe he can steer her in the right direction.

thatgirlinoregon 21

Send a private message

Thursday 19 July 2012 9:52

But won't the commute send her into reverse?

TrueTriage 16

Send a private message

Thursday 19 July 2012 9:53

Hey I see what y- *gets lynched*

thatgirlinoregon 21

Send a private message

Thursday 19 July 2012 10:01

I'm just scared things could take a turn for the worst.

thatgirlinoregon 21

Send a private message

Thursday 19 July 2012 10:39

If she works hard she can pave the way to recovery.

thatgirlinoregon 21

Send a private message

Thursday 19 July 2012 10:49

I just hope that OP doesn't get lost trying to take detours. It could really deflate previous progress.

MrBrightside21 20

Send a private message

Thursday 19 July 2012 15:17

40 - What robot always takes the longest route? R2 - Detour.

DRMIKA 4

Send a private message

Thursday 19 July 2012 17:51

As long as she has emotional drive, she will be okay

rajput 17

Send a private message

Saturday 2 November 2013 1:34

*insert bad pun here*

StormfrontX33_fml 24

Send a private message

Thursday 19 July 2012 9:21

The therapy will mainly be the driving itself. Consistently driving to therapy, whilst having support from the therapist, will cure you in no time at all.