Today, I told my mom about the severe phobia I've developed towards...

By anonymous - 19/7/2012 01:29 - United States

Today, I told my mom about the severe phobia I've developed towards driving. She was very supportive and even made me an appointment to see a psychologist. His office is two hours away. I have to drive to see my doctor about my fear of driving. FML

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Health

Understandable

Vultures

Tidy your room

By goodmorning - 7/9/2014 13:45 - United States - Nashville

Today, I was eating a bowl of cereal and noticed something float to the top. On closer inspection, it turned out to be a mouse turd. I had already eaten half the bowl. FML

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By Whoopsie - 22/2/2012 15:53 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the bus and as I'm quite short my legs were dangling. Some guy, who wasn't looking where he was going, tripped over my foot and went flying. He and everyone else on the bus glared at me like it was deliberate. The man next to me even changed seats in disgust. FML

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By SureDoesMakeAGirlFeelGood - 13/4/2016 01:45 - Canada - Paradise

Today, I found out that my husband has more topless pictures of his ex on his computer than he does of me. FML

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By Person in Alaska with a Ferret - 4/3/2011 20:42 - United States

Today, I found out that my ferret, which my parents had told me ran away a few years ago, was actually given to my cousin while I was at a friend's house. My parents didn't want to deal with him anymore and gave him away for free. FML

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By unforgettablee - 29/4/2013 07:08 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was getting into the mood with my boyfriend. Ten minutes into it, I told him to "teach me a lesson." His response: "I ain't no teacher." FML

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By GabsAlot829 - 21/7/2009 22:17 - United States

Today, I babysat the most annoying and obnoxious kids for almost eight hours, when the parents assured me that they would only be gone about three or so hours. After constant calling and worrying, they finally showed up at 11:30, completely drunk. The mother paid me with three dollars and a banana. FML

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By Taylor Page - 19/2/2015 16:24 - United States - Gainesville

Today, my boss used the restroom at work. She returned and told me I needed to go clean the toilet because "someone left a mess in there." It was her mess. FML

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By cadillacfrank - 24/7/2011 21:01 - United States

Today, I was dared to eat durian. With my reputation hanging in the balance, I bought one. Only after I opened it did I realize the extent of the dare. It smelled and tasted like dried cat shit that Satan himself had regurgitated. FML

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By Home sick - 4/1/2019 20:00

Today, I was called fat by my boyfriend's old-fashioned mom. I'm not close to fat but I'm not really skinny either so she calls me fat. She also complained that my feet makes noise when I walk and that girls shouldn't make noise when walking. This week has been hell. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/8/2016 00:36 - United States - Westerville

Today, I need a new mattress. Last night, I slept on the floor. It was the best sleep I've had in a while. FML

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By highschoolsucks - 5/10/2012 02:44 - United States

Today, I chaperoned a school dance. A song I knew came on, and, wanting to be the fun teacher, I danced around a little. The students then pointed and laughed. I graduated in '87 and high school still hurts. FML

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By AsshatUncle - 30/11/2015 02:47 - United States - Tampa

Today, I bought lunch for my grandparents, aunts, and uncles. My uncle apparently felt uncomfortable at the restaurant, because he got up and flipped the table over before leaving. The bill tripled because of the broken glass, and my uncle called me up later for a ride. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/2/2017 09:00 - United States - Waunakee

Today, at work a lady asked for a burrito, large coke, and hot sauce. While repeating back the order, the words got stuck and I accidentally said large cock. I got written up for being inappropriate. FML

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By hellphone_fml - 1/7/2019 20:00

Today, someone knocked on my door. I yelled "Yeah?" while getting up, since it was locked. My grandpa walked in, as I apparently didn't actually lock it. I was naked. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/12/2010 08:01 - United States

Today, I overheard my husband telling my step-dad that I have the same ability to sniff out chocolate in a house as a certain animal has to find truffles in the woods. FML

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By brannonjames - 10/5/2012 22:20 - United States

Today, I was getting coffee with my aunt, and she asked me to pay. She then turned to the Barista and said, "He's never had a girlfriend before, and I wanted to show him that they take your money." The Barista laughed so hard she had to excuse herself. FML

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By KmartFart - 4/10/2009 16:25 - United States

Today, I had a surprise birthday party for my mom who turned 57. About an hour into the party, I look over at my mom and she was grinding all over my best friend while holding a bottle of tequila in her hand, and a pair of leopard skin panties hanging out of her pants. FML

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By MissQ - 20/6/2020 17:01

That's a great look!

Today, I was trying to learn how to whistle. On the elevator ride up to my room, I was experimenting with tongue placement and mouth position. At the height of my facial contortions and probable spitting, the elevator doors opened to reveal the guy I've been crushing. FML

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By idiot says pussy - 21/1/2014 17:43 - United States

Today, I visited my girlfriend at her place, one thing lead to another, and we had sex for the first time. Her normally very sweet cat now hisses and savages me if I so much as look at him. FML

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By milkshake - 23/1/2013 00:29 - United States - Pasadena

Today, at work at a car dealership, a seemingly overzealous customer shook my hand vigorously after we finalized a deal. I didn't think anything of it until a coworker pointed out that he was just trying to make my breasts jiggle. I'm a man. FML

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By YouSoSmelly - 2/8/2013 13:58 - United States - Kannapolis

Today, I met the most beautiful girl I've ever seen on the beach. I was nervous, but I just smiled and said, "Hey, you're really pretty." Then I let out a horrific fart. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/9/2011 05:53 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that the engineers I work with believe that a woman with an engineering degree working in an engineering company is apparently equivalent to a "secretary for engineers." I am that woman. FML

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By well i'm fucked - 3/2/2014 22:47 - United States - Aberdeen

Today, my girlfriend of three weeks basically threatened to kill herself if I don't start thinking about having a child with her soon. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/6/2015 14:12 - United States - Kill Devil Hills

Today, my wife came back from her camping trip with her friends. I decided to help her out by unpacking her stuff while she used the bathroom. It's funny; I never knew that a dildo, a ball gag and an open pack of condoms were considered camping gear. FML

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By just about pissed off - 11/8/2013 17:24 - Egypt - Cairo

Today, to help with my insomnia, I downloaded some relaxing rain MP3s and set them to loop. For the first time in ages, I fell asleep within minutes. Somewhere around 5, however, the sound of trickling water caused my bladder to empty itself all over my bed. FML

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By Craigslist is Evil. - 24/9/2013 18:12 - United States - Dickson

Today, my ex-wife put my number on Craigslist as a gay fashion designer needing a one night stand. I only found out when I got a text from an unknown number asking me when was the last time I "ate a black anaconda". FML

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By HomeAlone - 24/4/2016 04:45 - United States

Today, I went into the bathroom and got angry upon finding that once again, no one had bothered to put on a new roll of toilet paper. And then I remembered that I live alone. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/12/2010 02:38 - United States

Today, I was extremely constipated. This is a side effect of the medication I take to alleviate my stomach condition. Due to this same condition I can't eat much roughage. We have no laxatives or stool softeners, and I have been shitting bricks for three days. FML

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By noooo!!! - 19/4/2012 18:45 - United States

Today, I made my brother go to the grocery store to get some frozen pizzas. Ten minutes after he left, the power cut out. Still no power. Still hungry. FML

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By pervert - 9/1/2010 06:38 - United States

Today, while my kids were taking a nap in the other room, I masturbated while Dora The Explorer was on. I think I need to get out more. FML

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By nmaidkieavg - 25/1/2011 06:13

Today, I got pulled over for a traffic violation. Thinking I could get away with it, I spoke with a French accent. The officer then asked me a question in perfect French. I got a ticket. FML

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By Owned - 25/3/2009 23:43 - United States

Today, my parents came to visit me at the ranch I work at. They're scared to death of horses, but I was explaining how they are almost completely harmless. I was showing them how to work around the horse without getting kicked. As they relaxed, the horse kicked me. I now have a broken leg. FML

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By cj1012 - 8/7/2012 03:16 - United States

Today, a homeless man started to wet himself in the recliner at the coffee shop where I work. He then walked all the way to the bathroom, only to finish urinating in a puddle right in front of the bathroom door. Guess who cleaned it up. FML

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By Hellish - 21/10/2016 04:11 - United States - Gurnee

Today, I started a new job that was highly recommended by a worker there. The same coworker that is now making my life a living hell. FML

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By J.Smith - 15/1/2009 16:12 - France

Today, the only girl I really loved said to me: I want you to be the father of my child, but I don't want to be your girlfriend. FML

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By chickfilady - 29/7/2016 03:10

Today, I was talking to a customer, when I choked on my spit. After I could breathe again I was so embarrassed I said the first thing that popped into my head, which was, "I'm sorry, I don't know how to swallow." FML

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By anonymous - 19/3/2011 05:53 - United States

Today, I heard water splashing outside of my house; I investigated it, only to find my dad, whom I don't live with, syphoning gas out of my car. FML

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By maryfaithh - 27/1/2012 16:30 - United States

Today, I tried to open a can with a potato peeler. For a minute I forgot what a can opener looked like. FML

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By thegirlofthedad - 29/1/2013 09:48 - India - Mumbai

Today, I saw a lady who had fainted. I ran over to help, only to find out that she was unstable and had a knife in her hand. She was pointing it at me, and growled threateningly every time I tried to move away. It took the cops an hour to defuse the situation. FML

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By JoshWontonDo - 3/5/2016 15:06 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I tried to charge my phone at school by removing the socket for the fan. All the computers in the room turned off. I accidentally removed the power cables for the computers and got suspended. FML

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Top comments

By thatgirlinoregon | 21

#4707011 - Thursday 19 July 2012 9:18

I bet that drives you crazy!

By perdix | 29

#4707064 - Thursday 19 July 2012 9:29

She's a financial wizard! For the price of one hour with the shrink, she's getting you four hours of desensitization training for free!

Next, tell her of your profound phobia of having sex with several beautiful women at once.

COMMENTS

By SweetJTBR | 22

#4707010 - Thursday 19 July 2012 9:17

Well you said you fear driving but, do you fear being a passenger in a car?

If the answer is yes, look on the bright side, you are fucked :)

SweetJTBR | 22

#4707070 - Thursday 19 July 2012 9:30

Or, you know, you could ride the subway. Perhaps take a train. You're not necessarily fucked.

marmlr339 | 14

#4707225 - Thursday 19 July 2012 10:09

There is no bright side in your scrnario

SweetJTBR | 22

#4707248 - Thursday 19 July 2012 10:14

I thought the smiley made it bright.

It doesn't?

Shit.

Let me rewrite that then. "If the answer is yes, then look on the bright side, atleast if you walk everywhere from now on you'll be healthier"

That better for you #29?

doctorhook86 | 24

#4707282 - Thursday 19 July 2012 10:26

My advice to cure phobia of driving: repeatedly expose yourself to the cost of taxi fare, OP.

JocelynKaulitz | 28

#4707285 - Thursday 19 July 2012 10:26

Your psychologist was probably gonna make you do that anyways to help get rid of your phobia.

ddddddddg | 9

#4707407 - Thursday 19 July 2012 11:52

Unless she's a pornstar I don't see how..forget it

citymayer | 7

#4707416 - Thursday 19 July 2012 11:59

12 - Except that most of America doesn't have those luxuries..

_Oblivion_ | 12

#4708025 - Thursday 19 July 2012 16:40

48 America has plenty of them. The New York City subway has 468 stations serving 24 subway lines - more than any other system in the world.

doctorhook86 | 24

#4708546 - Thursday 19 July 2012 18:19

65: Unfortunately, none of those lines go to, say, Buttfuck, AL.

GawdamitNappa | 4

#4709487 - Thursday 19 July 2012 22:48

I think we need DocBastard's diagnosis on this one.

By thatgirlinoregon | 21

#4707011 - Thursday 19 July 2012 9:18

I bet that drives you crazy!

beccaishereyay | 11

#4707144 - Thursday 19 July 2012 9:47

Maybe he can steer her in the right direction.

thatgirlinoregon | 21

#4707174 - Thursday 19 July 2012 9:52

But won't the commute send her into reverse?

TrueTriage | 16

#4707180 - Thursday 19 July 2012 9:53

Hey I see what y-
*gets lynched*

thatgirlinoregon | 21

#4707205 - Thursday 19 July 2012 10:01

I'm just scared things could take a turn for the worst.

thatgirlinoregon | 21

#4707306 - Thursday 19 July 2012 10:39

If she works hard she can pave the way to recovery.

thatgirlinoregon | 21

#4707323 - Thursday 19 July 2012 10:49

I just hope that OP doesn't get lost trying to take detours. It could really deflate previous progress.

MrBrightside21 | 20

#4707824 - Thursday 19 July 2012 15:17

40 - What robot always takes the longest route?

R2 - Detour.

DRMIKA | 4

#4708401 - Thursday 19 July 2012 17:51

As long as she has emotional drive, she will be okay

rajput | 17

#5738468 - Saturday 2 November 2013 1:34

*insert bad pun here*

By StormfrontX33_fml | 24

#4707030 - Thursday 19 July 2012 9:21

The therapy will mainly be the driving itself. Consistently driving to therapy, whilst having support from the therapist, will cure you in no time at all.