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By yum yogurt - 30/10/2011 20:15 - United States

Today, I punched myself in the face while trying to eat a GoGurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 464

You deserved it 17 154

One law for thee, another for me

By thanks a lot asshole - 27/09/2020 02:02 - United States

Today, I went to visit my father. His new wife has hoarded out our childhood home nearly to the point of it being unliveable. That’s pretty funny, considering my dad used to literally beat us if our rooms weren’t clean or we left dishes in the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 411

You deserved it 354

They see me rollin'…

By Anonymous - 02/02/2016 10:06 - Ireland - Cork

Today, I got to work and saw a new desk had been setup on stilts. "Oh, who got the standing desk?" I asked. Turns out it's for the guy in the wheelchair who was right behind me. It needs to be high so the controls of his wheelchair can fit under the desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 662

You deserved it 3 862

By Michelle - 09/01/2010 16:11 - United States

Today, I woke up feeling extremely nauseous. When I started to feel better, I felt like I needed to spit. I went into the bathroom and opened the toilet to see someone had taken a giant crap the night before and forgotten to flush. The smell made me vomit all over my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 716

You deserved it 3 451

By Pooperscooper - 20/07/2009 18:45 - France

Today, I learned when you're babysitting a 5 year-old, and you hear the toilet flush, then the words "Uh oh", it's already too late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 699

You deserved it 6 898

NPD FML

By Anonymous - 28/12/2021 14:01

Today, I saw a Facebook post from my mom about my cancer, how she’s exhausted caring for me, and quit her job to be by my side, blah blah blah. The woman hasn’t set foot in my house in 11 months after I got a restraining order against her, and my "cancer" is a mole I’m getting removed next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 218

You deserved it 140

Misunderstood artist

By poop eater - 10/03/2023 00:00

Today, my son drew a picture of me eating. When I demanded to know why he had drawn me eating poop, he starting crying and said, “It was meant to be chocolate!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 234

You deserved it 1 505

By FattyMcFatterson - 24/06/2009 02:37 - United States

Today, in the shower, a dime fell on my foot. The only place it could have come from? One of my fat rolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 819

You deserved it 82 499

Turbocharged Dog

By FML Videos - 30/10/2018 18:30

So speed. Much fast. Wow.

I agree, your life sucks 263

You deserved it 82

Gas wars

By Ali - 04/10/2020 23:02

Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time and we were alone. He was being super romantic and snuggling with me, and then out of nowhere he let out the biggest fart I've ever heard. He then explained how I should try to compete with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 149

You deserved it 392

Close to the edge

By Anonymous - 24/08/2013 22:31 - Isle of Man - Douglas

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. As I started getting close to having my first ever orgasm, I got extremely short of breath and started hyperventilating. His reaction was to cover my mouth to shut me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 333

You deserved it 7 777

Get back here

By hahahano - 24/12/2010 22:32 - United States

Today, I was running late and rushing to a waiting bus. I made it to the doors just as they closed. I knocked desperately, hoping the driver would let me in. He hovered his hand over the button for a few seconds, then flipped me off, and drove away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 985

You deserved it 3 848

Please clap

By Anonymous - 28/12/2021 11:01

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been cheating on me. How did I find out? I'm sitting in a hospital room being given antibiotics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 917

You deserved it 137

First dates

By Tytonic - 20/01/2020 05:00 - United States - Havertown

Today, after my first dinner with my new girlfriend, I was using a toothpick when I fell, stabbing the roof of my mouth. She then laughed at me, as there was so much blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 892

You deserved it 421

By i-should-probably-stick-to-swimming - 03/01/2010 16:28 - United States

Today, while on the treadmill, my iPod fell and shot out underneath my feet. I got off to get it, and when I tried to get back on, I slipped and fell on my face on the moving track. The whole gym watched me get beat up by a treadmill and clapped when I finally got back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 217

You deserved it 6 407

By loser weeper - 27/11/2018 03:00 - United States - Cape Coral

Today, after looking for my phone for three weeks, I used find my iPhone to track it to my sister-in-law's house. Her response? "Finders keepers, losers weepers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 953

You deserved it 299

Thanks, I hate it!

By JacksWag4 - 16/08/2013 22:21 - United States - Romulus

Today, I attended the reading of my grandfather's last will and testament. My parents, as well as my brothers and sister, all inherited a nice sum of money. I got 69 cents, because, "young Jack always was an immature little shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 520

You deserved it 21 622

Unbelievable

By Anonymous - 15/08/2013 17:39 - Spain - Mon?var

Today, I slipped and fell down the stairs, landing hard on my knee. Through my screams of agony, my mom accused me of exaggerating the pain, and said I was just being an attention seeker, before finally taking me to hospital. I was told my leg was broken. She refused to apologize. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 042

You deserved it 3 464

By steak through the heart - 18/11/2014 18:57 - United States - El Monte

Today, I went on a date. I took her out to an expensive steak house. When she was done eating, she got up, said she was married, and told me she only accepted the date because I'd be paying for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 122

You deserved it 4 133

Social parasite #7887889098

By Good tenant - 04/05/2019 00:00 - United Kingdom - Consett

Today, my landlord increase my rent because of the "increased value of the flat". Why has the value increased? Because I decorated and replaced the broken fixtures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 487

You deserved it 187

Hmmmm…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my 21 year-old boyfriend asked me what foreplay is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 887

You deserved it 5 398

There was an attempt…

By JoshTheUnluckyFromKentucky - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Folsom

Today, I got on the bus to go to work. I managed to get a seat, but an old lady who looked tired had to stand. I offered her my seat, but she glared at me, frowned and said, "Go fuck yourself." Everyone laughed as I sat there in dismay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 670

You deserved it 2 935

By fuck my arse - 08/08/2013 22:15 - United Kingdom - Reading

Today, my husband and I were fooling around, and things got heated. In the heat of things, I told him to tear my panties off. He took it literally and yanked at them with all his might. It's been two hours and I still can't walk straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 537

You deserved it 19 580

Nan's gotta have it

By Anonymous - 12/06/2009 07:53 - Canada

Today, I was at my job at an old folks home, and I was cleaning off a table when one old lady looks up at me and says, "I've been a dirty, dirty girl" in a seductive tone. I thought she meant about the table so I said, "Yes you have!" She then winked at me. I walked away fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 849

You deserved it 9 635

By fmlmao - 28/01/2017 12:00

Today, I was feeling depressed, so I decided to go snowboarding with friends to cheer myself up. I fell on the first trail and broke my dominant wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 871

You deserved it 586

You must be kidding

By offuckingcourse - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, I went to my boss's dinner party. My sister, who also works with me, sat across from me at the table. I felt her kick me so I kicked her back. Then I heard something start crying. It was the boss's baby crawling under the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 343

You deserved it 20 652

Some people are irredeemable

By given.sins619 - 11/04/2023 22:00

Today, I got the news that the family who adopted me decided to send me back because I didn't share their MAGA ideals. This is the second family to send me back after the first one decided they couldn't financially take care of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 210

You deserved it 238

By Anonymous - 06/11/2014 17:14 - Canada - Waterloo

Today, my boyfriend kept jiggling my fat rolls while we were cuddling. I was annoyed, and I told him he could at least go for my boobs instead. He instantly replied, "But these are bigger..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 092

You deserved it 9 100

By psychic parents, how do they work? :( - 31/07/2013 22:49 - United States - Effingham

Today, I went to my dad, hoping to confess something to him. He quickly said that if I'd got my girlfriend pregnant, he'd kill me. That's exactly what happened. I had to make up a lie instead about stealing $50 from his wallet once as a kid, which he then demanded I pay back in full. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 710

You deserved it 47 531

By ihatetheholidays - 23/12/2018 20:00

Today my boss informed us that there were no more single shifts we were all working doubles until further notice. Also there’s a way for us to “earn” a half day but we have to out sell everyone else in the office to get it. So being new I haven’t had time off in two weeks... FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 527

You deserved it 206

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The Top

Today, it's Christmas Eve. I was the happiest ever realizing that all the bills are paid, all the presents are bought, all the food is ready, and I still have some money left. This my biggest accomplishment so far as a young adult. Until I realized I don't have a tree. Adulting is hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 778

You deserved it 992

Today, I gave my 5-year-old daughter a unicorn pillow pet. She ended up giving him an ill-advised name, and has been loudly proclaiming to everyone she sees that her pillow pet is Horny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 926

You deserved it 4 927

Today, after receiving a message about being hired at a retail store, I went to the orientation for new employees. The trainer seemed perplexed when I told him my name, but he gave me my paperwork and continued with training. At the end of the 8 hour day, he asked to talk to me. I wasn't actually hired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 027

You deserved it 2 974

Today, I went dirtbiking. While I was going down a hill, I spun out of control and flipped over my handle bars. I now have a sprained arm, multiple bruises and a crescent-shaped gash on my neck that looks like I was bitten. People are asking if my boyfriend and I were being frisky last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 237

You deserved it 8 914

Today, I realized my morbidly obese sibling's favorite bathroom to use is whichever one is closest to me during the day. Three floors of living space and the monster wants to drop a nuke where the odors are certain to waft to my nose three times a day. Every. Single. Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 710

You deserved it 315

Today, a colleague told me not to "tell him how to do his job." I used to have his position three years ago, and he took over from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 255

You deserved it 403