The Top

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Cat litter day

By Anonymous - 15/09/2021 14:01

Today, I found out my new neighbour tried to report me as a terrorist for, "speaking terrorist language and moving bags of that explosive fertiliser." I’m Japanese, and the bags were mostly rotting vegetables and animal dung. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 318

You deserved it 104

My cousin the shitgibbon

By ladyofzanarkand - 10/06/2020 14:19

Today, my cousin posted an article on Facebook with the caption, "This warms my heart." The article was about a teenager who was bullied to suicide for being gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 688

You deserved it 226

TMI

By queenxalee - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Orange

Today, I learned I was conceived to the sounds of a Spice Girls album. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 735

You deserved it 4 509

Creative mind

By Dean Heffern - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I was paired up with a partner in my film class. He has an idea for a film: "Shoot an onion from all angles, light it on fire, and roll it down a hill." He was dead serious. I'm stuck with this guy for the whole year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 560

You deserved it 4 220

By thank god you'll only live once - 08/11/2013 20:12 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, in the lunch line at school, a kid literally ordered a "hamburger with extra swag." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 163

You deserved it 3 780

Chance encounter

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my cat ran outside. As I ran around the side of my house to get her, I felt a gigantic spiderweb land on my face. I also felt a light thud on my eye and it started to tear up. I ran inside and looked in a mirror, the spider was in my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 266

You deserved it 3 584

Young at heart

By nothreat33 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it was my 24th birthday. I got a card from my sister that read, "Here's to another year of complete disregard for age-appropriate developmental milestones." She's right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 580

You deserved it 3 880

Babyface

By all tweened out - 20/02/2015 20:00 - Canada

Today, I drove alone for the first time since I passed my test. I kept getting weird looks from other drivers and got pulled over by a cop. He said I was clearly underage and was sure my license was fake. Almost half an hour later, he finally let me go. I hate having a baby-face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 002

You deserved it 2 753

When it rains, it pours.

By BadKarma - 28/08/2018 07:00 - United States - Douglas

Today, my washing machine, dryer, vacuum cleaner, and laptop all stopped working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 369

You deserved it 169

By heymacie - 19/02/2015 05:45 - United States - Lubbock

Today, I was at a family gathering with my boyfriend. Jokingly, my grandmother swatted my butt to get me to move. Out of habit, I moaned quite loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 985

You deserved it 38 311

By Anonymous - 14/02/2015 19:02 - United States - Lemont

Today, my mom's obsession with cleanliness hit a new low when she bitched at me for having trash in my trash can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 956

You deserved it 2 464

By dajfleasd - 25/07/2009 22:22 - United States

Today, I was getting ready for a date. I spent extra time getting ready in the shower, making sure I was all shaved. I was shaving my upper lip to make sure I didn't have a mustache. I cut my lip really badly, leaving the most noticable razor cut on my face for my date. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 086

You deserved it 27 729

By Username - 09/02/2011 03:27

Today, I got mugged. But luckily I had on my keyring the pepper spray that my husband had insisted I keep with me. Unlucky for me, my husband's co-worker, who borrowed my keys, emptied my pepper by spraying it on a brick wall one day when he was bored. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 420

You deserved it 3 131

Wait, what?

By Sally - 24/07/2009 09:04 - United States

Today, my roommate came home and began changing clothes in the same room that my boyfriend and I were in. I quickly got annoyed and angry and when I began questioning her about it she just laughed while saying, "Oh relax, it's not like he's never seen me naked before." FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 463

You deserved it 4 794

Bittie

By Alwayspotato - 11/07/2020 05:02

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend, he had his head on my chest and we both fell asleep. Suddenly, I woke up by my boyfriend biting my nipple, hard, in his sleep. I now need to go to the pharmacy because of a bleeding nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 560

You deserved it 187

By bob - 05/02/2011 12:02 - United States

Today, I saw my mom run across the house naked for a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 180

You deserved it 4 225

By Anonymous - 03/02/2015 18:23 - United States - Cheyenne

Today, I was making out with a girl I've liked for a long time. At one point she stopped kissing me and said, "You kiss like my brother". I sat there dumbstruck as she went back to kissing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 311

You deserved it 2 917

FIRE!

By blck - 01/01/2009 02:53 - United States

Today, my girlfriend tried to clean out the fireplace with a vacuum cleaner, she sucked up a bunch of embers which set the vacuum on fire. After a crying for a bit, she went back to finish cleaning up only to find that some embers she dumped in a bucket melted through and set part of the carpet on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 695

You deserved it 3 932

Mom knows shit

By Anonymous - 22/07/2020 17:01

Today, my mother-in-law decided my husband has COVID-19, read some debunked articles about how ibuprofen makes the symptoms worse, and scolded me for giving him ibuprofen for his muscle pain. I'm an actual medical doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 854

You deserved it 129

By Anonymous - 19/03/2016 06:10 - Australia - Sydney

Today, a classmate at college accused me of stalking her. All because I walked past her house. I was walking to the supermarket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 240

You deserved it 1 201

Miss me yet?

By Anonymous - 26/07/2020 08:01

Today, after I kicked my boyfriend out, thinking the sudden separation would make him value our relationship more, I heard he's spent the last 3 weeks at his brother's constantly playing Xbox, hasn’t called me once, and now I’m hearing rumours he’s been taking other women home from sleazy bars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 647

You deserved it 2 996

By brittrod - 05/12/2011 01:13 - United States

Today, when my mother-in-law told me I was losing weight, my husband started laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 067

You deserved it 3 392

By anonymous - 29/01/2011 12:41 - Australia

Today, my mother walked in on me and my boyfriend having sex. Afterwards, she informed me I would look a lot hotter if I smiled more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 852

You deserved it 8 983

By Anonymous - 05/10/2013 22:25 - United States - Statham

Today, my son's lemonade stand was robbed by a senior citizen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 597

You deserved it 3 392

Confusing family

By confused - 25/01/2015 03:26 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my mom came into my room to yell at me because she thought she heard me having sex, saying I'm too young for it. I'm 23 and I wasn't having sex. The noises were from my dad watching porn in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 406

You deserved it 2 975

Cockwomble strikes again

By haveahappyperiod - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff

Today, my purse was stolen from my bag while I was on the train. The thief will be surprised to find that it wasn't my money purse, but in fact my "period purse". Hope they find tampons useful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 595

You deserved it 4 818

Why dude?

By yessir - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend rear ended a cop car because he was texting me. I was sitting next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 621

You deserved it 28 648

By geena - 27/10/2012 06:42 - United States - Washington

Today, while at work being a waitress, I gave my customer his credit card receipt to sign. Instead of giving him a pen, I pulled a tampon out of my apron pocket and handed it to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 087

You deserved it 7 988

By kana__ - 21/01/2015 16:26 - Japan

Today, my sister got her retouched wedding photos. Apparently one of the things she had the professional do was edit me out of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 324

You deserved it 2 663

Child labor

By great parenting pal - 11/08/2020 02:01

Today, I was dining out with friends. I saw a mom instructing her young child to go to empty tables and take whatever cash had been left. I discreetly told the manager. He confronted the woman and pointed right at me. As she was being thrown out, she tossed a very heavy mug at my head. It hit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 331

You deserved it 269

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, it's my first wedding anniversary, or Paper anniversary. I got him airline tickets for an expensive weekend break for two in Berlin. He got me a toilet roll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 386

You deserved it 5 014

Today, after thinking my crush maybe liked me back, I confessed. He didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 963

You deserved it 115

Today, I was being ghosted by the person I’d been talking to online for three months. I was heartbroken, but then I noticed a message notification pop up from him. Excited, I opened it up, only to see, "Sorry, wrong person." FML

I agree, your life sucks 399

You deserved it 105

Today, I'm on vacation in Germany and in our seemingly normal hotel my fucking door won't stop opening and closing by itself, and I can't fucking sleep. Jesus Christ ghost, go away, I don't wanna die as well. I thought this hotel would be nice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 1 446

Today, I discovered that my mom is having an affair… with her cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 722

You deserved it 4 356

Today, my girlfriend had someone else dump me via text message. I knew it wasn't her because for once I wasn't being viciously insulted, and it wasn't written as if an illiterate baboon had taken a shit all over her keypad. I can't even feel happy about being rid of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 638

You deserved it 6 956